The Rake Magazine

Tag: BMW

  • There's More Than One Bristol

    So, one of my fellow bloggers called my keen political insights "garbage" and asked me to go back to writing about cars.

    I will gladly fulfill your wish. In fact, how about if I write about both?

    I will even perfume my words to make sure the wind that passes when I write about politics will not offend your hope and passion for change.

    (Trying my hand here at Obama-speak. Such crap, I know.)

    (The other Bristol? courtesy of Perez Hilton and the Cap’n)

    No, here’s the deal-e-oh-my-god. As any car guy knows, there is a great British firm that has remained in business for a half-century by the Burgermeisterish name of "Bristol."

    They got their start when they acquired the tooling for the very fine BMW 328 as a WWII war reparation and constructed their first car–the Bristol 400 in the 1947.

    This proud old firm was very hot in the automotive world last year when they claimed to have turned their current Supercar–the extremely expensive and akward-looking Bristol fighter into the fastest front-engined production car in the world (Jalopnik says 1000 plus HP).

    I am about as certain they have accomplished this as I am that Ms. Palin the Sexy Librarian (in look) will last till Thursday.*

    Its a fast moving story, still.

    And this one really doesn’t stink.

    * 11:00 PM Wednesday Night. Well, well, I am wrong again. Sexy Librarian makes me look stupider than ever. She is is going to stay. Hockey Moms, however, are still no match for Ski Moms–check out this incredible true blog.

  • Chicks Live on Farms

    It occured to me this morning that I must update my post "Bimbos,
    Himbos and Harleys" with new content and here is why:

    While
    it is true that the DelSol, the VW rabbit convertible and the Corvette
    are charter members of the Bimbo & Himbo Hall of Fame, not many of
    you drive these things.

    Unlike the Mini-Cooper.

    Which raises the question: is this a car for bimbos and/or himbos? My answer is emphatically, unfortunately, yes. But only for the second-gen "new mini" model, not the first.

    BMW has detuned the second generation Cooper to fit a
    demographic that is overwhelmignly female. These German Dunderheads
    equate this with the "more forgiving" characteristics of a "chick car."

    I for one, have always believed that chicks live on farms and
    not the front seat of a Mini Cooper. That is why the women I know have
    shunned the second generation model.

    Come to think of it, the
    only person I know who has purchased one is my Dad’s loudmouth,
    Crocs-wearing and frequently swearing neighbor who seems to be going
    through some kind of mid-life crisis.

    In other words, a himbo.

    Of the very highest order.

  • Legal Lolitas

    I have always wondered why certain cars remain off limits to men of a particular age.

    What makes a Red Corvette more age-appropriate than a Mini Cooper? (Forgetting the conventional wisdom that posits the Corvette as "gold chain"—a sentiment unmasked as a simple prejudice with the Z06, a true American Beauty in red.)

    Or, for that matter a Mazdaspeed 3? Or the brand-new Mercedes SLK?

    While I am barely beyond a sophomoric mindset (seething, Kersten-kudoing hatred of video games notwithstanding including filthy games like Donkey Kong) I can appreciate certain rides for what they are. That is why I am currently fixated on a turbo VW bug in black.

    This car has a lot of issues.

    It is not the fastest 180 HP turbo on the market, its handling is a little spongy and it will choke and die on the dust of a Mazdaspeed 3.

    It does pack one little asset however–the simple to chip 1.8 liter turbo. I have seen this chipped to a cool 250+HP without extensive modifications to the drivetrain or suspension. You can also take full advantage of the superb after-market upgrades that exist for VW/Audi and even Porsche vehicles.

    Not that you, given your age and gender, would take advantage of a situation like this. Not with your misplaced longing for a Jag (not.) Not with this black bug possessing an equally black rag top (yes, its a convertible.)

    What would this do to your rug?