On a recent sultry afternoon, three of us bellied up to the cool oak bar at one of our favorite hangouts and engaged in two age-old writers’ past-times, tall drinks and short stories. For the next few hours the air grew thick with bold-faced names and barbed commentary, and while the bartender kept the booze flowing discreetly, I caught him snickering several times at some of our verbal acrobatics. One of my companions finally said, “You’re getting an earful today, aren’t you?”
Thank Christ we tip him well or we’d be in danger of reading our reckless remarks on the Twin Cities’ newest voyeuristic website, overheardinminneapolis.com. Subtitled “What Happens in Minneapolis … Goes on the Internet,” Overheard in Minneapolis urges eavesdroppers to post anything they hear—the more asinine or acidic the better—thus creating a great place to take the pulse of our Midwest metropolis, one earful at a time.
The site was launched by a woman who wants only to be known by her first name—Angie—“for the time being.” Originally from Northern Minnesota, Angie lived out of state for several years, returned to the Cities a year ago, and currently has a day job at “an office in St. Paul.” She spends five to six hours a night on the site.
So far, many of Overheard in Minneapolis’ comments are coming from bars and restaurants, where the tables are close and liquored-up lips often flap most loosely.
Here are some recent postings:
Drunk Woman: The race of women has been held down too long!
Sober Man: What in the hell are you talking about? I think you mean gender.
Drunk Woman: You don’t know shit, you’re just a stupid immigrant.
Sober Man: I was born in Roseville.
—Bulldog Bar, Uptown
Nurse #1: I want to be 23 forever!
Nurse #2: Oh, really. Why?
Nurse #1: Yeah, ‘cuz like, 25 seems so old.
—North Minneapolis Hospital
A personal favorite, from the Rail Station Bar:
Drunk man: What are you going to school for?
Girl: Journalism.
Drunk man: Ohh, can’t beat that. Can’t beat that at all. That’s GREAT.
(long pause) … what’s journalism?
Our local Overheard site is not a novel idea—Angie was inspired by overheardinnewyork.com. Still, compared with the often profane muscularity of NYC eavesdroppees (“there’s definitely a lot more crazy people in New York,” she notes), we seem a little timid coming out of the box. Here’s a Manhattan sampling:
Tween Boy: Mom! Let’s go already!
Mom: If you’re so bored, go play in traffic.
—Victoria’s Secret, Lincoln Center
From two men passing each other on the street:
Middle-aged man #1: Hey!
Middle-aged man #2: I didn’t recognize you with clothing on.
—62nd & Broadway
Or take these one-liners on Jesus:
Chick: Whatever. I could’ve annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
—Wall Street
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
—Key Food, 235th St.
Still, what the Twin Cities may lack in swagger and oddball panache, they more than make up for in whacked-out smarts. Here’s an exchange overheard at Coffman Union at the U of M:
A girl smiling, listening to a boy on an escalator:
Boy: English is the only language where you call things what they really are. (holds up a pencil) Like, what is this?
Girl: Der ist ein Bleistift!
Boy: No, no it isn’t! It’s a pencil!
Whereas, in New York, you get incidents like this, in Macy’s:
Saleslady: Where are you from?
Tourist: Kansas City.
Saleslady: There’s a city in Kansas? Like with buildings?
Tourist: Yes.
Saleslady: Tall ones?
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