Year: 2005

  • “One Day, One Night, Saturday’s Alright!”

    Jim Gaulke sat down for a quick chat at the Bryn Mawr Coffee Shop. Brian Hazlett, the shop owner, put a lid on a to-go cup and followed suit. Both wore button-down shirts and jeans. Hazlett wore a baseball cap. Sipping coffee at the window table, they looked like decent, responsible citizens, family men even. But they are superstars, of a kind. For starters, Hazlett’s resume lists Prince and Carole King as references; Gaulke played the ill-fated state trooper who had his head blown off in the Coen brothers’ film Fargo.

    These two longtime friends write songs under the name All Around Sound. And if you’ve lived in the Twin Cities (or any number of other major metropolitan areas), then it’s likely you’ll recognize their latest hit tune in ten notes or less. Ready?

    Well played, reader! That’s “One Day, One Night, Saturday’s Alright,” the commercial jingle for National American University. NAU is a private community college with campuses in a number of cities, including Denver, Kansas City, Dallas, and Albuquerque. There are local campuses in Roseville, Brooklyn Center, and at the Mall of America. The jingle that Hazlett and Gaulke composed for NAU has had a shelf life now of three years and counting. It is frequently identified as a most insidious “ear worm”—a tune that gets into your head and will not get out. WCCO’s “Song Stuck” project lists it, and the folks at TC Punk, an angry online bulletin board of local hipsters, have suggested that only a gun to the head can eradicate the song.

    As with most love-hate relationships, it started innocently enough. NAU wanted to advertise its offerings on television and hired the local duo to help out. “They gave us information on the program,” Gaulke said. “The magic of the whole thing is that you can be a student going only one night a week. So we started working on the lyrics and playing around with it. We found that our lyrics didn’t fit the meter that we were working in, so we hit a bunch of snags. But one morning I woke up at two A.M. and I had this little line. It came to me in the middle of the night.” Satisfied with the germ of the melody, they settled in for hours of fine tuning. Hazlett said, “It was so much damn work for a thirty-second song, because we did about seventeen different spots for it. We inserted different words. Like, ‘Get your degree/Massage ther-a-py,’ and so on.” Eventually they settled on a set of lyrics, hired KARE 11’s Minnesota Idol, Harmony LaBeff, to sing, and holed up in the studio to lay down the whole thing in wax.

    Since that day, the song has spread like the flu and become more than a successful jingle. It’s become a piece of local color. Gaulke said, “My twelve-year-old daughter called me up from school and said, ‘Dad, you’re not going to believe it, but the kids are linking arms and skipping up and down the halls singing your song.” Similarly, Hazlett has a friend who, while working as a camp counselor last summer called to tell him that on the last day of camp, the only song that all three hundred of his teenage campers had in common was “One Day, One Night.”

    “It’s thirty seconds that you actually hear it, but it’s stuck in your head the rest of the day,” said Gaulke. Hazlett said, “One of the best compliments we got was from a friend, a professional singer, who told us, ‘I know people complain because the song won’t get out of your head, but when it comes on the radio, I don’t turn the channel.’”

    Aside from the dashboard drummers and shower stall sopranos, the song is receiving little appreciation. It seems the music community is not certain how to reward commercial songwriters. In fact, it appears they torment them a little, possibly because a particular strain of the arts community considers commercial art a “sellout.” On the brink of a cringe, Gaulke admitted that “certain personalities will just needle you when they find out you wrote that song.” But then he smiled devilishly. “We’ve got jingles that have never hit the airwaves that are still stuck in my head.” He broke into a rousing chorus: “You love to gorge on Papa George’s pure pork sausage!”—Sarah Sawyer

  • Stay Tuned

    It is often said that there are more televisions than indoor toilets in this country—today, slightly more than two per household. But that doesn’t account for non-residential sets, and it also confuses the issue of how many sets there may be in bathrooms.

    Still, it’s obvious that TVs have infiltrated the non-domestic world, too. It is nearly impossible, for example, to have a drink at a bar without finding yourself surrounded by hovering flat-screens. Airports, restaurants, fitness clubs, doctors’ offices—even elevators—are now occupied by yammering boob tubes. It is not clear whether we want them, or they want us.

    The other day we noticed at Larson Allen, a prestigious accounting firm in the US Bank Building in downtown Minneapolis, kindly provides passersby with uninterrupted Fox News Channel programming on a couple of huge screens on the building’s skyway level. These days, people have strong feelings about their preferred news channel, so we wondered if anyone had asked Larson Allen to change the channel. Also, why tune in any channel at all?

    Jackie Moser, a marketing executive with Larson Allen, was a little defensive when a reporter asked about this. “Our televisions are a public service for passersby and guests,” she said. But why Fox? “The picture quality of Fox News is the highest,” she said. But it’s cable, the reporter said. “We connect using a PC and special cables,” she said. Besides, she added, the plasma screen in the reception area is tuned to CNN.

    We were surprised to learn that not a single skyway-level liberal has complained. After all, the US Bank Building is home, too, to super-lefty Vance Opperman’s media empire. One expert told us that 13,000 taxpayers pass by the Larson Allen television every day. Considering how much NBC pays to have its programming played twenty-four-seven on the jumbotron in Times Square, Larson Allen might consider sending Rupert Murdoch a bill.

    “As a marketing tool I think it is quite savvy,” said Adam Wahlberg, a senior editor at Minnesota Law & Politics, whose offices are in the same building. “I regularly see big crowds gather to catch up on breaking stories … the company does a good job of capturing eyeballs.” One tax consultant, standing outside the Larson Allen offices, said she appreciates the televisions as a source of quick information, especially if national news is breaking.

    This is an amenity—and a controversy—that is spreading to buildings and public spaces all over the city. While bars throughout the city tune into a wide variety of sports, most white-collar environments seem to tune into CNN, Fox, or MSNBC. At North Star West, a building just a skyway from the US Bank Building, there is an oversized screen in the food court. Building officials there report that CNN and Fox alternate from week to week, to satisfy ornery tenants on opposite ends of the political spectrum. When we stopped in, CNN was blasting away. Two working stiffs having lunch said they’d prefer The Simpsons.

    One man’s news is another man’s nausea. Back in his office, five floors above Larson Allen, Adam Wahlberg said, “I have to admit there are times when I see Brit Hume pontificating on the screen while on my way to lunch. And it nearly makes me lose my appetite.”

    —Angela Guimond

  • Fish Rap

    Crew Jones is a trio of white guys who met while living in a Grand Marais hippy commune. Named after a character in the 1986 BMX movie Rad, the Joneses call themselves “Minnesota’s Northernmost Rap Band” and the “inventors of Forest-Rap.” They also claim to be “holding it down as kingpins of the cutthroat Twin Ports rap scene.” Despite the foolery, the group is no joke; Crew Jones’ beats are tight, its rhymes impressionistic, and its sound unique—the result of soaking up equal parts Bob Dylan, Atmosphere, and National Public Radio.

