Author: Jennifer Vogel

  • No. 1 Hard

    Square in the middle of North Dakota is a town called Heaton. At this point, though, it may be an exaggeration to call it a town. It’s more of a boneyard with town-like aspects. The main street has an abandoned bank and gift shop, both with broken-out windows. A piece of a “B” rests on an awning over an entrance, like an autumn leaf or a discarded toenail clipping. The sidewalks that are left have been splintered by fierce, brushy weeds. And the surrounding blocks of once-tidy houses stand vacant, leaning and creaking, their paint long gone, the weather having had its way with the wood. As seventy-three-year-old Myrtle Hawks, one of the few remaining residents of Heaton, will tell you, “It’s like living in the country, only it’s not.”

    Hawks is the spokesperson and de facto mayor of Heaton. No election was necessary. Once a town of four hundred people, built along the Northern Pacific railroad, time has shrunk the place to near nothingness, just as the sun desiccates a puddle. Nobody happens by anymore. The trains have stopped rolling through. Most days, it’s just Myrtle, her daughter, her grandson, and his five kids. Hawks doesn’t seem to mind. “We can do our own thing,” she explained, matter-of-factly, her hands shoved deep into the pockets of her blue jeans. Hawks has an exceedingly direct manner, in the way of people who’ve seen a lot, maybe too much. Her stories usually end on tragicomic notes. “We can yell and scream all we want and we don’t have to worry about the neighbors complaining,” she said, letting out a dry laugh and brushing a lock of gray hair from her bright eyes. “And I can run around in my nightclothes if I want.” She lowered her voice: “Sometimes I wear my nightclothes all day long.”

    Of course, there are downsides to living in a ghost town. Occasionally, strangers shack up in one of the abandoned buildings and Hawks has to run them off. It takes forever for the police to arrive. Around Heaton, it takes quite a while for anyone to get anywhere; the only decent grocery store requires more than an hour’s drive. “But that’s just North Dakota,” Hawks said, with a wave of her hand. By far, the most trying aspect of life in Heaton is the weather, the legendary broiling heat and the metal-shattering cold. “One winter seven or eight years ago,” Hawks began, “there was so much snow and ice that the van over there was covered except for the lights on top.” She pointed toward a blue 1970s conversion van. “We didn’t have power for more than one hundred hours. My husband was alive then. We used candles and cooked on a barbecue grill with briquettes. We melted snow for water and used that to flush the toilet. I told my grandkids, ‘Now you get a sample of how I lived when I was a kid.’” The children, she said, didn’t fully appreciate the history lesson.

  • Brave New World

    If there is a single structure in Northeast Minneapolis that captures the neighborhood’s long history and rotating cast of immigrants, it’s the flesh-colored ARCANA building at the corner of Lowry and Central. Home to several chapters of the mysterious Masonic Lodge, including the “Order of DeMolay,” the “Order of Eastern Star,” and the “Cryptic Masons,” the building also houses the eclectic and friendly Aardvark Records, the ancient Lowry Central Bowlers Supply, and Two Amigos Bazar, a hole in the wall that sells Spanish music CDs and heavy metal T-shirts.

    Throw in Moler Barber School of Hairstyling across the street—home of the seven dollar haircut, a place that has a constant throng of young black guys smoking and talking out on the sidewalk—and you’ve got a genuine culture jam. Cities can’t plan this sort of serendipity, where, among people waiting for a red light to change, you’ll see canvas bowling bags and track suits, Masonic top hats and sideways baseball caps. It only occurs organically.

    Northeast is Minneapolis’s oldest neighborhood, and, in fact, was a separate city until 1872, when it merged with the newer settlement across the Mississippi. Originally named St. Anthony, Northeast was home to Polish, Ukrainian, German, Lebanese, and Russian immigrants who worked in the grain and saw mills along the river. The area’s streets were named after the U.S. presidents, in the order in which they served, to help newcomers study for their citizenship exams. Nowadays, a more recent wave of immigration includes Somalis, East Indians, Hispanics, and Asians, along with plenty of white refugees escaping the high cost of housing elsewhere in Minneapolis.

    These new demographics are quite evident on Central Avenue, which is not only Northeast’s main commercial corridor, but also, with its abundance of colorful, hand-painted signs and wide, tree-lined sidewalks, one of the city’s best old-fashioned shopping streets. You can get an African hair weave, try on a pair of Indian shalwar, stock up at Pakistani, Indian, and Asian groceries, as well as the newer Eastside Food Co-op, enjoy a Swedish massage, or buy a statue of the Virgin de Guadalupe. As far as restaurants go, the variety of ethnic eateries is mind bending. Aside from the venerable Holy Land Bakery, Grocery, and Deli, offerings include Caribbean dishes from the Palm Court, the “Best Afghani pizza and kabob on earth” from the Crescent Moon Bakery, and authentic Mexican pasole, barbecued goat, or tacos al pastor from the charming La Tortuga.

    Of course, if you’re looking for something more solidly American, stop in for a burger at Sully’s Pub and Restaurant, which is full of old-timers and down-and-outers watching television, yanking pull tabs, and hashing over the good old days.

    —Jennifer Vogel

  • That Old-Time Religion

    The century-old Enstrom photo studio is located on an out-of-the-way street in the tiny Iron Range town of Bovey. An otherwise modest wooden building with a flat front and a new addition jutting out from one side, the studio’s most distinguishing feature stretches across its second story: an enormous hand-painted black and white mural of a bearded man at a table, his head bowed in prayer. Before him rests a book, a loaf of bread, a bowl of gruel, and a pair of wire eyeglasses. The painting is a little rough, the angles aren’t quite right, the loaf is too big and the book too small. But none of that matters. The image is unmistakable, iconic, a familiar fixture in the kitchens and living rooms of grandparents everywhere. Underneath the mural are the words, in careful cursive, “Home of the Picture Grace.”

    For a town of around six hundred people, Bovey has drawn more than its share of publicity over the years. Its former police chief, Terry Wilkey, who died in 1998, wrote a column for the local weekly called “Streets of Bovey,” in which he recounted the goings on of the town. There were entries like, “Found an unlocked door at a business. We locked it.” The column was cheeky, funny, and widely circulated. For a while in 1994, it was broadcast as a regular series on MPR.

    But, by far, Bovey’s greatest fame has come from its affiliation with the Picture Grace, a painting that began as a photograph. In 1918, an elderly man named Charles Wilden came by the studio of Eric Enstrom, a dapper photographer who favored a bowler hat, in hopes of selling a foot-scraper or two. The salesman intrigued Enstrom. As he later explained in an interview, “There was something about the old gentleman’s face that immediately impressed me. I saw that he had a kind face … there weren’t any harsh lines in it.” Enstrom, it turned out, was preparing a collection of work for a state photographers’ convention. “I wanted to take a picture that would show people that even though they had to do without many things because of the war, they still had much to be thankful for.”

    Enstrom’s was an old-fashioned brand of Christianity, rooted in humility, a far cry from what often passes for the religion today, especially among right-wing evangelicals—a Darwinian incarnation that says the rich are rich because they are favored by the big man upstairs. Enstrom intentionally posed Wilden before a meager offering. The bow to prayer came easily. “The man doesn’t have much of earthly goods,” Enstrom explained later, “but he has more than most people because he has a thankful heart.” The photograph spoke elegantly and powerfully, first to the citizens of Bovey, a community of loggers and iron workers.

    “I grew up in this area,” said Mark Hanson, the current co-owner of Enstrom Studio. “My mother was from Bovey. The Picture Grace has been a big part of my life.” That’s not simply due to its celebrity, Hanson said. “It captured the feeling of the area, this town’s Christian background. Bovey is a very blue-collar community, and what Enstrom captured was someone being thankful for a very humble meal.” Being grateful, he added, “resonates with the people here.”

    Admirers from all over the country began buying the photograph. Demand grew for a color version, so Enstrom’s daughter Rhoda made an oil painting based on the portrait. Today, that’s the image most people recognize. “I have seen the photograph,” said Hanson, who supposes the originals to be quite valuable. “People in Bovey have them, old people in this area.” Hanson said that, color aside, the photo and the painting look almost exactly alike. “You have to understand that she had Enstrom there to talk to. She could ask him what color the guy was wearing. Both of them convey the exact same message. She did a great job on the painting.”

