Month: April 2006

  • Right Now, I Will Say Only This: Patience, Pilgrims

    The Twins are 1-3. So are the White Sox and the Yankees. The Detroit Tigers are 4-0.

    Should we draw any conclusions from this information? We should not. Of course we should not. Surely there is not one among us who is that foolish or that rash.

    I have promised myself that I will not bitch until at least late April, and that I will not panic until June.

    Based on the very small sample size of the data at hand we can certainly say that the team’s pitching has been…well, it has been mostly shit. I have faith that it will get better, much better.

    What choice do I have? It is early April, and this is a month of faith and promise, of potential and resurrection. For a baseball fan, April is delusion’s safe harbor.

    I hope that this will not be construed as bitching, but like many other Twins fans I cannot understand the decision to send Jason Bartlett back to Rochester. It doesn’t make a lick of sense to me, but for the time being I will accept that decision, and I will accept Juan Castro at shortstop.

    I’m also going to go out on a limb and express my modest support for Tony Batista, who does not look nearly so fat as advertised. I understand the grumbling about the man, and understand that he has a career on base percentage of .298. But I also find it somewhat impressive that Batista had 32 home runs and 110 RBI for the 2004 Montreal Expos, a team that went 67-95. He has hit thirty home runs three times in his Major League career (and forty homers once, in 2000, for Toronto) and driven in 100 in four seasons. His career slugging percentage is .458. He is allegedly only thirty-two years old, and is said to be a first-rate clubhouse character.

    Yes, I suppose Batista will make a lot of outs. There are, though, plenty of other current Twins who have a history of making a lot of outs, and not many of them (none of them, in fact) have hit thirty home runs. Ever.

    One of my all-time favorite Twins was Gary Gaetti. Gaetti made a lot of outs. He had a career OBP of .308. He also hit a shitload of home runs. Granted, Batista can’t play third base the way Gaetti could, not by a long shot, and that fact probably has a good deal to do with the fact that Juan Castro is now the team’s starting shortstop rather than Jason Bartlett.

    Still, it’s early April, and I’m going to reserve judgment on Tony Batista. My earnest hope is that he will not be nearly so bad as so many people seem to hope he will be, and I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would hope such a thing.

  • Feeding a Gaggle

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    Dahling, those pants are simply divoon!

    The Challenge
    There is a gaggle of women coming to my house for dinner Saturday night. Women and food. This is a complicated arena in which to perform. The last time we all got together, there was (in my opinion) too much talk about who was too fat and who was envious of whose legs. Nobody was mean, in fact it was mostly self-deprecating which is worse if you ask me. But I saw how they were looking at the food, taking only a sliver of this, pushing that around their plate, denying themselves the dessert completely. The complexity of women seems greatly evident in their differing relationships to food.

    Now that I am hosting, my challenges are:
    1. Different grades of palates, some sophisticated some not.
    2. Creating a menu so that they won’t eat self-consciously and run directly to an all-night Pilates class after dinner.
    3. Putting out something interesting, as is always expected at my house.

    The Menu
    Flat breads and cheeses for early nosh. Plus, Escargots Vol au Vent. This is the rogue dish of the evening, snails in puff pastry with herby butter. The daring and intrepid will try them, some will be surprised and like them, some will not be able to surmount the textural issues. Some won’t even hazard a try, but I don’t care because it just means more for me.

    Steak Salad. Replicating the one I ate at Pop! the other day, I’m using mixed greens dressed with a simple balsamic vinaigrette and crumbled Maytag blue cheese. Grilled and sliced flank steak will be laid over the top. This should satisfy the Gluten-Free girl and the Carb-Avoiders.

    Couscous with Grilled Chicken. Using whole wheat couscous should satisfy the South Beachers. Couscous also challenges some people to think differently about what a starch offering can be.

    Haricots Verts. With a kicky shallot dressing, these little French beans taste like Spring to me. They are good for everyone and so cute they won’t intimidate the Non-Veggers.

    Creme Fraiche Chocolate Cupcakes. They’ll never know there’s creme fraiche in there until I tell them. They come out with a slightly tangy bite that pairs well with the dark chocolate. I’m topping them with a dollop of rum-sweetened mascarpone and an edible flower. Too pretty to pass up.

    In the end, we will laugh more than we gripe and probably drink too much wine to even taste the food or remember to care about the size of our rumps.

