Category: Blog Post

  • A Year Since You're Gone

    A little over a year ago, Paul Gruchow killed himself—and we are still feeling robbed. At the time, we put pen to paper and tried to memorialize him as best we could. We still believe that he was one of the finest environmental essayists ever, anywhere.

    Just today, we finally got around to reading Michael Finley’s remembrance in an issue of Minnesota Monthly from a few months ago. Though he handles his subject delicately—and maybe just a hair too solicitously, but it is after all unkind to speak ill of the dead—Finley makes it clear that Gruchow was a troubled man. What was clearly a diagnosed case of bipolar disorder was activated and aggravated by Gruchow’s chosen profession. Gruchow was irritated that he hadn’t achieved wider acclaim. He knew what we know—he deserved it. Jealousy and envy are ugly emotions, but they are universal.

    Finley stumbles a little in his tribute to Gruchow in trying to explain what Gruchow did on the printed page. It would have helped to quote Gruchow himself more, but this is a challenge in trying to reproduce a writer whose impact was subtle and cumulative—no major fireworks, just the slow accretion truth, rather like the way hay is baled.

    The last time we spoke to Gruchow we talked about the unique kernal of truth that he shares with John Muir and with Aldo Leopold—but what is conspicuously missing in the writings of the better-known (and wealthy) Annie Dillard, and his real nemesis, the exceedingly popular Gretel Ehrlich.

    Ehrlich titled her seminal book “The Solace of Open Spaces,” which was published in December of 1986. Two years later, Gruchow published his indispensible “The Necessity of Empty Places.” The slight play in titles is rhetorically a key to understanding the difference between the writers and where each belongs, relative to the canon of nature writing.

    For Ehrlich and her long list of (predominantly female) acolytes, nature is really just a projection screen for an unrelenting program of self-help. To be fair, this tradition goes back to some fine American forebears—especially the Transcendentalists Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau. Nature is a proving ground for the human spirit—the value of flora and fauna in the environment is their capacity to communicate profound truths for the betterment of the observer—that is, the writer. We concern ourselves with nature because “open spaces” have the capacity to provide “solace” to human actors in their midst.

    If that were as simple and true as many fleecey, tree-hugging, journaling hikers would like to believe, Gruchow would undoubtedly be alive today. Still, it’s not as if Gruchow didn’t cover some of the same territory, but he did it from exactly the opposite side of the mountain. Nature exists in, of, and for itself—it owes nothing to humanity. On the contrary, humanity owes it everything. It is enough to talk about conservation and perservation as goals in themselves—irrespecive of their “spiritual” or therapeutic value to the funny two-legged mammal with opposable thumbs.

    This dichotomy is, interestingly enough, built into the charter of the United States park service. Congress charges our rangers with administering the national parks for both preservation AND access. Today, we constantly see the users fighting with the preservers. If more people read Gruchow today (and we are sure they eventually will) we’d talk less about parks as a “national resource” or “reserve” and more about how to protect environments that show minimal human input (or, more commonly, outtake). In other words wilderness has value independent of humans, and we’d be wise to start acting that way. Ironically, it would serve our long-range interests better. Gruchow knew that. It was not a truth that could save one man, but one for an entire community.

  • Some Old Words While I Unpack My Bags: A Common Misconception Regarding Paradise

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    I’d like, if I could, to correct a common misconception regarding Paradise. The animal sanctuaries are actually, in fact, offshore, a couple islands just off the coast which have been set aside for cats, primates, and horses. As with humans, however, not all cats, primates, and horses are admitted to Paradise, although virtue is not the determining criteria for these animals. To enter Paradise –or rather, to be granted eternal refuge on these Paradisiacal adjuncts– a cat, horse, or monkey has to have had the sort of relationship with a human whereby it was perceived by its human companion to have been in possession of a soul. Such relationships constitute what is offically called “Empathic Baptism.”

    This is admittedly a rule that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it’s been in place since the last major ammendments and revisions to the admissions criteria were signed into the Book of Law at the end of the 19th century.

