We’re thankful that the Soap Factory hasn’t succumbed to the condo craze that’s underway along the riverfront–in fact, this beloved and off-beat art venue stands to take on a higher profile once it’s surrounded by posh lofts and the spiffy folks who dwell in them. Already the Factory is stepping up to the plate: Rumor has it that this will be the year that the space doesn’t have to close down entirely during the colder months. Either way, it’s opening its 2006 season with yet another sprawling and ambitious exhibition. 8x8x8 LON/MSP/NYC features twenty-four emerging artists from Minneapolis, New York City, and London; the Soap Factory is the first stop as it tours each city, with the intention of demonstrating that art of equivalent range and quality is coming from these very different places. The work in the show runs the gamut from paintings, drawings, and sculptures to sound, video, and performance pieces. Second St. S.E. & Fifth Ave. S.E., Minneapolis; 612-623-9176; www.soapfactory.org
Month: April 2006
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Axis of Praxis: Nate Lowman
This is art for, and by, the kids who sat in the back of the bus–sardonic takes on violence, sex, media, politics, and the mishmash of all of them that constitutes a large share of contemporary culture. Nate Lowman specializes in this by taking elements from that culture and messing with them via silkscreens, spraypaint, Xeroxes, posters, snapshots, and other plebian means. Part of his show (and its title) is also a comment on the vogue for artistic collaborative teams. Lowman asked a half-dozen artists to make a work by using one of his own bullet-hole silkscreen canvases (which themselves recall Warhol); then he followed suit by making another work in response to the one returned to him. The result is multiple layers of irony, sass, and theoretical stuff that can be overly heady–good thing the art remains down and dirty. 527 Second Ave. S.E., Minneapolis; 612-605-4504; www.midwaycontemporaryart.org
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Wining and Buying
There are several ways to get a free glass of wine in this city. You can attend one of the various “ladies nights” and be ogled by drunkards like a monkey in a zoo, or you can drop by a newly completed condominium project for its opening reception. One pleasant Saturday afternoon, in search of gratis Shiraz, my girlfriend Mary and I got dressed up, slipped on heels, and motored downtown to Minneapolis’ historic Whitney Hotel, where there was a reception to show off the building’s new loft conversions. Sure, I’d been toying with the idea of upgrading from the condo I currently own, but the Whitney, at $450 per square foot, wasn’t remotely within the realm of possibility, so long as I wanted my new home to measure more than, say, 250 square feet. I had been promised “real-estate porn,” however, and that is something I quite like.
We parked a half-block away, in the self-serve Portland Parking Ramp (later responsible for eating Mary’s last twenty-spot). As we approached the front entrance we were greeted by a half-dozen flannel- and denim-clad gentlemen who handed out fliers alleging that some laborers on the Whitney project had been overworked and underpaid. Their small protest was timed to coincide with the upper-crust showing I was about to crash.
Once inside the hotel, now called the Whitney Landmark Residence, Mary and I carefully pulled off our shoes (per the herd), so as not to fudge up the freshly laid hardwood. Playing potential tenants, we breezed through two model units—they were sprawling with high ceilings, and draped in all manner of romantic tapestry. Finally, Mary and I located the reception-area spread. There, we contented ourselves with melted brie, stuffed olives, chocolate-dipped strawberries, and peppered crackers. Near the buffet, representatives from interior design studios and fancy plumbing shops had set up trade-show displays and were doling out business cards. (You buy the condo at $450 per foot, but fundamentals such as bathroom fixtures are left entirely up to you.) Among these design-industry aesthetes, the norm was black suit jackets, blunt-cut hairdos, and pointy-toed shoes.
“Who buys these things?” I asked the Whitney’s chief financier, the nice fellow who’d invited me to the party. He said it was mostly suburban empty-nesters and the occasional trust-funder. As the room filled with potential buyers—by now funneling out of the models and sidling up to the buffet—there was a swelling current of contemporary-casual wear. Eyeleted, Ann Taylor sweater sets and Liz Claiborne-style chinos were the favored attire among women; for the men it was golf shirts and khakis. They were still stocking footed, all.
