Year: 2006

  • The Runaway Train crashes into my muffin tops

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    The only thing I can possibly imagine doing tonight is going to the Soul Asylum concert at the Fine Line–but of course, I will not be going. I’ve already noted how little I like standing in place for hours on end. And I do tend to dance at these things. I just haven’t been moved to do so by any one alternative rock band as of late, that’s all.

    Where be my Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain CD when I need it?! Range Life was a pretty groovin’ tune, if I do say so myself. Anyone care to pipe in with their favorite danceable indie song? Is there a specific Soul Asylum tune? The closest thing to dancing that Soul Asylum has ever inspired, at least in and about my apartment, was some flitting about to the tune of Someone to Shove. But that wasn’t so much dancing as it was human metronome activity, if you ask me. In any case, I’m so glad my snobbish ex-boyfriend left behind his Grave Dancer’s Union disc, accusing it of being some such Soul Asylum sell-out. He had no more use for it, he said–basically the same thing he was then saying about me. He was a real jerk, that guy! (An aspiring, but failed, musician if you’ll believe it!) And if you must know, no, he did not dance. Just banged his head a lot.

    Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t dance. That’s my mantra now that I’m older, wiser, and subsisting as I do on a diet of public radio and Louis Armstrong re-releases.

    Another reason why I won’t be attending tonight’s rock show is that my cultish running club will be engaged in its regularly-scheduled Wednesday night activity: working the legs and then flexing the biceps, so to speak. But given the strong current of grups, ripsters, and all other manner of fat-phobic Gen Xers, I’m sure I could talk ’em into having a little Soul Asylum with their Amstel Lights.

  • Hope For A Darkened Theater

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    When I arrived at the Varsity Theater for last night’s “Don’t Monkey with the Oak Street” meeting, it was a balmy night, ripe for an outdoor game of baseball, an ice cream cone, or an assault on my neglected lawn. As I crossed 4th street I thought, God knows why I go to these things, to hope and worry and spend another night tossing and turning and praying that things work out. But I do–go to these things that is–and I did. And, when it comes down to it, I knew I had to be there if I wanted my favorite haunt to survive.

    The Oak Street Cinema is closed for now. According to volunteer Barry Kryshka, who has worked with the cinema for over eleven years and had been there until just recently, the theater manager had quit, as had a pair of projectionists. “Who knows who’s left,” he wondered, and I wondered, too. The Oak Street has not had an extended calendar in weeks, and has eschewed its old menu of classics for second run films like Crash and Match Point. In the right hands, the Oak Street wouldn’t lack for help–last night’s show packed the Varsity, with literally hundreds of concerned moviegoers milling about, signing pledges for money, quaffing Guinness and feasting on the free artichoke dip and baguette slices. There was the old crowd in the center of the room, the regulars I see at every show, replete with their old Oak Street shirts wrinkled beneath a pair of suspenders, each guy with a briefcase and some film bio, trying to shout the others down about which movie still was being projected on the screen up front. Barry had spent a good deal of time on the internet, gathering shots from movies that had played at the Oak Street, from Gun Crazy to The Godfather, Paths of Glory to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, and “that still from some Kong film from Japan–Baby Kong, Son of Kong, I don’t remember. Look at him tearing into that toy boat! It never showed, but it was too cool to ignore.” Barry’s favorite movie at the Oak Street: “The Taking of Pelham One, Two, Three. I love New York City cop dramas.”

    I settled down with my beer and watched and listened: unlike the last meeting, back in January, this one seemed infinitely more hopeful. At the former meeting, the whole desperate situation took members by surprise, and no one knew what to say except to shout their displeasure. Last night there was an actual proposal to read, the situation was well organized with a table of information, eats, etc. People were nervous but chatty, hoping for the best.

    The proposal, simply put, states that the Oak Street’s mission is to “keep the history of cinema alive by projecting films in a theatrical context, and to help educate new generations to the value of classic cinema experienced communally in a neighborhood movie theater”. It voices everyone’s concern over the fact that this mission is being ignored, at the lack of repertory films, and the suggestion that the theater’s being shown to developers (though I’ve heard from a board member that this was done to secure a loan). The gist of the situation: let Bob Cowgill run the thing, with his own money if need be, until the place gets back on its feet.