    Not long ago, in a dim Duluth basement, the group performed for about twenty-five white kids, one dark-skinned black guy, and a mixed dude whose shoulder-length dreads matched the powdered cocoa color of his skin. Rolled-up carpet scraps, defunct stereo gear, and cardboard boxes with crushed corners were piled along two walls. At the foot of a steep wooden stairway, hipsters crowded onto sagging couches were steadily adding butts to an overflowing ashtray. Sweat and mostly legal smoke made the air murky and moist. A keg of flat Lake Superior Special Ale was nearly fried.

    Crew Jones is smart enough to understand that the only scene in Duluth-Superior that could remotely be considered “cutthroat” is composed mostly of latter-day hippy chicks, coeds from suburbs like Eden Prairie and Minnetonka who try to out-patchouli each other during bluegrass night at Pizza Lucé on Superior Street. The crew takes music seriously; themselves—not so much.
    In the basement, Mic Trout (né Sean Elmquist) was crammed into a corner, behind his Fender Rhodes electric piano. At the start of each song, he punched up staccato drum-machine beats, then he and two other guys—one with a six-string, the other on a bass—added understated funk. Out front, Burly Burlesque (Ben Larson) and Ray Wolf (Rain Elfvin) gripped microphones and alternated verses.

    “Oh, livin’ in the city is fine / if you’re outta your mind /gettin’ giddy over overpopulation and crime,” Burlesque rapped on “Banjones,” which actually does feature a banjo, on the group’s album Who’s Beach. (They know how to use apostrophes; near Grand Marais there’s a beach that bears the name of someone—possibly a first baseman—named Who.) Later in the song, Wolf said, “till the day that I die I’m reppin’ Northeastern Minnesota / from the Range to the Shore / you can claim that you’re bored / the trains hold the iron ore.” He’s the lyrical literalist of the group, with a resonant voice and a delivery that almost sounds like he’s putting on East Coast hip-hop airs.

    Burly Burlesque is the most compelling of the Joneses. He affects a vocal style that conjures Shane McGowan honoring the memory of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, but it comes off smoothly, naturally. His lyrics include abstract references to fantasy art, Antietam, a few forms of recreational drugs, Sisyphus, and masturbation (unless I misunderstand his story about bathing in the Brule River with a bar of Dr. Bronner’s soap). Burly’s manic stage presence is the antithesis of Larson’s shy intellectualism.

    Mic Trout, the group’s poet, didn’t rap during the basement show, but on Who’s Beach, he weaves a cautionary tale about substance abuse to his younger brother, and raps about ice fishing and cliff diving into North Shore rivers. On “Memory of Me” he says, “We’ll say we caught our limit / they’ll never know the difference / we’ll make this a tradition for whenever winter visits / think of the shiny fishes / under the water frigid / like ghosts from our memory / our history revisited.”

    As Trout bounced and bobbed in his chair, a handful of twentysomething girls attempted dance moves that most Duluthians have seen only on TV. A few guys pogoed arhythmically, like they would have to any other kind of music. Everyone else just nodded their heads to the big Superior beat.—Chris Godsey

  • Rated “R” for Dirty Situations

    Attention, restroom patrons. Please do not assault the tall, dark-haired, suspicious-looking man taking pictures in there. He is not a deviant who will soon be cackling over his snapshots like Richard Widmark in Kiss of Death. Jon Thompson is the co-founder and creator of Restroom Ratings, a pithy online guide to public conveniences. He is merely there to help patrons of public conveniences flush out the best that are available.

    When he is not powdering his nose or walking the dog, Thompson is a web designer for Lifetime Fitness. He is twenty-five, he lives in Uptown, and he has been posting his illustrated reviews at www.restroomratings.com for almost five years. His evaluations range from the Loring Pasta Bar’s “enchanting,” “stunning,” “truly wonderful” facilities to the “high-pressure vacu-crappers” aboard Northwest Airlines’ Airbus A319s to certain abominations where the patron, loath to touch the seat, must assume the hovering position of a downhill skier.

    It was at one such facility that the project was born. “We were on a road trip through Wisconsin and stopped at a run-down gas station to fill up. My wife had to go to the bathroom, and when she came out she said there ought to be a sticker on the door so you know from the outside what you’re getting into.” Thompson pondered the idea of a rating website with downloadable stickers. That aspect of the project never materialized, but the two hundred or so restroom critiques he has posted offer an authoritative guide to the form, function, and aura of lavatories from the Twin Cities to the U.K. and Japan. He rarely takes a vacation without filing reports on half a dozen WCs or washiki toires.

    It’s not exactly a hobby, and not quite a business, since the web advertisements on his site don’t really compensate Thompson for the time he puts into his endeavor. He considers the work “a calling.” The son of a plumber, he spent his early years shadowing his father on many service calls, inheriting a discerning eye for bathroom hardware.

    “We’d go into someone’s restroom and Dad was like, ‘Oh, that’s really interesting, they have the older model American Standard. You can’t even get ball cocks for that kind of toilet anymore.’ ”

    The idea of rating public washrooms isn’t unique, but other sites take a prosaic, cursory approach. “They’ll say there are two urinals and it’s handicapped accessible,” Thompson noted. He prefers ambience-rich descriptions that evoke the sights, sounds, and feel of the place. Also the aromas, of course, not all of which are lemony fresh. His report from one northeast Minneapolis landmark, Mayslack’s restaurant, has a sour, nostril-stinging immediacy. “If a smell could punch you in the face,” he wrote, “I would have two black eyes.” Thompson’s writing is sharp, concise, and packed with poetic humor. If his works were collected and bound, they’d make great bathroom reading.

    “It’s an essay, it’s creative writing,” Thompson said. He delights in restrooms with a touch of character, such as the retro facilities at the Riverview Theater, the terry cloth hand towels and framed ad posters at Babalu, the Caribbean restaurant in the Warehouse District, and the outhouse in Taylors Falls’ Interstate Park that featured a bird’s nest with live chicks nestled beside the toilet. Of course, he also includes scores of generic chain restaurants. “There’s a lot that are exactly identical. The tough part is writing a review that’s different and sets it apart.” Still, even a run-of-the-mill loo such as that in the Mankato Wal-Mart can serve as a springboard for some off-the-cuff sociology. “Not too filthy, but not too clean, either. Still, a welcome refuge from the dozens of watchful in-store security cameras, reminders of Wal-Mart’s god-like presence in every aspect of our humble shopping experiences.”

