Month: February 2005

  • Spit Hits the Fan

    Minnesotans have every reason to be proud of the numerous smoking bans on the way for bars and restaurants in municipalities throughout the state. After all, the clean-air initiatives associate us with such enlightened populations as the city of New York, the state of California, and even the entire country of Ireland, where the average pub once trapped air as thick as a good stout. The ashtray may go the way of the spittoon.

    Or maybe not. Once the peculiar vice of baseball players, ranchers, and unruly teenage boys, chewing tobacco is now being positioned as the cigarette substitute of choice for urban hipsters. (Yes, for women, too.)

    One highly sissified, minty-flavored “smokeless tobacco” has been advertising energetically in alternative weekly newspapers here and elsewhere. These ads have typically been two-page campaigns where a dilemma is identified on the first page. For example, Metrosexual Joe watches the Big Game at the local sports bar with his buddies. He is galled because he must either skip his nicotine fix or miss the action as he and his cigarettes decamp to the parking lot. But turn the page and—voila—a fat dip of Skoal is the answer to his prayers. Now he doesn’t have to miss a single play or dose. It’s like TiVo for your bloodstream.

    Of course, Skoal also gives metrosexuals increased exposure to oral cancer and cardiovascular disease, along with decreased exposure to members of the opposite sex, who will surely look askance at that black wad in a petitioner’s teeth as he tries to score a phone number. It is no improvement in the breath category, either.

    Joni Jensen, a project manager at the University of Minnesota’s Transdisciplinary Tobacco Use Research Center, said chew is a trend we should hope to avoid. “Smokeless tobacco in and of itself is less harmful than cigarettes, but it’s still not risk-free,” she said. “If it’s being advertised to be used not as a substitute to cigarettes but in addition to cigarettes, you’re actually increasing your risk. If people who might have quit because of the smoking bans are instead marketed into using a smokeless tobacco product, it’s going to have a negative public health effect.”

    Jensen noted that smokeless tobacco is actually more addictive, because it gives the brain a steady buzz of nicotine rather than the quick spike and slow letdown provided by a cigarette, and the new “starter flavors” (apple, berry, vanilla) clearly indicate a product trying to appeal to a new market segment.

    Then there’s the problem of secondhand saliva. Chewing tobacco waned in popularity in the early 1900s when it was banned in public due to fear of exacerbating a tuberculosis outbreak. And besides, it’s just gross. “Anybody who’s ever picked up a Coke can that somebody’s been spitting into and thought it was theirs would complain about the exposure to secondhand saliva,” Jensen said.

    But Jon Schwartz, an enthusiastic spokesman for U.S. Smokeless Tobacco Company, said the days of spit-filled bottles at bars will soon be a thing of the past, thanks to something called Revel. It is a new smokeless tobacco product that’s being test-marketed in Charlotte, North Carolina, and Dallas, Texas.

    “Revel is a blend of premium, one hundred percent American tobacco that comes in mint and wintergreen,” said Schwartz, apparently reading directly from the company’s website. “It’s a small, discreet white packet, smaller than a piece of gum, and adult consumers can place it anywhere in their mouth where it’s comfortable and quickly enjoy tobacco satisfaction.” (Yes, he really talks like this.) “And many adult consumers who use it don’t feel the need to expectorate—or spit. That makes it a little more attractive to use.”

    But is it any safer to use than Skoal? Or cigarettes? “Oh, we don’t make health claims,” Schwartz nervously pointed out. “That’s not something that we do as a company. Our objective as a company is to expand our category. There are millions of adult smokers in the U.S., and that universe of adult tobacco users is an opportunity to reach a new audience.” As anyone knows, it will not be identified as a serious new trend until Ikea starts stocking polyethylene spittoons.

    —Patrick Donnelly

  • The Iowa Death Zone

    Unless you happen to be as rugged as I am—which is, I realize, highly unlikely—you probably aren’t familiar with the Peakbaggers, a loose-knit but increasingly large group of highly motivated self-starters determined to scale the highest points of all fifty states (and, for the true completists among us, the District of Columbia).

    The Peakbaggers also have an official sub-club, the Highpointers, who publish several fine guidebooks to help climbers in their quest. Peak bagging is, as you might imagine, an arduous, expensive, and frequently lonely hobby. Many of the high points are very high indeed (Alaska’s Mount McKinley is 20,320 feet), and require the sort of courage and mountaineering skill I haven’t yet mustered. I’m working my way up, though, and have already tackled Florida’s Britton Hill (345 feet), Mississippi’s Woodall Mountain (806 feet), Illinois’s Charles Mound (1,235 feet), and Minnesota’s own Eagle Mountain (2,301 feet). If my records are correct, I’ve so far bagged six or seven high points, and last year, in perhaps my most memorable and challenging summit experience to date, I managed to scale Hawkeye Point, the highest elevation in Iowa.