    In my mind, this isn’t such a bad idea. The board has been silent on what they plan to do with the place, leaving that January meeting as the last piece of real dialogue. When Cowgill retired from the Oak Street awhile back, he had bought the building, whittled its mortgage down to next to nothing, and left over two hundred grand in the bank. He’s definitely got a track record of success. That, coupled with the board’s nearly six months of near silence (Hook was fired in October, and for most of us the news of the debt wasn’t understood until January, and now, in April, there’s still no plan). If the board is so interested in the upcoming film festival–which is not an ignoble concern–why not give the Oak Street back to the people who made it the finest repertory theater in the Midwest?

    At 7:45, Bob climbed onstage, did a little hop by way of acknowledging the applause, and stated, briefly, this proposal. He then offered to give the mike over to anyone else following the movie, An Eastern Westerner, a Harold Lloyd short with accompaniment from the fabulous Rich Dworsky. At this, Al Milgrom, standing in the back, barked something and vanished.

    In spite of being just over twenty minutes, the movie seemed to take forever. It was funny, the music was great, but you can’t concentrate on your funny bone with so much tension in the room. There’s not much story in An Eastern Westerner, just Harold Lloyd getting shipped west by his family, to a town that’s run by a bully and his Klansmen pals. Hijinks ensue when Lloyd tries to save a young woman from the masher. And then it was over.

    Bob climbed back up the podium, acknowledged Mr. Dworsky’s piano playing and asked if there was anyone who wanted to come forward. Al? Al Milgrom? Nothing. After a spell, however, board president Stephen Zuckerman walked slowly through the gauntlet and made his way onstage, alone, to face the music. Dressed in a wrinkled blue shirt and orange shorts, he looked more like he was ready for a backyard barbecue than shout-down. Stephen tried to bat off concerns and put a good face on things. As usual there was a crackpot: one guy who went on and on about the fact that he went recently to see a movie at the Bell and it wasn’t showing even though he’d looked it up online and in the paper but they were having some “Dead Poets Society” (his words, baffling to us all) and who is running the website anyway? I felt for Stephen–he also had to contend with a couple of loudmouths who wouldn’t take their turn at the mike, questions from a friendly guy carrying a baby, Bob yelling “give me a chance!”, and then, from volunteer Ian Whitney, this startling news: apparently Ian waited in front of the Oak Street to direct people confused over the venue, when someone rode up on a bike and told Ian that he was “defacing my theater” and called the cops. There was speculation that this was a board member, someone who considered the Oak Street “his”. The cops just drove up, slowed down, and kept going.

    Everyone who took the mike acknowledged that Stephen was brave to come there and take this abuse, and then proceeded to abuse him. Because they’re aching just like I was, wondering what the hell was going on and why we had come to this point.

    Above all, it should have been clear to everyone that we weren’t going to get any solid answers from Stephen. He did his best, but eventually even his patience ran out, and finally said that this whole thing started when Bob quit, so it was really his fault as much as anyone’s. That was clearly the wrong thing to say, and Stephen was met with a volley of boos and shouts. Frustrated, he asked Bob, “How are you going to do it? You have a full time job! How are you going to run the Oak Street and still keep teaching?”

    With that, Bob shrugged and said, “Magic. And a little song and dance.” And then proceeded to wow the audience with a Cole Porter tune with new lyrics he’d penned himself: Don’t Monkey with the Oak Street! He and Stephen even did a two-step while we sang out the chorus.

    Afterward, everyone mingled, trying their level best to elbow in for a thank you or a longer conversation with Bob or Stephen. The regulars at the their table didn’t move, but spoke at length about this movie and that, chowing on dip and grumbling over Bob’s treatment at the hands of the board. Peter Wagenius, the mayor’s aide who tried to keep the last meeting in order, was there, walking around with a concerned look on his face. I noticed a couple of film critics from other papers, and a good two dozen former volunteers, a wonderful community, hugging one another and gesticulating, each one jazzed at the success of the evening. I spoke with the some of these volunteers, who gave me their take of the Oak Street’s downfall, of former director Jamie Hook’s short tenure, the board’s silence, of what they would do, and will do, should this next attempt succeed or fail. They were full of hope, and that gave me some hope. And, like Barry, they shared their favorite Oak Street movie memories: Ian’s, for instance, was Two Lane Blacktop.

