Month: August 2006

  • Ain't It Funny How The Night Moves

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    The night doesn’t move at all. It doesn’t budge. It’s like it drops from out of nowhere, and all of a sudden I’m splayed in total darkness on the floor thinking about goats. And I know that it’s going to just squat there over me, to the point where I can’t move and can barely breath until the light makes its appearance.

    I understand, believe me, that it’s a seriously disordered state of affairs.

    Night falls, and I’m paralyzed, and once it rises up off me I’m for damn sure going to be trapped in a worthless stupor all day long. It’s what happens, I guess, when a man loses his grip on the planet and ends up on the floor.

    That part of the whole thing is harder to understand, how something like that can happen to a man. It does, though. People let go, and no matter what anyone tries to tell you, gravity and the solid earth will only allow a man to fall so far.

    If things were the way they should be, a man would fall not down, but up, and would drift right off the planet and into darkest space. As it is, though, they eventually have to dig a hole to allow you to go where life wouldn’t allow you to go except by way of manual labor or tired metaphor.

    Or the better way: they put you in an oven and let you go up in smoke. Have you ever seen the smokestacks of a crematorium? That gray smoke rising into the sky is men falling up out of this world.

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  • You Can Fool Most of the People Most of the Time

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    “You can waste your time on the little lies, but Americans have shown they are even more gullible when you hit them with the whoppers.”

    There was in interesting piece in the Strib this morning, from the Associated Press, noting that half of all Americans still believe that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. That proportion has actually increased from about a third who believed the administration’s fiction a year ago.

    So, you ask yourself: despite all the evidence and reporting to the contrary, why are Americans seemingly getting even stupider?

    One could surmise that those who believe the world was created in six days about 6000 years ago could be made to believe anything, of course. One could also suggest that it’s possible that some of us just haven’t progressed far enough along the evolutionary track to have discerned the difference between fact and fable–whether we’re talking about quantum mechanics or Donald Rumsfeld’s pronoucements.

    Speaking of Rumsfeld, who testified last week before Congress that he’d never been “overly optimistic” about Iraq, well here’s another swamp we’d like to sell you.

    Isn’t it great we have a press that actually does research to get the facts, rather than the lazy he said/she said crap that passes for reporting these days.

    Too bad nobody’s reading newspapers anymore.

  • Madcap Monday in the Park

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    Tonight is, of course, Summer Music and Movies, which is turning this wretched day into the best one of the week. By now my hyperactive thrill for this series should be well known by all half-dozen of my readers, so I’ll spare you the hyperbole, and boil it down :

    Perfect Weather + Perfect Movie + Loring Park + Whatever food and drinks and company you bring along = the ideal summer moviegoing experience. I know nothing of the band Stnnng, except that they play before the movie, and I trust the good folks at the Walker. Bringing Up Baby is a masterpiece, and if you haven’t seen it, you should.

  • Found On Road

    Best new find to stumble upon this weekend: Rewind, a new-ish vintage store in Northeast Minneapolis that keeps pretty terrible hours. (I mean, it’s difficult to get there if you’re working folk–basically Wednesday through Friday until 7 p.m., Saturday till 6). In any case, this store is the new project of Sarah Hoese, who used to sell her 70s garb at Theater Antiques. I bought a HUUUUUGE, navy blue hobo bag and a pair of never-worn brown-n-orange knee-highs. (They still had the $1.99 sticker tag on ’em–presumably from, oh, 1976. But in 2006 they go for $6–still a relative bargain!)

    The other thing I found (while randomly driving about the Wisconsin countryside): Trade River Winery, which isn’t so much a winery as it is a wholesaler/importer of boutique wines. (It’s a family upstart that was dreamed up while mother, father, and son were vacationing in Portugal. So goes the story, they were “drunk and howling at the moon.”) I tried the Elaine Maria Sauvignon Blanc–yum!

  • What I'm about to stumble upon

    Weekend agenda: avoiding the Uptown Art Fair–or rather, its visitors–except on Saturday afternoon, which I’ve reserved for walking about the thing until I find a birthday present for my niece. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve got something against the art fair. (No, I don’t subscribe to the rather ridiculous “It isn’t art and it isn’t fair” mantra.) It’s just that I LIVE in Uptown for heaven’s sake–just around the corner from where the fair begins. It’s a real pain in the butt, see, because, for one, the pilgrims like to go tossing their popsicle sticks and ice cream sandwich wrappers on my lawn. And “the boyfriend” (always with a definite article so that he feels secure), will have trouble finding a parking spot. Me, I have off-street parking… which means I’ll also spend time warding off the crackheads who dare try parking in my spot!

