Man is what he believes.
–Chekhov, Notebooks
Not that you lied to me, but that I no longer believe you, has shaken me.
–Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil
The worst sort of liar, the most tragic, is the one you know is lying to you, but you believe them anyway, because you so desperately want to believe them.
Do yourself a favor: Be that sort of liar. Leave the more pedestrian shit to the amateurs and the bumblers. Because there are surely, at least from a historical perspective, worse things to be than tragic, and the sort of lying I’m talking about here is also a gift. It’s a gift that comes with all sorts of nice little angles and opportunities.
You really should open your fucking ears and listen to what I’m saying. This is some seriously good advice, believe me; I know what I’m talking about. I don’t have any reason to pull your leg, friends. My days here are numbered. And I’m not going to deny that I never quite had the talent to be one of these worst sorts of liars. I regret that, I really do. It would have made my life so much easier, so much more comfortable. I just didn’t have it in me.
I have, however, had the good misfortune to know a fair number of these people, and to marvel at their gifts. Oh, lord yes, I’ve been hoodwinked, and it’s cost me plenty. I never begrudged these folks their lies, though. I was absolutely complicit in the deception, and I envied these characters and their ability to pull the wool over my eyes.
They’ll burn in hell, of course, but I have to tip my hat to them all the same.
In the likely event that, like me, you find you don’t have the right stuff to be one of the more accomplished class of liars, I have some additional advice for you to take out into the world:
Keep your distance. Bar the door, lower your shades, and pull the hood up around your heart.
Whatever you do, don’t let down your guard. Don’t let anyone in –they might steal you. They might steal your soul.
Cover your ass. Don’t give anything away; hold it all close. And for god’s sake, don’t ever tip your hand. Don’t say what’s on your mind.
When you close your eyes at night, don’t wish for anything. Treat rainbows and shooting stars as exactly what they are: random scientific nonsense that is well outside the range of your limited understanding. Leave faith to the dangerous believers and the desperate lunatics.
Do not believe a word anyone tells you. Don’t trust a soul; that sort of weakness will only lead to damage and disappointment.
If you’re lucky enough to stumble across someone –some idiot– that has any of the aforementioned character flaws (and generally these people will have them in spades), take whatever you can get. If they’re fool enough to offer it to you, take everything they have.
If you’re going to be mean, don’t also be a coward. That’s a truly contemptible –and damnable– combination, and the purest definition of an asshole.
And, finally, mark my words: Do not, do not, do not get taken in.
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