12 Things about the Mighty Ducks Movies that Bothered Me

The Mighty Ducks trilogy is easily the best movie franchise ever to come out of Minnesota (as far as I know). Still, I take issue with a few things in the movies. Specifically, twelve things.

1. Coach Bombay must have been on something if he was under the impression that he had a shot at pro hockey. Considering that the reason he started coaching the Ducks in the first place was related to community service for his drunk driving transgressions, it’s safe to say that he was more than likely on something — and Disney neglected to inform viewers of this fact. (D1&2)
2. How many kids play hockey in Trinidad and Tobago? Are there even enough hockey-playing kids in Trinidad and Tobago for kids to scrimmage against each other in order to improve their skills? Even if there are, how the hell did Trinidad advance to the World Championships while Canada didn’t? (D2)
3. What kind of gerrymandering put a rich kid from Edina on a team with a bunch of poor kids from Minneapolis, yet preserved the rest of the Edina team? Wait, Adam Banks lives within the poor kids’ boundaries? How did no one else figure this out before Bombay? How didn’t the rich parents on his team take care of this by relocating him to one of their homes? FAIL. (D1)
4. At the very least you’d need a helmet to be out on the ice playing; it’s highly unlikely you’d be able or want to play without all the necessary equipment. And lassos and whatnot are neither necessary nor legal .(all)
5. The image of a fancy hockey hall loses its impact when you know that it’s really the Blake Lower/Middle cafeteria. (D1)
6. Mickey’s Diner: Not in Minneapolis. Not even on the same side of the river as south Minneapolis. Try St. Paul.
7. MSHSL rules would make the team ineligible for varsity for a year due to transfer rules. That means you, Adam Banks. It seems like there would be some provision banning giving out athletic scholarships too. I’m just not sure. (D3)
8. Anyway, why would you give athletic scholarships to a bunch of people who aren’t good enough to play varsity? (D3)
9. Also, there really wouldn’t be that big of a conflict between the Ducks and the rich hockey players of Eden Hall because, well, that many rich kids complaining would probably get their way. (D3)
10. Olympic/Goodwill/Global Domination Championship teams are usually made up of the best players in the country not the best team in the country. (D2)
11. The "Flying V" doesn’t really work that well as a hockey strategy. My JV hockey team tried it in a game against South St. Paul. We won that game but failed miserably when it came to the "Flying V." (all)
12. Rollerblading is not allowed in the Minneapolis Skyway system. Those kids would have been sent to juvie — or at least gotten kicked out of the skyway. Wait, there were kids of color. They totally would have been sent to juvie. (D1)