  • Gateway Drugs on the Silver Screen

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    THE NOIR SMOOTHIE

    “Brick”, 2006. Written and directed by Rian Johnson (and with a cool website that features a glossary). Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Matt O’Leary, Nora Zehetner, Lukas Haas, Noah Fleiss, Noah Segan, Emilie de Ravin, Meagan Good, and Richard Roundtree.

    First of all, I have to admit that I’m a sucker for any screenplay whose characters use words like “yegg” and “shamus” in conversation. And let me also state for the record that I would have loved, adored, admired, worshipped, forced all my friends to see, and memorized every line of dialogue in Brick when I was in high school. Now older, I can still admire this film even though its lack of heart bugs me. That said, Brick is a brilliantly shot, sharply written, well acted, ultimately soulless, and thoroughly entertaining film. And if there’s not enough quotes to be had from that paragraph, you publicists aren’t doing their job.

    Brick is film noir. Noir, in case you didn’t know it, is the perfect balm for hateful teens. Brick does these poor souls a great service in taking this wonderful movie tradition and fusing it perfectly into a high school environment. In fact, this is a world so controlled by teens that they can blast gunshots in broad daylight, get knifed in school corridors, beat the tar out of one another in mall and school parking lots, and hide bodies in broad daylight without the intervention of the bulls–which means cops–or teachers or parents. In fact, such is the triumph of teenage life that whole gangs of violent, color-coded teens, in for a ‘sit-down’ can be served country-style apple juice by ignorant moms. I can already hear the squares mounting the challenge that there are virtually no adults in this world, that the folks are impotent, that these kids drink and take drugs freely, and what a lousy influence this is. Well, the squares can go fuck themselves. Back in my day we had to waste our time with John Hughes’ yearly offering (like Breakfast Club)–today’s kids are much better served with Brick’s nod to Hammett, Chandler, and all its thievery from Miller’s Crossing. They are especially well treated by a film so rich in dialogue–man, I would have memorized half this film and been muttering “he knows every two-bit reef-worm in the burg and where they eat their lunch”, and bugging the hell out of all my friends and teachers.

    The story is as convoluted as anything Raymond Chandler ever scribbled, full of twists and turns and even dead bodies and kids in comas. It opens, for Christ’s sake, with our hero, Brendan (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), staring at the body of his former girlfriend Emily (Emilie de Ravin) laying face down in a ditch, and plays in flashback for a little while. Fortunately, Brick isn’t interested in the silly games of Memento–it’s a labyrinth designed to build an atmosphere for our players to strut their stuff, not for the director to pull the rug from under you. Brendan, a thin, bespectacled loner is reminiscent of Tom Regan from the aforementioned Miller’s Crossing (a great, great movie, by the way). Like Tom, he gets by on his wits and has the living shit beat out of him every fifteen minutes or so. After the fast-forward of Emily’s death, Brendan receives a mysterious note asking him to stand at a streetcorner one afternoon. The payphone rings, he answers it. Emily is calling about the brick. It’s a problem, she fucked up, she’s got to go, hangs up. And disappears for awhile. Of course, we know she’s dead, or will die eventually, and we’ll soon learn what the brick is (though my first thought, that it’s a brick of drugs, proved correct). Throughout, not only does Brendad use these hardboiled terms–‘yegg’, ‘bull’, ‘shamus’–but he’s fed a diet of new terms that he, and the audience, have to eventually figure out, like ‘pin’ and ‘brick’ and ‘tug’. On top of that Brendan has to first find her and then, after she’s croaked, get to the bottom of her murder. In the process, he works for both a drug dealer named The Pin (Lukas Haas) and his rebellious muscle Tugger (Noah Fleiss) and plays them against one another. He also pushes around stoner Dode (Noah Segen) who will eventually throw a bong into the works and gum things up. And, again, if you’ve seen Miller’s Crossing you might notice that these three characters so resemble Caspar, the Dane and Brenie Bernbaum it’s scary. Of course, the Coen’s movie was itself a mishmash of Hammett’s Glass Key and Red Harvest. No matter. In my mind, these are the kind of influences that might just pry the kids away from “Grand Theft Auto” and eventually stick their noses into some musty Jim Thompson novels or Howard Hawks movies.

