Month: January 2006

  • The Local Giant

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    I don’t recall if the local giant ever actually claimed to have special powers. It did, however, seem to me that he conducted himself as if he had sprung from the pages of mythology.

    What I’m trying to say, I guess, is that this didn’t appear to be just another ordinary, run-of-the-mill giant. For one thing he was a good head taller than any giant I’ve ever seen, and he could balance small children on his nose and juggle dogs without seeming to cause the animals the slightest alarm or discomfort. The dogs actually appeared to enjoy being juggled, in fact. Some of them even slept while the giant was juggling them.

    The giant didn’t have much to say, but he was one of those giants whose actions spoke louder than his words. He had a real knack for catching people when they fell, as well as for locating lost objects. He was always returning things to their rightful owners, things that had been missing for great stretches of time –decades, in several notable instances.

    Some folks were suspicious of this talent, and spread rumors that the giant had actually stolen the items in question, and was hoarding these things in his lair. To dispel such rumors the giant took out a full-page advertisement in the local newspaper, announcing an open house to which the entire community was invited to inspect his lair and sample his baked goods.

    The giant, it turned out, was one heck of a baker, which honestly came as no surprise to his many local admirers. His generous selection of baked goods –many of them quite exotic– put to shame the offerings of any of the small bakeries in town.

    Needless to say, those who chose to take advantage of the giant’s hospitality –and there was quite a turnout– saw absolutely no evidence of lost or stolen items. And the very next morning the giant delivered a pristine 1969 Chevrolet Impala, a vehicle that had been missing for over a decade, to the home of its owner, a local school board member.

    Any explanation of how or where the giant found these lost objects was never forthcoming. The man was, as I mentioned, notoriously tight-lipped, and most of us had learned to live with his amiable silence.

    The giant also had a special rapport with birds; he could persuade them to perch on his head and eat grain from his scalp. On occasion, when he wished to entertain children, he could coax birds to pluck sunflower seeds from his nostrils.

    There were some in the community who resented the fact that the giant contributed nothing to the local economy. I have no idea how he survived, but he didn’t seem to have anything to do with money, and eventually there was a successful movement to drive the giant from his lair along a river outside of town to make way for new commercial development.

    When the giant left his lair for the last time he did so peacefully, and comported himself with the quiet dignity many of us had come to expect from him. He left behind all of his possessions, with the exception of an opulent, handcrafted, and intricately detailed dollhouse that he carried away in his arms.

    A large family of musically gifted grasshoppers inhabited this dollhouse. These grasshoppers, it was said, slept in tiny four-poster beds and filled their little mansion each night with the strains of beautiful music.

    The giant finally established a new home for himself (and his family of grasshoppers) in a smaller neighboring community. A short time later we began to hear reports that he was healing people and performing miracles, and that, of course, was when the real trouble started for the poor fellow.

    It’s a rather discouraging story, really, and I am too tired at the moment to continue with it, but I shall do so at a time in the very near future.

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  • More On 24

    James Surowiecki, one of my favorite writers, really ought to be allowed out of his gilded cage at the New Yorker a bit more often, now that he’s perfected the Financial Page (along with the Greatest Unsung Editor of Our Times, Susan Morrison). Well, at least he’s allowed to ask questions through the bars. Yesterday at Slate, he conducted a very interesting Q&A with one of “24”‘s writers, Michael Loceff. Lots of interesting information there, especially as regards the first season–which had been written, actually, before 9/11, but began airing two months later. The whole premise of the show was happily prescient, if that’s the right word.

    Slate editors, who are masters of the homepage teaser, marketed the story as potentially a discussion that would address the morality of the show’s depiction of torture, which is a frequent and (frequently abominable) method used by Bauer and his federal colleagues (and, to be sure, by the bad guys too). Sadly, Surowiecki lets the “24” writer entirely off the hook on the question.

    Surowiecki:

    One of the places where 24 and the real world have intersected most powerfully is on the question of torture. On 24, torture is regularly used in interrogation. Some critics believe that 24 actually plays to our desire to witness torture, that it is, in some sense, “torture porn.” How do you make sense of and justify the role of torture in the show?