    By the 1940s, the picture had become so popular that Enstrom Studio could no longer satisfy demand. In 1945, it sold the copyright to Augsburg Publishing House, though people still stop by the studio, especially during summers, to admire the mural and purchase the print, which hangs among photos of high school graduates posed on logs and wielding electric guitars. Because the picture was taken so long ago, the copyright has since lapsed and ownership has moved into the realm of public domain. There is no telling how many prints exist out there. The Picture Grace, appropriately, now belongs to everyone.—Jennifer Vogel

  • A Wolf in Wolf's Clothing

    Sometime this winter, once the tourist season winds down, the owners of Morell’s Chippewa Trading Post in Bemidji will remove a giant taxidermied wolf from the glass case out front, say a few solemn words, and send it off to be destroyed. It’s likely the end will come by fire, though the store’s assistant manager, Julie Petersen, doesn’t know for sure and, frankly, doesn’t even seem to want to think about it. You see, this animal—which has been on display in one location or another for more than sixty years—wasn’t just any ordinary wolf. The dusty, cracking pelt with the broken leg and refashioned nose is all that remains of Lobo, perhaps the most notorious and bloodthirsty creature ever to cast its dark shadow over the northwoods.

    Legend has it that in the winter of 1926, hunters in and around Itasca State Park began noticing wolf tracks larger than any they’d previously encountered. Alarmingly, they also noticed that wherever this wolf traveled, he left a gruesome and bloody trail. Locals took to calling the predator Lobo, which means wolf in Spanish and also sounded pretty bad-ass to hunters back then.

    The wolf seemed to possess an insatiable hunger; it was estimated that he killed a deer every three days. He also apparently never returned for a second feeding, preferring fresh meat to that which had been sitting around. The average pack of wolves, according to Andrea Lorek Strauss, information and education director at the International Wolf Center in Ely, kills approximately eighteen deer in an entire year. Clearly, it was determined, Lobo had to be stopped or there would be no deer left for hunters to shoot. The authorities called in professional game wardens, with all their expertise and experience, to find and kill the marauding wolf.

    Ah, but it would not be so easy! Lobo, people said, was crafty, seldom traveled on trails, and hunted exclusively at night. It was almost as though he knew where the traps were and tiptoed around them. Also, it’s alleged that Lobo never had a mate, more evidence of, and possibly even a contributor to, his ornery disposition. For years, the wardens tried to catch Lobo, but finally conceded defeat. A reward was eventually put on the wolf’s head, and every fool with a gun, a snare, or a bottle of poison could be found skulking around in the woods at all hours. One of these entrepreneurs was Algot Wicken, who was clearly no fool. Wicken closely studied Lobo’s tracks for weeks and discovered that he favored a particular clump of spruce trees. Wicken set a snare between two of the trees and Lobo walked right into it.

    Yet still, the mighty wolf was not to be stopped. Lobo broke free and roamed the forest for two more years with a snare around his neck, barely able to swallow and surviving solely on blood and soft tissue.

    In 1938, Wicken finally caught Lobo in a steel trap. He approached the wolf, shot him dead, and that was that. People came from all over the area to view the vanquished Lobo, who was said to weigh 140 pounds, an unheard of size for a wolf in Minnesota. In fact, Lorek Strauss sounded rather doubtful about the figure. “My God,” she said, and pointed out that the largest wolf ever documented in the state weighed 112 pounds, while the average wolf weighs closer to ninety. She did allow that perhaps Lobo had been killed in the winter, when his fur was at its thickest, making him look as though he weighed 140 pounds. But then, of course, she wasn’t around in 1938.

    Gid Graham wrote of Lobo in his 1939 book, Animal Outlaws. He explained what hunters of the era could not, or chose not to, understand. “The career of this renowned animal hero cannot be measured alone by man’s standard and viewpoint,” Graham wrote. “Man condemned him because he killed deer and wild creatures. According to the standard of the wolf, he did no wrong.” Lorek Strauss agrees with that assessment. And so does Julie Petersen. “The poor thing,” Petersen said. “He was so misunderstood. He did what he had to do to survive. We have little tear sessions for him every once in a while.” That’s why, after Lobo’s pelt is destroyed, a new one will take its place, so his legend might live on and future generations will have the honor of admiring him (or at least his understudy).

    Roxi Mann, Julie Petersen’s sister, who recently bought Morell’s from their parents, had to send all the way to Alaska for a wolf pelt large enough to do justice to the original. Lobo’s skull will be set inside the case with the new Lobo, in dedication. And this time, the taxidermied wolf will be kept inside the store, safe from the cold, the sun, and those mice and bats, which Petersen said manage to “sneak in” to the outdoor case. Sounding a bit morose, she added, “This is very sentimental for us. The first summer I worked here, I painted his cage, so we became good friends. I call him ‘Bobo’ sometimes. It’s sad to see him go.”

    —Jennifer Vogel

  • All the Pretty Houses

    Back in the 1920s, William T. Middlebrook, then a vice president at the University of Minnesota, had a bright idea. In order to attract and retain the most talented professors, the U would build them a truly unique neighborhood. Thus was born University Grove: eight blocks on which more than one hundred homes, each custom built, represent a half-century’s worth of architectural history.

    The streets of the Grove are a living study in strict adherence to various schools of design—Colonial, French Provincial, English Tudor, Prairie, and various strains of Modern—as well as experimentation with those styles. The original concept dictated that professors hire architects to design their homes on university-owned land, with university-subsidized mortgages. (The spending cap rose from ten thousand dollars in 1929, when the first house was built, to almost fifty thousand dollars in the seventies, when construction tapered off.) Middlebrook himself commissioned a Tudor that looks pretty much as it did in the beginning, stately and old-fashioned. In fact, Grove residents act as de facto preservationists. They must consult an architect if they wish to undertake major changes.

    Most visitors will be drawn to the quirky Modern-style houses of the forties, fifties, and sixties. For instance, those who know only Ralph Rapson’s prominent public buildings, such as Riverside Plaza and the soon-to-be-demolished Guthrie Theater, can get an excellent view of the noted Modernist’s residential work at the Grove—he designed eight homes here during the fifties and sixties. Most of them follow the boxy white dictates of “high” Modernism, but they also have playful yet studied flourishes: a giant yellow dot on a garage door, various colored panels, and fences like billboards, placed to create particular visual effects rather than to keep anything in or out.

    Architects Winston and Elizabeth Close left their stamp on the neighborhood as well. The celebrated couple built fourteen houses here, the first in 1939. Most feature natural elements, like cedar or redwood siding, and enormous windows that take advantage of the backdrop of the neighborhood, which stands lush and alive with greenery.

    In the Grove, nature is nearly as important as artful design. As per Middlebrook’s vision, common areas full of large trees and gardens connect the backyards of most homes. Because the neighborhood was once an oak savanna, architectural looky-loos and dog-walkers alike crunch acorns underfoot in the fall. Folwell Avenue abuts a former trolley line that has been transformed into a rustic walking path leading to the U’s St. Paul campus. About a year ago, there was a move to update and widen the path, but it was voted down by residents. A reluctance to change is part of the charm of University Grove. It remains a time capsule, a place where modern conveniences such as vinyl siding are out of the question. Thank goodness for the quixotic notions of eggheaded professors.

    —Jennifer Vogel

  • Boring Curves Ahead

    There aren’t many stretches of road in Minnesota like Highway 1. Though it’s not officially designated a scenic byway, it should be. Narrow, with pine and birch trees crowding right up against the tarmac, Highway 1 winds through the Superior National Forest, connecting Lake Superior to Ely. The sun bursts in patches through the trees, dappling the road with light as you drive along. The stretch feels forgotten, even peaceful. It’s absurd, maybe, to suggest that a person can commune with nature from behind the wheel of a car. But driving Highway 1 brings you about as close as you’re going to get while still getting where you’re going.

    Motorists are at the mercy of the landscape, slowing according to bends in the road, and always watching for the moose and deer that sometimes loiter directly on the dotted line. There, the forest rules, just as it did before Highway 1 was first paved in 1937.