    I started my trek to Hawkeye Point from Bigelow, Minnesota, which is, according to the sign just outside of town, the “Home of Swampy Days.” On the border with Iowa, southwest of Worthington, Bigelow is two miles north of Hawkeye Point. It is the launch site for most expeditions to Iowa’s summit. Folks in Bigelow have grown up in the shadow of the fabled Point, and the town’s guides and outfitters do a modest business. There is also a large ranch just outside of town where llamas can presumably be rented to haul gear from the base camp to the peak, and there is no shortage of stout local lads who are willing to provide this service as well.

    I, however, was determined to make the climb solo, entirely unassisted, and without supplemental oxygen. I set out from Bigelow early in the morning under a bright and cloudless sky. According to conventional wisdom, there is a ten-week optimal window of opportunity for tackling Hawkeye Point—generally from late March through early June, after the threat of winter storms has passed and before the oppressive humidity of mid-summer in Iowa sets in. While I had a support vehicle along for my ascent, I had vowed to make the trip from Bigelow on foot, and sent my companions ahead to establish a base camp and begin emergency readiness preparations. After a relatively easy two-hour hike I arrived at the Donna and Merrill Sterler farm. The Sterlers are corn and soybean farmers, and Hawkeye Point is located in the north-central corner of their 187-acre tract. There are very few high points in the United States that are situated on private property, and the Sterlers were entirely ignorant of the fact that they were living on the roof of Iowa until Merrill encountered surveyors nosing around his farm in 1970.

    These men were members of an official state topographical expedition assigned the arduous task of locating Iowa’s high point. Months of difficult work came to a startling conclusion that day on the Sterler farm, as the surveyors, trudging through the fierce winds that have foiled many subsequent expeditions to Hawkeye Point, planted their flag on the summit and pronounced themselves satisfied that they had reached their goal. Their findings, however, would not be official until 1972, when Hawkeye Point—at 1,670 feet—received formal acknowledgement as the highest elevation in all of Iowa.

    After stopping briefly to chat with Mrs. Sterler, who was preparing lunch and has lived on the property virtually all of her life (her parents moved to town in 1946, she says, but six years later Donna and her husband, then recently married, settled back in at the old family home and resumed farming), I set out for Hawkeye Point. The trek ended at the summit, three hundred yards from the back door, and took me across grassy terrain that required navigating around a few rocks and patches of spring mud. I had to pause just below the Point to catch my breath, and there was one brief, harrowing moment when I lost radio contact with my support staff (which was hunkered down in a Subaru station wagon on a gravel road one-eighth of a mile from the summit).

    I had no sooner reached the U.S. geological survey marker that officially signals the highest point in Iowa when dark clouds began to roll in and the wind began to pick up, carrying sharp granules of dirt and the whiff of ammonium fertilizer. The always-temperamental Point allowed me one brief but unforgettable vista of fields stretching away far into the distance.

    Before I began my hurried descent I took time to sign the official logbook, and noted (with considerable and—if I dare say—justifiable pride) that each year fewer people successfully attempt Hawkeye Point than climb Mount Everest.

    —Brad Zellar

  • A Higher Power

    In America today, Jesus is pop culture’s King of Kings, a force in politics, film, music, and books. In the world of contemporary art, though, his presence is less established. While modern curators always seems to make room for dung-smeared Madonnas and crucifixes in urine, where are the works of genuine, unironic reverence? Not in Manhattan’s most influential galleries. Not in Artforum.

    But one Sunday last fall, at least, one such work made the cover of the New York Times Magazine. To illustrate a story about religion in the workplace, it featured an Alec Soth photo of an office in Riverview Community Bank, the Christ-centered financial institution in Otsego, Minnesota. The photo showed a curvilinear desk, a burgundy armchair, and—most prominently—a spectacular painting hanging on the plain white wall.

    The Senior Partner depicts a stately downtown office, where two clean-cut executives confer with Jesus over a laptop. Dressed in business casual robes, the Good Shepherd looks completely at home in this environment: confident, resolved, a rainmaker, ready to close the deal in enthusiastically ethical fashion. It is twilight in the picture, and the lights from nearby skyscrapers pour through a picture window to bathe him in a golden halo of big-city commerce.

    Even reprinted in godless fish wrap, The Senior Partner is instantly memorable. Remarkably, the Times didn’t even bother to mention the artist’s name. It was an oversight that might have driven a lesser man to despair, but Nathan Greene, the artist who painted The Senior Partner, doesn’t seem particularly interested in personal glory. Instead, the forty-four-year-old Seventh Day Adventist, who lives with his wife and children in rural Michigan, is mostly focused on spreading his vision of Christ as a compassionate, accessible presence in people’s everyday lives.

    Besides, Greene’s vision is becoming increasingly popular even without the acknowledgement of the Times. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, the Tennessee Republican, has a lithograph of a Greene painting in his office. So does the Senate’s chaplain, Barry Black. The evangelical television show, It Is Written, uses a Greene portrait of Jesus in its opening credits.