    Loceff:

    “If you look at any given torture scene in the show, you’ll find that there’s something in it that shows someone’s distaste or disgust. And Jack Bauer’s decision to torture people for information in the past has cost him, because it’s shown other people just exactly what he’s capable of. Jack himself is appalled by what he feels he has to do, but he’s also convinced he has to do it. That is a real dramatic conflict.”

    It continues:


    Slate: One of the familiar critiques of using torture as an interrogation technique is that it doesn’t work. On 24 it tends to be very effective.

    Loceff: I don’t know that torture works, and we don’t write it because we think it works. So, I don’t think any of us are trying to make a statement about the efficacy of it one way or the other.

    Slate: Back to the realism question: 24 is shot in real time, which creates a very powerful illusion of reality.

    Loceff totally misses the point, and redirects the conversation. Jack feels bad about torture? And that’s it?

    Jack, friendless and bereft, bounces back and the story moves forward. In every instance now for five years, the dramatic storyline proceeds. Torture pushes the plot forward, it is never a dead-end. Naturally, no one who is innocent is ever tortured. Logically, then, only the guilty are tortured… you see where I’m going with this. (When the bad guys torture the good guys, they get nothing, of course. Either becuase their victims are innocent, or dsisciplinedf federal agents.) If torture is any way a negative element of the show or its themes, then Jack Bauer is merely a martyr for the larger cause of national security. This conveniently ignores the fact that civil rights are, sui generis, a national security issue.

    I don’t worry that full-throated Bush apologists would look to 24 as some kind of precedent. But I do worry about the astonishing parallels to the real world, and about Americans becoming innured to these noxious ideas. The Bush administration obviously doesn’t require precedents in any of its activities. It’s this idea that “if you were innocent, you wouldn’t have been arrested” (or it’s equivalent, as enunciated by Jonah Goldberg the other day, “we only use illegal wiretapping on obvious terrorists and their abettors”) that truly frightens me.

  • Holy Shit! The Woman Of My Dreams: 'Do You All Know Who I Really May Be?'

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    SWF, young enough, not yet old, weird, fine-enough looking (and that’s not just therapy talking), absolutely no interest in or patience with mingling, machinery, or the usual fanciness. Likes nasty weather, flying and creeping and vulnerable things, C-SPAN when people are just sitting around sipping from glasses of water or clearing their throats, Jeff What’s-His-Name, boiled eggs if someone else does the boiling and knows what they’re doing, Michener (just kidding), Albert Schweitzer (his mustache, anyway, if I’m thinking of the right guy, and I’m probably not), canned goods if they have interesting labels, Chick-O-Sticks, chili, dogs if they do what they’re told, coffee, cold beverages, hippies (although I suppose it kind of depends on what you mean by hippies and if you mean what I think you mean, then no), certain types of music when I’m in the mood for certain types of music, driving on bad roads, sitting on my ass listening to you play your harmonica or whatever it is you play, sitting quietly in the dark, eavesdropping, the sun when it’s least expected or most welcome, people who care enough to wave signs (just so long as they don’t try to get too close to me or ask me to sign anything), hot sauce, roaring fires, mashed potatoes, fried potatoes, potatoes, books if they’re any good, and You: If you ask questions, own at least two forks and one plate, know your way around a microwave oven, have so much passion you don’t know what to do with it all, and would please please please at least make a conscious effort to be kind and gentle and sweet.

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  • Another Day, Another Incredibly Violent Series

    Having spent last week fasting, meditating, flagellating, and otherwise chastening and prostrating ourselves for the important job at hand, this week we’re busy tacking, gluing, hot-waxing, tucking, nipping the new issue–and we’re sure you’ll agree that all this radio-silence at the blog is going to be worth it. (Hint: Nudity! Much nudity!) But something I wanted to point out while briefly on the hustings. As you know, dear reader, there are two sorta inexplicable tangents we indulge in around here, just because you are powerless to stop us–(a) the occasional thoughts on modern ice hockey, and (2) the TV series “24.”

