The Rake Magazine

Tag: Mercedes

  • Porn Again.

    (Pictured: The 1000HP Hennessy Viper. More on this one in a later
    post. Hennessy is the porn king of American cars and reportedly a real prick. E-mail him.)

    This
    will be an on-going follow-up post to my "Nature Porn" comments a few
    months back. In my my previous post, I covered the world’s most obscene
    SUV for the money—the Hennessy Grand Cherokee SRT-8.

    Like all
    Hennessy cars, this Cherokee offers a compelling alternative to
    something else, such as, for example, a walk through the woods. Others
    are a satisfactory subsitute for Viagra. Or so say the older people who
    can afford them — so they say, it is said, sadly.

    As a former
    canoe camper and devotee of Sigurd OIson (although he did hoard
    electric motors and land), I have always worried that I may be leaving the wrong impression.

    So, here, for starters, are my first picks for the world’s most obscene* "on-road-or-track-only" rides:

    1) The new Mercedes AMG SL series. In their 12-cylinder variants they pump out a cool 738 ft. lbs. of torque (and that’s all that matters.)

    2)
    Yet even in this rarified territory everyone still knows that stock
    sucks. With this in mind, I suggest you call the service manager at Sears
    and ask him for the cell number of the Renntech SL owner I met this morning. I am pretty sure he’ll trade his privacy for a chance at prestigious local press.

    What? Like this blog isn’t?

    A pox on your Prius.

    (*note: what constitutes an "automotive obscenity" is hotly contested)

  • Porn Again

    (Pictured: The 1000HP Hennessy Viper. More on this one in a later post. Hennessy is the porn king of American cars and a real prick.)

    This will be an on-going follow-up post to my "Nature Porn" comments a few months back. In my my previous post, I covered the world’s most obscene SUV for the money–the Hennessy Grand Cherokee SRT-8.

    Like all Hennessy cars, this Cherokee offers a compelling alternative to somehting else, such as, for example, a walk through the woods. Others are a satisfactory subsitute for Viagra. Or so say the older people who can afford them, so they say, it is said, sadly.

    As a former canoe camper and devotee’ of Sigurd OIson (although he did hoard electric motors and land) however, I have always worried that I may be leaving the wrong impression.

    So here, for starters, is my first pick for the world’s most obscene* on-road-at-all-times rides:

    1) The new Mercedes AMG SL series. In their 12-cylidner variants they pump out a cool 738 ft. lbs. of torque (and that’s all that matters.)

    2) Yet even in this rarified territory everyone still knows that stock sucks. With this mind, I suggest you call the service manager at Sears and ask him for the cell number of the Renntech SL owner I met this morning. I am pretty sure he’ll trade his privacy for a chance at presitgious local press.

    What, like this blog isn’t?

    A pox on your Prius.

    (*note: what constitutes an "automotive obscenity" is hotly contested)

  • The Pope and BMW. Hellish.

    I have been struck by lightning.

    BMW now apparently wants the Popemobile biz (proposal depicted above). As a Mercedes (exclusive builders of Vatican limos for an eternity) owner, I pray for an intercession.

    As no self-respecting Swabian would be seen in a high-end Manure Wagen, neither should His Most Holy Benedict.

    Irrefutable evidence of this can been seen in the long, storied history that Mercedes has enjoyed with the Vatican. I believe its finest hour was clearly the 600 Pullman Series open top cars from the early sixties. I could wax about them, but I think this ad from a Seattle limo service does it best:

    "The rarest of the hand built 600 limousines was the Landaulet, of which only 59 were ever made.

    These
    exclusive parade cars were owned by royalty and heads of state,
    including Pope Paul VI. The previous owner of this car was a Columbian
    bu    sinessman. The head of a highly profitable “import-export” cartel,
    he is now serving a number of life sentences in a US Federal
    penitentiary.

    The penultimate bridal limousine, or the crowning touch for a special
    occasion. B    y itself, or in convoy with one or both of our matching ex-Hugh
    Hefner 600 Pullmans , this magnificent example of automotive indulgence
    will make a day to remember."

    Why I even need to make argument is beyond me. Given that Pope Benedict is from Bavaria, however, I am not exactly holding out a candle. Dio mio te deum in grande excelsis.

     

  • Doncha' Wish Your Benz Was …

    You know what they say–if pictures could sing.

    Well this is the last of my photo batch from that National Musee’ D’Automotive in France. I have been saving her picture because she is the car that spoke to me more than any other.

    I think that is because this Benz seems like a female sibiling of the SSK that dominated so many race tracks in the 1930s. I never realized that brute had a twin–much less a sister.

    Don’t you wish?