Buzz Wrecker

A recent statistic indicates that total beer consumption in the United States is around 33 gallons per person per year for everyone 18 years and older. But wait a minute: If the legal drinking age in every state is 21, why are kids as young as 18 included in the statistic? Apparently someone in a position of power has learned that people under the legal age are getting their hands on adult beverages. Here in the real world, that’s hardly news. But it does beg the converse question: Why do people under 21 have so much trouble buying non-alcoholic beer?

It is perfectly legal for anyone to consume, purchase, and possess a “near beer” (also called “non-alcoholic” beers by their manufacturers, “near beer” is the government’s preferred term). Near beers are not classified as alcoholic drinks, and therefore do not require the same restrictions.

In order for a beverage to qualify as “non-alcoholic,” it must contain less than one half of one percent alcohol by volume. Regular beer typically contains five percent. So do most cough syrups. A bottle of NyQuil contains 33 times the amount of alcohol in a serving of O’Doul’s. Cool Mint Listerine contains 72 times the alcohol. Nobody thinks to card teenagers attempting to buy mouthwash.

So why is it so hard for my friend Becky, a college freshman, to get her hands on some non-alcoholic beer? On a recent (attempted) bender, Cub Foods wouldn’t sell to her. Neither would Applebee’s. And she didn’t have much more luck with a host of other restaurants.

Part of the problem is local ordinances. Many cities set their own rules limiting the purchase of these “near beers” to people old enough to drink the real stuff. Even more commonly, many restaurants deny the drinks through their own policies and paranoia. When Becky and I raised questions about the rule, servers and owners tended to favor the reliable (but feeble) excuse that “it’s just company policy.” And that was the end of it. You can’t get blood or non-alcoholic beer from a stone.

According to Brian Kringen, who works for the Minnesota Department of Alcohol and Gambling Enforcement, restaurants don’t have any reason to worry. There are no punishments for “serving these drinks to anyone under 21, because they are legal to consume,” he said.

But minors can still get into trouble. If your daughter is under 21, and she gets pulled over after legally enjoying an O’Doul’s or two, she could theoretically lose her license until her 21st birthday. Thanks to Minnesota’s “Not a Drop” law, it’s illegal to have even a trace of alcohol in her system.

Though he knows of no cases like this, Kringen said, “It is possible that with probable cause an officer could run field sobriety tests and request urinalysis.” Peeing in a cup—that’s what it would take. Everyone knows it’s nearly impossible to get drunk off non-alcoholic beers—and your bladder will certainly stay busy. Since the miniscule amounts of alcohol in a “near beer” probably won’t register on a breathalyzer test, it would take blood or urine tests to show violation. A quart of mouthwash, on the other hand…