    Well, you cannot have failed to notice that Fox programmed the first four hours of the new season of Kiefer Sutherland’s real-time name-taking and butt-kicking on Sunday and Monday nights. I found it kinda creepy that the first episode, on the eve of MLK day, featured former president David Palmer getting assassinated in a hotel room by a sniper. That was either wicked foresight or accident–but wicked in any case. Also, it seems clear that the show will continue to dwell on dangerous issues that tend to give red-state Americans a lot of bad ideas. (Like how its funny that anyone who gets tortured is obviously guilty–otherwise why would we torture them, duh! I don’t normally get all moral and snobbish like this, but what the hey. It’s really pretty frightening to ponder what a full-throated Bush apologist would make of this show, while pantywaist lefties like myself can’t keep track of all the “teaching moments.”) This season’s Pandora appears to be the modish topic of the relativity of truth and the fabrication of reality. Already a main element of the story line is the constant, improbable, high-tech maniupulation of information–particularly digital media. There is something perfectly meta about this, given how the show itself has shamelessly manipulated our emotions for five years now.

  • Never mind the story, here's the brand identity

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    Be sure to catch me at the Coon Rapids Home Center next week

    I couldn’t really decide how to start this entry. I thought of, “If I were the editor of the Star Tribune…”, but that’s too scary even to contemplate. I thought of “I wish they had an editor at the Strib instead of a brand manager.” But finally I decided to go with, “The Star Tribune is a poor excuse for cutting down trees.”

    Let’s look at today’s edition and see if you agree. The top of the front page is, literally, a fish story. Yup, you live in a major metropolitan area–an area that attracts and keeps top businesses because of its level of culture and education levels–and the top of the front page is: “Whoopee, we still have the biggest fish on record.”

    OK, they did have a story (written by the Washington Post) next to it on the Iran controversy, but c’mon.

    The story right under the breaking fish scoop was a heart-render ripped from the pages (no, make that TV screen) of the crap that passes for news every night at 10 p.m. Yup, it’s another person facing adversity with the help of caring friends, family, public programs and caring corporations. It is news? Is it a story? Maybe. Maybe it belongs on the Sunday feature pages. Probably, it’s on the front page because the brand manager thinks it will bring a little tear and remind us “There, but for the grace of God…” Don’t they have Katherine Kersten for that crap?

    Turning to the metro section, we learn that a meeting with Superintendent Thandiwe Peebles and the School Board has been….well, cancelled. In the Strib’s defense, they have done a pretty good job of pointing out Peebles’ problems in the past. Too bad they didn’t get on her before she got here…like finding out her behavior in her last job or that she didn’t really meet the legal licensing requirements for the job or that her degree was from a cereal box.

    But what I’m really gassed about is the huge photo of Norm Coleman marching with the Martin Luther King parade. If you check the Strib rate card, you’ll see that space would cost several thousand dollars to purchase…and what is a big picture of Norm with the MLKers if not an ad? Does the fact that a politician shamelessly allies himself with popular causes qualify as news? What’s next? Can we expect to see Norm cutting the ribbon at hardware store openings?

    (Perhaps I’d give the Strib a pass on that if they explained that the shot of Norm with his mouth opening was him trying to explain how he voted for the new bankruptcy law which makes it even easier for the credit card companies and check cashing store fronts which prey on the poor to keep someone underfoot forever. Try to reconcile that one with the ideals of Dr. King.)

    Just for contrast, compare the Strib’s superficial coverage of MLK Day with that of the Wall Street Journal, who used the occasion of Martin Luther King Day to remind us that his work is far from over. The front page yesterday of the most conservative paper in the land was a feature on how the city of Atlanta had screwed black cops out of their retirement pay. That’s journalism.

    But alas, you have to pay to subscribe to wsj.com to read the story. But, unlike the free online version of the Strib, you get something for your money.