    It took me awhile to get through the crowd to Stephen, but when I did he was in great spirits for a guy who’d been soundly booed, shouted at, and poked with sticky questions. He wouldn’t commit to admitting to any plan to help the Oak Street, except that they would get on it as soon as the festival was over. He shrugged when asked if repertory cinema is feasible nowadays. But his favorite movie at the Oak Street was the most recent: Finding Shawn, because, man, “I lived right there, on Haight and Ashbury back then, and that movie brought it all back.” Then, with a touch of wistfulness, he added, “You know, if people want to back rep, we won’t say no. We’re willing to be proven wrong.”

    I spoke with Bob last, as the place was emptying out and we couldn’t even buy a beer anymore (though it was only 9:30). Bob was thrilled and frustrated and as riled up as anyone. As we spoke, it was announced that there were already over $37,000 in pledges, a roaring success, and we both smiled. Bob laid out his frustrations with the board, with watching the theater he’d helped build go from being fully solvent to seriously in debt. “When I retired from the Oak Street, I was told to leave the new director alone, to let him do his thing. Maybe that was a mistake. Because frankly, I was surprised he wasn’t fired sooner, when they discovered he’d missed the grants.” An additional shock was that last year’s festival went off well in spite of this, or so he thought. Then word got out that the MFA lost money on the festival, Hook was fired, and the Oak Street was in serious trouble. In December, Bob met with two members of the board, Tim Grady and Susan Smoluchowski, and he told them that they owed him a chance to save the theater. Bob even offered to put up his own money to ease the debt, and have a series of fundraisers. “I was told that it was ‘too little too late.’ It was even suggested that I was delusional about the mission [to show repertory films]”. But then there seemed to be a change of heart, and there was talk of Bob’s coming on board. That came and went, time passed, and they stopped talking to him. While we spoke, Bob fidgeted and blinked, spoke with tremendous pride at his accomplishments, with righteous anger at the current failures, and, at times, spoke quietly, wondering how much of this was his fault. He included a number of regrets, things he felt he could have done to make the Oak Street more solvent today. And he finally answered Stephen’s primary concern, as to whether or not Bob could fully commit himself. Bob was teaching, full time, when he started Oak Street. “I’d make the time now, as I did then.”

    Throughout the night, I’d asked various volunteers if they’d consider starting over in a new location if their recent attempt failed. A number of them said definitely, and one went so far as to suggest a few new venues. But at this question, Bob sighed heavily and hung his head. “I don’t know. For me, it’s the Oak Street–that place felt right. When we opened it, I knew we had something special.” And he was worried that the perception was that things would be easy if he were back in charge. “I don’t want anyone to think it’s easy. We had volunteers at the start, paid people next to nothing, and you had to keep it in line financially. It was hard. Very hard. And it’s become more and more expensive to do this kind of thing. Probably we would need to go back to that volunteer energy. Perhaps that’s what kept it so great in the first place.”

    “The board is scared, scared of debt and scared of repertory cinema,” he continued. “They’re tired. Really, the only misfeasance on the board’s part is in not trusting me. You need to utilize what people have to offer you when you’re in trouble. I have the energy, the resources, and the smarts to get this thing off the ground.” If he were allowed to take over for the time being, Bob promised that he would utilize every angle to raise money, from pledges to approaching the funding community again to a series of fundraisers, perhaps bringing to town many of the directors who have appeared at the theater in the past. “If we did all that, using my time and even my money, and we failed, I would join the board in saying repertory theater isn’t possible. But I firmly believe that if New York or Pittsburgh or Los Angeles can have these types of theaters, then Minnesota can too. I just want to be given the chance.”

