The Rake Magazine

Tag: green

  • God and Man in Edina.

    ABOVE: This is how I prefer to see a Land Rover. Don’t believe that stuff about their ladder frames. Even the bodies break.

    NOTE: I have been receiving personal e-mails related to my recent Edina Mom post. What I find most enlightening about this gentleman’s well-crafted commentary is that God in Edina, it appears, remains in the automotive details. 

    "As both a proud Edina resident and Land Rover owner I am fuming – FUMING – at your recent blog entry. In fact, I’m cancelling my subscription to The Rake today.

    How dare you besmirch my fine city, and my fine vehicle of choice?

    And let me just be bold and speak for Signe (herself an Edina native) and ask yet another question: what better language for an immersion school than French?

    Hey, someday – someday – if Edina keeps educating its children, and if France keeps supporting wars in Africa to bolster former French colonies and wreak genocide on former British colonies in an attempt to keep more French-speakers alive, I have no doubt that more than 50,000 people worldwide will still be speaking French.

    And everyone in Edina will be able to tip his or her beret proudly and say that we were a part of making that happen.

    And, good sir, what better vehicle for an Edina church to model its camps after?

    In many ways, Land Rover is just like many Edina residents – expensive, beautiful to look at, and amazing (on the rare occasions) when they are functional.

    And when they break down? Well, who doesn’t need something else to complain about?

    Look, if you drove a Toyota*, you’d never get to sit in the posh Land Rover service waiting area on beautiful but uncomfortable square leather couches while talking on your Bluetooth headset connected to your Blackberry while watching Fox News on the hi-def flatscreen, drinking Caribou and eating fresh pastries, while looking at (but never make conversation with) your fellow Edina residents, who are also there doing the exact same thing."

    *ed: Doesn’t Toyota manufacture the Prius?


  • Big Ideas for a Small Planet

    "Going green" has almost become a fashion statement in this day and age, but finding the most effective ways to help the environment can often be tricky, and the impact we have on the world around us is often greater than we think. Throughout the summer, the Walker Art Center will present a series of documentaries created by the Sundance Channel that offers green solutions to some of today’s biggest environmental problems. Big Ideas for a Small Planet, which runs June 3 through August 31, is a series of five 30-minute programs that feature the designers, products, and processes that are at the forefront of environmental sustainability.

    The first piece in the series, "Fashion and Decorate" begins June 3 and runs through June 22. "Live and Grow" runs June 24 to July 13. "Water" runs July 15 to 20. "Transport and Power" runs July 22 to August 10. The series concludes with "Recycling and Business," which runs August 12 to 31. Every showing is free and can be seen in the Walker Art Center Lecture Room beginning at noon and running through normal gallery hours.

  • Tweak Locally, Think Globally

    Green is the new watchword for consumer products and goods.
    We can track our carbon footprints, find out how many miles our food traveled
    to our plates, and make a point only to have toe-curling
    carnal gymnastics with Prius drivers     — so why do we insist on persecuting
    those entrepreneurial souls     trying to provide a local option to area
    pot-heads, tweakers, and cuddle-puddlers?

    Despite law enforcement’s best efforts, as much as 80 percent
    of drugs in Minnesota arrive from warmer
    climes, especially Mexico.
    This, of course, begs the question as to why illegal immigrants are demonized
    while most of the folks causing cross-border shenanigans are happy to leave the
    country upon making their deliveries, with a stop in Tijuana for a relaxing day
    at the spa, and perhaps a donkey show. It also represents a vexing conundrum.
    In a world where we supporting our local farmers is a nigh-Stalinistic
    directive, where people trade in their SUVs for effete gas-sipping roller skates,
    and where food labels have become nightmarish non-Euclidean landscapes with
    organic designations and seals of approval handed down by eldritch beings older
    than time itself, why do people not pump more money into our local economy by
    tweaking locally as well?