  • Sweet Soul Music

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    The forest. The sea. The garden. The grindstone. The long and winding road. The moon. The stars. Sunrise. Sunset. Ecstasy. Exhaustion. The heart as metaphor. The heart as living, beating thing. Myths. Reality. Then. Now. Here. There. Beyond either here or there. ‘This pining meat.’ This ticking clock. The second hand. The hours. The days. The years. The biding of time. Its passing. Abiding. Abrasion. Erosion. Confusion. Clarity. Grace. Restlessness. Contentment. Hope. Happiness. Hopelessness. The middle passage. The middle of the night. The muddle. The crowded room. The missing thing(s). The mask. The mystery. Longing. Loss. The questions. The answers. The search. The journey. Discovery. Joy. Despair. The embrace. The surrender. The defeat. Losing your mind. Coming to your senses. Stasis. Change. Waking from a dream. Waking from a nightmare. A false start. A fresh start. A new beginning. The end. Resolve. Resignation. Acceptance. Rejection. Denial. Renunciation. Annunciation. Redemption. Resurrection. Crawling. Walking. Running. Jumping. Standing still. Love. Hate. Truth. Lies. Good. Evil. Pain. Pleasure. Passion. Sickness. Health. Torpor. Ambivalence. Indifference. Laughter. Tears. Grief. Glory. Gratitude. Keening. Lamentations. Lullabies. Fate. Destiny. Dreams. Reality. Cruelty. Compassion. Empathy. Energy. Enervation. Fatigue. Emasculation. Entreaty. Imprecation. The thresher. The threshold. Awakening. Silence. Dawn. Eternity. Imploring, pleading, begging: Mercy. Mercy. Mercy.

    What makes the engine go?

    Desire, desire, desire.

    The longing for the dance

    Stirs in the buried life.

    Stanley Kunitz, “Touch Me”

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  • The Fakirs

    Folks everywhere are in a righteous huff about James Frey and his book “A Million Little Pieces,” which turns out to be full of fabrications and embellishments. Years ago, I received the hardcover in the first round of publicity. I myself couldn’t get through the first twenty-five pages, and had no idea it was as good as everyone says. It reminded me of the novels of Irvine Welsh, which everyone raves about too, but which I can’t make any sense of. I thought the cover was cool, though.

    As you already know, The Smoking Gun reestablished its bona fides late last week in a lengthy investigation that makes Frey look like a pathological liar. (Also, by the way, offering a shout-out to our pal Deborah Caulfield Rybak at the Strib for being quick to smell a rat. Well done, DCR!) Considering how much Frey has stumped for himself and protested against the “haters” and practically dared the entire english-speaking world to knock the battery off his shoulder, I think the indignation is appropriate.

    According to at least one report, Frey’s original manuscript was presented as fiction and it was turned down by seventeen publishers. The eighteenth, Doubleday, bought it but insisted on editing it and publishing it as nonfiction. Assuming the best about Doubleday, they presumably tried to eliminate all the fictional hyperbole.

    A couple of things I find interesting about this. What does it say about readers (and publishers) that a book no one would touch as fiction rides to the top of the bestsellers list as nonfiction? Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that it’s the exact same book. That means that the story’s main virtue is its sensational plot elements. It therefore hangs its entire selling proposition on the truthfulness of those elements, rather than some other virtue inherent in the writing itself. (Again, a comparison to Welsh is useful, maybe.) That kind of credibility speaks to the persistent cult of celebrity, in which the reading public and the reading industry still care an awful lot about the personality and the biography of the author. That’s natural, of course, when the author writes autobiography or memoir. The point is that we value history more than we value imagination. “True Story!” carries an extra charge of voyeuristic pleasure that you just don’t get from “Amazing fabrication!”

    Because we care so much about the biographies of bestselling authors, they must feel tremendous pressure to participate in their own celebrity. Remember what a tremendous flap occurred when Jonathan Franzen, years ago, declined to be in Oprah’s Book Club? That was just a minor, counterpositive moment in the otherwise well-lubricated machine of pop cultural coronation. You write a good book, get lucky with a few positive reviews, pretty soon New York producers are calling and scheduling you on daytime television shows, strange people become your “handlers,” you begin to live in airports and hotels, you begin to make a lot of money, lots of important and powerful people begin to make demands of you, a backlash of naysayers and skeptics develops, and so on and so on. And here, just a few months ago, you were living under a pile of dirty clothes eating off of paper napkins.