    Dogs are the only animals given a blanket pass to Paradise proper –good dogs, I should say, but there have been very few remembered examples of dogs having been denied admission. I have to admit that, being a dog person, I find this arrangement more than satisfactory. There are, though, plenty of people –equal rights animal rights activists, mainly– who carp about the issue all the time, but it’s the way things are in Paradise. This is essentially a very conservative place, where proposals for even minor changes are frowned upon and met with stiff resistance from the governing council. There are also, I should say, a lot of people here who have no apparent love for animals of any kind, and this is a constituency that is constantly complaining about the absence of meat from our diets. If we had a democratic system in place here and the matter of admitting animals was put to a vote I have no doubt that the animal lovers among us would be soundly defeated.

    Certainly people recognize that if you open the gates to such animals as cattle and chickens and rats and the like you’re going to have a big problem on your hands in a hurry. The mortality rate and life expectancy of most animals makes any sort of concessions or compromises on this point problematic, to say the least. We’re already packed in so tight that social interaction is all but impossible. The streets are always so crowded that I virtually never leave my dormitory any more, and I’m forced to share my bed with the six dogs who spent most of their lives with me. It’s admittedly not the most comfortable of arrangements, but I guess that’s the price you pay for attaching yourself to other living creatures, and I wouldn’t think of making a fuss.

    I had a neighbor for a time –a woman from Portland– who bitched so loudly and for so long over the refusal to grant an exception for her ferret that she was eventually shipped back to Purgatory until she learned to keep her yap shut. I can’t say I was sorry to see her go.

  • Adult Swim

    I assume the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated is out, although I have neither seen it nor gone looking for it, have never done so that I recall—though I certainly do not mind it when it passes into my life, say in the waiting room at Jiffy Lube. One of our prized possessions here in the office is an old copy of a swimsuit issue from, like, the paleolithic age, with Cheryl Tiegs on the cover. I say “our,” but Sandberg owns this, and he has it positioned to advantage in his cubicle. This is one of two tremendous assets of Sandberg’s cube, the other being a limitless supply of Ibuprofen.

    People have asked what the connection is between Cheryl Tiegs and The Rake. I am not at liberty to give all the details, but the basic outline is this: We are good friends and fans of Dan Buettner’s (he wrote for our very first issue, but seems to have gotten very busy ever since—the power of a byline in our little rag!), and of course Dan and Cheryl have been dating for some time now. The lovely and gracious couple has been known to show up at various Rakish soirees. Sandberg has been threatening to have Cheryl autograph his yellowing artifact from the Mezzozoic (though we hasten to add that Miss Cheryl has aged far better than the magazine).

    This old issue of Sports Illustrated is fascinating to look at for reasons other than taking a trip in the way-back machine to oogle swimsuit fashions in the era of Gerald Ford. It also has a feature on Henry Bouchet, the Minnesota North Star (and Warroad native) whose career was ended by an eye injury sustained in a terrible beating that occured in an NHL hockey game. (We remember that with horror. Horror! Twas ever thus; we left the end of last season with a similar, ferric taste in our mouths.) This year, of course, we don’t have pro hockey as a distraction—although we’re fast approaching the MSHSL tourney, and as everyone knows, kids peak early these days, especially jocks, so we like to share in their moment before the long decline into hairlessness and shoe sales and reunions in unbearably long five-year increments. Cue that old saw about the one TV we have here in the office, blah-de-blah.

    So, anyway, I read somewhere that Sports Illustrated has, for very many years now, made a standing offer to its subscribers: Anyone who does not wish to receive the Swimsuit Issue may request that it not be delivered, and their account will be credited with an additional issue at the end of their subscription. I also read where there is no record of anyone ever exercising this option.

