E…T…C…

‘The question at stake,’ said Epictetus, ‘is no common one; it is this: Are we in our senses, or are we not?’

—The Golden Sayings of Epictetus

We cannot truly know whether we are not at this moment sitting in a madhouse.

—Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, Aphorisms

There are those to whom one must advise madness.

—Joseph Joubert, The Notebooks

But the plausible would never be our medium.

—Lisa Robertson, Occasional Work and Seven Walks from the Office of Soft Architecture

People –dreamers– look out. Never trust anyone who talks about the real world. Don’t get too close to the edge. I’m warning you: those tennis rackets are dangerous. If you put wheels on your feet you’re just asking for trouble. A mechanical bull will make a broken fool of you. Beware also of overweight white men, going door-to-door, running for things.

More: don’t lean on the counter. Don’t ask so many damn questions; answers never did a man any good in this world. Don’t stare at the elderly. Avoid malt liquor and anything that tastes too much like melon. Don’t waste your money on cologne or goldfish. Don’t feed the pigeons. Never give candy to strangers. If you see a swell broad on the street, tip your hat. Always remember that librarians put their pants on one leg at a time just like everybody else. Don’t sass your mama. Pat the bunny. Don’t be afraid of the merge. Turn that fucking frown upside down and smile.

To say nothing of the day behind me. Possible, but not likely, not likely at all. Something will sneak down through the clouds, always does. Above me the Attic Moses, beleaguered, rages –poor man never sleeps. I can hear him up there at all hours, moving things around and manufacturing the occasional shit-storm. I always respect his wrath, but I also get tired of walking on eggshells.

I can change, I swear. Give me just a little more time to familiarize myself with your demands.

Let’s call a spade a spade. Let’s give this thing one more try. Let’s work together. Let’s get it on. Let’s blow this pop-stand. Let’s get ready to rumble. Let’s roll. Let’s bowl. Let’s rock and roll. Let’s go downtown. Let’s dance. Let’s get high. Let’s party. Let’s get something to eat. Let’s paint the town. Let’s wish upon a star. Let’s go swimming. Let’s get busy. Let’s get to work. Let’s clean up this mess. Let’s take a short break. Let’s just take a good look and see what we have here. Let’s be honest. Let’s be friends. Let’s let bygones be bygones. Let’s not get carried away. Let’s not get into that tonight. Let’s just calm down. Let’s just agree to disagree. Let’s call the whole thing off. Let’s just pretend the whole thing never happened. Let’s not and say we did. Let’s stop this nonsense right now. Let’s get the fuck out of here. Let’s get some shut-eye. Let’s call it a night.