    For years, Greene painted in the basement of his house, but recently he bought thirteen acres of land and built a seventeen-hundred-square-foot artist’s studio on it. Today, a Greene original goes for $25,000 to $50,000, and there’s a two-year waiting list to get one. Greene is a painstaking craftsman. While composing The Introduction, which shows Jesus playing matchmaker to Adam and Eve, Greene painted and repainted Jesus’ face eight times. “He’s just passionate about every little detail,” said his agent, Dan Houghton. “In that particular case, he could not have the face of his creator less perfect than his creations.”

    Typically, Greene finishes only four or five new paintings each year. To make his work available to all who want it, Houghton runs a publishing venture called Hart Classic Editions, which reproduces selected paintings as lithographs. Sometimes, Greene depicts Jesus in traditional biblical scenes, but the definitive works in his oeuvre are those like The Senior Partner, in which Jesus appears in contemporary settings: offices, operating rooms, suburban homes.

    In depicting Jesus this way, Greene continues the tradition of one of his artistic heroes, Harry Anderson, a fellow Seventh Day Adventist and a popular mid-century artist whose illustrations used to appear in magazines like Colliers and the Saturday Evening Post. In 1945, an art director asked Anderson to paint something that showed Jesus in the contemporary world. He responded with What Happened to Your Hand?, which showed Jesus explaining his stigmata to a trio of curious, forties-era kids. Some found it blasphemous to portray Christ in this modern manner. Others reacted more favorably, and Anderson went on to create paintings like The Consultation (Jesus provides a second opinion at a patient’s bedside) and Christ in the City (a spectral, Godzilla-size Jesus hovers outside the U.N. Building in Manhattan).

    In 1977, while Greene was in high school, his art teacher introduced him to Anderson; the art teacher thought Greene would make a good assistant to the older painter. The apprenticeship never materialized, but in 1990, when an Adventist hospital asked the retired Anderson to create two portraits of Christ in contemporary settings, Anderson encouraged it to commission Greene instead. A freelance illustrator at the time, Greene jumped at the chance to create work of a more permanent nature.

    The first painting he completed, Chief of the Medical Staff, is one of his signature canvases. In a dramatic, tightly cropped composition that evokes the luminescent palette of Maxfield Parrish, Christ steadies a surgeon’s hand as he makes his initial incision. “We’ve taken that image and printed it on business cards and bookmarks,” said Todd Chobotar, director of mission development at Florida Hospital, where the original hangs in the main lobby. “We give one to every patient who goes through a procedure here. When they go into the operating room and are put under by the anesthesiologist, many are still holding their cards.”

    Greene’s work has obvious populist appeal, but is it truly important art? Or just evangelical kitsch, a technically superior version of those cheap plastic figurines of the Son of God playing football with schoolkids? “I really want to avoid anything that could be perceived as corny when I depict Christ,” Greene said. And even at its most sentimental, his work is never mere décor: While millions of Americans profess to have a close personal relationship with Jesus now, few artists working in any medium have documented this phenomenon as tellingly as Greene has.

    Also, Greene perfectly conjures the upbeat, have-it-all ethos of today’s evangelicals. Consider one of his most striking works, The Introduction, which depicts Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Chaperoned by Jesus, the pair stare at each other like lovers on the cover of a romance novel. The surprisingly metrosexual Adam wears razor-cut sideburns, and bares a smoothly waxed chest. Eve has the serious, no-nonsense beauty of a female contestant on The Apprentice; she may be wearing just a touch of lipstick.

    Like many artists, Greene paints from live models (or more specifically, he takes photos of live models, then refers to those photos throughout the many months it takes him to finish a canvas). In real life, Adam is a fashion model from Miami, Eve a model from New York. So it’s possible the anachronistic facets are accidental. But whatever Greene’s intent, the end result is a brilliant synthesis of reverence and pop culture. Indeed, compare The Introduction to Michelangelo’s Temptation and Fall. In the latter, Adam and Eve are being chased out of Paradise by an angel with a sword, their faces contorted with fear and shame. In Greene’s painting, Eden looks like a fun, sexy place to spend eternity. There’s no serpent in sight, and no forbidden fruit, either. A placid tiger and a curious giraffe observe history’s first blind date. In the distance, there are leafy green palm trees, cascading waterfalls, a couple of flamingos. It looks like Hawaii, if Hawaii were a casino in Las Vegas.—Greg Beato

  • Plan of Action

    According to hundreds of billboards, bus sides, and direct mailings: Do.

    Of course, you are already doing something. You are reading a billboard. As you do, you learn this is not enough in the doing department. You should “groove your body for ten minutes three times a day.” Grooving includes such agreeable activities as dog walking, skipping, and snowman building. It does not include reading. (Reading about the Do campaign in a magazine is, one hopes, a sort of awareness-building limbo.)

    On the other hand, if this all sounds pretty unambitious to you, you’re probably not in the target market. Even as the Surgeon General is recommending sixty minutes of physical activity per American adult each day, it is Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Minnesota that is taking this more direct approach. It is aiming to get the most sedentary—and expensive—Minnesotans on their feet.

