The Rake: Columnists

Let’s Pity-Party!

Lisa Pahl — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 12:11:54 -0600

A girlfriend of mine just suffered a pretty bad breakup. So I did what I could. I took her out for the Colleen Kruse Pity Party (patent pending). A proper Pity Party begins with the sixty-minute Walk/Cry. I have found that it is best not to talk at all during the Walk/Cry. An hour of ambling in silence is much more theatrically poignant. It’s a cleansing ritual, similar to a Scientology birth.

Scratch That One Off

Lisa Pahl — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:45:33 -0600

I love a to-do list. In fact, I am such a master at list-making I can make lists of my lists. I can subdivide errands, chores, and activities ad infinitum. Sometimes I go numerically, by order of importance to my day. For example:

1. Work out
2. Breakfast
3. Phone calls

Other times, I mix it up to build in fun when I anticipate that drudgery and boredom will be looming:

1. Return emails
2. Make appointments
3. Make a prank phone call to someone you know from sixth grade
4. Laundry

Satan in the Litter Box

Cristina Cordova — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 11:22:01 -0600

I hate my cat. Cat people, save yourself the trouble of emailing me. And, rest assured, this is not a one-sided kind of a deal. The cat hates me, too. I know it is childish and wrong for me to hate the cat. After all, it is not her fault that I bought her. I should feel sorry for her. Imagine, being purchased by someone you hate and not having the thumbs to do anything about it. Poor, sweet, evil baby.

Lost Files of the Star Trib Readers' Rep

Brian Lambert — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 09:26:20 -0600

Sunday morning's aren't nearly as much fun anymore. Not long ago I'd heft the Strib off the doorstep, chuck out the ads, the news and the sports and dig right into my favorite column, "The Readers' Representative." Having worked for a decade and a half at a daily newspaper, I miss hearing first hand the way self-criticism is transformed in to self-congratulation, the way dense curtains fall over assurances of transparency, the way anyone and everyone higher up the company ladder is not only always right, but right and brave.

Love That Latex!

Cristina Cordova — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 16:17:19 -0600

So, maybe by now you have seen Lars and the Real Girl. It’s a comedy set in Minnesota and the title character, Lars Lindstrom, is the sort of Norwegian bachelor Garrison Keillor never mentions. You see, Lars is a social misfit who sends away for an anatomically correct sex doll, falls in love with it, and begins bringing it along on visits to relatives and out to dinner.

Code Orange

cristina — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 15:39:45 -0500

We’re all running a day late and a ten-spot short these days, but one thing’s certain. If you can’t do your Halloween candy shopping ’til 7 p.m. on All Hallows’ Eve, even though every other candy display has been stripped bare, you’ll still find racks of Circus Peanuts, a Halloween treat that ranks alongside sticking your hand into the Jack-o’-lantern and pulling out pumpkin guts.

Harvest Boon

admin — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Small Plates, Big Egos

admin — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0500

The Left Behind

admin — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500

The Poop on Perky

admin — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0500

The Language of Lunge

admin — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Formula for the Future

admin — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Local News, Global Profits

admin — Tue, 29 May 2007 00:00:00 -0500

The Problem with Positive Thinking

admin — Tue, 29 May 2007 00:00:00 -0500

A Fatal Lack of Judgment

admin — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 00:00:00 -0500

The Least I Can Do

admin — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Putting My Ethics on Hold

admin — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Enough Is Enough

admin — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 00:00:00 -0500

Nice Folks and Nitwits

admin — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 00:00:00 -0600

An Inconvenient Spoof

admin — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 00:00:00 -0600

Mick Jagger as You’ve Never Seen Him

admin — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0600

Babysitting the Monkey

admin — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 00:00:00 -0600

Parallel Parking Our Future

admin — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 00:00:00 -0600

Where I’m Calling From

admin — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 00:00:00 -0600

The Magical Mystery Cure

admin — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0600

The Unseen Perils of Getting Fit

admin — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Hell in a Hamburglar Glass

admin — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Looking, but Not Seeing

admin — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Fighting Over North

admin — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Walking the Line

admin — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0500