Year: 2007

  • Fashion That Gives Warm Fuzzies

    More eye candy from my fave local fashion photographer, Nic
    Marshall
    . These latest pics were styled by the ladies of Eclecticoiffeur. The
    model, I hear, is from Vision. Don’t you just lurve the eye-popping color? I, for one, also like the bucolic backdropseven if they are reminiscent of
    the much loathed Anthropologie catalogue.

  • The Very Serious Incident of the Gift Basket

    It was last year when the UPS man left the box by our front door. As always, when unexpected boxes arrive, there was excitement and a flurry of dancing about the foyer. Upon quick and furious destruction of the box, we discovered a gift basket.

    It was a large gift basket, and once we removed the cellophane, rather fragrant. The quick once-over revealed various sausages and cheese among the fruit, not to mention a chocolate tucked here and there. The overwhelmingly beefy smell was wrapping around me as I picked up one of the yellow logs and realized something was very, very wrong: it was a tube of Ched-Onion Cheeze Food.

    I quickly scrutinized the other items (teriyaki beef sticks, spreadable parmesan, something called "chutter") and my head began to spin: I had been gifted an entire mountain of processed foods. And not even the good kind.

    It had to be a joke. No one who actually knew me would do something like that unless they were hoping for a good chuckle. After all, a bunch of my college chums have successfully re-gifted a box of smoked salmon spread for at least ten years running.

    But there was no card.

    There was no card, no note, no acknowledgement of sender, no indication of a hardy-har-har. Even if it was a serious gift, why wouldn’t they want credit? I had no idea who had sent the gift, nor a clue as to their intention.

    Thusly, I felt duty-bound to at least try some of the goods. Peeling back the wrapping on the "chutter", I grabbed a cracker and topped it with a healthy schmear. At first, it was actually creamy and a bit yummy in that cheese-dip kinda way. I was truly considering another crackerfull when the waxy mouth coating started to bloom. That was enough. The fruit was eaten, the chocolates left for the mailman and the sausages incorporated into a house game in which you might discover a plump package under your pillow or furtively placed in your shoe.

    If you gave this basket to me, know that it was enjoyed. Maybe not in the manner intended, maybe so. Please know that you have become known as the Mad Basketeer who Gifts on the Sly and with every UPS truck that pulls up, we wonder if you have struck again.

    Resources for those who actually wish to attach their names to a gift basket:

    Pears and Stilton from Harry & David

    Tapas Party Gift Box from La Tienda

    Anything from Zingerman’s

    Exotic Truffle Collection from Vosges Chocolate

    Fig Gift Box from Norm Thompson (plus hard to find peppermints!)

    Noon Whistle from Dean and Deluca

    Belgian Chocolate-Covered Oreos from Red Envelope

  • What Do I Know?

    Here’s what I’d like to know: Since when are the New York Yankees in any position to play hardball with the Twins? Given the pitching situation in New York, and given the fact that this is a team that is now in the (for them) desperate position of playing second-fiddle to the Red Sox, would you not think that the Twins should have all the leverage in a deal for Johan Santana?

    You have to imagine that the new Yankee regime would be willing to pull out all the stops to get Santana, and if they’re not, they for damn sure should be, or fuck ’em.

    There are all sorts of reasons to be wary about any deal with either New York or Boston. Because of the high profiles of the two east coast Goliaths, their prospects tend to be over-hyped in comparison to those of almost any other team. What do you really know about Phil Hughes or Jacoby Ellsbury? Or how about Melky Cabrera?

    My guess is probably not enough. Ellsbury was dynamite in the postseason, and we heard the Hughes hype all last season. But what sort of players are they? Relatively young players, which means relatively unproven players. Based on his minor league numbers, Hughes looks like he could become a dominant pitcher. He’s a big kid, long and lean. I like him, but as with any 21-year-old pitcher I’d be concerned about injuries, at least until I get more of a chance to watch him pitch.

    I’ll admit that Ellsbury is the guy I’d most like to see included in a deal with the Red Sox, but that’s based almost entirely on his performance in the playoffs. The guy is a burner, seems to know how to get on base, and he looks like a more-than-solid outfielder. Despite the power he flashed in the postseason, however, there isn’t much in his minor league record to indicate he’s going to be a reliable home run threat. He’s also 24 years old.

    I don’t want Melky Cabrera, I know that much. And I don’t want Coco Crisp.

    The main virtues of the other guys whose names have been floating around is that they are –at least for the time being– cheap. And, of course, they have potential. It would be nice, however, if the Twins could get at least one guy included in a Santana package who is something of a proven commodity.