    Unfortunately, that is about to irrevocably change. Starting this summer, Minnesota Department of Transportation engineers will be doing what they do best: engineering. They’re undertaking an elaborate reconstruction of Highway 1, specifically of its most wild and winding section, a fifteen-mile stretch just south of Ely. The road will be significantly straightened and widened. Also, two charming old river bridges will be replaced with cast cement bridges airbrushed to look like stone.

    When MnDOT proposed changing Highway 1, admirers of the road came out in droves. At public meetings, they conjured the spirit of Charles Kuralt, the former traveling correspondent for CBS, who once said, “On the map, Ely appears to be the end of the road. For people who love wilderness, beauty, and solitude, on the contrary, it’s the center of the world.”

    Conscientious objectors expressed dismay at the state’s habit of jackhammering away all the rough edges. One wrote in a letter, “As our lives and our environment get more and more homogenized in the future, the special places will become fewer and fewer and our lives less enriched.” Another lodged an all out, on-the-knees plea: “Oh, please! Please, please, please! Don’t change the road. It is sooooooo pretty the way it is.”

    Certainly, Highway 1 will not become a 35W, or even a 371. Engineers call the project a good example of “context sensitive design.” That’s a fancy way of saying that, across the country, highway departments are trying to be more ginger with the natural environment when plodding through with bulldozers and paving machines. According to MnDOT Project Manager Todd Campbell, “This job isn’t going to significantly alter the appearance or feel of the road. People had a problem with their perception of safety. The trees are so close to the road that there is very little buffer between a driver and a tree or a rock. But this is not going to look like an airstrip landing.”

    Nor will Highway 1 remain the same old, unobtrusive Highway 1. The renovation, which will take place over the next five to seven years, includes a fairly dramatic widening of the road and its shoulders. What now amounts to two eleven-foot lanes with two-foot shoulders will become two twelve-foot lanes with six-foot shoulders, plus another four feet of clearance on either side. Thus a twenty-six-foot-wide highway becomes a forty-four-foot-wide highway. And in places where hills will be smoothed out, the footprint will be even larger, up to sixty-two feet.

    Straight lines aren’t as interesting as curvy ones; wider lanes appear barren. In short, Highway 1 will become a more typical Minnesota highway: safe, tidy, and, compared to its former incarnation, boring. This despite the fact that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with the road. There hasn’t been for seventy years. Yes, there are slightly more accidents than along similar two-lane byways—less than one crash more per million miles driven. But, because of the sixty-four curves along the targeted fifteen-mile stretch, people drive slower. That makes the accidents less severe. Speeding up traffic, by smoothing thirty-mile-per-hour curves into forty-mile-per-hour curves, will not only make Highway 1 less appealing, it could be bad news for those on both sides of the windshield.

    The true beneficiaries of the reworking of Highway 1 will be enormous commercial vehicles, like logging trucks. It was the U.S. Forest Service, after all, that first proposed the project back in 1999. And federal Forest Highway Program dollars will pay eighty percent of the total $13.7 million bill. “We use the highway administratively for work,” said Roger Pekuri, an engineer for the Superior National Forest. “A lot of commodities, principally timber, are hauled down to Two Harbors. Logging trucks have a hard time navigating the highway now. And, besides, it’s hard to plow. It’s so narrow that the blades go into the other lane. There are a lot of places where ledge rock is right up to the shoulder.”

    It seems that Highway 1 is being widened and straightened—and, arguably, degraded—primarily to make it easier to haul trees out of the forest, so the woods themselves can be more rapidly degraded. Now that’s progress.

    —Jennifer Vogel

  • Old-Fashioned Cutting-Edge Radio

    Over several nights about a year ago, a small miracle of human
    interaction took place on KSTP late-night radio. Host Tommy Mischke was
    embarking on a self-styled pitch for the Spectacle Shop, one of his
    show’s handful of loyal sponsors, when a call came over the transom. It
    had been a slow night and Mischke, who regularly acts on whims and
    lives for surprises, interrupted the ad mid-sentence to pick up the
    line.

    The call was a wrong number. A man named Al was trying to reach the
    weather line at KSTP television news. Mischke didn’t let that small
    fact get in the way. He claimed to be the evening weather person
    himself, a guy named Blow Zephyr. Either Al didn’t make note of the
    oddly perfect weatherman name, or he didn’t care. He began explaining
    his point, which was that people, when confronted by tornadoes, should
    take more care in “getting out of the way.” It’s simple, counseled Al.
    One need only step aside, as though avoiding a speeding car. Al
    revealed that he lived in Maple Grove and had been through four
    twisters during his fifty-five years.

    Using made-up stories and half-baked facts, all delivered with ease and
    in impressive detail, Mischke engaged Al, who turned out to be a lonely
    divorcé recently fired from his insurance job.

    Mischke started off by claiming that his uncle Ned had been
    killed by a tornado. Because he was a quadriplegic, Ned had been unable
    to get out of the way, as Al would have suggested. “There is a guy who
    would have taken a step to the right or left but couldn’t,” said
    Mischke. “He wanted to, badly. And then, there was old Ned in a
    cottonwood.”

    “Holy cow,” responded Al, guileless as Sancho Panza. “I’m sorry about that.”

    Mischke, who is forty-two but was claiming to be sixty-three, went on
    to ask whether Al ever thought that tornadoes might “have some sort of
    consciousness” or, perhaps, possess personalities.

    Al pondered this and then, excitedly, told of a tintype photo of his
    great-great-grandfather that used to hang on his wall. After a tornado
    ripped apart the house, he found that the picture had disappeared, but
    its frame still hung in the original spot. Another tornado, he said,
    had dumped fish on his lawn from a nearby lake. Mischke claimed to know
    of a twister that had removed a woman’s bra while leaving her shirt on.
    “That’s what I mean about personality types,” he said.

    “You think, What’s with that tornado?”

    And then he really pushed things. “You know in the old days tornadoes used to bring up slaves from down south.”

    “What?” said Al. “That I don’t believe.”

    “Imagine this situation, though,” Mischke pressed on. “You’re down
    south. You know that tornado alley goes all the way down to the
    Panhandle of Texas.” Mischke’s eclectic bank of knowledge makes riffs
    like this seem almost believable. “You’re down there in slave country
    and you have a tornado coming and you are owned by a man as sure as a
    dog or cattle are owned. And you have this one out. You know this
    tornado could do you in, but you also know it could be your ticket to
    freedom. What do you do?”

    Al had to admit, “You’ve got a good question there.”

    “There are some, obviously, who went for it and died. I’m not saying
    they were all sent north. But tornadoes, because of the way they move,
    can pick things up gently and drop them down gently.”
    “Oh, absolutely,” said Al with a chuckle. “You’re preaching to the
    choir on this one.” The lonely man found himself, unexpectedly,
    delighted. “I love talking to you,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind me
    calling again. You are a piece of cake. This is the best conversation
    I’ve had in years.”

    It’s this affectionate if not quite on the up-and-up relationship with
    listeners—one that is not formal or degrading or belligerent—that makes
    Mischke’s show so fascinating. It’s also what makes him the area’s best
    known underground radio sensation, the favorite of pizza delivery
    drivers, DIY auto repairmen, factory workers, insomniacs, late-night
    lonely guys, and women who lie in the dark wishing their boyfriends
    were more original.

    Mischke is a self-described throwback to the days of entertainment
    radio, before the AM dial was given over to political belligerents,
    when the possibilities and probabilities of the medium seemed endless,
    and the Lone Ranger always rode again. Garrison Keillor, in a recent
    Nation essay, described him this way: “a free spirit who gets into
    wonderful stream-of-consciousness harangues and meditations that are a
    joy to listen to.” In nearly two decades of broadcasting, Mischke has
    been compared to Robin Williams, Andy Kaufman, and Keillor himself, but
    on acid. He has been described as the Onion meets The Simpsons. You
    simply never know what he’ll say. Once, when interviewing an expert on
    the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald, he began to ask all of his
    questions to the tune of the famous Gordon Lightfoot song: “Could
    something like this ever happen a-gain? / Is there any way we can
    a-void it? / Should they be worried to-day / Up there near Whitefish
    Bay / Or am I just getting all para-noid-ed?”