    Some have drawn comparisons to J.T. Leroy, also supposedly outed as a “literary hoax” in recent days by the Times, which seems to have a personal score to settle. Eariler this week, I sort of defended Leroy, and I do think it’s unfair to equate Leroy with Frey. Here’s why: Leroy, whether that’s the writer’s real name or not, has done little or nothing to inflate his celebrity other than write a lot. With writing success, he was pressured to become another bean in the star machine–talk at awards ceremonies, partcipate in charities, sign books, the old grip and grin tour–and he resisted to the point of hiring performers to impersonate him in public. Again, because Leroy has a unified body of respected, published work, it seems to me more a clean case of pseudonymous writing from a recluse, rather than wholesale prevarication. I suppose I could be wrong; perhaps Leroy’s biography is as bogus as Frey’s, and therefore all that fine literary work is impeached.

    I guess I tend to look past the usual distinctions of fiction and non-fiction, and I merely enjoy a good book. I don’t take it personally if a writer makes stuff up about himself–until he becomes pathological and arrogant about it, the way Frey appears to have done. (Or when innocent bystanders are injured as collateral damage… as has been the recurring claim against everyone from Nicole Helget to Dave Eggers.) This is one of the main pitfalls of writing memoir, and no one in the industry will give you a straight answer when you ask if there is any place at all for fabrication in the world of autobiography. But I think you can be sure that if they decide you’re flying too close to the sun, they’ll make sure you fall on hard ground.

  • The Prodigy

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    When Buddy Clister came up the hill that afternoon he wasn’t his usual shrill, braying self. This was a guy who’d once had a fistfight with Eddie Guster’s mother, and Mrs. Guster had kicked Buddy’s ass and bloodied his nose.

    You’d think that would be a pretty tough thing for an aspiring two-bit punk to live down, but Buddy Clister had actually managed to not only survive the experience, but to somehow spin it to his advantage. Chalk it up to childhood, I guess; you had to sort of hand it to a guy who would slug it out with a grown woman in an apron.

    Everybody probably has a Buddy Clister somewhere back in their youth: the first guy to smoke a cigarette; first guy to utter the word ‘fuck’; first guy to get his hands on a dirty magazine and, not long after that, to feel up a girl, or at least claim to have done so.

    Who knows how or why such desires or knowledge come to some so young, why some seem destined to be prodigies of decadence?

    On the lovely autumn afternoon I’m remembering, though, when the sun was hanging there like a herald just above the houses on Banfield Avenue, Buddy Clister, all of a jaded twelve years old, slowly pushed his bike up the hill and announced to the usual assembly of his stingray congregation that he had accepted Jesus Christ as his personal savior.

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  • Listen to this

    I’ve been thinking about Bush’s listening in on our phone conversations and wondering just how stupid he thinks Al Queda operatives are. As has been reported, the NSA intercepted phone conversations on September 10, 2001 that, in hindsight, clearly said something was going to happen the next day. Unfortunately, they weren’t translated until September 12.

    But since Bush also had a memo and briefing in August 2001 which said Al Queda planned to attack within the United States, I guess you might infer that we can gather all the intelligence we like, but if we’re not bright enough to know what it means, what’s the point?

    What’s really funny though is the theory put forth by some in the Bush administration that the NY Times’ revelation of the wiretapping helped the enemy. First, does Bush think Al Queda really talks openly on cell phones about imminent plans? They think we’re listening, even if we aren’t really paying attention.

    But what’s even funnier than threatening the NY Times with prosecution for its story is not carrying out his threat to dismiss the people really responsible for revealing a national secret: the identity of a covert CIA operative.

    Rove and Cheney still work there, right?

  • A year without journalism

    I’m just going to point out this modest proposal by Mike Lenehan, editor of the Chicago Reader. To all of you who get your news via blogs, I know your perception may be a bit weak, so I will warn you: it’s only partly facetious. (I apologize in advance to all of you who don’t like downloading pdfs, but that’s the only format available here. Just print pages 2-3 for the article.)

    However, for those of you who get your news from the Strib, it may seem that the strike has already been on for a while now. Unless this is your idea of what a newspaper should be doing.