    Other stuff: Fringe Festival. I didn’t make it out “fringing” last night. But my particular picks for the weekend include: 12 Dancing Pricesses, which features my favorite Cafe Barbette barista; Music That Moves, which knocked my socks off at the Fringe Festival preview; and The Doctor Matt Show (Not A Doctor), created by and starring Pioneer Press reporter Matt Peiken, whose book by the same title cracked me up a lil’ bit.

    And on Saturday evening, there’s an opening reception for Fashion Statement: Artists Explore The Realm Where Fashion Collides With Pure Self-expression at Outsiders and Others.

  • From Hijinks to Horror

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    Little Miss Sunshine and (briefly) Talladega Nights and The Descent.

    Little Miss Sunshine, 2006. Directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, written by Michael Arndt. Starring Abigail Breslin, Greg Kinnear, Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Paul Dano, and Alan Arkin.

    Now showing at the Uptown Theater.

    Greg Kinnear looks like a nice, square guy. He’s from Indiana, the nation’s suburb, is the son of a diplomat and has a brother who works for Billy Graham. The guy pledged a frat, speaks fluent Greek, donated money to Bill Bradley’s presidential campaign, and graduated from the University of Arizona. You couldn’t cast Greg as a villain, give him a role as a coal miner, or a salty dog on a whaling ship. Kinnear doesn’t have the ability to play a respectable president, what with his buggy-eyed way of responding to trouble and his aw-shucks method of tossing up his hands in frustration. It goes without saying that Kinnear is a limited actor.

    Jimmy Stewart was also a limited actor, but he remains, in my opinion, one of the finest in American history. Thing is, Stewart knew how to fit into the roles he was given and make them utterly his own. Most importantly, Jimmy had a stretch in the mid 1950s where he challenged himself and his public persona with some of the most bizarre roles in Hollywood’s golden age (most notably Vertigo and Winchester ’73). I mention this because Kinnear has become the closest approximation of Jimmy Stewart we have today, a respectable actor who works within his contexts and makes some startling movies. Kinnear is handsome, he can be wholesome, and he possesses the ability to show the everyman as a simmering, frustrated, yet friendly fellow. He has fabulous comic timing, and will take on films from Auto Focus to Little Miss Sunshine, a range of movies that probably won’t do to increase his appeal to middle America. Greg Kinnear could be our most underrated actor.

    He’s precisely what makes Little Miss Sunshine a success, limited though it is. Cram a VW van full of six wonderful actors working in tandem with one another, and you’ve got something. There’s Kinnear, Steve Carell (the heart of the movie), Alan Arkin (always a joy), the underrated Toni Collette, and newcomers Abigail Breslin and Paul Dano. While the direction is often workmanlike and the script a poor mix of moderately funny lines mixed with dead jokes and fish-in-a-barrel wisecracks, this ensemble works like the Minnesota Twins on a win-streak: unbeatable and fun to watch. Little Miss Sunhine will not garnish any awards for its cast, even though it could be the best acted film so far this year.

    The facts: Frank (Steve Carell) retreats to his sister Sheryl’s (Toni Collette) home after attempting to take his own life. His despondency peaked when his male graduate student, whom he was in love with, left Frank, the top U.S. Proust scholar, for he number two Proustian. Frank’s ill behavior in response to this crisis also cost him his job and nearly his life.

    Sheryl lives with husband Richard (Kinnear) and their family. Theirs is a suburban nightmare, a house whose interior looks last updated in 1987, messy, crowded with people who are tense and frustrated with life and one another. There’s Dwayne (Paul Dano), who is enduring a vow of silence because of his admiration for Nietzsche, and who longs to join the Air Force. Alan Arkin is Grandpa, addicted to heroin, kicked out of his nursing home, who teaches the titular Little Miss Sunshine, Olive (Abigail Breslin), her pageant moves. And Richard is struggling to sell a nine-step motivational program that he created. He is an abject failure, a goofy Willy Loman who is a giant pain in the ass to everyone. Collette’s Sheryl is just trying to keep the family together.

    Young Olive gets news that she has been given a spot in the Little Miss Sunshine pageant in Redondo Beach, California. Because Frank cannot be left alone, he is forced to come along, as is Dwayne, who is given the job of watching over his suicidal uncle. Grandpa has to tag along because he trained Olive. Because plane tickets are far too expensive, the family hits the road in a yellow VW bus. Along the way their clutch goes, the horn gets stuck, they run afoul of a porn-loving cop, and all hell breaks loose at the pageant.

    The screenwriter, Michael Arndt, does a ham-fisted job of getting this group into the van and driving across the country. The film is light on its feet and sharp when the family’s at home, but veers into every imaginable cliche on the road. Not to mention the implausibility and cruelty of the plot: every single dream that Little Miss Sunshine’s characters have is crushed in the course of the film. The only two who don’t have a dream–Grandpa and Sheryl–die or have no real personality. Perhaps the greatest weakness of this film is the latter: Toni Collette, another underrated actress with amazing range (she can be luscious in Japanese Story, poignant in Sixth Sense, and funny here) has no character, whatsoever. She seems to lose her focus after the first ten minutes.

