Category: Rakish Question

Publisher Kristin Henning: x-ray vision

Chief Operating Officer Matt Bartel: [No response yet, but here’s a guess from the editor.]

Advertising Director A.J. Kiefer: short shorts

Chief Editor Cristina Córdova: Self-righteous indignation!
A&E Editor Kate Iverson: Carrot Juice (only sometimes with vodka)

Contributing Writers
Chris Birt: [No response yet, but here’s a guess from the editor.]
Rich Goldsmith: "The power of Greyskull"
Jeremy Iggers: Musk glands.
Melinda Jacobs: Being friends with Society’s Finest and Hardest Working People…. Cops.
Chris Kelleher: Charm
Britt Robson: [No response yet, but the editor guesses it’s Jiggly Boy.]
Erin Roof: a well-honed bullshit detector
Brandon Root: My African fat-tailed gecko, Dr. Heywood Floyd
Max Ross: my razor wit
Todd J. Smith: my
thick neck
Brian Voerding: [No response yet, but the editor guesses it’s his uncanny foresight.]
Brad Zellar: invisible ink

Weatherman Jimmy "Dutch" Gaines: Bullwhip/Leather Fedora

Videogragher Tyler Jensen: a switchblade comb and some grease lightning

Edit Interns
Tom Bartel: an ejection seat (and a Beretta .25 under my left arm)
Joshua Fischer: [No response yet, but the editor guesses it’s his mature sense of humor.]
Andrew Newman: I pack a fierce Star Trek gun.
Hannah Simpson: sarcasm

Editor Julie Caniglia Apparently I ask rhetorical questions unrhetorically.
Senior Editor Brad Zellar You tell me and we’ll both know.
Assistant Editor Christy DeSmith I don’t dress my age.
Online Editor Cristina Córdova Oya wima wima, Yansa wima wima oko to bembe aseni.
Art Director Evangeline Johnson I sing silly made-up songs—poorly.
Production Manager Lisa Pahl I think I’m smart.

Contributors
Ann Bauer Probably because I don’t care what people think.
Jeremy Iggers They do?
Colleen Kruse Faces get ugly when I’m alone.
Stephanie March I love peanut butter and mustard sandwiches.
Oliver Nicholson I am English.
Britt Robson I don’t leave home without my trademark penny loafers.
Peter Schilling, Jr. Because they’re meanies.
Copy Editor Katherine Lewis I watch TV in a union suit, pitch helmet, and snorkle.
Proofreader Judy Arginteanu I do the Tinklenberg dance.

Interns
Haily Gostas I don fake moustaches at whim.
Christopher Hontos I’m not very good at eye contact, that’s probably why.
Tyler Jensen I can sing Salt-n-Pepa’s “Shoop,” in it’s entirety, at a drop of a hat.
Tricia Towey Because I look at them strangely.

Publisher Tom Bartel Because I read Batman comics.
Associate Publisher Kristin Henning I can’t imagine; maybe my double entendres?
Controller Cindi Barthel Don’t know. Don’t care. Guess that’s why.
Circulation Manager Joe Kvam Freakish features?

SALES AND MARKETING GROUP
Kela Caldwell Turkey dancing face!! Haaaaa ha ha!!!
A.J. Kiefer What? I’m sorry. I’m busy eating toenail clippings.
Elton Langland Elton=mirror. People see only themselves in me.

Sales Coordinator Mary Olson I put the “ass” in “assertive.”
Online Sales Administrator Matt Bartel Because I’m my mother’s child.
Online Coordinator Jennifer Havrish ‘Cause I am.
Systems Admin/Network Guru Kristopher Wilson Was a hobbit the year after I was a dinosaur.

 
Editor Julie Caniglia Household dust
Senior Editor Brad Zellar Prostheses
Assistant Editor Christy DeSmith Anti-frizz styling products
Online Editor Cristina Córdova Half-finished stories and random video footage
Art Director Evangeline Johnson Vacation brochures
Production Manager Lisa Pahl Bits of Prescription drugs

Contributors
Ann Bauer Experience
Jeremy Iggers Euros
Colleen Kruse Cat hair
Stephanie March Vintage cookbooks
Oliver Nicholson Brownie points
Britt Robson Braying pro-war quotes, 2003–05
Peter Schilling, Jr. Spiders and leaves

Copy Editor Katherine Lewis Dust
Proofreader Judy Arginteanu Loose change in the sofa cushions

Interns
Danielle Cabot Gig posters and finance charges
Christopher Hontos Motorhead CDs
Kate Leibfried Speeding tickets
Tricia Towey Rocks

Publisher Tom Bartel 1953 Bowman black and white baseball cards
Associate Publisher Kristin Henning Bumps and Bruises
Controller Cindi Barthel Antiques
Circulation Manager Joe Kvam Pieces of the puzzle

SALES AND MARKETING GROUP
Kela Caldwell Gift bag stuffers
A.J. Kiefer Souls
Elton Langland Accolades
Valerie Rigsbee Donations toward early retirement
Lisa Van Asten Pounds (lbs.)

