Author: Hugh Bennewitz

  • What have the Vulcans been up to since last year?

    “The Winter Carnival suspended the 2005 Vulcan Krewe and ordered future krewes to wear their real names on their costumes. In the past they have used character names, including ‘Baron Hot Sparkus’ and ‘Grand Duke Fertilious.’ The new Vulcans will also stop placing garters on women’s legs and attaching pins to their clothing. They will…

  • It's Not The Size of Your Skyscraper…

    Has Minneapolis gone crazy for cantilevers? We humbly submit proposals for other buildings that could benefit from this glamorous architectural amenity. 1. Keep an eye on rising gas prices while enjoying your double-dip cone—inside the new Loon grocery/gas station/ice cream parlor at 28th and Lyndale. 2. In 1967, the Yippies wanted to levitate the Pentagon.…

  • Graphic Violence

    Click on the PDF below!

  • Flip Your Wig!

    You can do it! Here are the answers: Magers—the King; Robinson—the Count; Santaniello—the Helmet; Binkley—Bozo the Piece; Grayson—Best in Show; Diana Pierce—Ferret-Glo; Murphy—the Wet Mop; Gatenby—the Rust Bucket

  • Fold, spindle and mutilate

    Print this out, and no matter how you fold it, somebody’s getting bent. You will need Adobe Acrobat Reader to open the file. If you don’t have Adobe Acrobat Reader, you can download it here.