    Instead of jailing these entrepreneurial souls, where
    they’re more than certain to make recreational pharmaceuticals for penal
    distribution from a slurry of toilet water, Kool Aid, powdered laundry detergent and tears, we should be celebrating them. Don’t look at it as 18.4 pounds of illicit narcotics. We should view it as 18.4 pounds of premium Minnesota agriculture. And not only do these enterprising young men
    reduce the carbon footprint of Minnesotan addicts, but they also contribute to
    geopolitical stability. If we choose local drugs, we reduce demand for narcotic
    happiness from Mexico.
    In turn, this reduces the power of Mexican drug kingpins, allowing police in Northern Mexico to have something vaguely resembling hope
    in their war on drugs. On the other hand, anything
    that keeps chubby prepubescent boys gainfully employed     while getting some
    exercise can’t be all bad.

    Regardless, this new sustainable approach to drugs will
    yield benefits all around. The quality of product will likely rise, as the meth
    flowing through the border is only about 70 to 75 percent pure — American
    craftsmanship always wins out in the end. It’s better for the environment, as
    shipping is dramatically decreased and trucks won’t be crashing through
    pristine wilderness areas during high speed chases with the border patrol or Captain
    Planet    . Plus, it keeps money in the local economy. Millions of dollars that
    once flowed south will stay in Minnesotan coffers, enriching Best Buy, Target,
    local liquor stores, chemical supply warehouses, and local weapons dealers
    throughout the metro area and beyond.

    Not to mention another benefit — with increased need for
    drug enforcement, Minneapolis and Saint Paul will have more reason to exercise
    the loopholes in the new
    property tax cap     that allow the cities to raise property taxes beyond the
    limit to pay for new police officers. This call for additional peace officers
    reduces unemployment and underemployment, plus provides more news for the
    ailing newspaper industry to cover, what with the increased prevalence of
    neighborhood meth lab explosions, police shoot outs and high speed chases.

    And with the plight of the family farmer constantly in the
    news, this push for a more sustainable drug trade couldn’t come at a more
    opportune time. Ready access to fertilizer, ample tillable land and isolated
    homesteads with few nosy neighbors investigating odd smells mean huge windfalls for
    enterprising farmers looking to capitalize on the new craze. Buffalo,
    MN could potentially be Minnesota’s next boom town — reaping not
    only economic benefits, but rapid increases in diversity, local entertainment,
    and notoriety.

    Of course, these benefits would not be without drawbacks.
    The surburban traffic that once passed through Minneapolis’
    less savory neighborhoods in search of their fix would move north to Buffalo. And if there’s
    one thing no man should wish on his neighbor, it’s an influx of people from
    Lakeville.

  • Diesel. Rhymes with Weasel.

    …and in the same breath–the Prius, indisputably an automobile for ryhmes-with-wussies…

    If only for the simple fact that buying
    "green" right now is just plain dumb. And please, before you cleanse your computer screen with Mommy’s blood-decorated stole, consider these three logical points:

    a) With a hybrid you are buying into
    a somewhat untested technology that is merely fashionable at the moment.

    b) You are buying at a ridiculous
    premium.

    c) If you buy a diesel you are still
    polluting more than a gas engine, and your Crocs just won’t cut it at the
    average truck stop where you’ll have to buy your gas (neither will your
    Mercedes E320 Bluetec*.)

    If unassailable intelligence fails you,
    then realize by overpaying for "green" you are giving up a cool
    $5000.00 (at least) that you could use for these really hot bicycles:

    1) The latest iteration of the Trek Madonne series.

    2) The Specialized Robauix series.

    3) Anything by Cervelo’.

    4) Anything by Bianchi.

    If you really want to fight global
    warming, then ride one of these to work.** They are available at Penn
    Cycle, Erik’s, or Kenwood Cyclery, and now is the perfect time to buy 2007 close-outs.

    Unless you weasel out of it.

    *Valliant effort by Mercedes and I love the torque, but, as yet, unproven in the USA as they just don’t drive that far in Europe.