    In other words, the wave of cancellation threats appears to come each year not from subscribers, but from the angry spouses of subscribers and other heated busybodies. This is not exactly rocket science, of course. What we see here is a failure to communicate. Dude, forget the free clock radio, the Sharper Image gift certificates, the coily tie-less shoelaces, the TIME-AOL-WARNER brand cordless telephone with three speed-dail presets. Sports Illustrated subscribers, you need to keep your eye on the ball here. It is your job to convince your partners that the swimsuit issue is a valuable resource in your ongoing efforts to educate yourselves in the finer sartorial points that are so central to the lives of your loved ones. We have it on good authority that there is nothing sexier than a man who takes a keen, empathetic interest in clothes and fashion and accessories and footware. And this is important: Be sure to indicate that it is only through being exposed to the extreme that you can better understand the mean. In other words, it is not possible to have a good understanding of sexy one-piece woolen bathing suits with three-quarter sleeves and revealing above-the-knee skirt without a summary of what’s going on in the area of thongs and string-bras.

    Also, swimming is a very strenuous and serious sport, worthy of illustration.

  • One More Reason To Be Grateful You're Living In Twins Territory, Part One

    I have every reason to believe our lads are steroid-free (seventeen reasons, in fact –that being the number of seasons since a member of the local nine has hit thirty homeruns), and I wouldn’t expect to hear of any dirty piss tests emanating from the Twins’ clubhouse any time soon.

    The truth is that the organization hasn’t had any obviously synthetic muscle-heads or otherwise unnatural mirror-candy since they got rid of the superhumanly-ripped tandem of Rich Garces and David West some years ago.

  • Feedback Loop

    It’s new-issue Monday, and there is nothing as exciting or scary as setting your work of the previous month before a jury of 65,000 peers. We tend to get feedback of three kinds. First, there are complimentary emails from readers who like what they read, and these are the ones we read repeatedly, we print them out and tape them onto the refrigerator, we high-five each other outside our cubicles, we go back and read the issue with a warm glow in our hearts, we buy flowers for our loved ones, we call our grandmothers just to say hello, we ride to lunch on a cloud of fizzy egotism. Aren’t we great?

    The second sort of feedback we get is from smart readers who trouble-shoot the new issue for smallish, stupid errors (hopefully, never major ones—knock on wood!) on the order of screwed-up phone numbers, incomplete information, misspelled names, and that sort of thing. These are always terribly embarrassing, and we are suddenly plunged into a deep funk of despondency and self-loathing. Maybe we are working in the wrong industry? Who are we trying to fool? We really ought to be fired! We could always sell the house and go into sheep farming. We begin to hyperventilate. Then, just in time, a few more happy emails arrive, and we begin to feel better. We vow never to repeat the same inane mistakes. Stern warnings are issued, wrists are slapped. We will do better. We must do better. Someone will get fired next time, we swear, but ain’t gonna be a next time! Perfection is only a month away!

    The final sort of feedback we get is just strange. There are occaisonally readers who think we lean one way politically, while they lean politically the other way, and it incenses them that our views seem to contradict their views. Now, to be perfectly fair, we DO have strong preferences about the way things are versus the way we think they ought to be. Despite banging on with our unsolicited opinions about “objectivity” and “news” and “media” and “blogging” and “neo-cons,” we wish to clarify that we are merely observers with (we hope) informed opinions about the industry in which we work. The magazine is not really a news vehicle per se, not in the same way that a daily or weekly newspaper is. That’s not our gig, that’s the other guys. So we’re more comfortable about have a special take on any subject we may take up. But see here: We think one of the mortal sins of working in media is succumbing to shrill, predictable, party politics. We wish to be correct, of course, but more important than being correct is being a pleasure to our readers. We think there are very few pleasures in shrill, predictable, party politics. We try to find new, interesting, fresh ways to say true things.