    Jesus, I wish Brick had been released twenty years ago. There’s a lot for teenagers to learn here: how could I have known that the key to fighting is an ability to get pummeled and kick people’s shins? Oh, yes, and to throw your whole flimsy body into every punch. Even more alluring, the film makes high school seem like a hotbed of sex and intrigue. Brick is peopled with the likes of elfin Lukas Haas, wearing a black cape, carrying a raven’s head cane and eating oatmeal cookies with his mom; Noah Fleiss as the muscle-bound dope who eventually warms up to our hero; sexy Megan Good as a teenage drama-queen chanteuse; and, of course, you’ve got your mysterious woman, Nora Zehetner. And the nerdy Brendan gets to flit in and out of every scene? And hit on by on the gorgeous young women? Did I mention I would have seen this thing twenty times when I was fifteen?

    Brick is not without its faults: making Brendan heartsick and possibly the father of the murdered girl’s child is a silly and emotionally hollow sidetrack. The film also takes place in what must be the only California (or U.S.) high school without a single Asian or Hispanic student.

    But Brick is an impressive first film, just the kind of movie that brings some excitement to a jaded movie critic and surly youth looking to find something to ignite their dreary evenings. With a dynamite soundtrack (with cow bells and wind chimes), gorgeous cinematography, and a Byzantine plot, Brick’s going to become the focus of some lonely teen’s healthy obsession.

    MR. WENDERS, AMERICA NEEDS YOUR CAMERA

    “Don’t Come Knocking”, 2006. Directed by Wim Wenders, Screenplay by Sam Shepard (from hundreds of late-night stories betwixt Wenders and Shepard). Starring Sam Shepard, Jessica Lange, Tim Roth, Gabriel Mann, Sarah Polley, Fairuza Balk, Eva Marie Saint, George Kennedy, James Gammon, and way down the credits list (“Garbageman”) a fellow with the fantastic name of Rockey Whipkey.

    So in the last four years, Wim Wenders and Sam Shepard would get together here in Minnesota to write Don’t Come Knocking. They’d walk across the frozen St. Croix river, snowshoeing across snow-crusted plains, to a little cabin that needed firewood to heat itself. One night, after tossing some old wood in the chimney (as Wim put it), the place suddenly filled with ladybugs, probably hiding out in the bark. Wim loves ladybugs. So he collected them, gathered some up, gingerly placed them outside. Then Sam comes in and flips out. “Those aren’t ladybugs!” he barks. “They’re Japanese beetles and they bite!” Slapping the bugs off themselves, Wim and Sam chased around clouds of Japanese beetles with an old-fashioned vacuum cleaner, sucking the bastards right up.

    “I always thought there was a place for that story in Don’t Come Knocking,” Wim said, with a laugh.

    Well, I don’t know why it failed to make the cut, because God damn if every other story’s isn’t in there.

    Don’t Come Knocking is a great big mess. It is a spew of conflicting stories with a wonderful atmosphere, shot through with amazing color and an eye for people, frustrating and unevenly acted. Perhaps if I were under the influence of some recreational drug the movie might come across as a masterpiece. Sober and alert it is disappointing but still one of my favorite movies of this young season.

    As I mentioned, Wim said it took four long years to make Don’t Come Knocking. Wim and Sam would gather together sporadically, scratching out a story and a screenplay, but mostly trying to come up with someone who would throw together enough money to make the thing. Personally, I think this is in insane. Wenders is no Orson Welles, hiding away to drink and eat up the profits (literally) and then fleeing to distant lands with cans of film under his hefty arms. No, Wenders delivers the goods, and on time, but the goods don’t make much money. True, sometimes his work is awful. But when Wim Wenders hits, his movies are sublime. For the most part, he hits in Don’t Come Knocking. And if some of the idiots in Hollywood ever got it through their thick heads to release his movies around the country, all at once like they do with shit like Failure to Launch, I think everyone would make some more money, and maybe he’d make more movies. Which is good for everyone.

    The facts, which are like summarizing a drunken evening with a friend: Sam Shepard plays Howard, a down on his luck actor, once a big star whose career has cometed into the ground. He’s constantly inebriated, screws around, and one day hops on his horse and barrels away from the set of his latest movie and through the desert. Then, in a lovely scene, he trades his movie duds and fine horse to an old fart out in the desert. The old codger insists on keeping his beat up sweaty old hat–“You can’t have my hat!” he insists, and Howard agrees, walking away in his red socks.

