Month: May 2005

  • Monkeys in Montecello, Rats in Rome

    If we needed more evidence that the religious right’s nincompoops are profoundly dangerous, here you go.

    It seems they are right here in Minnesota, intimidating weak-kneed school administrators into preventing the introduction of the idea of evolution in Montecello.

    St. Paul author Lisa Westberg Peters has written a book for children called “Our Family Tree” which explains evolution in a juvenile, yet scientific, sort of way. Although she was scheduled to speak at a Montecello elementary school about writing, rather than evolution, the school administrators asked her to make sure she stuck just to writing and leave off mention of evolution. When she refused, Peters’ visit to the school was cancelled.

    Brad Sanderson, principal at the elementary school, was quoted in the Strib as saying, “It’s a cute book. There’s nothing wrong with it. We just don’t need that kind of debate.” Yup, the last thing we’d want in a school is a debate, especially when there’s religious clap trap to be crammed down the throats of our children.

    Now, in fairness to Principal Skinner–I mean Sanderson–he’s probably afraid of the pitchfork and torch crowd that could undoubtedly be whipped up in Montecello if a public school were to actually teach science instead of dogma and were actually to stand up for the American values of free speech and enlightened education instead of the censorious crap dished out in the name of God.

    In other religious news, as if the Catholics needed more problems, Pope Ratzinger has opened up a can of Inquisition whup-ass on the intellectual organ of the American church, the Jesuit magazine America. The editor of America, Father Thomas Reese, S.J. was fired on the orders of Ratzinger because the magazine provided a forum for discussion of church positions on controversial issues such as denying communion to John Kerry or use of condoms in AIDS-riddled Africa.

    I was told recently by a man who knows that Ratzinger’s election was greeted with less than wild enthusiasm by the Benedictine monks at St. Johns. It must have been particulary galling to them when the head of the Inquisition took the name of the founder of their order–the order which over the centuries has taken primary responsibility for the preservation of western intellectual history.

    Alongside this formidable Benedictine tradition stand the Jesuits, who are the church’s foremost educators and intellectuals today, and who run Boston College, Georgetown, Fordham, Creighton and many other first rate universities throughout America and the world. Both orders are steeped in their vows of obedience, but to the Benedictines and Jesuits I know (and I’ve known a lot of Jesuits in particular) that obedience usually takes the form of obedience to their own tradition of intellectual inquiry and open mindedness. It was a sad day for a lot of Catholics when Ratzinger was elected Pope. I’m afraid it will be even sadder for the many thoughful men of God whose intellectual lives will be proscribed by this maledictory Benedict.

  • Long Odds

    John Tierney’s op-ed earlier this week suggested that news organizations are playing into the hands of terrorists by reporting, or at least overreporting and sensationalizing, their terrorist acts. We’ve been saying the same thing for months now. It’s not a comfortable thing to say—that too much information is a bad thing—but we must acknowledge that terror is the only weapon terrorists have, and the modern mass media is the only delivery vehicle they have, in their efforts to affect real change (or chaos).

    More important, Tierney touches very briefly on the real problem with reporting these sorts of things. It is one thing to help cultivate the fear that is the goal of these murderers, it is another to help them in the process of recruiting even more to their ranks.

    By way of example, Tierney mentions how Rudy Giuliani manipulated the press during his tenure as mayor—Giuliani ordered police officials to stop meeting news deadlines in press conferences and press releases. This had the palliative effect of helping New Yorkers believe their city was not quite as dangerous as the local news seemed to be portraying it every night. In some senses, one could argue that he was helping the public “get real” about the negligable odds of being victimized on the mean streets of Manhattan. Needless to say, New York actually became a safer place during that time, and crime decreased dramatically (or at least it was displaced to the borroughs—that’s the standard, mandatory line for liberal Rudy-hating city-dwellers, anyway).

    This all connects opaquely but directly with Malcolm Gladwell’s “The Tipping Point.” Recall that Gladwell discussed the “broken window” theory of crime under Giuliani (which has since been adapted in almost every major city in the nation); he also discussed suicide cults in Southeast Asia. Suicide, as extreme as it is, can be a fad just as virulent as Hushpuppies or Urban Vinyls.

    The point is that media coverage of terrorist acts, particularly suicide bombings, helps sustain the cult of suicide among Islamic fundamentalists. One thing non-Islamic westerners cannot understand is this apparent erosion of the most fundamental human value we all assume is inherent to the species—the sanctity of human life itself, and the universal compulsion to protect our children. Islamic fundamentalists, with the help of modern media, have managed to break through that barrier, and their children are lining up to kill themselves (and anyone else they can get close to) in the service of God and dogma.