    If his site has a shortcoming, it is that reviews of men’s rooms far outnumber those of ladies’. Thompson’s wife has contributed a few items, but “she hasn’t latched onto it the way I have,” he said. So for male readers, and even for Thompson, many mysteries remain. “In Chili’s restaurants, they have the Sports section of USA Today mounted on the wall,” he said. “In the women’s, do they have Lifestyle?”—Colin Covert

  • Look Out

    One cool winter afternoon, an attractive young Jewish woman enjoyed her new bungalow in southwest Minneapolis. She’d finally moved back home, after a decade in New York City. She’d come to realize that life is much too hard in a place like Manhattan or Brooklyn. In New York, you cannot live like an adult—with a car, a garage, a yard, room to raise a family, a balance between work and play, office and park. What had taken her so long to see that? She had finally relented to family pressure; she came back home to raise her daughter.

    She was relieved. Still, she could not help feeling a little anxious. Minneapolis can feel like a village when you fly in from La Guardia, when you glance down at our quaint little skyscrapers surrounded by lakes and farms and subdivisions and sleepy streets and leafless trees and dead grass. One of the things she worried about was how best to parent her child, whose biological father was an African-American donor, in a supposedly lily-white city like Minneapolis. Back in New York, her white friends were in the minority, and she moved freely among classes and cultures. If New York is a city full of terminal adolescents, at least they are adolescents who must share their space with many people who don’t look like themselves. New Yorkers know a lot about getting along with people who don’t necessarily share your experiences or opinions or language.

    Her family dismissed her worries. The Twin Cities may be less diverse than New York, but we are progressives, after all. Here, we take a lot of pride in our liberal bearing, our inclusive values, our strong sense of equality and justice. Besides, we are an incredibly diverse city these days. There are more than eighty languages spoken in Twin Cities public schools, and minorities now make up almost thirty percent of the metropolitan population. If we aren’t as integrated as we might wish to be, well, it will come with time. How many black friends do you have? Does that make you a bad person?

    She was lucky to find a house to buy right away. Even if the real estate market here seemed genteel by New York standards, the price for her first home was breathtaking. But it was a charming little place, with a big yard and a garage. It was situated in a neighborhood where, fifteen years ago, a lot of the homes would have had bars over the windows. Today, her street is on the trailing edge of gentrification. With pressure from Linden Hills and Kingfield and Tangletown, it was fast becoming unaffordable for a single mother. Politically, she felt right at home: In December, the street was still trimmed with stubborn Kerry-Edwards signs up and down the block.

    She was eager to tell her friends back in New York, to brag about making her escape to adulthood, to have them visit and see how good life could be out here in flyover country. She was eager to prove that she was not running away from the city so much as running toward a saner life.

    One friend came within weeks, a sturdy African-American man originally from South Carolina. Though he’d lived in New York most of his adult life, he was still staggered by the Minnesota cold. He stepped outside to admire his friend’s new house; he wandered through the backyard that seemed to him like an acre of luxurious grass under the afternoon sun. He looked in the windows of the double-car garage, and he assessed the freshly painted siding. He was also amazed that the sun would not be climbing any higher nor getting any hotter. Shivering, he went back inside to express his real-estate envy, the way only a New Yorker can.

    A moment later, there was a loud knock on the front door. It was a Minneapolis police officer. He said a neighbor had called. Report of a suspicious-looking man lurking around the house. Seeing the man, the woman, and the child sitting on the floor among unpacked boxes and suitcases, the police officer turned an intense shade of red. He apologized profusely and backed out of the little house. “I am so sorry,” he said.

    It’s nice to have neighbors looking out for you. Isn’t it?

  • Now You See It…

    Lynx number one was a hard-luck kitten. He was barely a year old, in March 2003, when he walked into a box-like trap near Isabella, deep in the Superior National Forest. Isabella is an old logging village bisected by Highway 1 as it slices inland from Lake Superior to Ely. Beyond the village is a small network of forest roads and great patches of spruce, pine, and balsam. It’s wild and dense country that few humans ever see. This vast forest, interspersed by small, alder-choked streams and rocky lakes, is one of the areas in northeast Minnesota that biologists have recently focused on in their search for lynx in Minnesota. Lynx One’s trap was like those used by urban trappers to catch dogs harmlessly.

    Although evolution had molded Lynx One, with his long back legs and fur-padded feet, to have a special taste for snowshoe hare, his trap was baited with beaver meat. Only L1, which is how history remembers him, knew what that trap door slamming shut in the woods sounded like. When researchers got to him a few hours later, they used a syringe on a pole to dose him with ketamine hydrochloride and xylazine hydrochloride. One of the side effects of the sedatives, commonly used by neighborhood vets, would be to fuzz over the sharp edges of any bitter memory of the experience. They also allowed the biologists to handle him: First they slipped a hood over his head to protect his eyes. Then they weighed him, measured him, sexed him, and aged him. They also removed a skin plug from an ear—a sample for a DNA record—and fitted him with a battery-operated radio collar. When the wild cat was done being manhandled he was injected with antibiotics. It’s a rough life being a young male lynx in Isabella.

    When he was released, L1 shot away from his captors like a cat out of hell. But records show he didn’t go far. His radio collar allowed him to be repeatedly located in a small area around Isabella during a three-week period. If you care to be anthropomorphic, you might say L1 wasn’t just sulking. He was carefully considering his options in the face of a cruel world. Then he decided. He was a young cat. The world was big. No way was he being drafted into a twisted human research project. L1 set out on his immense journey. Traveling more than a hundred miles, crossing streams and lakes and clawing through the great Boundary Waters blowdown of 1999, he didn’t rest until he’d crossed into Canada. During this trip, which biologists call a dispersal, L1 was lost to radio contact. He may, like the lynx photographed last summer at a Saginaw Lake campsite, have passed close to human visitors on his journey. And like all lynx, except during mating season in January, he traveled alone. He often hunted, failed, and was hungry. But he found enough prey—hare, squirrels, grouse—to sustain him. He was located again by biologists later in the spring when he settled into a new area deep in Ontario. After that, airborne radio trackers kept him on the air all summer and into the fall.

    Then, on November 28, L1 blundered into another trap. This time he died. Or, as biologists say, he was harvested.

    In Ontario, it is legal to hunt lynx. In Minnesota, it is not. In fact, it is illegal throughout the lower forty-eight states. In 2000, the Canadian lynx (the scientific name is Lynx canadensis) was given threatened status under the U.S. Endangered Species Act. This was the result of five lawsuits filed by a group called the Defenders of Wildlife. A flurry of funding for studies of the mysterious cat followed. L1’s northward dispersal is emblematic of the evolving state of knowledge regarding lynx.

    “It’s normal for them to disperse, but the conventional wisdom is that they disperse from Canada south,” said Ron Moen, a biologist involved in the first radio collar study, which was conducted by the Natural Resources Research Institute at the University of Minnesota in Duluth. “The conventional wisdom says our animals should not be going to Canada. We don’t know why L1 went north.”