    “Do is directed at people who aren’t physically active,” said Dr. Marc Manley. He is the director of Blue Cross’s Center for Tobacco Reduction and Health Improvement. That is the rather flat-sounding name of the organization responsible for these upbeat ads. “We’re trying to get them on something that’s manageable. We’re trying to help them understand that moving’s fun.” The campaign’s most guerilla feature is something Manley calls “decision prompts”—strategically placed ads that guilt-trip you into, say, taking the stairs instead of the escalator.

    Some people are confused by the bite-sized exercise tips, which are communicated via billboards, television and newspaper ads, bus wraps, and “spectaculars” (that’s ad lingo for 3-D installations, most notably the mirror ball hanging above Block E). There is no indication on the billboards as to who is worried about their health. Blue Cross’s name does not appear anywhere on the billboards, although its logo does show up in newspaper and television versions, alongside its co-sponsor, the American Heart Association. Manley said, “We didn’t want to clutter it up.” As a result, many Do admirers assume it is a state-sponsored public service campaign.

    So what’s in it for Blue Cross? Put simply, because fat people contract cancer and heart disease almost as often as smokers, the state’s largest health insurer claims to pay out the nose to treat the inactivity-related illnesses of an increasingly corpulent populace. It would seem, then, that Blue Cross’s strategy is to save money by spending; the company said it expects to save two dollars on health spending for every dollar spent on Do—with the fringe benefit of possibly improving the health of some people whom it does not insure. (By contrast, United Health Care—the Minnesota-based insurer that pays CEO William McGuire around $100 million per year—is apparently too hard-pressed to care about the public’s laziness.)

    Dr. Manley’s office is, in fact, now the de facto public health arm of Blue Cross of Minnesota. It was founded in 1999 after the company, which was then preoccupied with smoking, successfully sued a group of tobacco companies. Blue Cross’s very public, very lucrative payout in that lawsuit compelled it to launch the center, which is wholly devoted to spreading good health across Minnesota.

    As the center gained momentum over its first five years, a survey of the public-health situation revealed a landscape in which love handles are more pervasive than smoker’s cough. This inspired Do. The $6.7 million campaign—Blue Cross’s biggest initiative ever—buys a lot of billboards and bus shelters. It seems like an earnest effort rather than a perfunctory public-relations campaign, especially since all $460 million of Blue Cross’s tobacco settlement is still tangled up in litigation.

    Manley won’t venture a guess as to when the tobacco settlement dollars will be available, but in the meantime, he said, the center won’t be twiddling its thumbs. “We’re going ahead as best as we can with health improvement programs, but not at the level we will once we can use those dollars,” he said. In other words, those commands to “groove your body,” as widespread as they seem, are just the beginning of what may be a permanent ad campaign nagging you to get off your duff. That huffing sound you now hear is the result of a sort of corporate body-groove: It is local ad agencies and media companies hyperventilating.—Christy DeSmith

  • Shack Style

    Some people find great pleasure in a roomful of antiques. Others wonder, not without their own selfish pleasure, who gets to do the dusting. In either case, ever since “Famous” Dave Anderson piled stoneware crocks, license plates, mounted deer heads, and loads of other vintage goods from his personal collection into his Linden Hills BBQ joint, the customers have been delighted—a crucial factor in the restaurant’s success.

    Now, of course, Famous Dave’s is a publicly traded company (Nasdaq: DAVE) with more than a hundred restaurants across the country. (It has grown even more quickly than another homegrown chain, Buca, which makes liberal use of Italian kitsch in its décor.) Each one is bedecked as profusely with old-timey goods as the original restaurant. With still more franchises opening all the time, it would be perfectly reasonable to wonder: Where does all of this stuff—hundreds of enameled coffee pots; Paul Bunyan decanters by the dozen; seven-foot chainsaw-sculpture bears; heaps of snowshoes, fishing jackets, tobacco tins—come from?

    The simple answer is Famous Dave’s headquarters in Eden Prairie. At the back of its corporate offices, past all of the gray-flannel cubicles, is a door leading to a massive, state-of-the-art warehouse. Thousands of square feet are filled with twenty-foot-high industrial shelves, which shelves are laden with umpteen carefully categorized and inventoried objects, which objects are destined to generate admiration, surprise, nostalgia, wonder, and other generally warm feelings in diners from Smithtown, Long Island, to Tempe, Arizona.

    “A lot of people who come back to the restaurant want to sit in a different room each time, so that they can take in everything,” Dave Leach told a visitor the other day. He should know. As head of the décor and design department, Leach presides over Famous Dave’s warehouse of wonders, and has had a hand in decorating quite a few of those hundred-plus restaurants. (Business got brisk enough that he now has a partner, Greg Bartholomew, a former antiques dealer.) Leach is a man of few words, but after talking with him for a while it becomes apparent that he takes great pride in his work, and he’s aware that he has a brand of dream job.