    Howard makes a beeline to his mother’s house, the mom played by Eva Marie Saint with her usual cool. While he’s hiding there, living in the basement and poring over his mother’s scrapbooks containing gossipy articles of his misdeeds (I don’t get that either), she informs Howard that a woman called years ago to say that he’s got a son (mom and son have been estranged for decades). So Howard borrows his mother’s old Packard automobile and drives to Butte, Montana to see Doreen (Jessica Lange) who he thinks is the mother of this child. There he meets the bipolar Earl (Gabriel Mann), his son, a young fellow who croons with a weirdo band and who hates Howard almost instantly. Also, Sky (Sarah Polley) is hiding out in the shadows, carrying her recently departed mother’s ashes around in a blue vase. She believes herself to be Howard’s daughter.

    The whole time, Tim Roth is an insurance detective hired by the movie company to track Howard down to finish filming. Along the way, Howard wanders around Butte, Montana, which is the real star of this film. Butte’s a lonely, lovely town, a place that looks as if it stepped out of an Edward Hopper painting. And Wenders does his level best to make it look like a Hopper, with a rich palette of colors and sunlight and shadow. Butte, Wenders pointed out, was ripe for filmmaking: the last movie to be filmed there was a biography of native son Evel Knievel. And, noir fans, it was also the town that Hammett’s Red Harvest was supposedly based in (Wenders said that).

    Don’t Come Knocking doesn’t seem to care about its plot, which is probably good, because it has more holes in it than my old cardigans after five years of abuse. Sam Shepard isn’t very convincing as a former movie star–the guy is, first and foremost, aging badly, looking very much like the old bastards that haunt cheap bars, clicking their dentures between sips of gin. And Jessica Lange, normally a genius, is given a role that doesn’t seem to suit the story–the rambling, enjoyable nature of the film is often undermined by her shrill explosions of emotion that come as a disconcerting shock. There are a million inconsistencies if you think too closely about the plot–why doesn’t anyone recognize this aging star with his picture hanging prominently in the saloon, Lange couldn’t think to contact Howard any other way than through his mother, and etc., etc.

    Despite this, Don’t Come Knocking is full of charm and easy on the eye. The music is wonderful, as is usual in a Wenders film (you could do no better than stock your collection with his soundtracks, whether or not you’ve seen the films). There are a number of beautiful, beautiful scenes, such as the young Earl, pissed at his father, throwing the contents of his apartment through his window, then sitting in the street, tapping his foot on a garbage can lid, playing out his blue on a guitar hooked to his Pignose amp. All the while his girlfriend, played with bravado by Fairuza Balk, dances on the couch beneath an oil well with an American flag flapping in the bright blue sky.

    Wenders is not interested in making a heavy point here; he celebrates this country and its beauty subtly and without the usual blather we’ve come to expect in this post 9/11 world. In fact, watching Don’t Come Knocking, it’s as if George W. was never elected. Which is reason enough to enjoy the film.

    But it’s also the kind of movie I’d want to have seen in my hometown, the kind of movie kids should see. Between Don’t Come Knocking and Brick, you’ve got a wonderful start to a kid’s lifelong love of movies. In fact, I remember being blown away by the videotape of Wenders’ Wings of Desire and the Coen’s Blood Simple. Those films saved me in the burg of Mt. Pleasant, helping me to realize that Tom Cruise doesn’t have to be in every movie. But now Wenders–who helped both Nicholas Ray and Antonioni get back on their feet–can barely get financing. And Brick’s going to play in the big cities and vanish. And that fear–fear of quality films from uneven, but brilliant, minds–is why Hollywood is such a wasteland.

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  • Falling on the Sword

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    This is similar to the one Mark Antony used

    Just when you think George Bush can’t get any stupider, this comes along. Oops, it seems George himself authorized the leak of classified information.

    A Strib letter writer suggested this morning (several items down) “It doesn’t matter with the Republican Party whether you are a congressman, a senator or the president — if you cross the line, you fall on your sword.”

    Is releasing classified data for political purposes crossing the line, Mr. Letter Writer? Or do you want to redefine the virture of the Republicans some other way today?

  • Setback for Michele, We Hope

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    We’re voting for Michele

    A Minnesota Senate committee yesterday voted to put a stop to Michele Bachmann’s attempt to put a gay marriage ban amendment on the ballot this fall.

    Before we get all weepy about it, let’s remember what this actually means. A key Republican strategy is to fire up their base of right wing zealots to vote in elections they don’t otherwise have much stake in. (After all, if you believe in Adam and Eve, you probably don’t have much of a head for nuanced politics.) So the GOP tries to get the Fire and Brimstone Set to vote by making it all a referendum on whether we ought to rename Minnesota Sodom and Gomorrah.