    And Arendt takes cheap shots at an easy target in the pageant, giving us a Southern shrew in charge of the whole mess and a creepy pageant judge who seems a pale shadow of Fred Willard. Since the film isn’t even really about beauty pageants, this comes off as cruel and witless. As a screenwriter, Arendt is so unfocused you can hardly say that the film is about anything–the dad trying to be a success, the kid hungering for meaning, the suicidal uncle, all of these are merely conflicts to create resolution and a few knee-slappers. Little Miss Sunshine has an episodic, HBO TV feel about it, as every conflict is resolved in half hour increments, and the cathartic end is forced.

    This is a shame, because the actors are working these characters for all they’re worth. Kinnear is just golden, struggling to keep his smile pasted on, bringing real dignity to an inglorious character who is forced to eat shit all the way through the movie.

    It is the sheer joy these actors bring to this weak material that makes this film work, and work fairly well. Don’t come to this movie expecting to be floored or even to double over with laughter. But do come to watch six actors doing what they do best.

    Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, 2006. Directed by Adam McKay, written by McKay and Will Ferrell. Starring Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Sacha Baron Cohen, Jane Lynch, Gary Cole, and Amy Adams.

    Now playing everywhere.

    Talladega Nights is yet another feature-length skit-style flick with a former Saturday Night Live cast member, in this case Will Ferrell. It has moments of sometimes sublime laughter, most often those times when Ferrell has to match wits with Sacha Baron Cohen, playing a ridiculous gay French driver. Unfortunately, most of the jokes are awful; many, including what begins as a hilarious scene of Grace at the dinner table, labor on to cringe-inducing moments of painful unfunniness. Clearly, Ferrell and his director/co-writer Adam McKay wanted to skewer the NASCAR circuit–an easy target, in my opinion–but also felt that they needed NASCAR-lovin’ fans to turn out in droves. So the film, while steering clear of true skewering, eventually falls into the tar pit of actual caring, that awful moment in mainstream American comedy where the laughs are set aside and lessons are learned.

    Most egregious in this film is the fact that, once again, we get to see a pair of great comedienne’s talent wasted. Molly Shannon has been reduced to playing shrewish bit parts that undermine both her sexiness and her ability to toss out dialogue with wit and verve, and Jane Lynch, so well used in Christopher Guest’s mock-documentaries, has her style and grace smothered in a caricature of a Southern-fried Grammaw.

    Characters come and go, the plot is a mess, and probably eighty percent of the jokes are lame as the Jeff Gordon-is-a-homo types that NASCAR fans adore.

    The Descent, 2006. Written and directed by Neil Marshall. Starring Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Mendoza, Alex Reid, Saskia Mulder, Nora-Jane Noone, Molly Cayll, Oliver Milburne, and a cast of men and women who are the creepy crawlies.

    Now playing everywhere.

    While waiting in line for The Descent, a young man asked me what I was going to see. When I told him, he shuddered and said, “Oh, man, there’s no way I can see that shit. I live by myself, and those things scare me in the night!” He went, instead, to see Miami Vice, and although I admire his concern over his sleep and mental stability, he made the wrong decision.

    It’s nice to be scared again, and to the point where I was grabbing my wife’s arm and fighting to keep my eyes on the screen. The Descent is about a pack of six friends who meet in a remote cabin in North Carolina to go spelunking. There’s an important, though worthless, subplot in which the main character, Sarah (played by Shauna Macdonald), lost her husband and child a year earlier in a car accident scene reminiscent of Verhoven’s The Fourth Man. Sarah had been out white-water rafting with two friends, Juno and Beth (Natalie Mendoza and Alex Reid) who were with her at the hospital when she learned of her loss.

    Two years after the tragedy, Juno gathers Sarah and Beth and three others to go caving and try to pick up the pieces after the car accident. The early parts of the film, where usually horror films will waste with needless backstory and filler, seem like something written by Jon Krakauer, full of little clues, arrogance and ignorance meeting to create a disaster.

    I’ll thank my lucky stars for The Descent, a film that eschews the usual CGI garbage, and sex-starved teens and cheap scares for genuine frights. The frights are USDA Grade A because the director, Neil Marshall, understands that darkness and confusion, noises and only a dollop of actual violence are what make us frightened.

    Impressively, Marshall has assembled a group of seven young actresses whose job entails acting frightened but responding to their fears with intelligence and strength. There’s screaming, and I’ll say that references to Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley are somewhat unfounded: Ripley is not an extremely well-written character in much of the Alien films (all overrated but the first), whose mythical status and toughness are as subtle as a decapitation. The women in The Descent are people who are educated, who are fit, who work together at first, and who are allowed (unlike Weaver’s Ripley) to be genuinely terrified but not lose their smarts and bravery in the face of this. They have jealousies and rivalries and a plot twist that isn’t a mammoth surprise but is a welcome diversion from the direction the film is going.