    That may not happen. Nothing may happen. And I’d certainly rather see nothing happen than watch the Twins knuckle under to Hank Steinbrenner’s demands. I hope that won’t happen, and I don’t think that will happen. I’m pretty sure Bill Smith knows he’s in the driver’s seat.

    The dream scenario, I think, would be for the Mets to swoop in and steal some thunder from both the Yankees and the Sox, but for that to happen I’m pretty sure they’re going to have to be willing to cough up Jose Reyes.

    That’s a deal I’d love to see happen.

    As far as the Tampa Bay trade, I’ll just say I like it just fine, even if the Twins are now back out there trying to convince somebody to give them a pitcher with Garza’s potential. In the meantime, I’ll take Delmon Young and his purported baggage, and I’ll wager that before Torii’s three years into his contract with the Angels Bill Smith is going to look like a genius. It’s not easy for me to forget all those years I watched Torii flailing at fastballs in the dirt and up in his eyes, and, defensive magnificence aside, he was a long time delivering on his promise. The money the Angels threw at him is insane.

    All the same, I’ll miss Hunter. He was a good guy, always accessible and good for a quote. I don’t know that I buy the notion that he was some sort of clubhouse leader, but I do know that with both Hunter and Santana gone, Minnesota’s clubhouse will have a huge charisma void.

    And, finally, speaking of a charisma void: what the hell is up with Carlos Silva? I haven’t even heard much in the way of rumors surrounding The Jackal.

     

  • Scientology: The Local Source

    Until last week, everything I knew about Scientology came from Tom Cruise on Oprah, and from an experience I had last summer.

    I wrote two articles for Salon.com, one in May 2007, the other in June. The first, about a catastrophic reaction my son had to psychiatric medication, resulted in a swell of support from Scientologists. Then I published the second piece, describing how doctors at the Mayo Clinic brought our son back from near death with electroconvulsive therapy, and was cyber-stalked by a few.

    Around the same time, representatives from the local chapter purchased the former Science Museum in downtown St. Paul and announced they planned to build one of the largest Scientology churches in the world there. Strangely, no one seemed to question this. So a couple months later, I walked into the current “church” on Nicollet Avenue determined to find out: Who are these people? What, exactly, do they believe? Why do they oppose psychiatric medications? And is their ministry more Franklin Covey, sci-fi Fundamentalism, or a combination of the two?

    I was told that if I left my card, the church’s “public affairs officer” would contact me. The following day, he did, saying he was very eager to meet and provide me with details. “Our current church looks like an office building,” he told me. “It’s not a good representation of what Scientology is about. But soon, we’ll have something that truly represents the riches people can find inside our doors."

    I’ll call him Karl. He didn’t ask me to use an alias, and with the details I’m about to provide any third-grader with an Internet connection could find him. But this man is either an excellent liar or the victim of a cult — and I’m betting he’s the latter. Should he choose to get out some day, I’d rather not link every Google search of his name to Scientology.

    We meet on a Wednesday afternoon in winter. He is exceedingly well dressed: a deep, purple shirt, gray suit coat, and designer tie. Small wire-rimmed glasses and short hair. He holds the door for me, shakes my hand with deference, and smiles often in a neat way but never — throughout our two-hour interview — actually laughs.

    Karl grew up a devout Catholic in small-town Iowa. He started college intending to become an electrical engineer but dropped out and moved to Nashville at the age of 19, because he dreamed of becoming a professional bluegrass musician. Five years went by and little happened: he was playing small, private parties and working odd jobs. Then he read Dianetics — a self-help manual written by the pulp science fiction and western author L. Ron Hubbard in 1950 that later became the basis for the Church of Scientology — and was hooked.

    “It made so much sense to me,” he says. “It explains the mind and psychosomatic illnesses, which may be 70 percent of all illnesses. I thought that was really neat. It explained so well why a person might be depressed and what to do about it. Dianetics helps you figure everything out. I read it today and it’s just as mind-blowing as it was back then.”

    Karl and his then-girlfriend (now wife) moved to Minneapolis from Tennessee in 1991 so he could pursue mission work with the church. Today, at 41, he is an ordained minister — one of several in his congregation — and public affairs liaison for the Twin Cities Church of Scientology but claims that he continues playing music because he needs the money; despite all the hours he puts in, his service to the church pays a pittance: “Somewhere between $20 and $50 a week.” For the same reason, he says, his wife has abandoned her career as an artist to become a full-time bill collector.