    When Leach gets word of a new Famous Dave’s, he first notes which model it will be: roadhouse shack, northwoods lodge, or the just-developed smokehouse design. Then he begins pulling items from the warehouse inventory, creating what he calls “vignettes” for the various restaurant spaces that evoke a farmhouse kitchen, a bait shop, an old-timer’s garage, a hunting shack or fish house, and so on. “It’s not just a display,” Leach said. “There’s a reason for everything to be where it is.” And a reason to stay there. To foil sticky fingers, each item on a shelf or in a cabinet gets glued down, from a Baby Ben alarm clock to a pickle jar of puzzle pieces. “Someone once ripped a decoy off a shelf,” said Leach. “They pulled so hard they took part of the shelf with it.” Once assembled, every last component, from a curio cabinet to salvaged church pews for the waiting area, gets shipped out from the warehouse.

    The original Famous Dave’s décor has largely been translated to a series of formulas and templates, such that Leach can note offhand that twenty to twenty-four coffee pots get sent to each restaurant. But he and Bartholomew have leeway to add custom touches, such as Southwestern pottery for restaurants in Arizona, or Big Red memorabilia for those in Nebraska. (And if a sentimental franchisee wants to display a few of his own antiques, well, they’ll diplomatically integrate them.)

    Leach maintains the inventory, every last item of which is tagged and registered in a database, with the help of a network of dealers and collectors in Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, and elsewhere. Once a dealer has accumulated a sizable pile of stuff, someone from corporate retrieves it with a truck. Leach also attends the bigger circuit sales himself, most every weekend from March through October. “I still like to beat the bushes to find something unique that can really help make a restaurant,” he said. But there’s another secret to creating atmosphere at a Famous Dave’s restaurant. Not everything is real.

    Leach takes what looks like a can of motor oil from a warehouse shelf. It is actually a carved block of wood that has been meticulously painted, right down to the intricate stipples of black and brown amid silver and red that evoke years of accumulated grease and dust. There are also “Aladdin Angler” prop Thermoses (real ones can fetch sixty dollars) whose lids, Leach says, are grocery-store takeout containers painted a shiny enamel red. The artists and craftsmen who create these fakes are world-class counterfeiters, but Leach is tight-lipped about them. Company secrets. In fact, he’s about as willing to reveal that information as he is eager to hear from people who want to sell their old stuff. In other words, don’t ring him up about the decoys you inherited from Grandpa. He’s got plenty, thank you.—Julie Caniglia

  • Getting Current

    If you were a Minneapolis bohemian ten years ago, you might have found yourself packed into a downtown nightclub for what was then one of the city’s most popular bands, the Beatifics. Back then, the band was promoting its first album, How I Learned to Stop Worrying, a collection of gloomy love’s-lost lyrics and power-pop melodies. The now-legendary radio station Rev 105 was giving it a regular spin right up until the day Rev died, in 1996. As a result, track one—“Almost Something There,” a swell bubblegum anthem—had become a local hit with crusty hipsters and high school cheerleaders alike.

    Since the demise of Rev 105, and thus of most programming of local music during waking hours, the Beatifics suffered a fall from radio grace. Their 2002 album, The Way We Never Were, fell on deaf ears at Drive 105 and Cities 97, the surviving corporate FM stations that feign devotion to local music. (The Beatifics remained darlings of the AM dial at the low-powered, student-run Radio K, God bless them.)

    Their luck changed in late January when Minnesota Public Radio launched its new station, the Current. Beatifics frontman Chris Dorn and his friends report that the new station, staffed by some of the same Rev 105 personalities who championed his band’s first album, plays a song from How I Learned to Stop Worrying almost daily. (They don’t yet have Dorn’s second album in rotation. “I’ve been meaning to drop it by,” he said.)

    Suddenly, Dorn’s music is being blasted again across the prairie on high-powered FM radio. This represents an opportunity to him and many other earnest musicians who wouldn’t otherwise be heard. In its early days, the Current aggressively worked to build a representative library of local music, one that reached beyond the Replacements and Soul Asylum (bands that somehow suffice to define the Minnesota sound farther down the dial). MPR staffers brought in their personal music collections, much of which was residual from Rev 105 days. They also called bands. They called promoters. They called distributors. They went shopping. Mary Lucia email-strafed all the musicians in her address book—all in a blanket effort to invite more local CDs. ’Twas certainly a fertile moment for musicians with stars in their eyes.

    “The Current could make celebrities out of some local rockers,” said radio maven Jerry Steller, who owns a St. Paul-based promotion company that helps unsigned and indie bands get airplay. (Now that must be a long row to hoe.) Steller said there are a handful of stations like the Current in cities like Seattle, Santa Monica, and Philadelphia. Depending on their wattage and marketing might, these stations are freed from corporate playlists and can cultivate healthy music communities in their midst—replete with income-earning, recognized-by-fans-on-the-street musicians. In Steller’s estimation, the ninety-eight-thousand-watt Current has that potential, especially under the able watch of Minnesota Public Radio. “It’ll affect CD sales of local artists,” he predicted. “And a lot more people will go to shows.”