    Bob fell into a profound silence after that. “This night was a tremendous success. Now I have to figure out where to go from here.” When I asked him about his favorite film that played at the Oak Street, it was as if new life ran through him. We were standing, and he flailed his arms and raised his voice like he was preaching on a streetcorner. “I remember one night, it was February and freezing, a Tuesday I want to say, and we were showing Bergman’s Summer Interlude, and we had maybe a dozen, two dozen people in the audience. But I thought, here we are in Minneapolis and these people fought the cold to see this wonderful film.” He beamed. “There were many nights like that.”

    By now the Varsity was empty, except for all the volunteers loafing in their Oak Street King Kong shirts, looking amazed at the success of the evening. They’re a good group of people. I don’t believe that anyone’s out to destroy the Oak Street, and over the next few weeks I hope I can uncover more of this story–it would be helpful to hear the board’s point of view, and what Al Milgrom has to say. Throughout the night volunteers and concerned folks often slipped into theories as to why the board is acting the way they did, from being focused solely on the festival and Bell programming, to being inept, to hungering for the land the theater sits on. Not having spoken to anyone at length but Stephen, I can’t say whether any of that’s true or not–except to point out that the board’s silence can do nothing but provoke these notions.

    As I walked back to my car the night was still clear and balmy. I was a mess of contradictions, feeling furious at the people who drove the cinema into debt and frustrated that there has been such poor communication, but pleased to see so many like-minded people at both meetings, giving me a glimmer of hope. That night I remembered my first experience at the Oak Street, seeing Pickup on South Street in July or August years ago. I had called the theater to make sure it was playing and get directions–this was before Moviefone or the internet–and the guy on the line said, “Our air conditioner’s broken, so it’s hot. But we’ve got free pop!” So we went, Janice and I, to sip our lukewarm Cokes and watch a great movie that takes place in a broiling New York City while we broiled ourselves. Last night I drove by a shuttered Oak Street on my way home and I thought to myself: we’re not asking for a few hundred million from the state and a retractable roof, nor are we hoping for a constitutional amendment to fix what our prejudices tell us is wrong, no, we’re just asking one group of concerned people to give the theater to another group of concerned people who’ll do their absolute best to keep it going. It’s deeply frustrating that it should be so hard, but I know from past experience that saving these kind of things always is. And then I remembered all those movies I’d seen, Nashville and Little Otik and Singin’ in the Rain and every other wonderful picture at the Oak Street, and that after each show I was always thankful, knowing that the good things rarely last, but wishing they could go on forever.

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  • Home Plate

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    I remember my first baseball hot dog like it was yesterday. Sitting under the bright sun with the perfectly green field stretched out in front of me, I gently held the plump pink dawg, dressed only with the vivid yellow mustard of ballparks and hockey rinks. Amidst peanut shells crackling underfoot, I took that first salty bite as the ump called “strike three!” and I tasted the freedom of summer.

    At least that’s the mythology I’ve created.

    You see, I came late to baseball. The first love of my life was a Cubs fan and I was too young to understand. He took me to Wrigley Field and I complained about the cold. We sat and drank bad Busch Lite and maybe I ate some nachos, but he loved the Cubbies more than me, so I couldn’t abide them.

    The second love of my life showed me the real game as we sat on the couch watching TV and eating pasta with glass after glass of Barolo. I was comfortable in my skin and able to admit ignorance of just what defined a Texas Leaguer. I am now an idiot for April.

    These days, as my family piles into the car to head down to the ballpark, the discussion volleys between “Who’s on the mound tonight?” and “Are you going to get a pretzel? Will cotton candy be allowed? Can she get a hot dog AND a burger? What’s the rule on nachos tonight?”

    Everything in my life seems to, rightly or wrongly, relate to food. And the baseball I have come to love (the game filled with its own legends, mythologies, ghosts and superstitions) deserves a grand memory, a significant food moment. But most of my hot dog memories are like Josh Gibson, I’m left wondering what could have been.

    Tonight I’ll sit in my plastic blue seat and unwrap the foil of this season’s first Dome Dog. But while its hard to beat the magic of the myth, with every salty bite, every base hit, every kid of mine screaming SA-WING BATTER at the top of their lungs, the myth fades just a bit.

  • Let 'Er Rip

    All right, the Twins are now 1-5.

    That’s not good. That changes things considerably on the attitude front around here. So I say –pledge or no pledge– let the bitching begin.