    Conventional wisdom regarding lynx in Minnesota is amorphous at best. Some believe there are a few itinerant migrants from Canada that may be traveling through northeast Minnesota. Others think Canadian-born animals may come to Minnesota in the height of winter to breed. Others say lynx have never been particularly rare in Minnesota, they’re just too stealthy to be seen. Those beliefs, so far based primarily on intuition and anecdotal evidence, don’t add up to much. Biologists, woods workers, and environmentalists are an independent-thinking lot. With no solid science until the last four years, the state of the lynx in Minnesota has been more opinion than fact.

    In the human world, we often arrive at larger truths by “following the money.” In the animal world, the focus is on food sources. Like any predator, lynx are inextricably linked to their primary prey. Wildlife biologists says that when populations of snowshoe hare are low in prime Canadian lynx habitat, younger cats like L1 range farther afield. They disperse south, to what has been thought to be less desirable habitat, and take up temporary residence in Minnesota. All species of predators disperse from their place of birth in search of new territory with good habitat, minimal competition, and adequate prey. If they find it, they thrive. If they don’t, they die. In recent years, there has been a growing awareness of how privatizing property—putting up fences and building roads—compartmentalizes nature, and limits the movements of flora and fauna. But this is not yet a problem in northeastern Minnesota.

    The question then becomes: Does Minnesota really have a permanent lynx population? Or are the few that are padding around the north woods just tourists—lost anomalies wandering far from home?

    In the mid-nineties, that was the million-dollar question. Even people who spend lots of time in the forest, like hunters and trappers, weren’t seeing lynx. Maybe the rare track or two, but rarely a living, breathing cat. Based partly on those practical observations, Minnesota’s hair snare project was born in 1999. The snare involved a Velcro-like pad baited with catnip and castor oil. Hundreds of shiny pie tins were placed on a grid pattern across a small portion of the woods. The tins would pique the cat’s curiosity and lynx would, scientists speculated, come to rub against the deliciously scented pads. Hair left on the pads would have been sent to a lab and analyzed for DNA—if there had been any. None was collected. The conclusion many biologists officially endorsed: There were no lynx in Minnesota.

    Whether or not lynx are a functioning part of life’s web in northeastern Minnesota has institutional and social implications. If there are lynx they must be managed and, most likely, protected. Management means gearing up scientific and regulatory bureaucracies. Protection may have significant implications for land use. At least this is the typical human scramble to get on the case—and the most responsible one, knowing what we now do about how human behaviors impact nature, even at a great distance.

    But there are also aesthetic, even spiritual, issues at play. If the lynx is as much a part of northeastern Minnesota as the loon, wolf, and lichen, then those who gather deeper meaning from visiting these wilderness areas must value the wild cat on its own terms, as they do those other creatures. This duality lies at the heart of any serious conversation about human stewardship: We must protect these resources for ourselves and for themselves.

    That the lynx has not achieved the poster– child status of the loon or wolf has to do with the lack of scientific understanding, as well as institutional inertia. Quoted in the Minnesota Conservation Volunteer one month before L1 was trapped, Paul Burke, a biologist for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, said, “I think we have a very small number, but we do have some lynx. We may even have some reproduction, but that doesn’t make it a viable population.”

    “Not a viable population” is a sort of purgatory into which another one of Minnesota’s feline predators has been cast. It’s an imprecise term, but it is what biologists say about mountain lions in Minnesota. For example, even after hundreds of accidental but confirmed sightings of adults and kittens, state and federal biologists insist that Minnesota’s mountain lion population is not viable. Since the population is “not viable,” they don’t take a closer look, because that could lead to a legal status as threatened or endangered. Government agencies—not to mention private business interests—don’t want another endangered species. Among other things, it raises the specter of the timber wolf, which, following its listing as endangered, was studied by a generation of scientists for a quarter of a century at a cost of tens of millions of dollars. Mountain lions linger in nonviable status. Environmentalists weren’t about to let the lynx languish there, though.

    Burke’s comments were controversial, the more so because they came in the wake of the lynx finally being listed as threatened—in other words, the judgment was made that there actually was a viable population, and that it needed protection. It was a victory for activist groups like Defenders of Wildlife, but federal officials still seemed to be refusing to believe it. Mike Leahy, a biologist for the Defenders, saw Burke’ s comments as the rear guard of a lost battle.

    “We sued the Fish and Wildlife Service five times and won every time,” he said. “In spite of their mandate to protect species, federal agencies sometimes fear the implications of carrying out their duty with a listing. In the fifth lawsuit, though, even FWS scientists acknowledged that listing was warranted.”

    So what happened to overturn the previous conclusions? How had scientists failed to find lynx others were so certain were here? It is now widely assumed that the hair-snare study, which failed to find any cats in 1999, worked elsewhere in the country, but for some unknown reason didn’t work in Minnesota. The main reason that assumption is made is because, while the scientists’ snares did not capture any lynx hair, ordinary Minnesotans were seeing and photographing lynx. People who spend a lot of time in the woods were reporting growing numbers of snowshoe hare. Was there a connection between an upswing in the hare population and more lynx sightings?

    Ed Lindquist, a U.S. Forest Service biologist, decided there must be a common-sense approach to the growing evidence of lynx in the north woods. Lindquist began an old-fashioned lynx tracking program in the winter of 2001-2002. His idea was that if experienced trackers found lynx prints in the snow, and followed them backward, they would find what the hair snares failed to find: hair or droppings. Both would contain DNA. Lindquist’s tracking team started late the first winter, but they found more lynx sign than expected. The following winter they found more.

    “We’ve identified between fifty and sixty unique individuals,” Lindquist told me in August 2003. “We only surveyed about ten percent of the forest, so we believe there are lots more out there.”

    Lindquist’s team found more lynx, in part, because he looked in a way no one had previously. But he also likely found more because when snowshoe hare are abundant, lynx tend to have larger litters of kittens, and the kittens have a greater chance of surviving to adulthood. Although little is known about lynx in Minnesota, females appear to have their kittens in dens, often in hollow logs. Where lynx have been studied, they have between one to five kittens. If it’s true that lynx rely on snowshoe hare, and they thrive when their prey thrives, then there are still plenty of hare to support above-average lynx birth rates.

    When lynx kittens are grown, at about two years old, they weigh from twenty to forty pounds and are brown to gray on top with a gray to white belly. Not much is known about the size of a lynx’s territory: Canadian researchers have documented territories ranging from four square miles to one hundred square miles.

    Lindquist has much to say about the embryonic understanding of Minnesota’s lynx population and the advanced technologies used to study it. Even microscopic DNA work is more mutable then you might expect. “The lab has taken another look at the genetics and taken more strict rules in determining what constitutes an individual,” he told me last year, regarding the numbers of individuals his tracking team had located. “So our numbers were reduced slightly under these new rules.” Scientific understanding of evolution and short-range patterns can be like trying to get into a moving vehicle. However, there is now a generally set scientific assumption that lynx and snowshoe hare numbers, like many things in Minnesota’s northern boreal forest, ebb and flow in cyclical patterns. Lynx populations are thought to crest just behind the hare population’s peak. Declining hare numbers, it is believed, will drag lynx down with them. But nobody has watched closely before. It’s unclear what population peaks look like.