    We get some pay but it’s only a token,” Karl tells me. “That’s because most of the money we make goes into furthering the religion. It goes to pay the light bill and our insurance. Then there’s a percentage that goes to our management in Los Angeles. Also, we support many human rights campaigns and drug education programs.”

    Scientology, he tells me, literally means “the study of wisdom” (it derives from the Greek word “scios”). The religion did not, Karl insists, develop out of the plot of a science fiction novel Hubbard was writing, and it has nothing to do with aliens, though the press often insists that it does. What’s more, according to Karl, Hubbard himself didn’t even start the movement. It was people who read his books and started a church in California around 1954 in homage to the man — and his writings — whom they called The Source.

    Unlike other religions that don’t tell you how to live, this is an applied religious philosophy,” Karl explains. “It’s a way to look at life, and it looks at the spirit, too. But it’s also applied like a science because you use it to do things. You can actually take the tools we give you and use them to improve your relationship with your spouse or your working situation.”

    When I ask for specifics, Karl is quiet for a moment.

    “You might take a class in how to improve your marriage,” he answers after a time. “There would be drills you do with your spouse and the idea is you would go home and continue to apply what you learned and things would be better. You would learn that a marriage has to be created every day.”

    Tell me about the drills,” I press on. “Give me an example of a problem a couple might work on.”

    Instead, Karl describes the method: people pay for the classes (later in the conversation he will amend this and tell me they make voluntary “donations”), which are conducted at the church. Each class is a self-study, meaning there is no teacher — only a single supervisor who is available for questions — and members must read books written by Hubbard to find the answers they seek. They also have to buy the books.

    “You’re getting the wisdom straight from the texts,” Karl says. “This is important for a couple reasons: first, we can have a lot of people studying different things; but also, we want you to get the facts straight from a book, not someone’s interpretation.”

    In fact, Karl’s own ministerial course was self-study as well; and yes, he paid for the privilege of reading on-site and becoming ordained. Now he can perform marriage ceremonies, preside at funerals, and give sermons. These days, however, most of his service to the church involves outreach. He also helps run the local arm of their street drug prevention program, Narcanon — which owns several dozen rehabilitation centers around the world and implements Scientology’s “New Life Detoxification Program” — as well as a public awareness campaign focused on the mental health field that disseminates pamphlets such as Psychiatry: An Industry of Death.

    I do not claim to have conducted an exhaustive study of Scientology. I couldn’t, frankly, given the time and resources I have.

    Journalists who write extensively on the topic — most notably Richard Behar, a reporter for Time whose article The Thriving Cult of Greed and Power was published in 1991 — spend years conducting hundreds of interviews and reading through court cases. I have read those stories, however, as well as Dianetics (the 1992 edition) and the work of a man from Norway who has administered the anti-Scientology website Operation Clambake since 1996.

    I’ve also spent enough time in the church in downtown Minneapolis to describe it accurately: It consists of several connected rooms. The front two are lined with shelves
    containing books, audiotapes, CDs, and workbooks — all of which are sealed in plastic. You can buy a pocket-size paperback edition of Dianetics on Amazon for $7.99, but the prices on the materials here hover in the $20 range. You can also get a free personality test, typically administered with something called an “e-meter,” a device invented by Hubbard which measure very small changes in the electrical resistance of a person’s body and points to “engrams” — traumatic memories that block one’s attainment of success and happiness.

    Engrams can derive from a variety of events. In this passage from Dianetics, Hubbard described how pre-birth coitus trauma will cause a “thetan” (or immortal spiritual being — Scientology claims we are all immortal but is vague about exactly how the spirit lives on after death) to become blocked:

    "Mother and Father are engaging in intercourse which, by pressure, is painful to the unborn child and which renders him unconscious. . . Mother is saying “Oh, I can’t live without it. It’s wonderful. It’s wonderful. Oh, how nice. Oh, do it again!” and Father is saying “Come! Come! Oh, you’re so good. You’re so wonderful. Ahhhh!” Mother’s orgasm puts the finishing touch on the unconsciousness in the child. Mother says, “It’s beautiful.” Father, finished now, says, “Get up,” meaning she should take a douche (they do not know she is pregnant) and then begins to snore." (Dianetics, p. 326)

    Hubbard also wrote that there is no foolproof method for terminating a pregnancy and that a major cause of mental “aberration” is attempted abortion.

