Mustang Strippers From Mars

A while back, my editor informed me that blog readers enjoy hearing
about the author’s personal life. While I remain suspicious about this
online axiom, I will admit that I read car magazines. I peruse so many
car magazines and sites in a week that it leaves little time for
discretion. Because of this, I frequently encounter photos of people
with more modifications than the vehicles they are pictured beside,
astride, etc.

Because The Rake has standards, I will not stoop to link my sources. Allow me instead to provide a sanitized description of "Turbo Terry And Her Tantalizingly Tenacious Tarmac Terror Machine":

Terry — She
appears to be 5’11". It is difficult to gauge her actual height due to
an ambidextrous engagement with a parachute protrouding like a giant probiscus from the drag-prepped Mustang’s (it appears) rear.

TTTTM — The actual vehicle is difficult to describe, as it is so closely entertwined with the Aphrodite. The description of the car, however, is more precise at second glance and worthy of deconstruction. Permit me:

Tantalizingly —
It looks like the parachute has startegically placed its "tentacles" on
the model’s figure, and I am now certain the etmology of tantric stems
from this word (or vice versa).

Tenacious — I can’t think of a better adjective to describe the grip that drag car must gain on the pavement or tarmac with its tires.

Tarmac — A simple & direct word for pavement. (Strunk & White)

Terror —
Stand near a Christmas tree (the green light pole, essentially) at an
NHRA event, and you too will know something beyond fear. Good drag cars
inspire this.

Machine — Another stab at Strunk & White. Kudos.

Which brings me finally to the model’s full name: Turbo Terry.
While unremarkable as a nom’ de plume, I now understand why a
gender-neutral name was used to describe her. I also understand why the
parachute was placed so cavalierly across the upper torso but so
carefully further down.

At first I thought I was looking at another stripper (as common as a good steak in Kansas City on car sites).

Suddenly nothing is as it seems. . .

No, I am not on Mars.

But I am apparently on a drag site.