    When Burke grudgingly acknowledged there were a few lynx in Minnesota three years ago, he also said the hare were at their peak. Minnesota Department of Natural Resources biologists, who tabulate lynx sightings in Minnesota, said the same thing last year. Catching the peak of a population cycle is like corporate revenue forecasting. Reality is recorded well after the fact.

    “We’ve had a fairly high hare population for some time,” said Ron Moen, the NRRI biologist involved in the first radio-collaring project. “Some people say it’s starting to go down, or has been declining, for a while. But it varies in different parts of Northern Minnesota. It’s hard to pinpoint whether we’re down this year or next year.”

    During the few years that wildlife biologists have tuned their radar to lynx, they have gradually refined their research methodology. First there was the hair snare. Ed Lindquist and his tracking team followed. Now a team of agencies and biologists, along with a little financial help from Defenders of Wildlife, are concentrating their efforts on more NRRI collaring studies. Accuracy of scientific knowledge is often a function of how long research studies are conducted, and this is especially the case with lynx. “The research going on through NRRI is going to be extremely valuable because it will help us determine if lynx persist in Minnesota through the low part of the hare cycle,” said Phil Delphey, a Fish and Wildlife Service biologist in Minneapolis. “What NRRI is doing is really exciting.”

    When L1 took his long journey north, he was a lone ping in the wilderness. Since then, NRRI biologists have captured, collared, and released fourteen more lynx between Ely and Grand Marais. They’ve also added a satellite tracking component to some radio collars. These GPS collars allow the biologists to locate a lynx four times a day. The result is a fairly precise understanding of what kinds of habitat lynx hunt and sleep in.

    The data so far is a fairly raw conglomeration of details as meaningful, and puzzling, as L1’s journey. For instance, a mature female, L3, took a similar trip. She traveled northwest and disappeared. Her collar, but not her body, was discovered far from where she was originally trapped.

    “We haven’t had most of them on the air long enough to determine the home range, but the ones that we have had on the air for several months seem to have some boundaries they stay within,” the NRRI’s Moen said. “On the other hand, three of them have made an exploratory movement outside of those boundaries. Biologists don’t know why they do this. Hopefully, we will have some answers by the time this study is done.”

    The collars have given the researchers a license to act the voyeur. L5 and L7 spent an inordinate amount of time together in February, according to records. The talk around the office was that there had been a liaison. Kittens arrived in May or early June, and the NRRI was able to photograph them and post pictures on its website.

    Another interesting collateral truth confirmed by the most recent round of studies is that bobcats (Felis rufus) roam the north woods. Bobcats don’t have the big padded feet and long back legs that make lynx specialists at catching hare in deep snow. Beyond that, though, they look a lot like lynx, with only slight differences in ear shape and tail color.

    There probably aren’t many bobcats in northeastern Minnesota, either, but two were captured in box traps in early April 2004. Both were given radio collars. Earlier, some DNA collected in the wild confirmed that there are at least two animals in Northern Minnesota that are what biologists are calling lynx-bobcat hybrids. Until very recently, biologists had not known mating occurred between the species. It was thought their territories rarely, if ever, overlapped.

    In fact, one of the NRRI study’s explicit goals is to try to understand the relationship between lynx and bobcats. Some environmentalists say bobcat populations are increasing because logging roads provide them with access into new areas. They say logging roads give the presumably alien bobcat an advantage. But at least one member of Ed Lindquist’s tracking team has seen lynx using logging roads. It is possible that lynx and bobcats have always intermingled.

    The matter of roads and habitat is not insignificant. With the Endangered Species Act listing, the Fish and Wildlife Service will be required to put together a recovery plan for the lynx. A recent sixth court victory by Defenders of Wildlife requires the federal government to designate critical lynx habitat before anybody really knows what it is, says Phil Delphey of the Fish and Wildlife Service. Critical habitat is the mix of habitat lynx need to feed, rest, and procreate successfully. Since it has barely been acknowledged that there are lynx in Minnesota, it may be presumptuous, at this point, to say what is ideal habitat for the species.

    “Good lynx habitat is good snowshoe hare habitat,” Phil Delphey said. “Good habitat for snowshoe hare, beyond the issue of deep north woods snow, is habitat with a lot of stems. They like any kind of dense shrubs or dense tree regrowth. One type of potential habitat would be new growth after logging or fire. They can also prosper in old growth areas where trees have fallen and new growth starts. The blowdown in the Boundary Waters might be good snowshoe hare habitat.”

    Having said that, Delphey, like L1 on his solitary journey northward, quietly questions the heart of conventional wisdom on lynx. Snowshoe hare, he asserts, may not be as central to a lynx diet, and thus its survival, as is currently believed
    “A lot of people think lynx may not be well adapted to prey on anything other than snowshoe hares, but there’s at least one study that shows that lynx are able to switch pretty readily to prey on red squirrels,” he said. “Good red squirrel habitat is different than good snowshoe hare habitat, but those habitats can intermingle in patches.”

    Delphey said his agency isn’t in any position to say what critical lynx habitat would look like. Neither does the agency have the knowledge to say what a healthy population of lynx, one that wouldn’t require protection under threatened status, would look like. Since the court has ordered critical habitat designation, however, the Fish and Wildlife Service will proceed.

    “They were supposed to designate critical habitat when they listed in 2000,” Defenders of Wildlife biologist Leahy said. “We’ve been pushing them for ten years, saying that’s what they should be doing. They are charged with Endangered Species and they have the authority to err on the side of caution.”

    Leahy’s organization says the bulk of lynx habitat, both in Minnesota and elsewhere in the country, is on public lands. Pressures for public land use, such as recreation and logging, are getting in the way of following the law, they say. Defenders of Wildlife say clear-cut logging, and the road-building it necessitates, along with overzealous fire suppression, have been destructive to both snowshoe hare and lynx habitats.
    Defenders literature says, “Snowmobiling is of particular concern due to the compact trails that crisscross the landscape in the winter months. These trails allow coyotes and bobcats to reach areas that they were once unable to access. As a result, the lynx now must compete for the snowshoe hare, thus reducing their main food source.”

    Many environmental organizations believe that recreational and industrial demands on public lands are keeping the FWS from exercising its statutory obligation. The government biologists, on the other hand, assert that the environmentalists have been trying to move too quickly these last ten years. Privately, at least one biologist asserted the organizations exaggerate the threatened nature of the species to build support for their organization.

    Everybody, however, appears to be pleased with the direction of the NRRI study. Results produced by L1 and other radio-collared lynx may provide some answers, and lower the acrimony between the humans.

    Last May, three radio-collared female lynx had kittens in Minnesota. One litter had five, another had three, and the third had two.