    After several nights of conversations with Al, Mischke, as Mischke,
    called to confess. It wasn’t a ha-ha, gotcha, Candid Camera moment. Far
    from it. It was more of an invitation for Al to enter Mischke’s real
    world, or at least his real radio world. This often happens to the
    host; his show and the people he meets there bleed into his off-air
    life. He doesn’t keep neat boundaries. Once, when a regular caller
    named Cynthia—who sounds more than a little crazy—was out of town
    appearing on Judge Judy (she would lose her case against a neighbor),
    Mischke went to her house and fed and watered her dogs. That’s not
    typical radio-personality behavior.

    The confessional call to Al, which was broadcast live, was handled this
    way: Mischke explained that he’d simply grown too fond of the
    ex-insurance man to keep up the act. “I made up the name Blow Zephyr,”
    he said. “But the guy you were talking to, who enjoyed talking to you,
    that’s me. That’s the real me.” It was after the confusion cleared (Al:
    “You still sound like Blow.” Mischke: “I’m Blow and I’m T.D. Mischke”),
    that the small miracle happened. Al simply didn’t care. He didn’t get
    mad, didn’t act embarrassed, didn’t seem to mind that he’d been duped.
    “I hope you enjoy talking to me,” Al said. “I love talking to you.
    Tommy, the whole thing is, you got to laugh. The key to life is you got
    to laugh.”

    Mischke introduced Al to Wildcat Fox, the show’s newscaster, and
    another regular caller, an old-timer named Undertaker Fred. “Well hi,
    Al,” said Fred. In one well-constructed moment, Mischke had knitted Al
    into the family of misfits and weirdoes that populate the Mischke
    Broadcast. From there on out, Al could call anytime, and he would. (Al
    continues to phone, even though his home line has been disconnected.
    And when he signs off he says, “I love you, Tommy.”) Mischke asked
    whether Al knew any songs—a frequent question he puts to his guests—and
    Al suggested “The Auctioneer,” which he then sang a bar of. Nobody knew
    that one, but Mischke had another idea. “I tell you what, guys, I think
    we’re going to end it this way: I want us all to yodel in our own ways.
    All four of us.” And that’s how the show went out that night, with Al,
    Fred, Wildcat, and Mischke, all yodeling together, but in their own
    ways.

    Mischke’s first time on the radio wasn’t nearly so auspicious. It was
    just about twenty years ago and he was working as a freelance writer
    for several local publications, and as a delivery truck driver. On his
    route, he’d become a regular listener of KSTP’s Don Vogel. Vogel, who
    died of bladder cancer in 1995, was a throwback himself, a gag man and
    impersonator who was said to do Larry King better than King himself.
    One quiet night, Mischke pulled his truck over near a pay phone and
    dialed. Vogel put him on the air immediately and he panicked. “I must
    have been their only caller,” he said. “I was on. And it was the
    strangest feeling. I really empathize with those who get on the air
    with me and are nervous or lose their focus. It’s sort of like two
    giant doors just got pulled away and you’re looking into the Grand
    Canyon. You are in this gigantic world now and there is no going back.
    And I just screamed something and hung up.”

    Mischke lives in a tidy house in St. Paul near the Midway with his
    wife, Rosie, who is a psychologist, and their two preteen sons,
    McCullough and Malone. On the morning of our interview, the house
    exuded old-fashioned coziness. A wood fire burned in the fireplace.
    There were tulips on the coffee table and throws over the armchairs. A
    shaggy dog named Shep napped on the hardwood floor, woofing
    occasionally. “The thing is, I wasn’t prepared,” Mischke said with a
    laugh, remembering that first call. Then he slipped into what can only
    be described as his amused voice, which sounds like he’s inhaled a bit
    of helium. “That’s what happens when I’m not prepared.” After hanging
    up the phone, Mischke sat in the delivery van and listened to himself
    on the air (the station employs an eight-second delay). It was
    horrible, he said, but then a very important thing happened. “There
    must have been something about it, some sense that this wasn’t just a
    guy who called up to scream, but a guy who kind of panicked. And they
    started laughing. That hooked me to try again the next day.” Playing a
    different character with each call, by the fourth time, Mischke had a
    moniker, the Phantom Caller. He was hooked forever. “I’m on the radio
    today because Vogel laughed.”

    Thomas David Mischke was born on September 19, 1962, at St. Joseph’s
    Hospital in downtown St. Paul, the seventh of eight children. His
    mother and father were both German Catholics from central Minnesota;
    his father Maurice was from Buckman and his mother Jeanette came from
    Holdingford, a town Garrison Keillor once dubbed “most Wobegonic.” For
    most of Mischke’s upbringing, his father owned and ran the Highland
    Villager community newspaper. (Tommy’s brother Michael is currently the
    publisher; his brother Dale is an editor). The value of independent
    thinking and storytelling, along with an appreciation of small shops,
    was impressed upon the Mischke children. “My dad got me out of high
    school early every afternoon to work at the paper as part of my
    education,” Tommy said. “And I’d go home and write stories at fifteen,
    sixteen, seventeen.”

    A quarter-century ago, good Catholic boys in St. Paul had two choices
    for high school; both were military. After graduating from Nativity of
    Our Lord Elementary, Mischke selected Cretin High, which, at the time,
    was an all-boys school. He lasted one year. “I just couldn’t believe
    it,” he said. “I felt like I had joined the service and I’m not the
    kind of guy who would join the service. I wouldn’t do well with
    authority like that. So here I am in a situation, at a rebellious age,
    with guys telling me to come to attention and shine my shoes. And there
    is no way I am going to do that.” He was in trouble from the start,
    even getting into a physical fight with one teacher. “You’d have these
    military guys with whiskey on their breath coming up to you and then
    you’d have these Christian brothers who looked like they could swing
    their arm and take your head off, and wanted to.” The only good aspect
    of the experience, Mischke said, was that “it was a great fraternity.
    You bonded in your connection with the other guys to try to fight and
    beat the system. What it created was lifelong friendships.”

    He was finally expelled after he walked into the Cretin principal’s
    office and asked to speak with Colonel Klink. “I guess that’s only a TV
    show,” he explained, deadpan. The alternative to Cretin was public high
    school. Mischke, who couldn’t wait to grow up, called his time at
    Highland Park Senior High a “bad stretch,” though he was voted “best
    sense of humor” by his class. The combination of misery and laughter
    would become a running theme throughout his life.
    Mischke went on to attend St. John’s University in Collegeville. “When
    I was a little boy,” he explained, “I used to take a Greyhound up to
    St. John’s to visit my older brothers. This college was in the woods on
    water away from all the world. It was an island and I just loved that.”
    There were no anti-authority, Hogan’s Heroes stunts, only a little time
    off to travel overseas. Two years in, Mischke transferred to the
    University of St. Thomas for its journalism program and, after
    graduation, was “shocked” to find that there was no money in freelance
    writing. He bummed around the country, hopping freight trains and
    sometimes playing piano in saloons. He’s been to seventeen countries
    and forty states. He always thought he’d find the place where he wanted
    to spend the rest of his life.

    For a while in the late 1980s, it looked like that place would be
    Butte, Montana, which he describes as a renegade town. Mischke prefers
    the small, the underground, the individual, and the unique, as
    evidenced by the introduction to his show: Ladies and gentlemen, KSTP
    now presents the Mischke Broadcast, featuring the broadcast outcast
    transmitting live from his renegade radio outpost here in the final
    ninety feet of the city of St. Paul. “Butte didn’t consider itself part
    of Montana,” said Mischke, sipping coffee, his feet propped up on the
    coffee table. “It called itself Butte, America. So it was this
    independent-thinking, wild, former big-labor town. They used to have a
    ritual when they opened a bar in that town. They’d break the padlock
    and they’d never close. Evel Knievel was from there. I used to stop
    into a bar sometimes—I’d see he had his fancy car outside at ten in the
    morning, and I’d stop in there and he was sitting by himself. I’d talk
    to him.”

