The Rake Magazine

Tag: Audi

  • Duh. Duh. Duh, Duh Duh?

    If you are going to review films, as my USC intern used to say, then start at the top. So here is my review of Iron Man.

    Because Iron Man is more of a movie than a film, I am not sure what to say. Films engage you. Movies distract you.

    To be honest, Iron Man may well be a film if it weren’t for its one overarching distraction. I waited, as did others, for "the riff." The riff that could be the greatest in hard rock history (so some say). So why does John Farveau wait until the credits to hit us with Ozzy’s opus?

    Oh, and not to, like, totally spoil the fil, um, movie for you but there is one other distraction. Iron Man spends most of his time driving the same Audi R8 I covered in my "How Clinton Wrecked His Ferrari" post.

    Iron Man keeps a full house of cars that are far better than the R8. Try a Saleen S7 — 700 Hp and 750 lb. Or what is surely a replica 427 Cobra and something that looks like a bespoke British exotic (the Ascari perhaps…I’ll place it soon).

    You know, I really don’t know what else to say. Jeff Bridges is bad (as in good) and Iron Man’s suit is b-a-m-f-chillierthankatarinawitt.

    I am distracted.

    P.S. No, my blog picture (taken at the Akron OH public library) ain’t Robert DJ, but then it’s not Sabbath playing "duh, duh, duh, duh, duh" in the movie credits.

    Duh-A-AH-um.

     

     

     

     

  • My Fifth Wife's Life

    I received an e-mail that this Ron guy insisted I publish along with a picture of his scarcely-aged trophy (above). This has not been spell-checked and is re-produced unmolested (bad choice of word?)

    I am writing this on behalf of my wife and son to your
    snarky blogger named Bert. My name is Ron Spellman and I own more cars than your
    pissant perpetrater of automotive polemic ever has. My wife currently drives a
    Veyron for her grocery getter, you little bastard, as I want my foie gras to remain
    appropriately firm and chilled from the first bite to the last. (Bellagio* does take-out in Telluride.) In fact, I am so rich that I hire unpaid interns from Bennigton College (the most expensive liberal arts
    school in the country—which would be in Vermont) to respond to my
    e-mail and write my blog. I can hardly fathom why I stoop to address the wanten
    stupidity that emanates from The Rake, but my wife has insisted. In fact, she
    wants you all to know that she does know the difference between an Audi and an
    Enzo. It seems however that we had to wait too long for the latter so she
    purchased the Audi to tide e.e.clinton over till the 650 HP Enzo in racing red
    arrived in Benni, I am mean Boston. Our son is impatient. What’s wrong with
    that? It’s not like he spends all his time on a blog during school or some stupid
    sh, I am mean stuff, like that.

    (*Bellagio is so great. I don’t care that Wynn has the Ferrari dealership in Vegas even though he makes makes people pay for entrance. That’s really cool but not not as cool or class as Bellagio.)