    "Attempted abortion is very common. And remarkably lacking in success. The mother, every time she injures the child in such a fiendish fashion, is actually penalizing herself. Morning sickness is entirely engramic, so far as can be discovered, since Clears [see below] have not so far experienced it during their own pregnancies. . . Actual illness generally results only when Mother has been interfering with the child either by douches or knitting needles or some such thing." (Dianetics, p. 199)

    Hubbard defined homosexuality as a sexual perversity, “far from normal and extremely dangerous to society” (Dianetics, p. 135) and claimed Scientology can “heal” a penitent of this and other forms of sexual deviance. For years, the actor John Travolta has been held forth [unofficially] as proof of this, and he was even cited in a lawsuit brought against the Church of Scientology by a man who submitted believing he, like Travolta, would be cured of being gay.

    Engrams can be dealt with only through “auditing,” which is, basically, the process of self-study Karl described. It involves years spent studying the religious works of L. Ron Hubbard — he wrote dozens of texts, tracts, and standalone pamphlets before his death in 1986 — and watching his taped lectures, then working one-on-one with a specially trained auditor from the church. The goal of all this is to attain a state called “clear” (this is used both as an adjective and a noun: those who have achieved engram-free existence are called Clears). After that, with more study, it is possible to achieve the more enlightened level of Operating Thetan (OT). Operation Clambake estimates the cost of becoming an OT to be $300,000-$500,000.

    This is where the questions about Karl arise.

    Several years ago, a former Scientologist went public with the story he was told upon reaching OT III status: Only the chosen few who had dedicated their lives to Scientology were let in on the “true” story of its genesis. It is based on the Galactic Confederacy of an alien community ruled by the tyrant Xenu, who brought them to Earth 75 million years ago and killed them, leaving their spirit essences to wander the planet and damage humans in modern times. It’s fairly well established that Scientology has a science fiction connection, but Karl may not be high enough in the ranks to have learned it yet.

    On a more pragmatic front, the money trail of the Church of Scientology is long and convoluted — and there’s reason to believe it supports more than just the mission. Behar claimed in his TIME magazine exposé that “Hubbard was skimming millions of dollars from the church, laundering the money through dummy corporations in Panama and stashing it in Swiss bank accounts.” The founder was accused of stealing around $200 million and was under investigation for tax fraud when he died in 1986. And Scientology has been characterized by many as a pyramid organization, which uses the faithful to recruit more people and rewards them, very modestly, for bringing more [paying] members into the fold.

    Finally, Scientology was the leading reason people cited for calling the Cult Awareness Network (CAN) for deprogramming of their loved ones until 1996. That was the year CAN filed bankruptcy after years of fighting “freedom of religion” lawsuits, and was bought outright by the Church of Scientology.

    Of course, Karl has access to the same various Internet sites and Wikipedia entries I do. He’s aware this information is out there but believes (or at least says he does) that this is propaganda put forth by the mainstream press, the IRS, and the psychiatric community to make his religion look greedy and “ridiculous.” Psychiatrists in particular, he tells me, are desperate to discredit Scientology.

    “We know the damage it causes when people go to psychologists and psychiatrists,” Karl says. “The drugs are very damaging. But they also tell people all sorts of garbage, “You’re depressed because your mom used to spank you,” which gives people all the wrong ideas about their lives. [Note: This is inconsistent with Dianetics, which does claim childhood “abuses” cause engrams.] And we’re against psychiatric drugs because number one, they don’t work; number two, we think they’re damaging; and number three, we have all the answers anyway in our books.”

    He denies vehemently the idea that money is at stake and refutes the apocryphal story about L. Ron Hubbard (recounted by many people, including the author Harlan Ellison) that he joked in the 1940’s that the best way to become rich would be to start a religion. Despite a 30-year battle between Scientology and the IRS, Karl cites a 1993 ruling that confirmed the church’s nonprofit status.

    "Every religion I have ever studied tried to answer questions that are beyond the physical world. They want to know what happens after we die. They all mark different rites of passage: birth, marriage, death. And they all involve a community of people who come together to practice similar beliefs.” Karl pauses then looks me straight in the eyes. “I do this work because I know we have the answers people are looking for. And all the money we take in is spent right back on what we’re doing.”

    In June 2007, Karl helped his congregation negotiate the purchase of the former Science Museum building in downtown St. Paul. It’s an 80,000 square foot space, which Karl tells me will serve five states: Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, and both Dakotas. Though it will not approach the palatial “advanced” institutions in Los Angeles, Clearwater, Florida, and various locations overseas — or the Celebrity Centers built to serve only well-known actors and artists, including Cruise, Travolta, Lisa Marie Presley, Kirstie Alley, Jenna Elfman, Juliette Lewis, and Chick Corea, — St. Paul soon will be a major Scientology site. If all goes according to plan, a $7 million renovation of the building will begin in early ‘08 and finish late the same year.