    But our point is a more mundane, interesting one. For some reason, each time we receive a note from someone who is unhappy with their perception of our politics, that person without fail does not sign his or her name, nor leave any return address. It is almost as if they are ashamed of their own opinions. We feel fairly confident in calling this, too, a sin—though it’s probably a venal one. A person who lacks the courage of her convictions makes us sad, and slightly irritated, and we make the grumpy decision not to publish these sorts of letters, even when they are very smart or funny (which they often are). This is a short-term satisfaction; if you want to express your opinion to our other esteemed readers, you need to sign your name so we can at least make sure you’re who you say you are. But in the big picture, it’s depressing, because it represents a breakdown in one of the fundamental processes of a civil society: The thoughtful public colloquy about controversial and difficult issues. That’s pretty lame, and karmically speaking, just one step above anonmyously vandalizing the walls of public bathrooms.

  • Walking The Dog Through A Cemetery

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    A man needs only to be turned around once with his eyes shut in this world to be lost.

    Henry Thoreau

    Man will never find the end of the trail.

    Robert Hofstadter

    Probe and rummage and ruminate all we want –through, past, back, forward, beyond, up, out, now— we can’t see through any of it, won’t ever get to the bottom.

    We are each of us the tiniest of lockers crammed with eternity, in a cavernous depot populated by ghosts we can no longer recognize.

    We can’t be trusted.

    We come from nothing and go right back to where we came from.

    We are nonetheless not done being made.

    Get busy.

    (inspired by Loren Eiseley’s The Night Country)

  • The Strange Case Of Luis Rivas

    Everybody, from the coaching staff to the fans in the chat rooms, has been hard on Luis Rivas the last couple years. Most of the criticism directed at Rivas has been justified. The guy had obviously developed some bad work habits that were showing up on the field with a glaring regularity. At times –most of the time– he seemed to be in a state of either depression or profound indifference.
    Rivas, like his old double-play partner Cristian Guzman, is a tough guy to read, and I’m sure much of that has to do with the language barrier. There isn’t a coach with the major league club who speaks much Spanish, and there are few –if any– Spanish speakers among the regular contingent of local media, with the result that Latin players seem to rely on each other to work their way through translations of messages from on high. They also tend to stick together in the clubhouse, playing cards and hanging out at their lockers.
    Rivas, though, is an interesting case. I’m not sure how tight he and Guzman were, but they lockered next to each other, and I’ll be curious to see how he responds to Guzman’s absence.
    This is obviously a pivotal year for Rivas, one way or the other. Despite four full seasons in the major leagues he is still just 25 years old, the same age as prospects Jason Bartlett and Terry Tiffee, as well as Michael Cuddyer, the guy who assumed much of his playing time down the stretch last year.
    Rivas’s recent reputation as something of a lazy player is sort of difficult to get your head around. In 2002, when the Twins took the unusual step of honoring Cleveland’s Travis Fryman with a pre-game ceremony on the occasion of his retirement announcement –the sort of thing clubs usually do for Hall-of-Fame-caliber players– Ron Gardenhire said the gesture was a tribute to the way Fryman had played the game. I remember going around the clubhouse afterwards asking various guys which of their teammates was Frymanesque in that regard. The experience stuck with me because two out of the four or five players I queried mentioned Luis Rivas. I actually dug out my old notebook just to make sure I was remembering correctly.
    So what happened between then and now? Who knows, really. Rivas had some injuries, most notably late in that 2002 season. Maybe after having a job handed to him at the age of 21 he got complacent. Perhaps he should have spent a couple more seasons getting seasoned and hungry in the minor leagues.
    Whatever the case, he’s still pretty damn young for a major league veteran, and though you’d like to have seen more improvement in his numbers and performance over the last four seasons –Luis’s been nothing if not consistently mediocre across the board– maybe it’s not too late for him to figure it out. Conventional wisdom has always suggested that for the the majority of players the key –often peak– years are between the ages of 25 and 27, so I’d guess this is the season we’re going to find out what’s up with Rivas, one way or another. He certainly doesn’t figure to get too many more chances, and he’s been lucky the Twins haven’t had a lot of other options.

