After noticing my previous post, someone asked me how a Guido could afford an M3. Well there is a difference between common Guidos (also known as Larrys) and Gold Chain Guidos. Guidos work in the chain store, Gold Chain Guidos own multiple chain stores (likely through some Ponzi scheme.)
An automotive badge frequently accessorized with a gold chain
While Gold Chain Guidos are fond of BMWs, the Hummer H2 or H3 Alpha is their favorite ride. If you would like to know more about this species, simply take a little field trip to Bellanote’ in Minneapolis on Thursday night.
My favorite Madonna. From Eddie Munch. Looks troubled.
Saints are frequently (always? help me as I am not Catholic) depicted with halos around their heads. In the car biz, there are certain revered cars that emit a similar glow. And few halo cars are worshiped more fervently than the BMW M3.
That is why the first notices on the latest model about to hit our shores soon are as troubling as Munch’s Madonna (depicted above.) In fact, if you believe the English motoring press (as you should because it is the best) things look very dark indeed.
They say its just not snappy enough (for an M3, even with 420 HP, my God) it lacks steering feel (for an M3) and is a little porky (for an M3, as all have been compared to the first beloved iteration in mid-80s, the bad boy with the spoiler).
Personally I think something Faustian is going on. I believe someone whispered into some southern chu-man’s ear that the current M3 is a little too edgy for the typical American gold chain guido. If the Oracles are right, then BMW planned it this way.
And the thought of it makes me mad as you know where.
Like Guidos? then this is your flick. Or if this is too taxing to watch, try the story in more literate form. The comic book is for sale BTW:
I was just asked why anyone would drive an “obscene” SUV like the Porsche Cayenne. To me, this is obvious. It allows anyone to drive like a Soprano while sending other SUVs to sleep with the fishes. (and more on that topic here)
If that does not convince you then let me make the business case. Porsche needed this SUV to up its cash flow and stay in business.
In other words, they did it for the money to eventually finance new racing programs and the sports cars we all love. At least we car guys (and gals) who don’t ask stoopid questions like this at parties.
And while it pains me to admit it, I agree with Porsche’s logic. While the Cayenne may indeed be a criminal example of excess for people with no taste (unlike those with an appetite for true sports cars with engines that are vented al’ fresco) the worst fate to befall Porsche would be for it to be acquired by GM and lose its independence.
You saying I have no taste? You like the taste of burnt rubber?
Fortunately, thanks to the Cayenne, Porsche will not burn the fires of financial hell for quite some time. For me this is worth its dance with the devil called the SUV.
(p.s. I am hoping I don’t get whacked by telling you that the Jeep Cherokee SRT-8 can pummel the Cayennes’ chili pepper pistons any day. The W-10 VW Touareg can too–if you can find one in the U.S.)
Mercedes is so back with the C class. I mean I just saw one in black and its more bitching than Johnny Cash* at Folsom prison in full stereophonic sound. Speaking of which, I just came across this totally bitchin’ website cover: www.stereophonics.com/home php
*and as Big&Rich remind us in their first and best album to date “Charley Pride** was the man in black, Rock&Roll used to be about Johnny Cash, what-cha think about that?”
(**Now is someone gonna help Charley with his site?, I am booked with other causes at the moment, all good.)
C riders can rejoice. (e.d. I mean to say that Mercedes is going back to showing their face–i.e. the grill.)
While I am not one to make predictions (only bad businesspeople do that, stupid foo’ businesspeople) I will offer an observation.
I think the new Merc C class looks really “hot” in silver. That may mean (while I am not one to make predictions) that you may soon see alot of them on the road. In fact, I am so dumbfounded by how cool this car looks that adjectives fail me.
I have to admit that I did not always feel this way about the new C. The first time I saw one it was done up in a dark blue hue that made me ask Mercedes “now see what you have done.” I mean, it looked a little bit like a 3-series. And all things being equal, I would rather have a 3-series than a C class.
Till I saw this new C-class in silver. That is when I realized that Mercedes has done something different with this new car. The design is better resolved than the BMW. It also handles like the BMW while preserving a torque curve that’s about as flat as Gwen Stefani (nothing over developed, which is nice). Best of all, it costs about the same as as that milky white rice cake called the Toyota Avalon.