    This is part of an international effort under current leader David Miscavige to upgrade Scientology facilities and prepare for a whole new wave of followers. No one knows how many peop
    le identify themselves as Scientologists today. The church’s administrative offices in California claim worldwide membership is around ten million, but independent surveys estimate this number is inflated by 20-50 percent.

    Karl reports — accurately according to all the information I can find; though it’s likely he provided the numbers for other local reporters as well — that the Twin Cities sect is growing steadily. “When I got here in ’91, we had a couple hundred people. But now, we have 700 active members, people who attend weekly services and take classes and participate in all our events. We didn’t plan to become one of the biggest churches in the country. We just got lucky. With the new St. Paul facility, we’re going to be ready to take as many new members as we can.”

    In his final correspondence with me — just prior to publication of this article —Karl directs me to several Scientology-friendly websites, expresses concern for my situation, and offers his personal assistance.

    I believe in his way, he means it.

  • The Vintner's Exfoliant

    A few years ago, all the world was agog over green tea. It was in capsules, body lotions, eye creams, and perfume. While doing an article about the health benefits, I actually talked to a doctor who recommended bathing in it: throwing a couple teabags into a tub full of hot water and steeping, full-body, for at least 20 minutes a day.

    But today, the rage is wine. First, there was Resveratrol, the compound in red wine that’s been found to have anti-aging properties and to extend the lifespans of obese mice. For the past year, researchers at Harvard Medical are studying its potential to stabilize [human] glucose levels, prevent diabetes, enhance heart and liver tissue, and protect against degenerative diseases such as Huntington’s.

    Now, a tiny start-up firm in Blenheim, New Zealand, has perfected a process to turn grape seeds ("waste" left over mostly from winemaking in the island’s Marlborough region) into antioxidant-rich cosmetics and supplements, using a low-impact water extraction method. They began offering the grape seed product in May and already are exporting more than 100 kilograms per month, selling to companies that make body lotions, makeup, skin care products and vitamins.

    At the same time, people appear to be demanding more and more purity of the wines they drink. According to an article in today’s New York Times, "Organic wines are one of the hottest trends in restaurants today." A recent comment thread on this blog focused on the use of preservatives in wine. And Salon.com just ran this piece on how to find a good-tasting organic, sulfite-free wine in their Health (rather than their Eat & Drink) section.

    Finally, winemakers at California-based Bonny Doon Vineyard announced last week they will — as of January 2008 — list all ingredients (including grapes, sulfites and other preservatives, yeast, and fining agents) on their bottles.

    As a diligent label reader who tries to avoid additives, preservatives, artificial sweeteners, and processed foods, I am, theoretically, in favor of the movement toward purer, less chemically treated wine. But I have to admit there is a part of me that doesn’t want to know. I associate wine with magic: with ancient ceremonies and Bacchus. Full moons, swooning lovers under grape arbors, Lucy and Ethel jumping into the vat to stomp the pulpy juice.

    This is one area of consumption I’ve kept entirely free of hang-ups or obsessions. And I’d really like to continue that way. If wine can be used to help prevent Huntington’s Disease — an excruciatingly slow, genetically-endowed death sentence — I’m all for it. But Resveratrol aside, I fear the trend toward commercializing wine’s healing properties will lead to little but modern-day snake oil and very expensive exfoliating scrubs.

  • Shopping for Girly-Men

     

     

    Cufflinks, fire of the wrist bone. And they make for decent
    stocking stuffers, too. The shop girl at Via’s worried whether these would be
    too “jewel-y” for the heterosexual on my shopping list. But I assured her these would go to the girliest manly-man on the planet, my mop-headed boyfriend.
    The cufflinks he wanted (from Neiman Marcus) were out of my price range ($750).
    So, I went for these at Via’s Vintage Wear. They were only $40. The store had
    an adequate selection, including a vintage pair from Harrod’s, whereas the
    other stores I visited had none.

     

  • From the Dark Side to the Light

    THEATER & PERFORMANCE
    Plumfield, Iraq

    Barbara Lebow’s new play, Plumfield, Iraq, follows two high school buddies into the army, where they go to escape their small town life in Plumfield, Washington. This evening’s performance, directed by Nancy Kawalek, takes us on a journey "to unexpected destinations of the mind" as we hear from the two young men, their friends, girlfriends, and families.