    And it’s not just that the Twins are 1-5 that so offends, of course; it’s how they’ve played in going 1-5. Which is terrible, frankly: brutal, uninspired, lackluster, punchless (and punchdrunk), feckless…what the hell, you get the idea. You’ve probably been paying attention. You probably own a thesaurus.

    Still, how about these apples: A team batting average of .225 and an on base percentage of .270. The whole freaking team has been playing like Luis Rivas, in other words –like Luis Rivas having a particularly bad week. Opponents, meanwhile, have been hammering Minnesota’s pitching to the tune of a .333 BA, .369 OBP, and .529 slugging percentage.

    A team would be mighty damn happy to have one player with those sorts of stats, and the Twins have made the entire Toronto and Cleveland line-ups look like one mighty damn good player.

    That won’t continue, certainly. That can’t continue. I’m still pretty confident the pitching will get much, much better. The offense, though, good lord, we can only hope that’s not another story, or rather the same old story we suffered through all last season.

    I can’t listen to that story much longer. It’s a lousy story. It makes me jittery, then it makes me belligerent, and eventually it just makes me very, very sleepy.

    SILVER LINING:

    Two words: Francisco Liriano.

    If you look at Liriano’s line from last year (23-and-two-thirds IP, 19 hits, 33 strikeouts, and seven walks), it’s hard to fathom how he ended up with a 5.70 ERA. Somehow the kid managed to give up four homers and fifteen runs, that’s how.

    Looking at him now, you get the feeling that with a bit more time Liriano would have straightened out that ERA in a hurry. And unless you were just feeling contrary you’d also have to strongly suspect he’s going to end up in the Minnesota rotation, sooner rather than later.

  • How to be an audience

    Went to see The House of Blue Leaves at the Jungle on Saturday. It was good, reeeeeeeeally good, but I won’t spoil too much of that because, as noted on Friday, I was filling in for Mr. Dominic Papatola over at the Pioneer Press. That review should come out, oh, tomorrow.

    The strangest thing happened, though. The gentleman sitting two seats to my right, and immediately next to my best friend Andrea, openly and very loudly hated the show! After the first act, he turned to Andrea and said: “Are you getting any of this?” And she was like, “Well, yes.” (She’s great that way! She had no bones about letting him know he was loutish and dumb. If that would’ve been me, on the other hand, I would’ve tried to engage the guy: “What don’t you understand? What can I clarify for you?” Then I would’ve given him an abridged production history, since the play hasn’t always been well received on account of it making light of seemingly lofty subjects, like terrorism, mental illness, and infidelity.)

    After the second act, the guy hollered, “Is it over? I hope it’s over!” At this point, the whole bit ceased to be cute. I caught up with Andrea, and decided I hated him.

    After the third, and final: “That has got to be the stupidest play I’ve ever seen!!”

    Was he just trying to be contrarian? Because everyone in his vicinity was clearly enjoying themselves. In any case, don’t be discouraged by the fact that there are three acts and don’t be a dolt like this guy. It’s a great play! Go see it, tomorrow night maybe.

    But since most theater houses are closed on Mondays, it’s a good opportunity to turn our attention, as we so often do, to movies–and good ones at that! The future of the Oak Street Cinema is still uncertain, and its board of directors is holding another meeting tonight. Having no other place to see the cinematic equivalent to great theater–flicks like The Leopard (which sooooo doesn’t work on home theater), In Praise of Love, or (wait for it…) Playtime–I, personally, will be shattered should the Oak Street close its doors. If you want to get caught up on the drama, pay a visit to savetheoakstreet.com. Otherwise, the open meeting’s at the Varsity Theater at 7:30 p.m. tonight.

  • Help Save This Particular Temple

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    Tonight, at 7:30 in the pm at the Varsity Theater in Dinkytown, the founders of the original Oak Street are gathering, along with concerned patrons (that would be you and I), to try and save the old gal.

    I’m hoping for the best but steeling myself for the worst. No doubt this meeting is being held because the Board of the Minnesota Film Arts has not been forthcoming with their plans to save the thing. I’ve emailed a few of them myself, and their response has been that they’re busy trying to get the Mpls-St.Paul Film Festival off the ground, which might be a good excuse. I have a boatload of questions for both parties and I’m hoping to get some answers tonight. Undoubtedly, I won’t get all of them.