And I don’t see any Road Rake reader, or rider, in that kinda car.
I post the following strange sighting from the summer. This grainy video was captured icognito in the lobby of Colonial Church in Edina. I shot it on a morning when that Mommies (mainly) send their brood off to a camp called, stranger still, Pyro. It was recommended by a Mom to my wife.
Now don’t get me wrong, the world needs Moms. I just wonder whether Moms, or at least “Ferrari Moms,” mix well with camp.
You see I was a very big camper in my day and I remember my Dad (mainly) dropping me off at the Downtown YMCA downtown at 6 AM (during the heydays of the Village People, no less). While other Dads would huddle at the drop-off site with their Big Gulps, fishing hats and flannel shirts to set the mood, slick Italian jackets with prancing horses were nowhere to be seen.
I think that is because I went to a camp called Menogyn, where we burned wood, muscle and brain cells coping with wilderness survival. In fact, we often planned our 21-28 day canoe trips with too little food and ended up with Goldmanesque tales of our experiences.
This Mom would never have let that happen. While I am not sure that she drove off in a sports car she did not leave her campers wanting for anything. I know this because I saw the size of the care package she left them for a mere three day stay.
I guess this means that my Dad should have bought that Ferrari when we lived in Milan instead of the Wine Cellar he imported and dropped me off at camp with more to chew on than my character.
I have always been a bigger fan of vertical speed than the horizontal kind. Nothing beats a hurl down the hill under one’s own power. As we approach winter I will be waxing about this most excellent of all sports. (Ski racing in paticular, the last remaining sport I know of that is devoid of politics as it is just you and the clock.)
Getting to the hill in style is another matter altogether. I have found over the years that small estate wagons are the best transport. You can drive them to the hill and then drive home at breakneck speeds home once the snow melts.
After a hiatus of uninspired models, Mercedes is back on top with its geist-scorching new C class. I have included a European press shot above. It reflects Mercedes’ updated design language, with design cues from the new S-Class sedan and R-Class crossover. I have both seen and driven it and I pronounce it the new King of Wagon Hill.
I usually hate these articles in car magazines. However, there is a little car (accent on small) that is currently taking Italy by storm and threatens to topple the Mini, Peugeot, and everything else in its path once it is exported.
With this kind of success and with the resurgence of Fiat (now run by Luca Cordero di Montezemolo, the best CEO on the planet–from Ferrari), it may only be a matter of time before you see it here.*
The car is the much beloved Topolino/CinqueCento, now called the Nuova 500. This little thing makes women melt and men wish they had its mojo. It is so hot in Italy right now that they cannot even export it, so I hear. It is designed by Frank Stephenson (almost as cool as Luca), who previously penned the first generation Mini for BMW.
* You can’t buy this car, yet, but you can probably buy Fiat as an ADR on the NYSE. I did this with Toyota eighteen months ago and it has treated me well. So I recommend you buy the ADR, wait two years, and then allow your stock appreciation to pay for the car. Worth visiting the “Street” Rake, eh?
Mr. Montezemolo: a small picture of the biggest man in cars.
The amount of Italian iron in the Twin Cities never ceases to amaze me. I was once again stunned by the annual Wheels Of Italy Show that took place at Lake Calhoun this weekend. Good thing I had my plane to take this aerial photo (so its from two years ago but the picture just keeps improving, trust me.)
I only wish I had my Alfa buffed in time for the show. Italian cars are usually female and look great in red with the exception of mine–he is black like the night. His name is Fabio. He was named for me before I could put down my Grappa and fight about it.
While some people ditch downtown for their cabins during August, others attend a car show jam packed with more bling, chrome and new 24’s than a Lil’ Wayne video. I am talking about the 7th annual Dub Magazine Auto Show & Concert that rolled into the Minneapolis Convention Center this weekend.
Proof, I guess, that there are Dads and then there are Sugar Daddies pimping for crimping and a cruise. Wanna try it?, check out a few more rides right here/