    Even in that setting, tossing back drinks with the daredevil, whom he
    had idolized as a kid, Mischke felt an uncomfortable tug—the nagging
    truth that Montana wasn’t home and never would be. “Where you live is
    really going to have a dramatic effect on your life,” he said. “And I
    thought if I was going to have a place like that, let it be where fate
    threw me in the first place.” So he returned to St. Paul and got the
    job as a delivery truck driver and started listening to Vogel on the
    radio. Home has come to mean a lot to Mischke. It’s the root of the
    Mischke Broadcast and of his personal identity. “You turn a corner
    sometimes and what would be just a corner to anybody else coming
    through town brings on this sudden rush of memories. That’s inside you.
    Nobody else can feel that. And you think, Wow, this place is bigger
    than just what it is.”

    In 1992, six years after his first phantom call, Mischke was hired as
    Vogel’s sidekick for twenty dollars per show. They worked together for
    two years before the relationship crumbled. At issue was the fact that
    Vogel liked to wing it with little or no preparation, while Mischke
    believed (and still believes) in gathering and fine-tuning a full load
    of material each day. For every show, he typically spends about six
    hours combing through newspapers and writing tunes on the upright piano
    in his home office (he’s painted the black keys red and replaced the
    front panel with glass, so he can see the hammers as he plays).
    Preparation is a security blanket of sorts, in case nobody like Al
    calls in. In case there are no surprises.

    On top of the differences in methodology, Mischke says, management
    consultants were pressuring him to push Vogel in a new and unwelcome
    direction. “They should have gone right to Don,” he said. “But they
    knew they wouldn’t have gotten anywhere with him. So they would go to
    me, and Don resented the fact that I was trying to get him to change
    the show. And he should have. It was his show.” Finally, he said, a
    blowup ended the partnership. “But he was a real gentleman about it and
    a couple of days later he asked me back. I just said, ‘You know, I
    don’t think we probably should do this. I think what happened probably
    will happen again.’ And so he went his way and I went mine.”

    During Mischke’s first few months on the air solo, he played it
    straight, delivering a news program with a lefty bent. He covered all
    the topics of the day—abortion, gun control, race relations. “I thought
    I had to go to the complete other side,” he said. “I was thinking that
    maybe this radio thing is a little too frivolous and silly and
    ridiculous.” He’s sure these early efforts rankled Vogel, whom he
    called a mentor “in a half-dozen ways.” Among other things, his former
    boss was a force against pretension. “I don’t own my own headset
    because of Don Vogel,”
    Mischke said. “He thought it was the geekiest thing in the world to
    have your own headset. And it probably isn’t. It probably is a good
    idea.” The mentor watched his pupil with dismay, interpreting his newsy
    approach as a pointed commentary on how radio should be done.

    Mischke found rather quickly, within six months, that he didn’t like
    contributing to the cranky churn of AM radio, designed as it is to
    incite apoplectic fits. “It was everything I hate about talk radio,” he
    said. “A bunch of people set in their ways calling up to say they’re
    set in their ways.” Radio callers, he added, tend to be more arch than
    the general public; industry wisdom suggests that fewer than five
    percent of listeners ever pick up the phone. “We have so damn much more
    in common than we will ever have separating us,” he said. “If you get
    most Americans together, it’s probably going to work best not to harass
    gay people. It’s probably going to work best not to care so much about
    whether they’re adopting a kid, but to care about how that kid is being
    treated. Reasonable people would see this. And I think most people are
    reasonable.”

    The proliferation of rant-filled, right-wing AM radio can be linked to
    the repeal, by Ronald Reagan in 1987, of what was known as the Fairness
    Doctrine. The 1949 FCC rule mandated that in return for a license to
    broadcast, radio stations had to cover “controversial issues of public
    importance” in a way that allowed for a “reasonable” representation of
    opposing views. Once that pesky standard was out of the way, a man
    named Rush Limbaugh emerged. Limbaugh built his career on the notion
    that mainstream media outlets were liberally biased. Through endless
    chest thumping, he enraged listeners already mistrustful of the news
    and ensured an appetite for more conservative fare. The biased media
    morphed into the elite biased media, and talk radio’s modern audience
    was solidified. AM talk stations have been propagating ever since, born
    of the syndicated likes of Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

    KSTP-AM 1500 program director Joe O’Brien doesn’t like to think of his
    station, which is owned by St. Paul-based Hubbard Broadcasting, as
    right wing. He says he chooses hosts according to their entertainment
    value and their understanding of Minnesota culture, not by any certain
    ideology. “If radio were a party,” he said, “these would be the people
    everyone would want to hang out with.” But the fact is, nearly all of
    KSTP’s hosts are conservatives.

    “I’m around that climate every day,” said Mischke. “It’s all get on
    board the train. And I’m not on the train. And what I hate is that
    there even is a train. Because what I love about this country, what I
    used to see, is that you just had all these wild individualists and all
    these different ways of thinking and just this cacophony out there of
    different views. There should be 280 million different views, to go
    with every American, and somehow that has been winnowed down to two. I
    don’t know how in the hell that happened.”

    Mischke eventually abandoned straight news in favor of his vaudevillian
    style of humor, certainly a more nuanced and difficult format. For most
    of the last eleven years, his show has been a speedball of fabricated
    news reports, songs, poems, interviews, and conversations with callers
    who would likely be barred from any other program.

    His worldview still bubbles up between the cracks. He recently talked
    with a co-author of Why Business People Speak Like Idiots and wondered
    aloud whether the business world makes people “less human.” Such
    comments don’t draw hate mail or even angry calls. “People see it as
    almost a loveable way to deliver the message,” he said. “If I say the
    same stuff in a Hannity delivery, I’m a dead man. Right there is why I
    survive at KSTP. Because I shouldn’t survive there.”

    Mischke enjoys an unusual amount of freedom at the station. In part,
    that’s because he’s on late at night, from ten to midnight, when things
    are more laid back. Revenue expectations are low and, as he repeatedly
    points out on air, management is sleeping. “The show is whatever I am
    that particular day, whatever I’m feeling,” he explained. “That’s the
    beauty of it. I always think that Letterman must some days not want to
    be funny. He must. And God, he should be able to not do that. And then
    it would be so authentic. And people would talk about how last night,
    David Letterman said, ‘Screw it, we’re not doing this format.’” The
    randomness of the Mischke Broadcast doesn’t appear to ruffle longtime
    fans (though it sometimes confuses new listeners), perhaps indicating
    that we as a people are less brain-dead than we’re led to believe.
    Mischke wants listeners to be “somewhere between intrigued and
    puzzled—and sort of drawn in, but not really so positive that this is a
    wildly good time.” An avid eavesdropper himself, he attempts to create
    that same experience for his fans, the feeling of “peeking into a
    little window.”

    One of his most poignant broadcasts came on a night when Mischke
    said—had to say—screw it. It was September 11, 2001, and he wasn’t even
    supposed to be on the air. At midday, KSTP had switched back from a
    national news feed to local hosts. Somebody from the station called
    Mischke, the oddball, the non-political guy, to say that Bob Davis, a
    conservative daytime host, would do the nighttime program. “I was
    furious,” Mischke recalled. “I said, ‘I’ll do my show.’” He remembers
    arriving at the station five minutes before eight (at the time, his
    slot was from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m.). “The general manager and the program
    director were standing just outside the door of the studio. And I
    walked right by them and right in and just said, ‘Hi.’ But there was
    all this tension. And I don’t know this, but the sense I had was that
    they wanted to say, ‘What kind of a show are you going to be doing?’”

    Mischke’s turned out to be one of the most humane commentaries
    delivered in the immediate aftermath of the bombings. While pundits
    announced that the world had fundamentally changed, Mischke made the
    opposite case. “This kind of thing has been happening for years and our
    country simply has been too asleep or too busy with shopping and TV to
    take notice,” he said.
    “It’s a terribly violent world, be it the Middle East, Northern
    Ireland, Sierra Leone, Kosovo, Somalia, Central America, China, North
    Korea, Algeria. Violent retribution, aggression, and retaliation are
    the story of daily life somewhere on the planet all the time. This is
    just new for us. But it’s not new for people. It’s not new for the
    children of this planet, and for women and old people, who mean to hurt
    no one. This is the horrifically violent world we live in, which
    operates parallel to the profoundly beautiful, loving world we also
    live in. While these planes this morning were barreling into the World
    Trade Center, elsewhere, in all parts of the nation, heroic deeds of
    selflessness were ongoing. The same sort of selfless acts that can be
    found tonight in the Middle East and Northern Ireland. The world didn’t
    change today. No.”