SALES Coordinator Mary Olson Evidence
Online Coordinator Jennifer Havrish Travel funds—donations welcome
Systems Admin/Network Guru Kristopher Wilson Miyazaki films

Editor Julie Caniglia Hingie
Senior Editor Brad Zellar Garfong
Assistant Editor Christy DeSmith Noneya
Online Editor Cristina Córdova The Gooch (see Jackass the Movie)
Art Director Evangeline Johnson Ickers
Production Manager Lisa Pahl Obsane
Interim Production Savior Ryan Tungseth Booch

Contributors
Ann Bauer Spinky
Jeremy Iggers Freating
Colleen Kruse Chill-axing
Stephanie March Shyah (as in “shyah right!”)
Oliver Nicholson A tisser (one of those annoying folk whose headphones leak nasty music on public transport)
Britt Robson Tangtussle
Peter Schilling, Jr. Potrzebie

Copy Editor Katherine Lewis Gullible
Proofreader Judy Arginteanu Elwyn Tinklenberg (to lightly dance around on your tippy-tippy-toes)

Interns
Danielle Cabot I’ve had enough of this car-a-mel b.s.
Christopher Hontos Totes (abbrev. for totally)
Kate McDonald Twerking (an intimate form of dancing)
Tricia Towey Trill (true and real, down to earth, cool)

Publisher Tom Bartel Schlumpfpop (which is the sound the last bit of Florida will make when it sinks under the sea)
Associate Publisher Kristin Henning Fashionée
Controller Cindi Barthel Yathink?
Circulation Manager Joe Kvam Woot!

Sales and Marketing Group
Kela Caldwell Fantabulous
A.J. Kiefer Ridonkulous
Elton Langland Liberalollapalooza (an election landslide for progressives)
Valerie Rigsbee Oi!
Lisa Van Asten @%*#!!

Sales Coordinator Mary Olson Weaksauce
Online Coordinator Jennifer Havrish Tall-double-nonfat-nofoam-hazelnut-latte
Systems Admin/Network Guru Kristopher Wilson Craptastic

Editor  Julie Caniglia  The Nintendo stock
Senior Editor  Brad Zellar  Monkey mind
Assistant Editor  Christy DeSmith  Snoring (not my own)
Online Editor  Cristina Córdova  My empire
Art Director  Evangeline Johnson  Restless leg syndrome
Production Manager  Amy L. Filipiak  The bedbug
Assistant Art Director  Kristin Harper  Night owl tendencies

Contributors
Ann Bauer  The 17-year-old who isn’t home
Jeremy Iggers  My prostate
Colleen Kruse  Amphetamines
Brian Lambert  Dick Cheney
Stephanie March  Beans
Oliver Nicholson  Strong drink
Britt Robson  West Coast hoops
Peter Schilling, Jr.  Screeners, too many screeners

Copy Editor  Katherine Lewis  Procrastination
Proofreader  Judy Arginteanu  Computer solitaire, calling my name

Interns
Danielle Cabot  Koolaid the bunny-hobbit
Danielle Kurtzleben  Unequal distribution of wealth

Publisher  Tom Bartel  Diet Dr. Pepper
Associate Publisher  Kristin Henning  Lucifer
Controller  Cindi Barthel  Full Moon
Circulation Manager  Joe Kvam  The dog

SALES AND MARKETING GROUP
Kela Caldwell  Event planning
A.J. Kiefer  Britney losing custody
Elton Langland  So much sex
Valerie Rigsbee  Olga and the heeled midget who live upstairs

Sales Coordinator  Mary Olson  Being spread too thin
Online Coordinator  Jennifer Havrish  Imaginary sheep

Systems Admin/Network Guru  Kristopher Wilson  MMORPGs

Editor Julie Caniglia The one in The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
Senior Editor Brad Zellar Iggy Pop
Assistant Editor Christy DeSmith Donatella Versace
Online Editor Cristina Córdova Henry Kissinger
Art Director Evangeline Johnson The Bride of Frankenstein
Production Manager Amy L. Filipiak Jerry Dandrige
Assistant Art Director Kristin Harper Gordon Ramsey

Contributors
Ann Bauer Tim Burton
Jeremy Iggers Uncle Fester
Colleen Kruse Elliott Ghould
Brian Lambert Dick Cheney
Stephanie March Britney Spears
Oliver Nicholson Margaret Thatcher
Britt Robson The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow
Peter Schilling, Jr. The Eraserhead baby
Copy Editor Katherine Lewis I try not to play favorites
Proofreader Judy Arginteanu The Wolfman

Interns
Danielle Cabot Tim Armstrong
Danielle Kurtzleben Bill O’Reilly 

Publisher Tom Bartel Par Ridder
Associate Publisher Kristin Henning Casper
Controller Cindi Barthel Morticia Addams
Circulation Manager Joe Kvam She would be really really mad if I said it here.

Sales and Marketing Group
Kela Caldwell Gargamel
A.J. Kiefer Keith Richards
Elton Langland Creature from the Black Lagoon
Valerie Rigsbee Frankenstein (Come see me in Theatre Unbound’s upcoming show!)
Brian Sandberg My sister-in-law, Colleen
Sales Coordinator Mary Olson No Face from Spirited Away
Online Coordinator Jennifer Havrish Donald Trump
Systems Admin/Network Guru Kristopher Wilson Chaney or Cheney