    **And
    buy a nice gas-only econobox with some style like the Honda Fit, the
    new Mistubishi Lancer Ralliart or the new SEMA Chevy HHR panel van
    (cooler than the Mini Clubman and much faster, hence cooler…).

  • How to Buy a New Car

    The first thing
    I do is research the customer service program of the company that makes
    that new car I have my eyes on. The last thing I want to do is
    buy a product that makes one go to the dealer and pay $100 to ask a
    question. The Internet and all its frauds has also taught me that
    I don’t want an 800 number thrown at me with someone on the other
    end who is struggling with my language and knows nothing about the environment
    my car and I live in—mostly near zero many months of the year.

    I’d also like
    to know how much of the price they are asking goes to pay for advertising
    and trying to sell people on something they shouldn’t be buying.
    Money spent for this stuff just takes away the product’s value and
    adds to my costs: costs I don’t want to pay for. Sell me the
    car; don’t sell me 30% car and 70% BS. Sure, just send me the figures
    on the ratio on this, I’d appreciate it.

    This next step
    I don’t bother the poor salesperson with, I go directly to the SEC
    filings of the company to find the answer. I don’t make much
    more than the average U.S. income and it’s fine with me if others
    make more or less than I do. But I would like to know what the
    management is pulling from the company making this machine that is waiting
    for me. It better be reasonable or I’m not contributing, OK?
    Just post it on the window with the price: that would save us consumers
    a lot time.

    My final checkpoint
    is pretty easy, and it would be helpful if this would just be placed
    on the sticker, too, with the price that no one ever pays. My
    1996 Ford gets 25 MPG and that’s too much if I am going to follow
    Czar Gore’s mandate to shrink our carbon footprint on this planet.
    It would probably last another five years with care. Now how much
    carbon would be emitted in making the new car? I’d sure like
    a new MINI, but how much energy would it take to turn out this shiny
    new gem? If keeping my loyal old Ford for five more years would
    amount to less of a carbon footprint and suck of energy, the better
    environmental answer is drive what I have. When do the lines cross
    and I can get a new one? Until I know that, I’m staying green.

  • Holiday Trey: Too Much LeBron

    Home Game # 6: Cleveland 97, Minnesota 86

    Season record: 1-8

     

    1. Shoddy Shaddy

    After the Wolves had been LeBronned by 11 Wednesday night at the Target Center, Coach Randy Wittman said in edgier, more frustrated tones what Antoine Walker had calmly laid out after Minnesota’s previous loss Saturday night. There’s no fight in this team, Wittman stated; if the opponent goes on a six or eight point run, the Wolves hang their heads and don’t respond. "When we get punched in the mouth we get down," he added, saying that the five guys who were playing most of the 4th quarter–Al Jefferson, Walker, Greg Buckner, Corey Brewer, and, surprise, Gerald Green–at least "threw some haymakers" in response.

    Leaving aside the tortured fighting imagery–if you want to watch jerks literally try to injure each other and thump their chests with gap-toothed bravado, NHL hockey is being played across the river–I thought the coach’s words might be foreshadowing why Rashad McCants only got 3:49 on the court during the second half. What do you need to see from McCants that you didn’t tonight? I asked. "He’s got to continue to *play*," Witt immediately shot back. "Very seldom does everything go right for you in a game."

    On to the locker room, where McCants was holding up his right arm as a Wolves’ cleanup guy affixed a bag of crushed ice to the inside of his elbow with circular motions of clear tape. When did you do that? I asked. "Practice," McCants said. Wow, did it affect your stroke any tonight? I said. "Well, I went 5 for 16 tonight; what do you think?" Shaddy said testily. His mood was sour enough, and my belligerence meter low enough, that I didn’t supply the natural rejoinder: Well, how smart was it to jack up 16 shots in less than 24 minutes with a bum elbow?

    As if the misfired gunning wasn’t bad enough, McCants did not visit the free throw line. "When [Cleveland big men] Ilgauskas and Gooden switched out on our 1 or 2, we’ve got to be able to go to the basket," Wittman lamented.