    Despite his gregarious on-air personality, Mischke himself, in his
    daily life, is quite private. He likes radio partly because it allows
    him to hide out—to speak into the darkness late at night, when AM waves
    travel the farthest, without a bunch of people watching. He rarely
    makes public appearances, doesn’t have his face plastered across
    billboards or coffee cups. “I walk all around this neighborhood and all
    over this community here and nobody knows who I am,” he said with
    relish. Indeed, while we were talking, a lawn-care guy came to the
    front door and didn’t recognize him.

    The problem with large-scale publicity, said Mischke, is that it ruins
    the “theater of the mind”—the picture of him that exists only in
    listeners’ imaginations. He described a public forum where, afterward,
    a fan approached to express disappointment that his favorite radio host
    doesn’t look like Woody Allen. Mischke responded, jokingly, “I hope it
    didn’t ruin the show for you.” The man answered, “Well, it kind of did.”

    Contrary to what many expect, Mischke is really quite normal-looking.
    He’s got all of his hair, a sturdy build (no, he’s not stringy like
    Harry Dean Stanton), and eyes that crinkle when he laughs, which he
    does often. He said, “It’s a little unnerving to hear what body they
    think your voice belongs to.” But, he added, “You can’t tell people how
    to like you.”

    Most weeknights at around ten, Mischke steps from his house into a
    neighborhood that’s asleep. He drives along an industrial back route to
    the station on University Avenue, encountering no other cars. “It
    reminds me of a ghost town,” he said. When he gets to the station, the
    hallways are deserted, aside from a night security guard. He enters the
    broadcasting booth, where his boardman “Boomer” waits (Mischke
    nicknames all of his producers). For the duration of the show, Mischke
    keeps mostly to himself. He doesn’t chit-chat during commercial breaks,
    which he’s sure people gossip about when he’s not around. And at
    midnight, he returns home along the same industrial route, into the
    same quiet neighborhood. “In my mind,” he explained, “I go and open up
    this little store and work for a couple of hours and come home.”

    It’s a solitary routine, or at least it feels that way to Mischke,
    despite an estimated thirty thousand listeners. “I like to think that
    nobody is listening, or just five guys who are like Undertaker Fred,”
    he said. And that’s how it has to be. Flipping on the lights in
    Mischke’s dark corner of the radio world, with a daytime slot or a
    sidekick, would fundamentally alter, and no doubt degrade the show. His
    one-man-band approach allows him ultimate control and flexibility.
    Sometimes he talks over the top of commercials, mocking slogans or
    background music that he finds absurd, or he delays breaks altogether.
    At the top of a broadcast a few years ago, he paused to think of what
    to say next and didn’t speak another word for nearly two hours. When
    listeners called in, he put them on the air without explanation. The
    show took the form of a sound sculpture with people singing, reading
    poems, and playing instruments.

    Kookiness tends to attract kooks. Mischke’s regular callers have
    included Al, Undertaker Fred (who claims to have embalmed both his
    parents), Cynthia with the dogs, a ten-year-old boy named Luke, a host
    of northwoods back-to-the-landers, and Great-Great Grandma JJ. Before
    dying at age ninety-six, Grandma JJ frequently called in to play
    ditties on the harmonica and to speak in Polish. “Tom’s compassion and
    willingness to listen to those who are usually ignored is a big draw,”
    said Derek Larson, a thirty-six-year-old suburban postal worker and one
    of Mischke’s most dedicated fans. Thanks to server space donated by a
    fellow admirer, Larson posts dozens of audio clips at
    www.mischkemadness.com. “A good example is Undertaker Fred,” Larson
    said, “who was banned from most programs at KSTP. That only made Tom
    more willing to let Fred appear on his show. Everyone is
    interesting in some way. Tom lets these people talk, and it’s
    interesting to see how some very different people tick.”

    To some degree, Mischke has created a situation in which he can be
    morally honest. He stands up for small businesses while disparaging
    Wal-Mart (he recently recounted one of his made-up news stories, about
    how the company was hiring corpses because they didn’t require health
    benefits) and the Mall of America, which he calls the Mother of
    Abominations. He creates personalized commercials solely for local
    companies to which he can lend his full support, like R.F. Moeller
    Jeweler, which underwrote his most recent musical effort, a bluesy CD
    called Whistlestop. Of Mark Moeller, Mischke said, “He is a good guy, a
    friend of the family. Doing ads for him is just so easy.”

    On the flip side, operating in a self-constructed, small-town world has
    made it difficult for the show to expand to new markets, something
    Mischke would like to see. It’s not as though there hasn’t been
    interest. In 2002, the Jones Radio Network was set to syndicate the
    Mischke Broadcast—which counts among its listeners Garrison Keillor and
    David Letterman—from one coast to the other. Unfortunately, and perhaps
    this is why Mischke feels so comfortable among the misfits of the
    world, the man who can be laugh-out-loud funny also suffers from severe
    depression. Several times he’s dropped out of his show for months at a
    time (listeners were convinced he’d died), paralyzed by angst. Stress
    is a trigger, and the syndication process was nothing if not stressful.

    Big meetings, thick contracts, marketing efforts, spin-off products,
    national ads, news stories about the deal: The negotiations, he said,
    “were the longest, most drawn-out thing.” And at the end of it all,
    “There was this date hanging out there, what they call a hard launch,
    where I am supposed to go from being St. Paul Tommy Mischke to being
    nationally syndicated Tommy Mischke overnight.” He began to look upon
    Monday, March 25, 2002, with intense dread.

    Mischke expressed consternation on the air, noting that he had the
    worst ratings at KSTP (he no longer does). “I mean it’s ugly, painfully
    ugly,” he told listeners. “I stink in terms of ratings, people.
    Absolutely stink up the joint. I’m an embarrassment. And I sit here
    tonight absolutely accepting this assessment, and yet the show is
    supposedly heading to the big time. Syndication, here we come. How does
    one explain that? My show may very well be, how you say, a dud. Which
    is kind of funny in a watching-someone-slip-on-a-banana-peel kind of
    way. And I can live with that because we all have something we’re
    capable of being bad at. But then why in the hell is this moronic
    syndication company getting involved?”

    By the end of Mischke’s show on the Friday before the launch, he found
    himself spiraling into a “mental implosion.” He described the
    experience this way: “If your brain has all these circuits, it’s sort
    of like some guy was going through and pulling out cords. And
    literally, each of those cords went to some important function. One
    dealt with your ability to get up every day and walk out the door. One
    dealt with your creative side. One dealt with your ability not to find
    it terrifying that we’re all going to be dead in forty years. Another
    one helped you be able to read the paper without being bothered by what
    you read. However many of those cords got pulled out the last time, it
    was the most number. It happened overnight.”

    He knew the syndication deal was dead, “Because I’m now going to report
    in that I’m leaving for a while. You know, when you play this thing out
    so publicly, it’s bizarre. You feel like your life is this play on a
    stage.” After his return to the show, he went to KSTP management and
    asked why they didn’t fire him. “I really wanted to hear the logic
    behind why they didn’t because it made no sense to me. If it’s not
    working, people always say, ‘You don’t want to get fired, do you?’ I
    really do. I want to get fired if it’s not working.”

    Joe O’Brien, whose admiration for the host is obvious, wasn’t about to
    fire Mischke. Instead, a year ago last January, with Mischke’s consent,
    he moved him to the ten o’clock slot because he “seemed more like a
    late-night guy to me.” He added, “Tommy is a very, very talented guy, a
    very smart, observant, creative guy. He puts a lot of time and effort
    and thought and creativity into what he does. And he’s doing
    wonderfully.” Regarding Mischke’s bouts with depression, O’Brien says,
    “Things like depression aren’t uncommon in our business. In Tommy’s
    case it was a little more mysterious and probably a little more severe.
    But it comes with the territory. If we had completely sane, healthy,
    well-adjusted people doing talk shows, it might be a little dull.”

