Author: rakemag

I’d rather have a boa for governor than a snake

When Jesse Ventura was governor, we cringed at his many postures, and often his costumes, which sometimes included a feather boa.

Someone once said to me on a day on which I was sporting a pink shirt, “You must be sure of your sexuality to wear that shirt.” That’s the way I felt about Jesse. He was an ass, but he was a real man’s ass.

Little Timmy Pawlenty, on the other hand, is going to spend the rest of his life trying to get back at the bullies that shoved him into his grade school locker–starting with undocumented immigrants.

Here’s the telling quote from today’s Strib story: “Pawlenty suggested Tuesday that polling by his campaign had confirmed what he said is obvious to anyone in Minnesota who isn’t “living under a rock” — that illegal immigration is a serious issue for much of the public.” Yup, polling is what’s driving Timmy. What’s right or effective? Forget it.

Just like Timmy was afraid to call a cigarette tax a tax instead of a fee for fear of how that would poll with his true constituency, he’s bravely stepped up and on the radio today equated the Mexicans who clean your restaurant dishes with Zacarias Moussaoui.

I’m as against terrorists washing my dishes and picking my fruit as the next guy, but doesn’t Timmy know that a lot of big time Republican contributors count on immigrant labor to make their businesses obscenely profitable so they can donate more? They’re going to be mad if they have to start employing Americans again at wages they can live on.

So, tread lightly Timmy. Your idiotic stance on an issue your polls tell you will solidify your nutball base could backfire and singe your tie.

Why not pressure Washington to come up with a sensible immigration policy? Oops, there’s that old politics thing again. The Republicans don’t want a sensible immigration policy because that would harm their true base. And, they couldn’t whip up the xenophobes at the same time.

Timmy, be a real man. Get a boa. While you are at it, get some real issues that actually affect Minnesotans, like education funding or mass transit.

This is a mule

This is an ass. Know the difference.

Not that Pawlenty’s screed against illegal immigrants left much doubt about the Republican position on what to do with them, but in case there was any lingering uncertainty, State House Speaker Steve (The Hammer) Swiggum weighed in today on the matter in an op-ed piece in the Strib.

Swiggum takes Strib columnist Nick Coleman and Attorney General Mike Hatch to task for calling the Mexican swine who are shitting all over our country “undocumented aliens” instead of “illegal sons of bitches.” He bolsters his point admirably with the following syllogism: “Calling illegal immigrants “undocumented” is like calling a burglar an uninvited houseguest.”

Think about that. Those wetbacks are here to steal from us. THEY ARE BURGLARS, dammit. That’s a profession they must be pursuing while taking a break from washing our dishes, cleaning our houses, working in our slaughterhouses, and picking our vegetables.

On top of being theives, they are drug dealers, too, according to Steve (The Righteous) Swiggum. Need evidence? Here you go, from Steve (The Just) Swiggum’s own typewriter: “For example, after successfully curbing the production of methamphetamine in Minnesota this year, we’re now battling the importation of meth from Mexico. Fifteen people were arrested recently in central Minnesota in one of the largest meth investigations in the state. Law enforcement described the suspects as a mix of legal and illegal immigrants.”

First, it’s preposterous to say we’ve “successfully” curbed the production of meth in Minnesota. That will happen about the same time we “successfully” curb the production of bullshit in the Legislature.

Second, people who bring drugs into the U.S. are not immigrants, they are “mules.” And we’ll get rid of mules about the same time we get rid of fear-mongering asses like Swiggum and Pawlenty–the sooner the better in my opinion.