    And, who do those primates vote for? People like Michele Bachmann.

    For Michele Bachmann, for God’s sake–instead of for someone like Patty Wetterling, who has actually done more to keep families safe than Michele could possibly imagine?

  • Want You Bad

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    Show me the way

  • Seriously, I'm Asking You Nicely

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    I had this period in my early thirties when I would have what I guess for lack of a better word I’d have to call visions. I once saw a woman –a stout, elderly woman in a disturbingly translucent gown– levitating in the lovely chapel of a huge hospital in the Midwest.

    This chapel was a spectacular and ornate place. It was bigger than many of the Catholic churches I’d attended in my childhood.

    The place was entirely abandoned at the time I saw the levitating woman. It was very late at night, and the chapel was eerily silent and cloaked in shadows. I’m not even sure that what this woman was doing could properly be called levitating; she was actually floating, and hovering around up in the rafters high above the pews, her gown billowing around her and swollen with what appeared to be moonlight.

    In the silence of the chapel I could clearly hear the labored, wheezing respiration of the old woman. She seemed to be having a tough time of it up there. She also seemed to be entirely oblivious to my presence. I wondered if perhaps what I was witnessing was an angel or a saint, although I could recall no instances where such beings had been portrayed as either quite so stout or so elderly.

    I had some change in my pocket, which I proceeded to throw at the woman one coin at a time. I finally managed to hit her, but she didn’t seem to even flinch. Many of the coins I threw ricocheted back down to the marble floor, where they rattled around noisily. I recall listening as several of them rolled all the way down to the altar.

    A short time later the woman disappeared, and I shrugged the whole thing off as an exhaustion-induced hallucination.

    The next morning, however, the word was going around town that some nuns had discovered the body of an old woman on the floor of the hospital chapel, and the local newspaper later reported that the woman had a quarter embedded in her ribcage.

  • That’s More Like It

    Sixteen hits, thirteen runs, three home runs, a grand slam, a nice recovery by Brad Radke, and a swell 2006 debut for Francisco Liriano.

    Very encouraging, I’d say.

    But this is what I really want to know: Rogers Centre? What the hell kind of name for a baseball park is that?

    Seriously, that is just so wrong.

     

  • Children of Persephone

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    It’s time to light the fires. It’s above 45 degrees, it’s time to reclaim cooking outside.

    Nothing is more significant to a warm April evening than the smell of a freshly ignited grill wafting through the neighborhood. I guarantee that campus kids all over town will be huddled around their mini-Webbers, grilling up burgers and dogs to go with their leftover keg beer.

    It’s the same thing that drives us to look for restaurants with open patios on the singular sunny day in March. We’re coming above ground, we’re leaving the coats at home, we’re wearing flip-flops even if our toes are cold. It’s the understood bargain of living here, we are the children of Persephone, escaping Hades for the beautiful and the brief.

    In celebration, I think it’s completely appropriate to burn some food. A crispy blackened hot dog, splitting with exuberance is a fitting tribute to the first frog sounds in the swamp. Daylight Savings allows me to actually see the steak I’m cooking, leaving the pinky warm center uncompromised. I don’t care if the kids are covered in mud, as long as they stay clear of the asparagus while I gently roll it across the hot iron. All this and no bugs.

    But just as Holiday stations started stock-piling bags of charcoal, a story came over the wire about another study showing that grilled meats caused cancer in rats. Does it give me a moment of pause? Do I look at my grill through the window and consider shutting it down? Never.

    I’m not glib to the potential darkness of cancer, quite the contrary. I lost a very important man during the Spring a few years ago. This man was a thunderstorm, sometimes bellowing and causing confusion, but always leaving things greener and fresher in his path. He took nothing for granted, whether it was the last beer in the case or just a good day to take the kids for a ride on the orange tractor. Harding’s cancer came in the worst way possible for someone in our circle, his throat closed and he could no longer swallow food. Yet he still sat with us at dinner, enjoying us enjoying the meal.

    He taught me that it’s not the quantity of life lived, it’s the quality of it.

    I refuse to let the fear keep me underground. Granted, I’m also not going to go and eat three charred chickens everyday either. What I really seek is the balance. I love a blackened rib eye, but this year I’m making sure it’s from Thousand Hills Cattle Company where the grass-fed beef is chocked full of healthy omega-3’s. And certainly I’ll wash it down with a glass of red wine as I watch the sun moving quickly across the sky.

    Light ’em up. Grill on.