    7 p.m., The Playwrights’ Center, 2301 Franklin Ave. E., Minneapolis; 612-332-7481; free.

    FILM
    Kurt Cobain: About a Son

    Since his suicide thirteen years ago, many of us have been struggling to understand Kurt Cobain’s tragic life. Tonight, director A.J. Schnack offers an inside glimpse into the late musician’s life, told in Cobain’s own words. Kurt Cobain: About a Son contains never-before-heard audiotape interviews conducted by Michael Azerrand for his book Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana. Hear Cobain discuss his successes and failures, get a glimpse into his childhood and his explosive fame, and maybe get one step closer to understanding the loss we all experienced on April 8th, 1994.

    7 & 9 p.m., Bell Auditorium, 10 Church St. S.E., Minneapolis; $8 (students $6, members/seniors $5).

     

    LECTURE
    Emerging Digerati

    Stay up to date with some of the most interesting new media work in town. The Institute for New Media Studies and the Digital Technology Center will host an "open mike" tonight as the final event of the 2007 Emerging Digerati series. Featured work can be anything having to do with new media: games, web designs, music, art, video, anything.

    5:30-7:30 p.m., Walter Library, Room 401 (Digital Technology Center), 117 Pleasant St. S.E., Minneapolis; 612-624-0224; free.

    SHOPPING
    Give the Gift of Art

    The Placement Gallery Shop is open for the holidays. Stop by for some one-of-a-kind Christmas shopping: original artwork by some of our most
    talented artists. You’ll find paintings, ceramics, miniature wood carvings, Gocco prints, cards, and other wonderful gifts by Amy Rice, Allen Brewer, Tom & Nancy Coleman, Jennifer Davis, Greg Gossel, JAO, Nick Howard, Yuri Arajs, Allen Christian, Keegan Wenkman, Ernest Miller, and others.

    10-7 p.m. (through December 24), The Placement Gallery Shop, 651 Nicollet Mall, Gaviidae Common, (street level, next to Saks), Minneapolis; 612-338-3799.

     

    MUSIC & PERFORMANCE
    Advent Show with Ruth MacKenzie & Mila Vocal Ensemble

    If you’re looking for a way to celebrate the upcoming holidays as we just step into December, you might want to check out this evening’s Advent concert. Created and performed by Ruth MacKenzie — accompanied by the Mila Vocal Ensemble and Unity Singers Choir — Theotokos celebrates the Virgin Mary, mother of God. Using Christmas music from around the world, Theotokos retells the ancient story of the Nativity as a renewal of creation: connecting theology, ecology, and our everyday lives.

    7:30 p.m., United Theological Seminary, 3000 5th St. N.W., New Brighton; 651-633-4311; $20 (students $10).

  • Shrimp with Broccoli for Hanukah?

    The Jewish fondness for Chinese food is the stuff of legend
    – and jokes. (Question: If this is year 4705 in the Chinese calendar, and 5768
    in the Jewish calendar, what did the Jews eat for the first 1000 years?) But
    this is no joke: when Congregation Mayim Rabim holds its annual Hannukah party
    next Sunday, vegetarian Chinese food will be on the menu – provided by
    Evergreen Taiwanese Restaurant, 2424 Nicollet Ave., Minneapolis.

    Buddha’s Delight instead of potato pancakes? "We had our
    food catered by Evergreen last year and it was a big hit," explained Isaac
    Kaufman, youth education coordinator for the small reconstructionist
    congregation. "One of our the thoughts was that once you are a few days into
    the Hannukah holiday, everybody is kind of bursting from eating too many potato
    pancakes so we thought that some Taiwanese food like they have at Evergreen
    would go over well."

    The exact menu
    hasn’t been determined yet, but Evergreen has a big selection of vegetarian
    dishes – they specialize in gluten and tofu-based imitation meats carefully
    crafted to look like real thing – including beef, chicken, shrimp, squid and
    pork. The party will be held in the
    basement of the Minneapolis Friends Meeting House, 4401 York Ave. S.,
    Minneapolis from 4 to 7 p.m., ending in time for fans to make it to the
    Klezmatics Hannukah Party concert at the Cedar Theater. Everyone is welcome – no tickets
    required but they will take up a collection to cover food costs – probably asking
    $6 or $7 per person. For more information, call Isaac Kaufman at 612-270-2856.

  • The Samurai Transvestite

    I have a secret.

    There is a vehicle that I have wanted to blog about for months. To be honest, if I came right out and told you the name of this vehicle you would laugh. It has no cred. So I’ve kept it quiet. Till today.