We left the party within forty-five minutes and walked out the front doors, only to find that the teamster rally had grown ten-fold. A few women had joined the fray; I locked eyes with one weathered-looking character who had long, frizzy hair and a royal blue baseball jacket. A party bus had parked nearby and rolled down its windows, flooding the scene with an ambient 93X broadcast. First Street was clogged with pickup trucks and work boots. “These are my people,” I said to Mary, in all seriousness. I felt a pang of guilt for having crossed their picket line. I grew up in a devotedly union household, and was raised to sympathize with welders and machine operators, to understand that the deck is stacked, that the rich get richer. But because I’d managed to claw my way to a more comfortable socioeconomic rung, something of me remained inside—in and among the Whitney’s exposed heating ducts.
Two days later, the clash of cultures still bothered me. I emailed the financier to ask how the protest had turned out. “The union stuff was mostly a non-event,” he wrote. “Other than people maybe mistaking it for a tailgating party.”
—Christy DeSmith
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Minnesota Dreamin'
A few weeks ago, when the Powerball was around $300 million, one of the chefs at my day job took up a collection among the employees at five bucks a head to buy as many tickets as he could. “Remember the Lunch Ladies!” he said. And so almost everybody pitched in for her share, and we had one of the best workdays ever. The driving force was the series of great, spotty conversations we had throughout the day as each of us considered what we’d do with our multi-million-dollar cut. I guess that’s what you’re really paying for when you buy a ticket. The dream.
Some of us knew right away what we’d do. For others it was a fantastic exercise in imagining a Donald Trump-style, full-tilt boogie cash wallow. For those folks, it wasn’t a matter of if they’d quit their day jobs or whom they would sever ties with. It was a matter of how they would do those things. One guy spoke wistfully of paying his mother-in-law a monthly stipend if she’d say things to him like, “You’re right!” and “I’m so glad my daughter married you!” for the rest of their natural lives. He guessed it probably would cost him about five hundred dollars a month, a bargain.
Later, I asked my husband what he would do with a few extra mil, and he said that he might quit his job. He wouldn’t make a big production out of it; there would be no rebel yells or end-zone strutting. He’d just come in, announce that it was his last day, and knock one item off every desk he passed on his way out.
“Of course I wouldn’t be selfish about it,” he said. “I’d probably buy the freedom of one of my fellow slaves, my best friend. My best friend would be determined on the spot by a talent competition. Break dancing, yodeling, whatever people felt comfortable with.”
I’ve never been rich, but once when I was in my mid-twenties, I had about forty thousand in the bank, cash. I don’t exactly remember what happened to it, although according to my journals from that time, it looks like I spent it all on eyeliner and beer. You don’t have to tell me what happens when money comes before breeding.
I know money can’t buy happiness. What it can buy are things, and sometimes things can make people very happy. Let’s say that someone in your field of vision parades his new thing in front of you. You can go out and purchase a bigger, newer thing to assuage your deep-seated fear of irrelevancy. The same feeling of satisfaction can be had whether you’re on Lake Street shopping the Jacklyn Smith collection under the Blue Light or off on safari in a $2,500 Ralph Lauren khaki camisole, hunting the magic goose that craps Fabergé eggs.
But if I came into a sudden fortune, I’d want to make sure it bought an experience, some form of change. That’s why I think I’d buy a congressman. The idea came to me when I learned that Rep. Randall “Duke” Cunningham kept an actual price list for bribes, noting how much defense lobbyists would have to slip him in order to win multi-million-dollar Pentagon contracts. “Duke” is in the slammer now, after pleading guilty to tax evasion, conspiracy to commit bribery, and a raft of other charges. I wonder if he has a new bribe menu posted in his prison cell. “1 pack Camels = 10 mins. of ‘personal services.’”
I know just the congressman I’d buy. That guy from Texas’ 22nd District, Tom DeLay. As the money man for the Republican Congress these last six years, he understands the role that moolah plays in politics, so I wouldn’t have to spell it out for him. Also, I expect he’d come pretty cheap right now, since, after being indicted on felony money-laundering and conspiracy charges, he announced his plans to retire from Congress. News reports say he’s down to the last $1.3 million in his legal-defense fund, so it’s a buyer’s market.