    The Current is exhuming many other Rev 105 superstars, too, including Matt Wilson, Lifter Puller, and Dan Israel, who got misty about it when he appeared on Local Music with Chris Roberts, a recently added weekend show. At the same time, the station is fortifying post-Rev acts like Valet, the Olympic Hopefuls, and Atmosphere—a group so popular with concertgoers it surpassed the Replacements’ 1985 five-show-feat when it packed the Seventh Street Entry for seven days straight in January (but still hadn’t been played on a local commercial radio station). For flavor, the station also tosses in the occasional unlikely track from local jazz vocalist Prudence Johnson or folksinger Ann Reed. (This may be a consequence of forcing the square-pegged Morning Show with Dale Connelly and Jim Ed Poole into the station’s otherwise hip aesthetic. But it seems to work in the Current’s oddly felicitous iPod-on-shuffle way.)

    Although Dorn is happy to be in the company of bands getting airplay, he’s sheepish about revealing his pipe dreams. When pressed, he conceded, “Yeah, it’s nice to have someone saying ‘We like your stuff. We wish you made more of it!’ And when a radio station plays your music five times a day and is constantly telling its listeners you have a show and then parks its van out in front of that show, you tend to bring in more people,” he said, pondering his Rev 105-induced stardom. “I wonder if MPR will get a van.”—Christy DeSmith

  • One Hundred Rakish Years!

    Dear Reader, in an effort to clear our accounts and our desks each March, we lay before you our laurels and our brickbats. (We noticed from the account books that we have gone through quite a few brickbats, without really knowing what a brickbat is, or where one might be obtained at a reasonable cost.)

    We are proud of our many achievements over the years. You know, no government or private institution has ever been looted, thanks to our vigorous editorial policy. The availability of Chicago-style hot dogs is assured and sustainable. Ever notice how everyone stops courteously when a traffic light is on the fritz? This is the power of a pointed editorial during troubled times! We have also been staggeringly effective, we don’t mind saying, in keeping Whippy Dip stores in Iowa, where they belong.

    Contrary to popular opinion derived from this astonishing record, though, The Rake’s influence is not unlimited. Here, in all modesty, we need to clear the air: We did not teach Fran Tarkenton how to scramble, although we certainly did not discourage him from doing it. We would have done everything within our power to stop the great disaster of the Third Avenue Bridge, but we were in traffic court when the City of Minneapolis built it. And despite expending great editorial resources on the matter, we have so far not succeeded in having Spoonbridge and Cherry moved to the city impound lot. (That garish yellow seventies sculpture, however—the one deposited at the farthest possible corner on the grounds of the Federal Reserve Bank? That was us.) We also wish now that we hadn’t cooperated in burning that last Minneapolis streetcar. (We were printed on highly flammable, uncoated paper at the time. Nostra maxima culpa!) We do say, though, that the recent troubling incursion of Asian attack carp has nothing to do with a small boat we keep moored in Northeast, nor the broken aquarium in the closet.

    Never mind all that. Let’s try to focus on the good, people. With varying degrees of success, we have applied the full measure of our energy to the popularity of ice hockey, the proper care of Red Wing boots, the Brothers’ pastrami on rye, and that huge Long Island iced tea they used to serve at the Nankin. We have owned a secondhand purple blazer with Denny Hecker’s name embroidered in it.

    One certainly cannot assess the success of a publication these days without mention of its “business operations,” and in this respect, we have far exceeded our modest editorial achievements. Our resistance to the “Best of the Twin Cities” issues, not to mention our refusal to print hundreds of alloy medallions and affix them to expensive sheets of congratulatory vellum, signed by our editor—well, there are signs that our efforts have slowly starved that particular illness. It has also saved our handwriting. The fever breaks, the sun rises, and all feel equal under the kind gaze of The Rake.

    In other advertising news, we were still trying to land the Sliced Bread contract when it became the most popular campaign in memory—all on the rumor of a single quarter page sometime in the fiscal year! So powerful and relentless is our marketing muscle that the mere suggestion of an ad buy was enough to set off a panic in bakeries throughout the land. It was deemed unnecessary to go through the motions of actually printing that ad. Alas, the check was not tendered, either. The price one pays for being a pioneer!

    People understandably want to know how we do it. Here is how: Paper, not plastic. Chocolate. Clarinets and tambourines. Rolling stops. Magic Markers. Big hair. AAA batteries. Yellow. Running in place. And of course, you, Constant Reader.

  • Because We Care

    I’d still prefer to be riding the bike, of course, even in this beautful and deadly snow, but it’s a crazy week. We are shipping the new issue of the magazine today, uploading it to the website, there are school conferences for the kids (one of whom is having a cavity filled today), there is a birthday Thursday, and the week-long wind-up to the Birkebeiner is in full swing. So today I was on the Interstate behind a school bus. It had just come on the entry ramp. I drove in its wake, which was a dazzling wind-blown banner of snow flakes, a sort of glittery con-trail. I kept pace with the bus, trying to stay in its magical sphere. My daughters would have recognized it as a cloud of fairy dust. On the seat next to me, there was a print-out of David Carr’s thoughtful appreciation of Hunter S. Thompson in today’s Times.