  • American Gothic

    For ten years, Low’s music has seethed with quiet rural rage—the undercurrent of emotional tension that hums in austere Midwestern places, among people whose deeper feelings are seldom expressed. From the band’s home base on Duluth’s Central Hillside, it has built an international cult following for creating rock music that’s intelligent, intense, ambient, and awesomely slow. Low concerts are contemplative and quiet—a single guitar or vocal tone might resonate alone for minutes—and dedicated fans demand absolute silence. Try to talk while you should be listening, and you’ll get glared at, even shushed. Typical Low album and show reviews rely on northern Minnesota’s winter landscape—all gray skies and gloom—as the band’s putative muse, with writers summoning metaphors involving frozen lakes, frigidity, and long, dark nights.

    Every song title on the band’s first record, 1994’s I Could Live in Hope, is a single syllable grim with portent. The album sleeve reads like an impressionistic poem about what happens to repressed emotion in a northern town—loaded words like “Fear,” “Cut,” “Drag,” “Rope”—while the songs themselves are long, emotionally brutal, and sparse. And the lyrics! “You’re gonna need more,” Alan Sparhawk sings on “Rope.” “Don’t ask me to kick any chairs out from under you.”

    Themes like illness and medication, water, breath, family, and regret have run in cycles throughout Low’s albums; anger, more measured than understated, has been constant. “Fear of God and a disappointing father / holds the hand around your neck,” Sparhawk and Mimi Parker sing on the strummy, sunny-sounding “La la la Song,” from 2003’s Trust. On the menacing “John Prine,” from the same record, Sparhawk coos darkly, “I thought I was a poet / I had so much to say / but now I want to see the blood / I want to make them pay,” while Zak Sally wields his bass like a bludgeon. Until Trust, the anger was mostly oblique, couched in cryptic lyrics and ominous arrangements. Sometimes it was barely hidden behind an ironic, almost sentimental facade, as in Grant Wood’s American Gothic or Theodore Roethke’s “My Papa’s Waltz.”

    Kids are naturally curious, no matter where they grow up, and hungry minds in small towns often starve. Small-town kids may not know exactly what they’re missing, but they know they’re missing it. Once radio, television, magazines, and the Web have tantalized them with the surreal worlds of Paris, New York, Minneapolis—even, for some, Duluth—they have no choice but to confront just how deeply their hometowns suck.

    Some of those kids just wither away. They bury curiosity and become adults who are terrified of the unfamiliar. Some rebel with the angry-kids’ trinity of sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll. Others move to big cities, where they strive to be open-minded and sophisticated, but never feel entirely free of ore dust, hog manure, or backwoods ways.

    The strangest kids of all might become deeply revered musicians. They mete out a decade’s worth of ascetic music that boils with emotion but inevitably gets interpreted with metaphors about glacial movement, frozen lakes, and long, dark nights. And maybe, after those ten years are up, they’ll change their sound and let that emotion erupt.

    On The Great Destroyer, Low drops the stoicism. Anger that used to fester is now immediate and direct. A lacerating keyboard tone rips open the first track, “Monkey,” and is quickly joined by an insistent drum beat. Within ten seconds, purist fans may be shocked to realize that Low is obviously pissed off, and has no problem doing something loud and fast about it. “Tonight you will be mine,” Sparhawk and Parker chant in a drum-driven fever dream. “Tonight the monkey dies.” Sparhawk delivers that last line alone, and the dreamy tone takes on a vicious edge. Before the next verse, there’s more guitar, drums, and volume than in three or four previous Low albums combined.

    And that’s just the start of the record. Some moments vibrate with impatience, as if the band’s urge to unabashedly rock could barely be contained on tape. Have Alan Sparhawk and his alter-ego, Chicken Bone George, the leader of a primal electric blues outfit called the Black-eyed Snakes (they sound like MC5 and Howlin’ Wolf crashing into each other), been working on songs together? No Low record before this one has had such guttural moments.

    “Monkey” smoothly segues into “California,” a melancholy pop song with painfully catchy hooks and harmonies that could make it a legitimate hit. The song is so damn beautiful and rhythmic that it unleashes uncomfortable levels of pleasure—it’ll reach into your crotch or right down your throat and yank out the kind of emotional responses that Midwestern inhibitions are designed to hide. Seriously.

    Almost every song on The Great Destroyer builds on, but also departs from, Low’s musical past. The band’s move to the legendary independent label Sub Pop is significant, too. Compared with Low’s former label, Kranky (a small, serious operation), Sub Pop’s prominence is enormous. Many bands that have recorded for Sub Pop—Nirvana, Mudhoney, Soundgarden, Sonic Youth, the Shins, Ween, the White Stripes, Bright Eyes—found ways, with the label’s help, to transcend obscurity and maintain credibility. They earned popularity, and its opportunities for security and longevity, without losing integrity. If Low is truly comfortable with letting its songs be loud, fast, and catchy—in other words, more accessible to a broad audience—then maybe Sparhawk, Parker, and Sally are finally comfortable with being truly popular. Maybe they even want popularity.

    “For a long time we thought slow and quiet was the way to go, but we were wrong,” Sparhawk said while tuning his guitar between songs during an October show at the Twin Ports Music and Arts Collective, a storefront space in downtown Duluth. Low played around eleven o’clock, after two other bands. Only about thirty people were watching, and that’s pitiful, even if the show was poorly promoted and went past ten on a school night. It seems that when unique, humble, globally prominent artists play an almost-free local show, more than a handful of people could trouble themselves to show up.

    Sparhawk always plays on the audience’s left. While introducing a song from The Great Destroyer, he said, with flustered, shocking sincerity, “I wrote this when I was really, really mad at Zak. But I’m not mad at him anymore. I just … I don’t know if he knows this, I’ve never told him this before, and I just wanted to … .” Sally, at stage right, stepped to his own mic, looked over to Sparhawk, and said, “I don’t hate you anymore, either.” He was grinning, but only sort of. Parker stood serenely at her drum kit, looking down and to the side. Then the band tore into the disarmingly bitter “Everybody’s Song.”

    Amid Parker’s simple, violent snare drum strikes and a discordant barrage of fuzzed-up guitar—the sonic equivalent of Sparhawk grabbing Sally by the front of his shirt and forcing their gazes to meet—Sparhawk’s voice quavers with venom: “Pour yourself another cup, another cup, another cup / and wait / I can’t wait forever / Live your life of stupid luck, of stupid luck, of stupid luck / it’s a game / nobody does it better.” As Sparhawk approaches “forever” and “better,” the keyboard crescendoes and clips, then he and Parker attack the chorus: “Breakin’ everybody’s heart / takin’ everyone apart / breakin’ everybody’s heart / singin’ everybody’s song.” The word “song” gets held for a long time before it crashes back into the melee of fuzz and guts.