    Mischke counts himself lucky that “the Hubbards don’t operate like
    corporate America,” but rather “like a family business.” He has a hard
    time imagining a scenario where he would survive long working for Clear
    Channel. However, behind the microphone at his renegade radio outpost
    in the final ninety feet of the city of St. Paul, he somehow fits. “I
    didn’t come flying in from five, six other radio stations in other
    cities,” he said. Mischke is a true son of St. Paul, a populist,
    eschewing the big ideas of the left and right in favor of smaller, more
    personal ones—those fringe beliefs that really are not of the fringe at
    all. “I’m sort of a creation of KSTP,” he added. “I’m their guy.”

  • Like it Used to Be

    A picture of Broadway Street in Gilbert from 1910 looks surprisingly similar to one taken yesterday. Sure, there are now streetlights and pavement and tall trees, but the strip is still lined with old-fashioned, flat-roofed buildings, none more than a couple of stories high. While nearby Ely, in catering to canoeists and nostalgia seekers, has come to resemble the “Minnesot-ah!” store at the Mall of America, tiny Gilbert stubbornly remains the real deal.

    Founded as a village in 1896, Gilbert was originally and optimistically named Sparta. It was also located on another spot. But when iron ore was discovered there, the townspeople had to move, buildings and all. With the new location came the new name. In the early 1900s, it was thought that Gilbert would become huge, bigger than Hibbing, even—thus its early nickname, the “Village of Destiny.” The town built a wide, wooden main street, now Broadway, which was part of a twenty-eight-mile boardwalk connecting a string of Mesabi Range towns. Gilbert was also the eastern terminus of the Mesabi Electric Railway, a streetcar line that went to Hibbing.

    Gilbert never did become the jewel of the Range, but its streets continue to be lively and well-kept, its storefronts occupied. At one end of Broadway sits the Iron Range Historical Society, a low brick building that used to be the city hall/police station/jail. There, the curious can view artifacts from Will Steger’s North Pole expedition, jail cells straight out of Mayberry R.F.D., and an impressive mining exhibit. Food options include Koshar’s Sausage Kitchen, specializing in wild game dressing and hand-crafted ethnic sausages (including potato and blood versions), and the Memory Lane Café, which serves hearty breakfasts and homemade soups and pies, the blueberry being especially scrumptious. Gilbert’s best restaurant is also its most unlikely, a Jamaican joint called the Whistling Bird. It draws so many customers from nearby towns that a person is lucky to get a table on a Saturday night.

    When Gilbert incorporated, the first act of its village council was to grant a liquor license. Today, the town still has just two churches but nine bars, all on Broadway. Nick’s is one of the best. Owner Nick Vukelich is an old-timer with a lazy eye, a fever for sailing ships, and a deep love of polka. Representative of his cheeky sense of humor, the sign in the front window reads, “Sorry, we’re open.” About the only thing missing in Gilbert is a place to stay. For that, travelers must drive four miles to Eveleth, where the tidy Koke’s Motel awaits. It gets enthusiastic recommendations from the patrons at Nick’s. That’s the neighborly way things work on the Range. —Jennifer Vogel

  • The Worthlessness of Things

    In the photo, he’s twenty-five or so. Quite obviously, the picture was taken in the early 1970s. He is wearing loud plaid pants, a shiny pink shirt with ruffles down the front and at the cuffs, and a huge bowtie and vest. His afro is cropped, but not too close, and he’s smiling, one of those big, open-mouthed smiles that shows the gap in his front teeth. But there’s something off in the man’s expression, too. It’s in the eyes. They look hollow and sad, as though deep down the man is missing something. Something he’s never had and will never get.

    The picture is a little wrinkled and stained, as if it had gotten wet, and set crookedly in a frame that’s much too large. It dangles haphazardly from a nail on a basement wall in a suburban Minneapolis rambler. It’s one of thousands of things left behind by this man with the smile—piles and boxes and suitcases full of stuff, which are being pawed through by a crowd of bargain hunters. Whatever goes unsold will wind up in an enormous black trash bin that stands out front, menacingly, under the picture window.

    This sale was different from a typical estate sale, which is different from a typical garage sale. While a garage sale represents a thinning out, the happy prospect of making room for a den or a sauna or a new season of dresses, an estate sale represents obliteration—the end of a life, or at least a life in a particular home. Usually, the endless array of items, which range from lamps to pantyhose, are neatly tagged and arranged throughout the house by a relative, or by a company that takes a cut. Everybody wants a cut. But this particular sale was chaotic, the fallout from some ongoing disaster.
    Because the arrangements are normally so logical, with their displays and tidy categorizations, it’s easy for browsers to trace the arc of a person’s existence. You can see that when they were young they traveled, went to Mexico a couple of times or Greece. There may even be Spanish language textbooks, or books on reading Latin. Reading habits are generally more ambitious in youth; there’s often a focus on modern literature and classics (which may themselves have been modern when purchased) like Fitzgerald, Hemingway, or even Rimbaud. Or there is evidence of curiosity in science or nature or philosophy. But as life progresses, ambitions dissipate or are sacrificed and the books get more modest and practical: mysteries, romance novels, true crime, and exercise guides like Stretching for Seniors. Often the newest books describe how to go on without a spouse, cook for one, cope with diabetes, or beat lung cancer. Books on diseases present significant clues. So do stacks of old TV Guides and matchbooks from Treasure Island casino. At some point, it seems, living becomes simply a matter of passing time.

    Clothing choices evolve, too, of course. Sizes generally increase as the wearer ages; the fabrics become more uniformly polyester and rayon. Wash and wear. And there are more cardigans with wadded tissue in the pockets. With shoes, women’s heels get lower and the styles wider, to accommodate foot problems that result from a life of moving around.

    In all, visiting an estate sale is like going on an archeological expedition through the ruins of somebody’s life; you, the explorer, make guesses and assumptions based on the evidence at hand. An abundance of holiday decorations usually means grandchildren. Lots of hammers and tools mean a handyman—someone who had no children to inherit them or had children who went to law school. And if, when you go into the bathroom, you see bars of soap and cans of half-used shaving cream and hairspray, all for fifty cents each, well then you have to face facts. The people who lived in the house are dead.

    At those moments, you feel like a vulture picking at a sun-dried carcass by the side of the highway. But, hey, this stuff has to go somewhere, you think. Maybe it’ll help pay for the funeral. And you reassure yourself that at least you’re not part of the network of hardcore collectors who stand outside a house at seven for an eight o’clock sale. Those are the true vampires, hoping to snap up the dishes, records, antique bureaus, nineteenth-century silver spoons, and anything else that might objectively be worth something. That might be sold on eBay for a profit. These shoppers rush from table to table with poker faces and pockets full of cash, laughing to themselves—these people don’t know what they have. Me, I go late, on the last day of a sale usually, which is often bag day. That means you can have as much junk as you can stuff into a paper sack for one or two dollars. What I look for are the sentimental items, which some might say makes me the worst type of vampire of all. I want those things that, while worth next to nothing monetarily, were special to whomever owned them. A homemade painting of a frowning poodle. A crocheted pillow that reads, “World’s Greatest Postman.” Photographs from birthday parties and Thanksgivings. Men smiling in shiny pink shirts.

    It’s an attempt, I suppose, to gather sentimentality all in one place. I’m a glutton for meaning, even somebody else’s meaning. And so my own collection of stuff is largely made up of items that once made somebody else laugh or cry, trinkets and keepsakes that were stowed in drawers and albums and chests, propped on kitchen windowsills. They are idyllic farm scenes embroidered quite obviously without patterns and little houses fashioned from matchsticks, examined and perfected as much as the builder’s talents allowed. Part of the appeal is that that these items, sitting on the “bargain” table on the last day of a sale, seem orphaned. I’m consistently surprised that nobody wants them, for they, more so than the Tiffany lamp or the ruby pendant, carry on the spirit of their former owner. Perhaps that’s why people don’t want them—nobody likes to think about the past, it seems, only tomorrow. Except for people like me. My house is full of ghosts.