    I read something yesterday that was striking, and I thought about it now: great writers–in fact, great artists of all kinds–are usually marked by their curiosity, their unquenchable desire to see new things, meet new people, go new places, find new ways to use the language and new facets of truth. I think of this as having “hungry eyes.”

    How do you know if a writer has “hungry eyes”? I think it shows in their work by a certain comfort level with leaving things unfinished, or at least unresolved, being OK with a sustained mystery, leaving questions unanswered intentionally (rather than accidentally, which just looks sloppy)–that, after all, is the human condition. Writing that I am not very interested in is usually stained by a kind of blind, self-assured arrogance that has no sympathy for the undecided, only pity and disgust. (Like, say, the me-first neo-cons over at Powerline.) Most people are undecided about most things, and to belittle them is to insure that your work will be instantly forgotten except by pedants and thugs.

    I am not sure whether Hunter S. Thompson was part of the problem, or part of the solution. I do know that he had deep reservoirs of courage and enterprise as a reporter, and these are rare enough nowadays. On the other hand, there is certainly no shortage today of righteous indignation across the political spectrum, nor the narcissistic compulsion to make every story revolve around its writer.

    By far the majority of editors I’ve ever dealt with are liars about this. In private moments, talking amongst themselves, they gripe bitterly about how Hunter Thompson and Lester Bangs ruined journalism and criticism (respectively) because they inspired legions of bad imitators. This is a little like blaming the Beatles for ruining pop music. What’s worse: in public, these same editors lament the passing Golden Age–where are the Thompsons and Bangs of today? Well, they are out there, but no one is willing to take the risk of cultivating them. They complain about the weather, but do nothing about it.

  • These Fragments I Have Shored Against My Ruin: A Collection Of Scraps From One More Sleepless Night

    man in wreckage.jpg

    How ashamed must be the loathsome models who wake up in the morning in bed with ZZ Top?

    In the old bar of my early days as an inebriate there was a mural there on the wall, a tableau of drunken trolls, a forest scene, I seem to remember, a vertitable sprawl of blasted trolls, collapsed among the trees. A dark woods, more darkness creeping through the trees. They’d come through there any day now with the heavy machinery, the chain saws and earth movers. They’d lay waste to everything the fucking trolls held dear. They’d plow their world right under, drive the plump little bastards into exile. No wonder the trolls did nothing but drink, no wonder all they ever did was lay around eating and drinking and gaining weight. There weren’t even any women trolls, so when they danced it was a sad spectacle, bachelor trolls self-consciously dancing with each other and doing their pathetic best to make merry. Still, they did dance, once upon a time. They used to. They used to be furtive and quick on their feet, used to cover all sorts of ground just for the hell of it. No more, though. They knew what was coming, and there was nothing left for them to do but wait.

    If you want to speak directly with a disc jockey, your best bet is to call in the middle of the night. It works for me every time.

    So many white men, taking turns pushing their tired white brains down a moonlit dirt road in a wheelbarrow.

    Please present a word with two w’s. Wheelbarrow. Willow. Wallflower. Window. It’s difficult to find such words that don’t start with w. Awkward.

    Dear Giant: Please put your lips to that little chimney and blow this frozen man out of his chair.

    The Giant’s prerogative: He can do whatever the hell He pleases.

    The backs of my eyeballs feel like a chalkboard on which some invisible hand is quietly scratching a descending series of numbers.

    We got a word for fellas like Clayton Eshelman where I come from, mister: pussy.

    I can’t seem to shake the memory of a little cross-eyed mudpuppy, crammed in a jar of formaldehyde in a high school science lab. When I was younger the eggs in the refrigerator would talk to me, telling me stories of long dead hens, nights in the country, the distant sawing of fiddles, crickets who giggled all night long, the gravel percussion of truck wheels coming up the driveway, the soft crooning of the old woman who came each morning to carry them away. I’m extremely grateful for this opportunity to present my side of the story. Thank you for your time.

    Now: Bushed. Shagged. Tuckered. Fagged. Fried. Beat. Shot. Sacked. Whooped. Whipped. Saddled. Socked. Weary. Worn out. Crapped. Crying Uncle. Exhausted. Tired as shit. Lights out. Now I lay me down to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Nighty-night. Sayonara. Get a good night’s sleep. Don’t take any wooden nickels. Don’t let the bedbugs bite. I’ll see you in the morning. Good night. Sweet dreams.

  • Snow Emergency

    Due to some strange, unforeseen circumstances, I found myself driving several different cars in the last twenty-four hours. Yesterday, I finally got around to some domestic responsibilities that included tightening a hand rail that had loosened under the constant attack of children. These same children were being scalded by a leaky hot-water tap in the bathtub. I keep a small box of washers and springs and valve seats on a shelf in the basement. Each time there is some sort of plumbing job, I retrieve this, and within about twenty minutes of fiddling, I discover that I do not have any of the parts I need, so it’s off to the hardware store.