    One question I have is this: if the board fails to respond, would we be willing to start over, in some new location (like the Varsity or the Suburban World? Or the Hollywood Theater?). In my mind, this isn’t about the building, it’s about seeing films like Little Otik, Pickup on South Street, and The Godfather, with the latter’s maniacal fans ignoring their vacations so they could watch their favorite on the big screen. The Oak Street Cinema is one of my favorite places on earth, because of seeing movies like these with crowds of like-minded individuals. The building is only a part of the pleasure, and the smallest part to me: saving the Oak Street doesn’t mean showing Crash and Match Point just to plug some financial holes. This place means something because of what they bring, and the possibility that someday your favorite classics will land there. Like Winchester ’73 or the new films of the Brothers Quay and Jan Svankmajer. Or simply Singin’ in the Rain.

    I wrote this when I last heard the Oak Street was closing: …I’m tired of the good things coming to a close. I’m tired of seeing beautiful theaters sit empty, tired of watching DVDs by myself, tired of seeing the good and small things in life succumb to the mechanical beasts that care only for our money, and never for our souls. If you’re tired of all this, stop by and watch one or both of these wonderful movies. Then, whether or not they blossom or fade away, thank whatever it is you thank for the gift of the Oak Street Cinema.

    I’m hoping this meeting will be a new beginning and not a final farewell.

    Last time it was Citizen Kane and Casablanca. Tonight we’re being treated to some wonderful Harold Lloyd shorts tonight with live accompaniment accompanied by Prairie Home Companion pianist Rich Dworski. And because it’s the Varsity, there’ll be a full bar, so that we can enjoy, as Vincent Vega says, “a glass of beer!” with our flick.

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  • Old Business: This Is Not My Beautiful House

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    I hear my son scraping away at his electric guitar in his bedroom across the hall, writing songs about girls who will not look his way. I often lie awake long into the night, listening to my son’s sleepless labors. My wife left me some years ago, and took with her our two daughters.

    My son has a ridiculous haircut and a bad complexion that I feel certain is the result of an indifference to hygiene that he inherited from me. It seems to me that my son has talent, and I don’t wish to offer him advice that might be construed as anything but encouragement. I have had enough discouragement for both of us.

    My wife told me that I have “some work to do,” and I don’t exactly understand what she meant, even as I recognize the apparent truth of her words.

    I spend an inordinate amount of time splayed on the floor, the position in which I am most comfortable, my head rocking at the margins of sleep. I have spent years becoming this man. Slowly becoming this man splayed on the floor, peering into the dusty, dim astronomy of my skull. Weather permitting I might make my way out into my yard. I suppose I am a familiar and not entirely welcome sight to my neighbors, as I sit there at the picnic table staring into space, studying words and thoughts and memories, finding them in the dark, faraway galaxies of my head. Like my old dreams, I often do not recognize where these strange constellations come from, or even exactly what they are. I am continually puzzled when stray images and thoughts invade this private airspace.

    I think perhaps my son, through his music, will give expression to this confusion that seems to have settled over our home like a cloud. With money he made selling fried chicken my son has purchased what I gather is rudimentary recording equipment, and he makes tapes of his songs.

    “I’ve mastered nothing,” he sings on one of the songs he has written and recorded. “Is it too much to ask for a little something, a little bitty, little tiny, little bit of something?” Though he has no actual band, he calls the band that is only him, “Bottle Fly.” One of his songs is called “Taxidermy Dad.” I saw the title written on one of his cassette boxes.

    For many years I was an obsessive documenter of my experiences and the life of my family. This was in the years before videotape became so easy and affordable, thank God; I was, rather, an obsessive shutter bug and note taker. I realized in time, however, that I never seemed to have any real interest in looking over my photos and notes, and neither did anyone else. I had no memories there. It was as if in taking the step back necessary for the documentation –behind the camera, hunched above the notebook– I had divorced myself from the actual experience of the very moments I was trying to preserve. The documentation essentially subtracted me from my own life, constructed a puzzling barrier between myself and my memories. I was never present, certainly not truly present, at any of these occasions, and so had no real memories invested in them. Looking back over them now I feel as if I am looking back at my life as it went on without me, as, in fact, it more or less had.

