Rake Against the Machine

Andy Stern, the president of the Service Employees International Union, has the rugged good looks of a guy who’s been in his fair share of scraps. With his bawdy East Coast accent and bulging nose, he’s definitely not a man to mess with. When he got up on stage at the press conference for the […]

Whores, Hags, and Meth Mouth

At the Minnesota State Fair, the food gets all the hype. Cram something edible onto a stick and it will get front page coverage. That’s good and all, but the main attraction to the fair is the people themselves. It’s not just a cross section of America; it is everything from the sewer to the […]

The Citidiot

My friend Nick and I strolled into the Looney Bean coffee shop in the tiny northern town of Crosby, Minnesota. We were grabbing some morning coffee and inquiring about the town’s upcoming community festival that we thought was called "Crosby Days." It was taking place that weekend and it sounded like a fun thing to […]

Reefer Madness

I was patiently standing in the ticket line at the Fringe Festival. Then the middle aged man right in front of me abruptly took off his pants. When he began to twist and turn and fidget with his belt, I nervously stepped back. Personally, I didn’t think that when I signed up to cover the […]

Why Stop The Funny?

I’ve reached a new low, which is amazing, because I’ve had my fair share of low moments in my life. There was the time in college when I had an explosive stomach issue while wearing a Halloween costume. On my wedding day, I had a dress shirt "malfunction." I had to wear a tie and […]

The F Word

I absolutely loves me some Facebook. And I know what you’re thinking: What the hell is Todd Smith, the Spazz Dad, doing on Facebook? Isn’t he the guy with the Vagina Eye (Chop It Off) and the overactive colon? You are totally right. I have about as much right of being on the hip social […]

Golf Sex

On a recent sunny afternoon in Minneapolis, four fabulous looking ladies put some serious sass into the usually bland game of golf. As the young fasionistas shimmied across the grounds of the Walker Museum’s new Artist Designed Mini Golf Course, the women combined ample cleavage and golf putters to make the fantasy of millions of […]

A Lesson in Futility

At the end of July, I will be trekking to Montana to write a story about a man who lives on top of a mountain in the most remote corner of Glacier National Park. Since this dude literally lives on top of a mountain, I have to hike up hill for six straight miles (with […]

The Idiots at My Work, Part II

On the loading dock of my work, a truck driver named Tater takes a seat in the shade and fans his sweat soaked crotch with a celebrity gossip magazine. Under the broiling summer sun, the tubby trucker is quickly roasted like a luau pig; his fleshy face turns heart-attack red and his sleeveless t-shirt stinks […]

A Knight for a Day

Giving a sharp sword to a hyper-ass eight-year-old boy goes against all parental logic. But that’s exactly what happened at the "Knight for a Day Camp," a place where kids are whole-heartedly encouraged to go completely medieval. The "Knight for a Day" summer camp was put on by The Oakeshott Institute, a Twin Cities foundation […]