    Sally briefly quit Low in the spring of 2003. “It was never necessarily an artistic difference, and we weren’t necessarily fighting,” Sparhawk told a Minneapolis music critic at the time. “He just didn’t want to do this fo
    rever.” Not long after, it was announced that Low would open a few summer dates in Spain for Radiohead. Sally was back.

    Hearing and seeing “Everybody’s Song” live, in a space not much larger than a living room, where people were actually sitting on couches, was awkwardly intimate. It was like being at a friend’s house when a family fight erupts and no graceful exit strategy is available. That kind of transparency doesn’t exist on previous Low discs, but it pervades The Great Destroyer.

    “When I Go Deaf” and “Death of a Salesman” speak frankly about a time when it will be OK not to write or sing songs—when an artist’s obligation to create has died or been beaten away. “Deaf” begins wistfully and quietly (Sally’s timing is perfect when Sparhawk and Parker sing the phrase “make love”) before exploding into a cathartic guitar howl. “And I’ll stop writing songs / stop scratching out lines / I won’t have to think / and it won’t have to rhyme,” Sparhawk sings, and it sounds like the words begin deep in his throat, as if he’s about to shout, but thinks better of it as the words are leaving his mouth. “Death” is sad and ostensibly simple. It culminates with the lines, “I forgot all my songs / the words now were wrong / and I burned my guitar in a rage / but the fire came to rest / in your white velvet breast / so somehow I just know that it’s safe.”

    It’s the type of song you’ll think you could write. You can’t, but that’s OK, because not many people can. And besides, you don’t really want to—you’d wind up horrified by how exposed such honesty would make you feel. Best that we leave such unfettered expression to our artists.

  • Letters

    COUNTRY MUSIC RECONSIDERED

    It seems to me that Mr. Eisenbeis needs to listen to a little more country music before he tries to explain its popularity or lack of same [“It’s My Country…,” November]. In today’s music world, pop hardly exists, and no one can understand the lyrics of today’s rock. There is no longer any innovation in the instrumentation of rock, and country to a lesser degree suffers the same fate. The rock stars of today place themselves above their fans. Country musicians tend to embrace their fans, plus they are more educated than the majority of rock performers. Country performers know the value of attending and lending a hand at charitable events and autograph signings. While country produces a lot of junk, it also produces some great stuff. Country songwriters tend to write songs that reflect current trends, or objectionable practices. Take, for example, “Murder on Music Row,” a protest song against the mainstream country music establishment. Still, it became very popular and won a Country Music Association award as Song of the Year. Look at Alan Jackson’s “Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)?” Another Song-of-the-Year winner. Even the latest, very popular “Whiskey Lullaby” sounds as though it was written about an actual event in someone’s life and could very well have been. Songs like these make people stop and listen. Even young people. If you want to know the history of country music, you listen to country music. If you want to know the history of this country, you listen to country music. If you want to know the political climate of this country, you listen to country music. Mr. Eisenbeis seems to want to complicate the reasons for country music’s popularity. The reason is simple, really: The music is real, it is heartfelt, and the performers are honest. Even when they are being bad, they still remain loyal to their music and their fans. That is something that is rare, even in society as a whole, but it is still highly valued by most.

    Dale Butler
    Fridley

    CREDIT (& BLAME) WHERE DUE
    You guys must have spent too much time with Eric Utne, doing that cover piece [December]. So it’s no longer just about him, eh? Funny, you don’t act like you believe that. What? Check it out: In the photo caption on page forty. Here are the five people responsible for forming and developing and keeping the Utne Reader going. But four of them are unimportant. They are even unimportant today, years later. They don’t even have names. Shame on you, Rakesters. Just to help you (and I’ve never even been involved at the Utne Reader), without charge, I’ll help your identification process: [from left] Besides Jay Walljasper, Eric Utne, and Julie Ristau, the other people you did not identify are Barbara Mishler, who was the Utne Reader’s librarian for at least ten years, and Helen Cordes, who was one of the originals at UR and was there probably twenty years.
    Jon Schultz
    Minneapolis

    Our readers are frequently smarter than we are. Thanks for the help.–Eds.

    A TEA PARTY WITH UTNE
    I enjoyed meeting the man, Eric Utne of the Utne Magazine, in the December issue of The Rake. He and his magazine did a great service when they brought back the conversational salon movement. I bought the book Salons, and it all made such an effect on me that I started a conversational salon, and it is still going strong at Mad Hatter’s Tea House in St. Paul. I can’t believe it, but we have had one a week for over two years—poetry, open discussion, and guest speakers. Tea and cake always served. Such a civil thing, really.

    So the statement from your article, “the movement itself turned out to be short-lived,” is shortsighted. As Eric says, “the effects live on,” and we at Mad Hatter’s give thanks to him and the Utne Reader for helping a community and culture thrive through conversation. Thank you for the article.

    Patty Guerrero
    St. Paul

  • Believe It or Not

    Back in the seventies, when I was tender and impressionable, my mom used to chat with her houseplants. “It helps them grow,” she’d explain to me as I followed her around from one beaded macramé hanger to the next. “They don’t understand the words, but they can tell you’re talking to them. They like the attention.” To her credit, Mom did have a magnificent Boston fern and a sprawling jade plant as living testaments to her efforts.

    It just so happens that her ideas date far back past the bad-fad seventies. I don’t think my mom was reading nineteenth-century German philosophy in between her plant waterings, but professor Gustav Theodor Fechner was promoting the idea of talking to plants back in the mid-1800s. In his book Nanna (translated as Soul Life of Plants), Fechner reasoned that plants share our human capacity for emotion, and that lavishing them with good conversation and heartfelt attention promotes healthy growth.

    Science can’t deny that talking to plants could help them grow, but for reasons other than those my mom or Fechner offered. You see, there’s the simple scientific matter of plants needing carbon dioxide to grow. When you talk to a plant, you give it a direct dose as you exhale. Of course, you’d have to speak intimately with your green friends for several hours a day (which could be thought odd) in order for your breath to provide a therapeutically significant amount of CO2. Personally, I think this sounds like an incredibly relaxing activity, but it lacks decent income potential.

    Or does it? Luther Burbank, a renowned botanist, is best remembered for introducing the Burbank potato, precursor to the Russett potato. But Burbank’s passion was much broader than the spud. He claimed that plants are capable of understanding the meaning of speech, telepathically. Burbank recorded his ideas in his book, Training of the Human Plant. In 1926, Burbank died and was buried in front of his Santa Rosa cottage under a Cedar of Lebanon tree that he planted in 1893.

    But his ideas stayed in circulation, and in 1970, George Milstein, a New York dentist, released his classic album, Music to Grow Plants By, which I am almost certain my mother kept in her collection alongside the Anne Murray and Johnny Cash titles that her daughters grew up on.