    My recent foray into cross-dressing drag sites has given me new confidence about introducing this vehicle. Before I name the vehicle, allow me to tell you a little about the Japanese art form that has inspired its design.

    This vehicle is inspired by Kabuki and Noh Theater (intrigued?). Samurais in the old days would play many parts in Kabuki Theater. This vehicle is no Samurai, but it makes a passable Kabuki actress–considering that all parts in Kabuki are played by men.

    [rakead:Middle] 

    On that note, please meet the Suzuki XL 7. If you spot one of these rare vehicles on the road the overall effect is reasonably dramatic–all the more impressive considering that the SUV is a cousin to the milque toast Pontiac Torrent and Chevy Equinox.

    If you look closely at the grille, you can see a Kabuki mask in there. Its enough to make you forget about the humble cheap motorcycle origins of this brand. Its almost enough to make you talk up this SUV at a cocktail party when you consider few SUVs are inspired by anything more than the need for pony-tailed blonde women to waste gas.

    Its beauty goes more than skin deep, however. The Suzuki has been stretched to accomodate a third row seat (the only in its class.) It also features an excellent V6 engine with solid torque that is unique to the Suzuki. Finally, it offers a 10 year 100,000 mile warranty. All for about 23-24k. If you want the complete picture, I’ve linked it here.

    On price alone, it embarasses many competitive SUVs.

    On the other hand, this SUV is no Samurai. Dynamically it’s on par with most trucks. I also would not want to be caught submerged in ice water or traveling naked over a freezing mountain pass in this truck (typical Samurai training regimens.) There’s nothing manly about it.

    If you keep an open mind however, this stylish Kabuki kart makes a impressive ride for anyone comfortable in their own automotive skin. 

     

  • Hi, My Name Is Melinda Jacobs

    I have spent the last 15 years working as an entertainment reporter, radio personality, commercial voice-over talent.

    OK, so I have a hard time using the word "talent" to describe myself, but I am professionally trained in voice, and next time you hear a commercial remember that it’s not as easy as you think to put on a "Happy Voice" and write "Happy" copy when you are having cramps and feeling moody!

    My producer, Brad Lane (who is a genius), has had to edit a lot of F’s and S’s in order to make my commercials sound like I am "Happy," when I am feeling, well, "Crappy." I know…. too much information, but I promised the bosses that I would be honest and real.

    With that tidbit on the table, I decided that I needed to get with the times and start blogging about my life instead of people simply reading about.. how shall I put this? … "My Social Shenanigans" in the newspaper or on websites.

    The truth is, I spent years trying to prove myself as someone other than the daughter of Irwin Jacobs, and since I recently turned 40, I figured it was time to grow up and not use my personal background as a shield, but rather as a window into this crazy world that I call "MY Life as a Social Butterfly" when I feel like it.

    My first assignment for The Rake was to attend a fund-raiser called the
    Butterball and give my take.

    The evening started off with an invite-only cocktail party at the home of Cheryl Tiegs (yes, the supermodel) and her significant other, Dan Buettner (the man unlocking the secrets to happiness and longevity).

    My husband and I had no address, so after driving around the Lakes looking for a home lit up with a lot of cars and knocking on the door of anyone who looked like they were having a party, we finally spotted the one home that was not lit up but had a lot of cars out front. Before we knew it, we were at the home of the supermodel and her Super Hunk.

    Yes, you read that right: Dan Buettner is a tall dark Super Hunk.

    Cheryl? Well, she is tall and pretty but very guarded, which I am sure stems from years of having to be friendly to strangers, especially strangers in her OWN home.

    Now you have to understand — after telling my husband of 18 years that the least he could do is drop me off close to the house, since I was NOT wearing a coat and WAS wearing ridiculously high heels, Howard reminded me to get over myself and that I was on an assignment.

    After a quick reality check, I walked into this not flashy but very interesting home with an eclectic and organic feel, decorated with art and knickknacks clearly reflective of the beautiful couples’ worldly travels.

    Candles were lit everywhere.

    Now for those of you who are not familiar with lighting, candlelight is the best lighting and makes EVERYONE look soft and fuzzy. Do you see where I am going with this? — a former Super Model who, after years in the spotlight, knows how to make everyone else look their best.

    I wandered around looking for a story, an angle, something that I could share with you about this night.