Once I had The Hammer in hand, I’d make him vote against all of his current positions. It would be fun to force him to make a stirring farewell speech calling for universal health care, lobbying reform, and a stop to the gerrymandering of political districts. I’d keep him on retainer for life, so even if Fox News hired him as a commentator, I could order him to advocate for clean government, the separation of church and state, and bipartisan cooperation. That would drive him crazy!
Finally, if he’s convicted, I’d make The Exterminator serve his full term without any wussy pleading for a pardon or assignment to a country club prison. I’d have him ask to go to a real hellhole where he could apply his experience with rats and cockroaches. Not only could he contribute there, he could grow. As the new guy on the cellblock he would learn to forge alliances and earn influence without corrupt outlays of cash and expensive gifts. He might find that a little tenderness goes a long way.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m cleaning out my change jar and heading over to the gas station.
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Top Grrrrl
Last December, the Girls and I decided to embark on a Self-Esteem Workshop in Las Vegas. While our goal was to master all four steps toward better self-esteem (drinking, dancing, eating, and spas), I was certainly most interested in the LV food scene.
Our first dinner was scheduled in the very new and very chic Wynn Hotel at Okada, rumored to be the best sushi place in town. It was a complete disaster.
Most of the sushi was nothing special (I’ve had comparable if not better at Fujiya and Origami), but more importantly our service was abominable. Not only did our server “team” not communicate well with each other, they didn’t communicate well with us. When I asked for a single glass of Otokayama Sake to go with a special appetizer I wanted, our server tried to push a carafe on me, over and over again. When I explained it was just for me, just for this dish, she literally told me how ridiculous she thought I was. She also told one of the Girls, “You really don’t want a Lychee martini, I think they taste horrible.” I can take a little bit of pushiness and self-importance, some of the young ones haven’t been properly trained in the art of service and I can forgive that indiscretion. But after our initial order we were summarily ignored. Our buzz had worn off, our glasses and plates sat empty and any attempt to catch someone’s eye was brushed off.
Needless to say, I was worried about the rest of the weekend. We had reservations at top-notch restaurants, but if they were all going to be like Okada, I would rather hit a buffet.
The next night we headed to the Vegas outpost of Tao, the hip New York Asian restaurant. We sat down among the beautiful people, Derek Jeter over here, Magic Johnson over there, and waited for our potentially crappy server.
To the contrary. Our server was a kick-ass fireball who understood we were there to cocktail and eat food that we’d have no idea how to make at home. She asked us what kinds of food we liked, and made recommendations for the first small course. Based on those stellar offerings, we let her choose the main course for us. Light, spicy, tangy, healthy, rich, she took four women, sized us up and hit the mark dead-on with dishes that we all loved in part or completely.
We were pals at this point, she told us nasty celebrity gossip and we related our Okada experience. She wasn’t surprised, she’d actually worked in one of the opening kitchens at the Wynn. In fact, cooking was her true passion. Wait a minute, this girl is a kitchen girl? It’s hard to find those gems that can work the back of the house and the front of the house with ease and aplomb.
We verily gushed our appreciation for a fabulous night, she had saved Vegas for me. Before we were about to leave, laughing about what a fun bunch we’d been, she confided in us something she hadn’t even told any of her fellow workers. She was going to be on a reality cooking show airing sometime in March. She said she couldn’t tell us who won or anything, but that we should watch for her on the Bravo network.
The red-haired Tiffani Faison, the kick-ass kitchen chick, is our girl on Bravo’s Top Chef. And I have to tell you, I think she’s going to take it all. She is smart, intuitive, and driven. She sees things black & white, like all the great kitchen leaders do. She creates great dishes because she can read the task and figure out how to deliver. On Wednesday, you can catch nearly all the episodes leading up to the new one at 9pm. Root for Tiffani.
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It's Early, But It's Getting Ugly In A Hurry For Rondell
Maybe Rondell White is going to snap out of his slump in spectacular fashion any day now and reward the confidence Ron Gardenhire has shown in him by writing his name in the clean-up spot night after night.
