Soundtrack to Mary

POPULAR CREEPS

My hopes for the future include the following:
1. That we finally see a real end to the war that officially “ended” last spring.
2. That we finally see an end to makeover-decorating-themed TV shows. I can make over your rock ‘n’ roll crib, easy. Give me a pile of oily rags and a match.
3. That with losers like Jack Osbourne and Rush Limbaugh going public with their addiction to Oxycontin, most self-respecting hipster addicts will realize this drug is so over. They will promptly replace their daily habit with a Flintstones vitamin and a warm bath.
4. That Fiona Apple makes several more good records but never speaks in public again.
5. That the Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of the Overrated inducts new members Chris Cornell, Radiohead, and the Shins to keep Lou Reed, Patti Smith, and Alex Chilton company.
6. That polite, Midwestern, God-fearing Timberwolves fans muster the courage now and again to boo some of those phoning-it-in millionaires.
7. That if you see Latrell Sprewell out on a non-game night you’ll consider throwing your own coat over a puddle for him.
8. That you, realizing it’s no one’s lifelong dream to work in a coffee shop, will leave only paper currency in the tip-jar for at least one month.
9. That the next time you go out for drinks, you go to a bar where a local band is playing, face the stage occasionally, and, if they weren’t altogether or even partially responsible for rock’s ultimate demise, or if it looks like even one band member might cut his own hair, buy their CD.
10. That in the interest of science, as well as my entertainment, at least one victim of a freak farm or surfing accident will throw caution to the wind and have the forelegs of a chihuahua surgically attached where their own arms were ripped off.

Little Jimmy Scott
If You Only Knew
Mary sez: This one’s for you, Hal.