Archives for June 2005


We’ve been holding our tongue on the whole Katherine Kersten Kolumnist thing, but after her tawdry little appearance here, we can no longer keep ourselves from mumbling out loud on several points. First, she definitely should have held pat with the original column photo. Every picture we’ve seen of this woman makes it clear to […]

Yes, That's My Handwriting On The Paper Plate, Officer, But There Must Be Some Mistake

Gogi? I remember saying. Is that your real name? She said something to me, something impertinent I’m sure, that was lost in the whirring of the blender. Grasshopper? she said a moment later, offering me a thick green drink in a jelly jar. I swear, I said, I could drink these all night. I do, […]

Ain't Nobody Watchin'…

Hard to believe, but reports say that Minneapolis’s new camera cops have snapped photos of nearly 2,000 runners of red lights. This fact reminds us that our favorite tune Paul Westerberg ever screamed is “Run It,” but it also reminds us that maybe we’re not quite the “nation of laws” we thought we were… or […]

A Couple Small Steps In The Right Direction

It’s always nice when you’re scuffling to get some wins from the back end of your rotation. It would be even nicer at this point to see the Twins start putting together some big innings and throwing some crooked numbers on the board to give the pitching staff a little breather, but I’m not about […]

What Would Hank Hill Do?

In yesterday’s New York Times magazine, Matt Bai proposes that “South Park Conservatives” have nothing on “King of the Hill Democrats.” Bai maintains that Hank Hill is the living, breathing animation of the nation’s much-desired Nascar dad, and that Democrats like North Carolina governor Mike Easley are wise to poll their constituencies based on whether […]

I can't make this stuff up

If you Christians don’t quit worshipping golden calf statues, I’m gonna smash your laws. I was just listening to MPR’s Talk of the Nation, and they were discussing the Supreme Court’s recent rulings on the display of the Ten Commandments in public space. It was going along about as these things usually do (everyone treated […]

Damn Right, I'll Rise Again

Maybe you’ve seen my tongue limping in circles, yoked to the whip hand of my brain, sinking further and further into the muck. The words don’t come out the way they’re supposed to, or the way they used to. Something happens. Happened. It’s like when you take a picture and the print looks nothing like […]

Uncle Jumbo's Playground

–Illustration by James Dankert Last night was a train wreck all around. I drove down to my old home town, Blooming Void, to attend my 25th high school reunion. To be perfectly honest with you, I’m not quite sure what I was thinking. When I got home from work I tried without much success to […]

Too true to be strange

And after we bomb Cambodia, I’ve instructed the National Guard to shoot four students at an Ohio college… Michael Smith, the London Sunday Times reporter who broke the story of the Downing Street memo has followed up with two more pieces. It seems, in his piece from last Sunday, that the Americans were bombing Iraq […]

Get the Lead Out

One of the dumb things about the New Yorker’s website is that it is virtually impossible to find recently outdated articles. You can actually guess, by looking at the naming conventions, and discover that most of the content they have published on the site remains anchored in placid waters to a permanent URL. But the […]