    I drove the wife’s car, and I happened to catch “On the Media,” NPR’s meta-media radio program that is often quite good, but not good enough to compel me to turn on the radio of a Sunday afternoon. Yesterday made me reconsider my weekend blackout on media. Though they had not yet heard of Hunter Thompson’s passing, Brooke Gladstone and Bob Garfield had a brilliant triangulation between Deep Throat, Woodward and Bernstein’s key anonymous source in their Watergate reporting, and “Inside Deep Throat,” the new behind-the-scenes movie about the first hardcore porno flick. I had not realized that the movie opened and the Watergate break-in happened in the same week, in 1972. To my slightly touched mind, these coincidences tend not to be coincidences at all, but representative moments. Now, thirty-three years later, we find ourselves at a similar moment. Who could have guessed, three decades ago, that we would find ourselves fighting the same battles as if they’d never happened—arguing, as those nitwits over at Powerline are wont to do, about whether Watergate was “no big deal, afterall” and giving the FCC wide-ranging power to put media companies out of business for perceived obscenity violations.

    We’ve been urging anyone who will listen to go back and either read “All the President’s Men” or see the film. It is an edifying thing to do for a number of reasons. First, as a palliative against the widespread suspicion that newspapers and reporters are “on the make” at all times, either literally or figuratively. As Gladstone and Garfield pointed out, the last thirty years have been hell for politics, government, and the social fabric in general—but they have been very good to the press, because it has been the press that has revealed the unpleasant truth about so much ugliness from Vietnam to Iraq. That process has now reversed; politicians and corporate marauders grow more comfortable and more arrogant as they “discredit” the press, or at least convince the general public that there can be no news without a liberal slant (unless it is owned by Rupert Murdoch). Nicholas Lehmann, in last week’s New Yorker, seems to have picked up on this irony—that neo-cons are, interestlingly enough, hardcore relativists when it comes to the news. It’s all a snow-job, unless its in the Bible.

    Today, we have snow emergencies around town. The deputy editor, who is on vacation in New York this week, put her car in my charge for just such an eventuality. It was safely parked in my driveway, but I got a call early this morning from my old friend DK, who happens to be in New York this week, too. He had two cars parked in the tow zone—so off I went, on an errand that would involve three different cars across two counties. And plenty of radio. So I learned that Hunter Thompson had died, and he too reminded me of how times have changed—but also stayed the same.

    While today there is plenty of raw material for a fearless writer like Thompson, I worry that our culture and our institutions have been stung too many times by great, insightful, truthful journalism, and that the reading public has grown innured to it. Great journalism is, in one of its modes anyway, supposed to “speak truth to power,” but power is presently winning the contest. It is doing this by cultivating a very sophisticated and cynical understanding of media, and manipulating it. By contrast, Hunter Thompson was a hero to all earnest and poetic truth-seekers who could tolerate his selfishness long enough to see the inner workings of whatever subject he trained his sights on, no matter how irreverent or unorthodox he wished to be in telling the story. I have no idea why he might have decided to commit suicide, but I do know that it comports with both his personality and the times he was now forced to live in. (It is telling, I think, that my favorite Thompson composition was this memorable obituary of Richard M. Nixon; it is a highly useful adjustment of focus for those of us whose view of those dark times has grown fuzzy or sepia-toned.)

    Anyway, there will be plenty of obituaries that are far more telling and eloquent than anything I could say about Thompson, but I did want to take this thing a little further in a different direction. “On the Media” had a long segment on the Watergate Deep Throat and efforts over the years to identify who that source may have been. A journalism professor named Bill Gaines conducted a class that asked its students to pore over all available information—primarily the books and articles of Woodward and Bernstein— from Watergate to determine, as scientifically as possible, who Deep Throat was. Gaines and his class believe that they have, beyond a doubt, identified who that anonymous source was. Bob Garfield pressed Gaines on the ethics of this exercise. As a journalism proferssor, shouldn’t he be teaching his students the sanctity of keeping a source anonymous? Gaines, in a most disngenuous way, said that Woodward and Bernstein had already identified the source by leaving all sorts of hints along the way. If they had been serious about protecting Deep Throat, they would have let him remain strictly on “deep background”—that is, not only anonymous, but entirely unsourced in print. But this is unfair and insincere. Watergate was the single biggest most celebrated triumph of investigative journalism of the last fifty years, and it would not have broken without Deep Throat. Woodward and Bernstein have been harrassed about the identity of their source from the day they begain investigating that “trivial little break-in.” The fact that they have managed to keep Deep Throat’s identity secret from everyone except the redoubtable Bill Gaines and his class is the only defense they need.

    And so, in honor of Hunter S. Thompson, we have to ask—is this what journalism is about today? Has it devolved so far that it must eat its own, to keep itself occupied? To speak truth only to the truth-seekers, even when it is an irrelevant and a counterproductive exercise in navel-gazing? How depressing. We hear there’s been a lot of snow in Aspen this year—or was that merely the ashes of Harold Ross floating lightly on the air?