    Our things speak for us, especially when we are gone. They do this both by their specificity and their context. I think about my own home: What will somebody, someday, make of my collection of other people’s poorly executed art projects, photos of unrelated relatives, and a video library that includes Ikiru and Road House? Will someone get excited about the dress in which I was married, the one my husband bought at a garage sale, and will she wear it proudly to a cocktail party in the twenty-second century? Or will it be cut up and made into sofa pillows? Or, worse, will it go directly into the big black trash bin that will be waiting under my picture window? It’s a disconcerting notion, that the fate of my possessions is out of my hands. I might choose to bequeath some things, but, really, I don’t have much that’s worth bequeathing. I won’t be around to tell the stories, funny and sad, that make my things meaningful—to describe the spot where I found the rock that looks like Abe Lincoln’s head, or relate how a napkin comes from a bar where I was served free drinks by an eighty-five-year-old birthday boy. I won’t be able to define my own history. It will be defined by estate-sale shoppers, just as I attempt to define the history of the smiling, gap-toothed man.

    ***

    The man’s suburban home was stuffed with clues, but they were muddled, confusing—they didn’t add up. Items weren’t organized or labeled. They sat in slowly rotting piles, abandoned, perhaps suddenly, reminding me of those Robert Polidori shots of Chernobyl where dingy stuffing spills from forgotten teddy bears and paint peels from walls in blisters. The man’s cupboards still contained cans of food and jars of pickles. The paper towel holder held paper towels. There were albums full of photos—the man next to a gravestone, him with a circle of kids completing some sort of craft project, him on a sofa with his arm around a pretty woman in a red dress—and a selection of African artifacts: drums, masks, and carvings, all a
    little beat up. But they’d certainly taken effort to collect. These were not the kinds of things you leave behind unless you have to.

    The most striking thing about this estate sale, however, was the sheer, surreal volume of what the man had accumulated. One room was floor-to-ceiling electronics. There were maybe thirty telephones, some working, some not; fifty or more radios of various types and sizes; an impressive collection of small televisions; and a couple of electric organs. Two children were banging on the organs. Nobody told them to stop. What difference did it make? Desperation breeds disrespect. And, besides, it was bag day. Everything had to go. Everywhere in the house, there was clothing—piled up along the walls, flowing out of half-crushed boxes, covering floors like torn wrapping paper on Christmas morning. Aside from what was plainly visible, in room after room there stood towering piles of suitcases stuffed tight with clothing—men’s, women’s, children’s, from all eras. Some rooms you simply couldn’t go into, as there was nowhere to begin. People threw up their hands. Flicked off the lights. Walked away.

    Sales like this one are always rife with gossip. Pickers wondered aloud what had happened, and stories were circulating. Those running the sale, white people, not too friendly, seemed to be disgusted with the gap-toothed man. He’d been evicted, they explained. Couldn’t say why. But what about all the radios, the suitcases, the institutional cans of refried beans? Were these the remains of a garbage house or what? A paunchy man in a white Vikings sweatshirt carrying a receipt pad said he wasn’t sure. He scratched his head. He thought the man had been African and that he had been gathering materials and goods for a relief effort. So the man, at least in his own mind, had intended one day to send all this stuff to wherever in Africa he came from. This was evidence of best laid plans not just gone awry, but exploded.

    I walked into a side room, where there was a small book collection on a shelf. I picked out two dictionaries and placed them in my paper sack, next to a carved, cracked wooden statue of a man with his head in his hands, and the photos. Browsing the rest, I spotted a book about living with schizophrenia. So there was that.

    The picture of the man in the shiny pink shirt haunted me. I put it away when I got home. Then I took it out again. And then I pinned it above my desk. What had happened to him? I opened his dictionaries and found a name inscribed meticulously inside, along with dates and origins: “November 10, 1997—Diggers.” It was an African name. I started searching. First, I drove back by the house, which had gone up for sale. I called the listing real estate agent, who was abrasive about the inquiry, probably because he, for whatever reason, had been the one who evicted the man. No doubt, he must have been a handful, but the one-man-relief-effort also couldn’t have been all bad. Regarding the motive behind the many mounds of stuff, the agent said, “I believe he was going to ship it off, but he wasn’t very good with follow-through.” Most of what remained at the end of bag day wound up in the big black trash bin. Now it was officially garbage. The agent verified the man’s name, said he was around fifty years old. He wouldn’t put me in touch with the owner of the house, couldn’t tell me how long the man had lived there, didn’t know where he had gone. “As far as I’m concerned,” the agent said via cell phone, busy, on his way to a showing, “he fell off the face of the earth.”

    Google came next. There were a couple of people in the Midwest with the man’s last name, a doctor in Wisconsin and a yoga instructor who had just moved from Minnesota to California. I left messages for them both, and for the property owner, whom I found through Hennepin County tax records. No one returned my calls. My curiosity growing, I phoned people at local homeless shelters, but they aren’t allowed to say who stays where, for privacy reasons. I even performed one of those online background searches that cost fifty dollars, which turned up a couple of scrapes with the law, a drug possession charge, another for domestic abuse. Some nonpayment of taxes.

    Finally, a phone message came from the doctor in Wisconsin. He spoke with a heavy accent. “Yes, he is my older brother,” he said. “If you have any questions you can call me at my office. He is still in Minneapolis.” I, of course, did call his office. Several times. But I didn’t hear another word from the doctor in Wisconsin. I only know that his brother is alive somewhere in the city. Who he is, what happened, why things fell apart, remains a mystery. And maybe, in the end, the details of his life are none of my business anyway. I will simply enjoy the items that were once his—the wooden statue, a bowl, a pickax with a loose head. I will imbue these items with my own meanings, create a truth for them based on the thinnest of clues, just as somebody, someday, will do again after I am dead or gone.

  • Fort Donovan

    The entire apartment, which can’t be more than fifteen feet by fifteen, is visible from the front door: the makeshift sofa, the kitchen, the workshop, the “bedroom.” In fact, Dick Donovan’s apartment, where he’s lived since August, more closely resembles a fort. “On the second morning I lived here,” he recalls, “I fried eggs from bed and ate them in bed. And I thought either I am in heaven or I am in danger.” Indeed, the bed abuts a tiny gas stove. He’s mounted a tall window screen between the two, which acts as a grease shield and also keeps his blankets from catching fire.

    There’s a genuine artfulness to Donovan’s space. Not only is he a charcoal artist, a master Etch-A-Sketcher, and a collector of found art, but he built nearly every structure in the apartment by hand, including his platform bed, the clothes rail above it, and a swivel counter in the kitchen. He did this without making a single cut to the wood he retrieved from alleys and trash bins. All of his work is unique, some might even say Seussian. “I always deviate from my plans,” he explains. When not running deliveries for Leaning Tower of Pizza, he’s taking classes in carpentry. Donovan recently acquired a fixer-upper houseboat that’s anchored on the Mississippi. “It’s all I can think about now,” he says. “I’ve been building forts since I was a kid, starting with cushions and evolving into elaborate snow forts. That’s my fort on the river.”

    The aspects of the apartment Donovan didn’t build, he modified. The small refrigerator is mod-podged with old sewing patterns, as are patches above the door and fireplace. Yes, this tiny nook has a fireplace, in which he has placed a plug-in pile of fake logs. Some of the walls are framed with wooden yardsticks; all are painted, at least partly, ochre yellow, Donovan’s favorite color for walls. Sticking with the warm palette, his curtains are orange. His sofa is covered with a red blanket. “I like sunset colors,” he says. “Mellow tones. I find them relaxing.”

    A computer used to hang over the bed from chains, but as winter dragged on and his “life force drained,” he had to take it down. “The thought that it might fall on me was giving me insomnia,” says Donovan, who holds a psychology degree from the University of Minnesota. “Maybe this summer, I’ll put it back up.” Most of his other electronics are old and formerly discarded. They include a four-track recorder that “may work,” a turntable from a grade-school AV department, and a microwave that he says weighs as much as two air conditioners. “It’s so preposterous—it must have come from the Chernobyl cafeteria.” His most prized appliance by far is a screw gun. “If I was stuck on a desert island and could have only one thing, it would be a screw gun.” After a pause, he adds, “and a lot of batteries.”—Jennifer Vogel