    This all serves to explain why I am naturally predisposed to entrancement by things from which most others maintain a skeptical distance. Like, for instance, Masura Emoto and his water crystal photography. The Rake’s article about Emoto’s appearance in Wayzata last summer inspired letters from readers (and drew some reprint requests as well). Clearly, Emoto hits, and perhaps grates, a nerve with his claims that talking to water affects its “health.” Just when you thought bell bottoms were finally going back out, talking to your water comes in.

    Can water in a jar really—as Emoto insists—be affected by words on a piece of paper, taped onto the glass so that they face the water? Is Emoto even a scientist? He’s said to be a graduate of the Yokohama Municipal University’s department of humanities and sciences with a focus on international relations, with a subsequent certification from the Open International University as a doctor of alternative medicine.

    I know what you’re thinking. But on the other hand, what harm can come of a world with more love and appreciation? And anyway, if I already talk to my plants, how far a stretch is it to say a little thanks to my water?

    Or is this the sort of thinking that will soon have me stepping over cracks in the sidewalk and flipping the light switch three times before I enter or exit a room? Not really. I think it’s more like a direct challenge to the old saw that you’re not doing any harm when you picture your enemy under a bus. In essence, what Emoto and Burbank and Fechner profess is the existence of profound and lawful connections between life forms. They seem convinced that our intentions are powerful and create consequences beyond our current comprehension. They’re also three good examples of the fact that you can’t set out to understand, observe, or prove these ideas without many people poking fun at you.

    Milstein, on the other hand, is a tougher nut to crack. With his dentistry practice and his recording dreams, he may serve only to prove that the seventies were every bit as weird as we remember.

  • Quirks of the Quince

    Maybe driving along slick January roads while the radio bleats its incessant lose-the-fat/cut-the-carbs/celebration’s-over messages doesn’t bother you, but it whips me into a frothy rage. Your hangover has only just barely passed (with the aid of a nice greasy burger) before all these diet people start making you feel horrible about the past few weeks of joy and butter. Doesn’t the coming of a new year herald an optimistic fresh start? By all means, get healthy (after said burger, of course) if it makes you happy, but please don’t buy into the latest fad diet or attempt to banish any food group from your life. Don’t look at 2005 as “The Year I Reject Bagels” or “The Year I Overcome Bacon” or, worse yet, “The Year I Buy Chemically Engineered Food That Will Make My Butt Skinny While It Slowly Poisons My Internal Organs.” Wouldn’t you rather wear a sparkly sash proclaiming “2005: The Year I Discover the Magic of Food That Heals the Soul and Body and Still Tastes Great.” A smarter sash still might simply read “2005: Year of the Quince.”

    What the hell is a quince, you’re asking. Why have you never seen quince-flavored soda pop or Quincy-O’s cereal, or even a quince booster for your smoothie? It’s safe to say they’re not part of the mainstream. But neither are quinces a secretly hoarded ingredient available only to chefs and other epicurean cognoscenti. Quinces are actually quite accessible, and for the next month or so this yellowish, knobbly skinned fruit—best described as a cross between an apple and a pear—is still in season. Out of the produce bin, this fruit tends to be rock hard, not too pleasing to the eye, and quite astringent when eaten raw, so maybe it’s no surprise that you’ve passed them by. But any fan will tell you, quinces will reward a cook’s patience by revealing a host of secrets and pleasures.

    Far from being a new fruit, the quince is believed by many to have been Eve’s naughty apple. Quinces also played a great role in ancient Greek culture: some say the “golden apple” Paris awarded to Aphrodite, thus launching the Trojan War, was actually a humble quince. The Greeks considered the quince a symbol of love and fertility, tossing it into bridal chariots and serving slices to blushing new wives before they repaired to the bridal chambers. Pregnant women were advised to snack frequently on quinces to insure industrious and highly intelligent offspring.

    The fruit of a hardy shrub, the quince spread easily throughout Asia and Europe. Its Latin name, Cydonia, refers to the ancient city in Crete where the Greeks perfected its cultivation. The French termed the fruit coing, which in Middle English became quin. However termed, the oddly shaped fruit continues to play a strong role in some cuisines (Spanish, Moroccan, Persian, Rumanian, Balkan) and a recovering role in others (English, French, American).

    Here in the U.S., the quince did have a brief moment in the sun. Because of its high levels of pectin, the quince makes a killer jelly. The jammers and canners helped the quince tree migrate westward with the settlers. But the need to preserve fruit dropped off, the apple took favor as a sweeter and easier fruit, and the desire for quinces dwindled. Ironically, quince jelly is making a comeback as the traditional Spanish membrillo, a jellied quince paste, pops up on tapas menus across the country. If you’ve ever enjoyed a really good slice of manchego cheese, top your next slice with the mellow and fruity membrillo to understand the perfect interplay between sweet and tangy.

    The key to enjoying quinces is taking the time to reap the rewards. Keep a quince in your kitchen at room temperature for a week or so, and it will deliver a gracious aroma that no scented candle can touch. Slowly simmer a peeled and cored quince, and watch its flesh soften and change color to a velvety deep pink. The flavor will have evolved, too, into a sassy pineapple-like taste with a touch of tartness. Next time you cook apples or pears, add a few slices of quince and the new aromas and flavors will make it hard to ever turn back.

    The splendor of quinces is that there are so many dreamy ways to use them; the sadness is that they’re available only from September to February (if we’re lucky), so get to the Wedge Co-op to snatch some up. While they are fresh, peel and core them for cooking. Throw chopped quinces in with your pork roast for a subtle flavor, or use them like the Turks do, in a tagine stew with meats and other spiced fruits. Follow the Hindus and mash the fruit with onions, chilies, salt, and citrus juice to make a sambal, and serve it as a condiment for grilled food. For dessert, poach a quince in vanilla sauce or bake it with a filling of sugar, hazelnuts, and cranberries in its hollow. Make quince jelly for your pancakes. If you’ve dawdled and the quinces are gone for the season, take heart. Some very good pastes are on the market that can be eaten with cheese or crackers or licked right off the knife (Lunds carries the brand 34degrees from New Zealand).

    Whatever you do, take the time to cook and get to know your quince. The healthiest thing you can do for yourself in the New Year is to view food not as an enemy, but as a source of pleasure and self-discovery. Like Lear’s owl and pussycat: They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible spoon; And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, They danced by the light of the moon …

    Quince Jelly

    8 cups peeled, sliced, cored quince (5-7 fruits)
    1½ cups water
    1 cup apple juice
    3 T lemon juice
    ¾ cup sugar
    ¾ cup honey
    1 T orange zest
    1 T freshly grated ginger root
    1 tsp cinnamon
    1 tsp nutmeg

    In medium saucepan, over medium-high heat, bring fruit, water, and juices to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, partially covered, for about thirty minutes (or until tender). Add remaining ingredients and stir for another five minutes. Remove from heat, puree in food processor (if you like it smooth). Let the mixture cool before transferring to storage containers with tight lids. Will store frozen for up to three months.