    It is probably the most frightening development in the history of human consciousness, and the media is the machine that is planting its seeds.

  • Bagel thieves

    I’m reading the book Freakonomics by a University of Chicago economics professor Steven Levitt.

    In one chapter he talks about an entrepreneur who sets up a business of selling bagels on the honor system in the offices of several companies. By analysing who pays for the bagels and who takes them without paying, Levitt draws several interesting conclusions.

    One unsurprising conclusion is that most people are honest. The payment rate in most businesses was over 90 percent.

    However, in those businesses where more than one bagel station was set up–and the stations were set in the areas occupied by top management, middle management, and the worker bees–top management types seemed to be the least honest. In other words, those with the highest positions, and presumably those making the most money, were less likely to pay for their bagels than their employees a couple of floors down.

    Surprised? If you are, I guess you haven’t been paying attention much lately. Let me give you some hints: Enron, Tyco, Adelphia, Merrill Lynch, United Air Lines, Global Crossing, Worldcom…

    Watch your bagels.

  • Finally, For Crying Out Loud

    I don’t feel like trying to figure it out, so maybe someone else can tell me: what was the last date the Twins gained a game on the White Sox? It’s been at least nine games, right?

    A long time, at any rate, considering how well the Twins have been playing. And the encouraging thing about the last couple days is that Minnesota’s pitching almost completely shut down the Devil Rays until the last few ugly innings of the last game of the series, and this was after Tampa Bay scored twenty-eight runs in sweeping the Yankees.

    And then the red hot White Sox go into Tampa Bay and lose two straight. Tonight the Rays hit just about everybody the Sox threw out there, with the exception of Damaso Marte, who almost certainly should be given the closer’s job over the shaky Takatsu. It was also especially nice to see Chicago lose a one-run game for a change, and on a walk-off homerun.

    Jose Contreras was wild as shit again tonight (big surprise, that), and has now walked twenty-one batters (while striking out thirty) in thirty-nine and two-thirds innings pitched. Despite which the guy inexplicably has a 3.18 ERA and .197 batting average against. Suggestion to opposing hitters: make the overpaid bozo throw strikes. In the couple games I’ve seen Contreras pitch this year he should have walked a minimum of ten, but guys kept going up there and flailing at stuff nowhere close to the strike zone.

    The other encouraging recent sign that the White Sox have thus far been lucky beyond reasonable expectations was Jon Garland’s lousy performance in Toronto on Saturday, in a game in which he lasted just five-and-two-thirds innings and gave up six earned runs (and still managed to pick up the victory and run his record to 6-0). The whole damn team should have headed to the nearest off-track betting parlor and laid heavy money on Giacomo.

    These are all the sorts of things that make you think maybe the genie has gone back into the bottle on the Southside. Then again, given the weirdness of those three straight up-and-down series in Tampa Bay, perhaps the Sox are just as likely to reel off another winning streak.

    One last thing
    : I’ve finally made up my mind on the ugliest player in Twins history. I should mention that I’ve decided to be sporting by limiting the pool to guys I actually had a chance to watch play, some of whose physical flaws –more chins than the Hong Kong phone book, for instance, examples of which have been so relatively common as to be disqualifying as a sole criteria– I actually had a chance to…umm, appreciate up close. I gave David West strong consideration, and would certainly rank his physical structure (or utter lack of physical structure) as among the worst in the annals of the team. David West, I can assure you, made Matthew Lecroy look like Jack La Lanne.

    The guy I finally settled on, however, is Scott Klingenbeck, a man who demonstrated every time he waddled to the mound that life is not the only thing that is nasty, brutish, and short. Check out those career numbers, by the way, and, please, somebody do the noble thing and shell out the five bucks to sponsor his Baseball Reference page.

    Perhaps you have other ideas regarding the most unsightly Twin, or an all-time unsightly Twins team. I do feel, however, that eligible candidates should represent some combination of a generally displeasing physical appearance and utter ugly incompetence on the field. But that’s just me. Maybe someone comes to mind who was just so damn ugly that you feel compelled to disqualify any and all statistical accomplishments, however rarefied. I’ll confess that I can’t bring myself to feel strongly enough about this to argue with you either way.

  • Poll Position

    In this populist age, it is always assumed that scientific polls of the public should automatically gainsay the wonks and policy-makers. The poll is the modern media’s Torah—the numbers are scripture, and everything else is commentary. The implication of today’s “Minnesota Poll” at the Star Tribune seems to be that, since most Minnesotans do not favor same-sex unions, those who do support them should stop trying to push them through.