This is a guy, after all, with a career .289 batting average, who’s never hit lower than .270 in a season. In his abbreviated season last year with Detroit, White hit .313 in 374 at bats.
Maybe he really has been discombobulated by the designated hitter role, even though he’s done a bit of DH duty over the last few years and knew coming into the season that that was going to be his primary responsibility with the Twins.
Still, holy shit, White’s 2006 start has been absolutely brutal on so many levels, and truly painful to watch. It’s been even worse, of course, precisely because he has been the DH, and isn’t contributing in any other way.
The numbers are really something to behold: Four hits in 47 at bats. One extra base hit (a double). Sixteen strikouts and zero walks. An .085 batting average, and .100 on base percentage.
And, sorry, but you can’t avoid this number, either: $2,500,000.
I know that 47 at bats aren’t a fair barometer, but they sure seem to be enough to have messed with Rondell’s head in a big way. What do you think the chances are at this point that White will end up making a significant contribution to this team? And can the Twins still have a competitive season if they get nothing from him?
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Another Good And Sturdy Word: Hogwash

It was hogwash, if you really want to know the long and short of it. Pure and utter hogwash.
He knew damn well that he had better words than the words he’d been spitting at the world. He believed all sorts of decent things that, for some reason he couldn’t entirely understand, he wasn’t willing to publicly acknowledge. He was, in fact, a true believer, in all the biggest and most ridiculous things. At some moment in every day he would find himself paralyzed by pure, idiot wonder.
So much of what the world routinely served up to him –sights, sounds, smells, and all manner of sensation and random encounter– struck him as nothing less than magic and miracles. Yet at the bottom of the day, when he finally got around to sitting down with a pen in his fingers, all the gaunt terrors of memory and the moment would rise up in his head in their black robes, and he would find himself describing not a world of wonders, but the dreariest sort of pedestrian nonsense.
It was as if he had never known anything but desperation, confusion, anxiety, guilt, and futility. He had, of course, known all those things, but what really saved him and made him the person he helplessly was, a person so very grateful to be alive, were all those glimmering moments of wonderful strangeness and beauty and bursts of random hilarity and happiness.

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Stupid Executive Tricks
David Carr, a native Twin Citizen, has carved out a nice niche at the New York Times as a media columnist. After a couple years on the media beat, he recently rose a notch up the masthead. His byline has ripened into a headline, and he gets to insert informed commentary into his semi-regular stories on the media biz. So far, so good–I’ve enjoyed his work a lot, and I think today’s piece on the Strib was well reported and nicely written. It helps to have the contacts he has from his years as editor of the Twin Cities Reader, these many years dead and gone. The gist of today’s piece is that the non-journalists at the Strib seem to have lost their humor entirely. Perhaps it was the failed play at landing blue-chip advertisers with enough namedropping and styling credits. Perhaps it stung to be publically humiliated for being penny-wise and pound-foolish. Funny thing about executive hubris, it has a way of biting you on the ass, and at some point the nickel-counters at the Newspaper of the Twin Cities have to realize that they keep sitting on the whoopie cushion, so maybe they should stop sitting down; the redder they get, the harder everyone else laughs. I have to say, it would be fun to be a fly on the Strib’s Intranet today.
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V6 is for Vendetta

The Peugeot looks good, and boy, will it back up!As a “Car Guy” ages it becomes important to maintain a certain dose of what Henri Bergsson called “elan vital.” This can be translated to mean a spirit for life. I could find a suitable substitute in English but this would betray my continental bias toward culture. Our country is just too young to have perfected the art of enjoying life. The French seem to exhibit a remarkable capacity for doing nothing but.
It is in this spirit, therefore that I wish to offer a Francophilian perspective on what ails my all too many American “Car Guys.” For some reason they seem to feel that ecological sensitivty is important when buying an automobile. So they buy hybrids with small engines. The true car guy will always keep a Porsche (or similar subsitute) in the garage to remain both suave and sensible.
It is when his little automotive appliance becomes his sole mode of transport that I begin to feel like merde for mon ami. At this moment in his life, he should be striking back at life instead of settling for the “approximated” driving experience of his Prius.