    I found it, but it wasn’t the home of Cheryl Tiegs and Dan Buettner. It was the guest Chef, who I swear must never sleep. Andrew Zimmern the man I call King of All Media, because everywhere I look there is Andrew in magazines, on the radio, and now the darling of The Food Network. Just as the man that coined the term "Bam", Emeril Lagasse, ends his ten-year relationship with the Food Network, in comes the man who doesn’t need a coin phrase to describe his world as a Foodie, because Andrew Zimmern is one of the most intelligent, witty, self deprecating, and most important nice guys I know.

    I first met Andrew years ago when I filled in as a producer at FOX 9. At that time he was Chef Andrew, who gave tips on cooking.

    I remember thinking even than that this is not just a local chef with good tips, but a skillfully spoken and knowledgeable man who was justing getting started, and the world of media was his oyster.

    OK, that is the best I could come up with. 🙂

    While I was dying to eat one of the delicious appetizers, it was clear that… again, I am dressed up and wearing red lipstick with a mouth full of Altoids… and that meant testing the food wasn’t an option. Vain, yes, but who wants to converse with a woman that has garlic breath and red lipstick smeared all over her face?

    Oh, come on; you all know what I am talking about. You go to a party and you start talking to someone who you just don’t have the nerve to tell that there is a 5-foot rule and they just stepped over it by breathing on you with "party breath" and "schmutz" all over themselves.

    Well, with compact in hand and a last peak to make sure that I wasn’t going to scare off my subject, I asked Andrew if I could get an interview with him and maybe even pull out a morsel of something that no one knows — which I did, and you can check it out on my video (in the left column).

    You are probably wondering why I wasn’t racing off to interview Cheryl
    Tiegs. Well, the truth is that when she started to ask me where I was from and that she preferred still shots, I realized that this is a seasoned woman who didn’t want to talk on camera. Considering she opened up her home to strangers, including me, I respected her wishes.

    Dan, on the other hand, was on his game.

    He did an interview with me, but unfortunately, I was working with a new
    camera and didn’t bother to read the manual. In other words, the video of our conversation stunk due to my lack of skills with technology.

    I can share with you this and that: Dan told me that he loves traveling the world and finding people in what he calls "Blue Zones," where the men and woman live long and fulfilling lives without all of the distractions we as American’s can’t live without: fast food, cell phones,computers, TV…… a technology-free life filled with joyful moments and the taste of fresh fruit from the trees and music without
    instruments. I can only dream…………..

    Before I left the Tiegs-Buettner home I decided that I needed to use the restroom. Well truthfully I didn’t NEED to use the bathroom, but I did want to see what the guest bathroom looked like because I have always adhered to the philosophy that bathrooms say a lot about the homeowners — which was clear from this bathroom.

    Here is the hand towel for washing up.

     

     

    Maybe it’s just me, but I was a bit confused by the saying on this hand towel, and I already know how tacky it was for me to put it in my purse and take it. (It is a disposal towel, at least; it’s not like I was stealing cloth towels.) But I felt in order to prove that I was actually at the home of Cheryl Tiegs and Dan Buettner I needed evidence.

    After the pre-exclusive party, it was off to the Graves Hotel, where I was given a wristband that meant no lines. I won’t apologize for being given this wristband, because the truth is, I hate waiting in line (that’s my entitlement background showing through).

    The place was packed, which was great for Open Arms, the wonderful organization benefiting from this sold out event.

    As Howie (my husband) and I made our way through the crowds I spotted a lot of familiar faces: Norm Coleman, Cindy Brucato, Billy Beson and Mike Pomeranz of KARE 11. The last time I saw Mike was at the Celebrity Cow Milking contest at the Minnesota State Fair. For the record I kicked his butt, and he kicked mine when he asked me what I was filming this for.

    Here is the deal with the Minnesota version of local celebrities: You
    are not allowed to question free PR unless you are well.. Prince. That is my rule and I am sticking to it, so no video of you Mr. Pomeranz.

    I know this sounds mean, but as someone who is now going to travel into the world of spotlighting people on my blog, I have made the decision to highlight people who feed into the Minnesota Nice Myth,
    because after all, let’s face it’s, slim pickens in this town for Real celebrities. Whether you’re at the top or the bottom of the celebrity list, if you see me coming with my camera either run the other direction or give this rookie blogger a break and talk to me. I promise you that I will use the 5-foot rule with all of my subjects, and if I step over it feel free to live by the example of Cheryl Tiegs and let me know that you kindly prefer your space.

    Respectfully,

    Melinda Jacobs

    Note to all English Teachers: Only read this if you are willing to overlook my made up words, because to quote my Grandmother Mildred: "I really need to get a better command of the English Vocabulary."