    That is an easy assumption to make, particularly if you feel strongly about representative government’s accountability to the majority public that elected it. It is a special trick, and a great public disservice, to constantly poll people in order to record their discomfort with homosexuality. We wonder how many polls in the antebellum South (hell, the New South) would have showed a clear majority’s discomfort with the idea of free slaves.

    On the other hand, isn’t it interesting that no one around the Twin Cities dares to mention the words “stadium” and “referendum” in the same breath anymore? That’s because every poll that has ever been conducted suggests that a powerful majority of Minnesotans rejects the idea of a public contribution to a new professional sports stadium.

    It is normally called leadership, and it is how positive social change takes place over time. Despite appearances, it’s not just for billionaires.

  • Revelations, Etc.

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    Since I was a child I’ve enjoyed end-of-the-world fiction based, however irresponsibly, on Biblical prophecy. There’s always been a good deal of this sort of thing around, but of late there’s been a splashy and satisfying surfeit of the stuff, and lots of other folks have been climbing on board the Glory Train.

    I guess I’d describe the genre as solid meat-and-potatoes fare. It’s pretty entertaining for the most part, and also food for thought for those who might be so inclined.

    The end of the world has fascinated me since I first started having apocalyptic dreams and visions while in elementary school. I’ve always hoped that I’ll be alive when the world does eventually end, or at least for the clear beginning of the End Times as outlined in the Bible. Depending on your perspective, of course, I suppose you could argue that the beginning of the end is already here. I know plenty of people would like to believe that we’re living through the End Times right now, but I remain skeptical.

    Natural disasters and human atrocities have been around forever, it seems to me, and I guess I’m holding out hope for some clearer and more spectacular indication of Divine Wrath.

    As I said, when I was younger and could still occasionally get a good night’s sleep, I used to routinely have dreams about the end of the world, and delighted in recounting these visions in great detail to my mother at the breakfast table. She eventually became so alarmed by the graphic particulars of my stories that she sent me to a psychiatrist, a serious man who refused to believe my contention that these dreams constituted not nightmares, but rather supreme entertainments.

  • Brooks and Dumb

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    Don’t worry about National Socialist Security

    It’s getting more difficult to sort out the NY Times’ David Brooks’ columns when you try to rank them in order of how much they are beginning to remind me of the old Nazi adage “Just repeat the lie; it will become the truth.”

    Yesterday’s column, in which he excoriated the Democrats for failing to embrace Bush’s latest crock re Social Security takes the cake, though.

    Brooks takes the Democrats to task for not supporting Bush’s call for indexing Social Security benefits to income. He sanctifies Bush for putting forth a plan to save Social Security (by cutting benefits to “wealthier” retirees) and damns the Dems for not leaping into what is clearly a political trap. With astonishing intellectual dishonesty (even for Brooks,) he says “He [Bush] has asked us to redistribute money down the income scale. Why should programs for children and families be strangled so Donald Trump can get bigger benefit checks?”

    Try substituting “up” for “down”, and “tax cuts” for “benefit checks” in the previous sentence and see if you don’t get a much clearer picture of what Brooks is actually defending. After all, if the top of the income pile is getting a tax cut far in excess of its Social Security benefit reductions, we can all live with that, right?

  • Making Noise And Treading Water

    The Twins are 9-3 in their last twelve games, and have gained exactly nothing on the White Sox. I can’t quite decide whether that should be encouraging or discouraging news for either Minnesota or Chicago. Flip a coin, I guess. I suppose, really, it all depends on whether or not you believe the Sox are for real.

    As I’ve said before I think Chicago is a much improved team, but I sure as hell don’t think they’re going to continue to play at the torrid pace they’ve managed to sustain into the season’s second month. The White Sox have now had two eight-game winning streaks, and are 16-4 over their last twenty games. The Twins have gone 12-8 over the same stretch.

    The pitching staffs, even beyond the top two starters, are probably pretty comparable over the long haul. At the moment, of course, Chicago leads the league in team ERA (at 3.04), and four of the five guys in the rotation have ERAs under three. That said, the Twins –at 3.43– aren’t that far behind, and if anything are performing better than they were last year at this time.

    Minnesota clearly has the edge in the bullpen, and has superior control up and down the pitching staff. I also think the Twins have more pitching depth than the White Sox. Barring injury, the key is probably going to be the guys at the back of the rotation for both teams, and if (or when) any of those guys falter Minnesota’s bullpen and depth should be the key factor in the race.