    2. The Gerald Green Bandwagon Is Taking Passengers

    Exploiting Shaddy doldrums was Gerald Green, who more than doubled the 16 minutes he’d been allowed to play in Minnesota’s previous 8 games, and canned more shots in half as many attempts as McCants while registering 13 points (6-8 FG in 20:15). Opinions on what Green has to offer, both now and in the future, vary more widely than perhaps any other player on the team. As one comfortably ensconced in the "hater" camp, I’m nevertheless happy to report that GG had a fine showing that is destined to get people clamoring for more court time for last year’s slam dunk champion and super-athlete.

    One of those people is Jefferson, who watched McCants jack up jumpers even when undersized Wolves castoff Dwayne Jones was defending him down low. Asked if he agreed with Wittman’s comments about not rallying back, Jeff said, "Yeah, I totally agree. We get in the habit of putting our heads down, myself included." Then Jefferson unilaterally brought up his teammate with the Celtics and Wolves. "Green came in and gave us huge energy. We’ve got to be in a fighting mood and Gerald gave it to us. He gave us the lift we needed." When I voiced the conventional wisdom that one reason for Green’s lack of minutes was him not knowing the plays, Jefferson frowned and disagreed. "No, I think it is just his shot, his shot selection sometimes and then him getting down on himself. But he put that away tonight."

    Yes, he did. Entering the game in second quarter, Green still had to be told where to go on defense by Buckner during the first play, and he still has a tendency to wander at both ends of the court. But he also closed out for a nice, partial block on a long-range jumper and then continued downcourt to receive a pass for a slam that ignited the crowd. And most of his jumpers were in the context of the offense. He added three boards and two assists, without a turnover, although his minus -2 for the game put his season-long plus total in jeopardy. (He still remains plus +1 for the season, the only Timberwolf on that side of the ledger.)

    The doubts I’ve expressed about McCants–the need to get his own shot, overconfidence creating tunnel vision–are magnified with Green, and that’s before noting that Shaddy is miles ahead of Green on defense, as a passer, and in his general knowledge of the game. I believe Green closely resembles Troy Hudson–a player who can single-handedly win you a game, and do some dazzling things out on the court, a player who can become electric; but also a player who will lose you twice as many games as he’ll win because, for whatever reason, he either can’t or won’t figure out how to best enable a team concept out on the court.

    And I’d love to be wrong about this, because Gerald Green has pogo sticks for hamstrings, and a sweet looking jump shot.

    3. Quick Hits

    Corey Brewer didn’t play the entire first half. "A little team discipline today. Corey missed the shootaround this morning," Wittman explained after the game. Actually the beat writers said he was there when they were allowed in late in the practice, so he must have been tardy. But the media wasn’t aware of the penalty until after the game.

    Antoine Walker had lousy game, twice throwing the ball into the stands in unforced errots (one was an out-of-bounds play), and too quick to jack up treys as the Wolves were trying to come back and he had a hot Gerald Green mentally pleading for the rock elsewhere on the perimeter. Also, whether by accident or design, there were about a half-dozen possessions when the 6-9 ‘Toine was being guarded by 6-3 Eric Snow in the half court and I recall only one basket resulting from that matchup.

    Those who continue to claim that Kobe Bryant is the NBA’s best player owe LeBron an apology. His drives to the hoop were effortless down both the right and (his preference) left lane, and he nailed six of 10 from beyond the arc in addition to 9-16 elsewhere. Throw in 8 free throws, 8 rebounds, 5 assists, 3 steals and 2 blocks (there were 4 turnovers too) to go with those 45 points–and the team lead in minutes for a defense that once again ceded less than 90 points to an opponent–and you’ve got the stats of the real best player in the NBA.

    Mark Madsen is back from injury. And Michael Doleac made it off the bench and into the starting lineup, Neither one attempted a shot in a combined 32:19 of play. Shrewd move by Madsen, but for a team struggling on offense and becoming increasingly reliant on the Jefferson-McCants combo, Doleac’s 13-footer is a viable option that should be utilized.