Now before you get too hot there Iron John, recognize that the Road Rake will never cut anyone down to size simply because they prefer driving a sewing-machine sized (and equivalently powered) car. My vendetta is against all those who fail to test drive a brilliant new alternative called the Lexus GS 450h. From the advertising, “Working seamlessly together, an invigorating V6 gas engine and a dynamic electric motor produce 339 horsepower – equivalent to many V8s.”
Better yet, the Lexus GS 450h is available now for 51k (less than a 540) and does 0-60 in 5.2 seconds–right up there with the Porsche in the garage. This Lexus is proof that stereotypes can be shattered in seconds (to borrow again from the ad).
Speaking of stereotypes, I have had quite enough about the French, as well. When I get around to it, I will paste in the ad that inspired this little blog. It was an ad for a brilliantly-styled new Peugeot with the headline “Men are back.” While it suffered from the akward translation that French car ads often fall prey to in Italian fashion magazines (I think I saw it in Vogue) it struck me as just right. A French car company, at least, would say something like that and might even deliver on it (they’ve designed some great cars lately, and they don’t care what you think.)
I am sad that I cannot say the same for GM or Ford. Their advertising lacks any form of inspiration (remember any?) Their cars are so bad they put people out of work at alarming rates (sorry to hear about the Ford plant, but what did you expect?) Most of all, they lack vitality.
I hestitate to call these companies “American.” The 89-year Carrol Shelby is an American. He has talked about building a 500 plus horsepower hybrid next year. He is a devotee’ of Colin Champan, an Englishman, who designed perhaps the seminal small sportscar of his generation, the Lotus Elan. The type of car (in addition to the above Lexus) that could prove vital to both aging car guys and companies alike.
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Sigh
An abbreviated rant: At one of the “experimental” theater productions I attended over the weekend, they were distributing a lil’ pamphlet called “How To Look At New Work,” and it was about the most condescending thing I’ve ever seen.
It was enough to send a girl shopping, and that’s about all I did on Saturday afternoon. So, today I’m giving myself a wee break from all the usual art opening/theater-going/movie-watching crapola to cover one of life’s simpler pleasures… In my lucky case, this actually does qualify as work-related because a) I do happen to edit The Rake‘s Fashion Page. Pfft! and b) My best friend Andrea is engrossed in writing herself a lil’ clothing-themed cabaret, commissioned by The Tulsa Light Opera Company, to be performed this summer in the beautiful “Paris of the South,” ya’all; and, in this process, she has been bouncing ideas off me from time to time.
In any case… I (unapologetically) live in Uptown, okay. Now, I like Marshall Field’s as much as the next guy but most of my clothing purchases are made on-the-fly as I duck into, say, Local Motion, or the doubly dangerous Intoto, while en route to the grocery store. (Just one of the perils of living in a “walkable” neighborhood: this is not easy on the pocketbook.)
Local Motion has long been the staple of my rounds, and for that reason I’m thankful it’s just around the corner from where I live. But Ivy, which is tucked deep inside of Calhoun Square and doesn’t even get any natural sunlight, is my current fave. How did this happen?
As I mentioned on Friday, I’ve all but had it with uber-girlie embellishments. Designers have been throwing all manner of lace, bead, and rickrack onto their ready-wear for too long. Enough already! What I’m looking for these days are clean lines–and by that, I do not mean the bygone 1990s version of Gap-esque simplicity. No, minimalism doesn’t preclude fine details… My ideal dress, for example, is composed of many straight, clean lines–lest they be pleats, which I’m so, so very done with.
So, as today’s Secret, I leave you with this link to my new favorite clothing label: Rhus Ovata. Ivy sells it, although the store also stocks plenty of distracting sparkle. I am now the proud owner of a pink Rhus Ovata shirt, made of intermittent cotton and terrycloth panels, and a gray frock/dress–a creature too complicated to be described, yet it still manages to come across as a minimalist masterpiece. These purchases set me back a ways, since Rhus Ovata clothing does not come replete with a minimalist price.
I promise to tackle something “smarter” and more gender-neutral on Wednesday. Maybe National Poetry Month! Wait, no…