    Chicago’s much-ballyhooed small-ball approach has been only modestly successful so far. The team batting average is only .258 (opponents, however, are hitting a ridiculous .228). Paul Konerko leads the team in homeruns with nine, but his batting average is .198. Jermaine Dye is batting just .210. Scott Podsednik is hitting .250, but he’s also walked twice as often as he’s struck out and has swiped sixteen bases.

    The White Sox have a marginal edge in homeruns over the Twins, but otherwise Minnesota has a higher team batting average (.283), more total bases, more doubles, runs, and walks. They’ve also played half their games without Justin Morneau in the line-up.

    Morneau has obviously been unreal since coming back from his beaning. Despite appearing in just sixteen games (and accumulating only sixty-three at-bats) he leads the team in homers, RBIs, total bases, and triples. Even assuming that he’s in the midst of an astonishing streak and is going to cool off, the guy is already making comparisons to Kent Hrbek look almost foolish. The question right now is really the question it seemed ridiculous to ask six weeks ago: have the Twins ever had two young guys –or two guys, period– hitting in the middle of their line-up who were capable of generating such excitement?

  • A Consultation

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    You were talking about disinclination. Let’s explore that idea further, if we may.

    No, sorry, I thought I made it plenty fucking clear that I’m feeling disinclined.

    Well, perhaps then you might tell me a bit more about your travels in Saudi Arabia.

    I’m afraid you’ve once again mistaken me for another patient. I’ve never given Saudia Arabia so much as a thought, let along traveled there. I’ve no doubt I’d find the place repellent –nothing personal. A great deal of sand, if I’m not mistaken? Camels? Not the sort of exotica that appeals to me, I’m afraid. I have similar reservations about Asia.

    (The doctor consults his watch –a slow, deliberate gesture– and commences to drumming impatiently on a clipboard with his pen.)

    You’ll certainly agree that nothing productive can come of this if we sit here night after night talking about absolutely nothing. Perhaps by mutual agreement we might put an end to these sessions, or –and this would be refreshing– you might tell me what it is you hope to accomplish by spending this time each evening. (He glances again at his watch.) It’s four o’clock in the morning, actually, and I don’t suppose I need to tell you that it is not generally my habit to keep such unorthodox practice hours, particularly when the patient is so reticent and entirely devoid of insight or even interest regarding his own predicament. Could I please ask you to turn down that music? How can you possibly think when you’ve got that gloomy racket pounding away?

  • The Art Of Indexing (Continued)

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    I’ve written previously about my love of indexes (or indices, if you’re so inclined), and my huge admiration for the people who make a living compiling these things. Many of these folks clearly have a perverse sense of humor and the souls of poets. Some of them are perhaps batshit crazy.

    Check out the decidedly odd and obviously personal agendas at work in some of the examples cited in that previous piece and I think you’ll see what I mean.

    I continue to scan the indexes of books for additional wonders, and I now have a pretty fat collection of utterly useless but nonetheless personally entertaining material. Eventually I’ll go to the trouble of posting some more of it here, but in the meantime I’ve stumbled across an index that is a pure and deliberate work of art.

    Lisa Robertson’s Occasional Work and Seven Walks from the Office of Soft Architecture was one of my favorite books from last year, even though I read it late in December and so didn’t have a chance to include it on my end-of-the-year list of highlights. Robertson’s a hugely entertaining and aphoristic writer, a poet with a terrific eye, abnormal curiosity, and a gift for rambling far afield. Her prose style is sort of like Walter Benjamin meets Jane Bowles meets Djuna Barnes meets Anne Carson. She drives her words in and out of incredibly dense thickets, and yet time and again her paragraphs arrive abruptly at these unexpected vistas that leave you stunned.

    Strangely enough, the first time I read the book I hadn’t even noticed the index, which was compiled by Stacy Dorris. I discovered this icing on the cake the other night when I picked up Occasional Work and was looking for a quote.

    Here are some examples from Dorris’s index:

    “Hey Cobweb,”, 237; Babylonian doilies, 13; Chili preferred, 92; Dandering here, 236; fountains that want us to act like knowledge, 58; frost-tolerant hermaphrodites seem capable of swallowing barns, 125; leaps the frame with a sack of narcissus bulbs, 104; mauveness, 15, 217; pie, 126; Placating foods appear, 241; primal shack-envy, 182; roofliness, 15, 96, 110, 177, 179, 181, 183, 277; scumble, 142; their nylon halos, 259; toilette ghosted, 27; We ate the cheese, 237; what a wall is without being a wall, 163.