  • The Sort Of Thing That Used To Trouble My Sleep

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    Back in my drinking days my stomach would for damn sure be a lousy mess, and my liver would feel like a fat wad of pate throbbing behind my ribs. I couldn’t sleep for shit and I’d be up and down prowling the drafty house all night in the dark, handling the various little talismans I’d picked up on my travels, every one of which seemed to have lost whatever power they might once have had to enchant.
    Eventually and inevitably I would turn on the lamp above my easy chair and search for the old moth-eaten volume on my bookshelves. This book, written by a distant relative on my mother’s side, was entitled And Ye Shall Bee A Mercyfull Steward to Them Al. The author, Reverend L.C. Greenwood, was an animal rights zealot in 15th-century England, and a man of blistering piety.
    I had slain a great many animals in my time, a fact that was in those days much on my mind, and I would find rebuke on every moldering page of the Reverend’s text, which constituted, in fact, a sort of harsh and ceaseless rebuke that never failed to make my blood run cold in the wee hours.
    Among Greenwood’s aggressive and disturbing torrent of censure were these words, which I stumbled across in a notebook this evening:

    Thee almyghtye God hath wryttn in thine hearte thys knowledge of the sanctitie of all lyfe. As ye woulde doe to the leaste of God’s creatures, so wyll bee done unto thee in the place beyonde thys teeming worlde. Doe not then trod the squirmyng thynges of the dyrte, nor flogg nor flaye the ploddyng or scampryng beastes of the woode nor fyld. Nae shall thee gyve myschefe to the wyld thyngs of wing’d grace nor doe wickednesse to the breathyng bountye of the watters, neyther the symple fysh nor the leviathan of the deepe. Howe ever muche unlyke they may seme, eache hath been shapd by God’s hande, and muste bee shewn the love ye would shew thine owne blessd spawne.
    Yae, as ye treate eache flyng creepyng thynge and lyvyng mystry so shall you bee treatd by the Lorde in the lyfe to come. As ye trod so shall ye bee trodden. Suche as doeth malyce and evyll shall bee as nothynge in the nexte worlde. They that persyst in forbyden endevors shall bee stalkd and harryd and persecuted through eternitie. Theyr bloode shall bee tappd and the skinne turnd from the insyde to the out like a raggd garment, and the fat shall bee flayd from theyr fleshe and fed to the evyll doers in hell. The verye heart of suche synners shall bee plunderd pumpyng from theyr chestes and fed to the devylls coale fyres of Sheol, and never again shall they know the mercyfull reste of the blessd.

  • Pre-disgusted

    At the risk of getting too self referential here, I’m going to recommend Brad Zellar’s blog entry from yesterday.

    It’s about why his blog is the antithesis of this one. The editor and I are often fairly earnest here…in a Buck Turgidson sort of way. Brad, though, has defined his take perfectly. He’s disgusted, or as a good friend of mine once said about a conference we were attending, “I thought I’d save time this year and come ‘pre-disgusted’.”

    We’ve achieved a “pre-disgusted” state ourselves these days and admit that we only open the newspaper now to confirm our suspicions that the level of discussion on Republican key issues is not going to rise about the natural level of the whale shit that it is.

    To wit:
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    this lovely addition to high mindedness by the same evil bastards who brought you the Swift Boat Liars for the Destruction of Kerry.

    They are now after AARP for God’s sake. My mother and father belong to AARP (admittedly mostly for the motel discounts) but I can assure you that Mom is probably not for gay marriage, and while my Dad doesn’t give a damn what other people do in the privacy of their own justice of the peace’s office, he certainly isn’t against veterans. He is one, and not one of the guys like Bush who were maybe members of the Third Messkit Repair Batallion, if they got even that close to the shooting. He was a Ranger in WW II and has a big chunk out of one leg, a Silver Star, two Bronze Stars, three Purple Hearts and the nightmares to prove it.

    He was a life long Republican till Bush became President, but now says Bush is “the worst President of my lifetime…and I was alive when Hoover was President.” Is he disgusted? You bet.

    But is he disgusted with Bush? Not as much as he is with the morons who are letting him get away with it. You know who you are.