    I believe this, though, about myself, and about the people I live surrounded by: we have the best intentions. We had big dreams, perhaps still have. We wish there was something we could do for those less fortunate. We intend to make some changes and improvements in our lives. We hope to make long-term friendships and to continue to meet new and interesting people. We would like to undertake a healthier diet and exercise regimen. We try again and again to be grateful for the blessings we have been given. We would like to continue to challenge and motivate and inspire each other. We dream ceaselessly of traveling to new places and having new and interesting experiences. And yet we also continue to find ourselves at the bottom of the day, at the bottom of another page, exhausted and out of words.

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  • It's An Old Story, And A Simple Story, Really, When You Boil It Right Down

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    Shit blew up and shit fell down. The wind raged for days and it rained for weeks on end.

    The water rose and swept stuff away. When the water finally receded, the sun broke through the clouds and the clouds dissipated and the sun blazed like an angry thing and the river evaporated and the earth turned to dust. The dust was carried on the wind that once again ceaselessly raged.

    The news was an endless recitation of calamity. Everywhere there were eruptions of senseless violence and the clash of impotent armies. The hearts and hopes of many old lovers withered.

    In the midst of all this gloom a fierce contagion broke out, and in the public spaces of the cities bodies were stacked like cordwood. Those who tried to flee sent back word that there was so safe harbor, no refuge left to escape to.

    There were also, of course, tremendous conflagrations, and much was destroyed, and there was widespread famine and many starved and perished.

    Yet throughout all this horror and heartbreak, neither heedless man nor vengeful god managed to extinguish the stars, and upon the stars wishes were still made, and from those wishes dreams were born, and in those dreams hope was sown, and out of that hope love was kindled, and through that love man once again learned to live.

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  • Right Now, I Will Say Only This: Patience, Pilgrims

    The Twins are 1-3. So are the White Sox and the Yankees. The Detroit Tigers are 4-0.

    Should we draw any conclusions from this information? We should not. Of course we should not. Surely there is not one among us who is that foolish or that rash.

    I have promised myself that I will not bitch until at least late April, and that I will not panic until June.

    Based on the very small sample size of the data at hand we can certainly say that the team’s pitching has been…well, it has been mostly shit. I have faith that it will get better, much better.

    What choice do I have? It is early April, and this is a month of faith and promise, of potential and resurrection. For a baseball fan, April is delusion’s safe harbor.

    I hope that this will not be construed as bitching, but like many other Twins fans I cannot understand the decision to send Jason Bartlett back to Rochester. It doesn’t make a lick of sense to me, but for the time being I will accept that decision, and I will accept Juan Castro at shortstop.

    I’m also going to go out on a limb and express my modest support for Tony Batista, who does not look nearly so fat as advertised. I understand the grumbling about the man, and understand that he has a career on base percentage of .298. But I also find it somewhat impressive that Batista had 32 home runs and 110 RBI for the 2004 Montreal Expos, a team that went 67-95. He has hit thirty home runs three times in his Major League career (and forty homers once, in 2000, for Toronto) and driven in 100 in four seasons. His career slugging percentage is .458. He is allegedly only thirty-two years old, and is said to be a first-rate clubhouse character.

    Yes, I suppose Batista will make a lot of outs. There are, though, plenty of other current Twins who have a history of making a lot of outs, and not many of them (none of them, in fact) have hit thirty home runs. Ever.

    One of my all-time favorite Twins was Gary Gaetti. Gaetti made a lot of outs. He had a career OBP of .308. He also hit a shitload of home runs. Granted, Batista can’t play third base the way Gaetti could, not by a long shot, and that fact probably has a good deal to do with the fact that Juan Castro is now the team’s starting shortstop rather than Jason Bartlett.

    Still, it’s early April, and I’m going to reserve judgment on Tony Batista. My earnest hope is that he will not be nearly so bad as so many people seem to hope he will be, and I can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would hope such a thing.