    The Descent has a few rough spots, a couple of cheap scares that are unnecessary. But it is great because the dull spots are brief, there is no gaping implausibility (the bane of all horror films), and none of the characters is especially stupid, wandering into dark places just to check out a noise in a closet. Better still, unless you live in a cave, you don’t have to come home and wonder if creatures are hiding under your bed. But you might have a hard time sleeping.

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  • Saucy

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    what are you REALLY thinking about?

    Have you ever eaten with foodie friends who make a ridiculous spectacle of themselves when they taste something amazing? You know, a la Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally?

    I don’t think I do that. I’m hoping and praying I don’t do that, but my friend Terri sent me this slideshow, and now I wonder if that was a hint.

    The only truly orgasmic meal I’ve ever had was a black truffle and foie gras ravioli in a brown butter sauce. One tiny small square, the perfect bite, at Ca L’Isidre in Barcelona.

  • An Annual Occurrence

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    On the first cool nights in late summer the old tribe of mountain giants would dig themselves out of the dirt and come down into town to watch the strippers.

    This was an annual occurrence that had been going on since the go-go bars first opened sometime in the 1950s. By the late years of the 20th century the pilgrimage –if in fact you could call it that– of the giants was attracting news media and tourists from all over the country.

    The giants would come down off the mountain and plod across the long valley south of town. Sometimes they would come alone or in random groups of five or six; other times, and more and more frequently as their visits took on the quality of a ritual, they would make the trek en masse, upwards of thirty giants, dirty and immense and randy as rabbits, parading right down the main street of the town.

    Some of the giants would bring kittens or puppies (and even the occasional lamb or chicken) as offerings to the strippers. It was widely reported that they stole these animals on their way across the valley, where there were ranches spread out for miles between the mountain ranges.

    In the early days of their yearly appearance there had been some notable skirmishes between some of the local cowboys and the giants, but these never ended well for the cowboys. Someone, you might recall, made an awful movie on the subject, a film that played pretty loose with the truth. I can happily report that no cowboys were ever actually killed during these dust-ups. They sustained some pretty serious beatings, and egos were no doubt bruised, but they eventually learned to let the giants have their fun.

    And they certainly did have their fun, but for the most part, I always heard, they comported themselves like perfect gentlemen with the dancers. There was inevitably some hanky panky, of course, yet even the upshot of that unimaginable business (and I can tell you that it wasn’t just the strippers involved; many of the local gals were smitten with the giants as well) was something of a boon to our little community. You’ll find evidence for that as you’re coming into town, on the prominent sign that documents Prentice’s long run of gridiron dominance: Nineteen state high school football championships and counting.

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  • Snack-a-licious

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    Am I the last one to discover these?

    Apparently, they’re at Target so I’m hoping that you’ve all snagged a bag on your way to the dryer-sheet aisle.

    If not, do so.

    Because now that I’ve found them, these Sahale Snacks, these little bags of flavorful nut blends, I am not letting go. In fact, I have three of the five versions in my purse right now.

    Sing Buri is a Thai inspired blend of cashews, peanuts and dried pineapple with lemongrass, Chinese chili, and sesame seeds. They’re little sticky clusters of sweet-salty-spicy.

    Soledad Blend has Mediterranean flair with almonds, dates, and flax seeds dressed in balsamic vinegar and a touch of cayenne. You need more dates and flax in your life.

    Ksar Blend combines pistachios, pepitas and sesame seeds with sweet figs and peppery Moroccan harissa.

    If you’re not into the spicy kick, the Valdosta Blend pairs pecans and cranberries with a little orange zest and a touch of black pepper. It’s like a sweet southern pie.

    I didn’t get to try the Socorro Blend with macadamia, hazelnuts, mango, and papaya kissed with chipotle, cumin and cilantro. The hub ate the whole bag before I could get a nibble.

    Oh and also, these are made by the good guys. All natural, healthy, made with mostly organic ingredients by two guys from Seattle.

  • On And Off The Fashion Show Circuit

    Here’s the dish on the two fashion shows I mentioned, for the girlie-girls:

    In The Moment… A fashion show by Kimberly Jurek of Kjurek Couture at Azia Restaurant and Bar tonight (presented by Gallery 360 and Cliche–that one boutique on Lyndale, near Muddy Waters). Reception is at 8. Show’s at 10. Weird, but I think it’s free.

    The Girls’ Night Out Party at Bar Abilene, which promises cosmos and dessert as well as a fashion show by Local Motion–that one store on Hennepin and 28th. It should be noted that this party is actually a fundraiser for Jungle Theater… And I’m not sure how much that’s going to set you back. Things should get started at, oh, about 8 p.m.