  • Spleen Fully Ventilated, Resting At Home

    We may have gotten a little carried away yesterday, a little intemperate. After all, we love Frank Rich. His far-ranging free association is often a delight to read (but like his neo-con complement, David Brooks, his conclusions are sometimes a little thin). Rich was merely the cart onto which we loaded our rotten apples—it’s nothing to do with Rich, it’s the widespread conflation of news with opinion. (Most of these public spin-squabbles could be avoided by saying, “Where in the newspaper did you read THAT?”) It’s news “anchors” like Brit Hume framing every news story with a dismissive, normative snear that always sets the table for a neo-con take-away. Some have argued that “objective journalism” is really an anachronism of the 20th century—that newspapering before and since has been (should be) relentlessly partisan. At least you know where your reporters stand. That may be.

    For the first time in my life I’ve caught myself wanting to muzzle certain excitable “writers” —both online and in print—for their brazen lies, their cultism, their arrogance. I find myself entertaining the idea that the world needs neo-cons to be the opposition party, not the ruling party, and considering their inherent virtues and vices that make this so. I’m not really questioning the Holy Gospel of the First Amendment, but I chafe at the proposition that all voices should be weighed with equanimity. Some of the bloggers I admire most have recently taken up the slogan “there are no margins in compromise,” and it resonates with me, and I find that disturbing. Reasonable disagreement, civility, compromise—these are Enlightenment values. Values in which our country, and our First Amendment, are anchored.

    A few other tangents I would add to yesterday’s spleen-venting action: People do not argue whether Rush Limbaugh, Al Franken, or Bill O’Reilly will obsolete journalism. Why does the medium of print (online) trick us into believing that smart bloggers have anything more to add to the basic fund of Truth than those Greco-Roman wrestlers of partisan politics? Those guys HAVE impacted journalism (some more than others) not by practicing it themselves, but by casting a broad pall of cynicism over all legitimate journalism. To my mind, when industry folks worry about the impact of blogs and bloggers, they are sort of tilting at windmills. Do they really expect opinions to replace facts?—well…

    I know why Frank Rich is in the Arts & Leisure section. Newspapers today are trying to compete with the subjects they cover. In other words, they are in the attention economy along with all the news, art, and entertainment goings-on that themselves capture their reader’s attention. Aside from the A section, the backpages are being populated with material that is gray-area—lots of pictures, trend, lifestyle, and service stuffing that is traditionally the purview of magazines. (Aha, now you reach the reason why I am so exercised—It’s a turf war!) Naturally, you put your critics in the arts pages, not on the op-ed pages.

    My point about NPR yesterday sort of pointed beyond itself. Whenever someone attempts a “bias in media” study, they for some reason land on public broadcasting as the inevitable gold standard. (McNeil news hour also deserves a nod as an attempt at opinion-free news reporting.) This is hardly an accident. Public Broadcasting is very leery about publishing opinion, for a variety of interesting reasons.

    Maybe the way to guarantee the existence of an authoritative, non-partisan news source is to increase funding to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. That way, partisan squabbles can cancel themselves out more or less at the pre-funding stage, rather than on after the news cycle at the pundits’ table. Why is the BBC still considered the acme of unimpeachable authority in world news? (Please don’t trot out any hay-penny scandals of recent years that merely prove the point by exception.)

    One final point. There are some interesting eyewitness blogs that look pretty revolutionary—particularly from a war zone. But I think one needs to be careful to assess these for any hidden score-settling. War blogs from soldiers are notoriously cheerleaderish, and that’s fine as far as it goes—but it is insane to equate these with real war-zone reporting by even comparing the two. (The meta-media version of equal time: forty killed in Iraqi suicide bombing. Yeah, but what are the bloggers saying about it?) Lastly, the press pool at the White House may be lousy with excellent bloggers, but I would not class processing and replying to a White House spokesperson—or the President himself—as reporting per se, particularly in this day and age. Again, this often falls into the category of exegesis and rhetorical argument—fine as far as they go, but hardly a substitute for observed facts and sourced quotes.

    I will now retire for a painful, four-hour episode of public scourging.