Month: March 2006

  • The Long Walk

    A year ago, I made a trip to Copenhagen, which is arguably one of the most walkable cities on the planet. Despite the presence of real winter—it was snowy and around twenty-five degrees while I was there—the streets were full of people walking, to shops and parks and jobs, as well as to and from the extensive, easy-to-use subway system. Downtown Copenhagen looked like an enormous, ongoing street festival, much of it having been designated pedestrian-only. People roamed on foot and on bikes, dressed in fur boots and vests and giant hats (Viking fashion is very big in Copenhagen). Street vendors sold vegetables, flowers, and disconcertingly blazing-red hot dogs that were nonetheless delicious.

    Coming from Minneapolis, I found this spectacle quite inspiring. There it was, February, and I was witness to genuine, thriving street life. The benefits were readily visible. The Danes, who wash down lunches of pâté, cheese, and hard-boiled eggs doused in cream sauce with glasses of beer and akvavit, happily trundled along, fit as fiddles, nary a one of them morbidly obese. Even puffed up in furry outfits, they looked slim.

    Gung ho and rosy cheeked, I returned home vowing to follow the Danish example. I had been as guilty as anyone of hopping into the car to drive three blocks for a carton of half-and-half. Walking, I thought, would make me healthier and happier, and at the least lessen the cumulative impact of all that half-and-half. This alien habit of putting one foot in front of the other just couldn’t be a mere matter of geography. After all, our weather isn’t much more extreme than Copenhagen’s. The average temperature in January, Minneapolis’ coldest month, is twelve degrees—nothing a fleece dickey can’t handle. The average in July, our hottest month, is seventy-four.

    Yet, while the typical Copenhagener is willing to walk a mile or more to get where she is going, for Americans “the general research is that most people will not walk more than two blocks,” said Judith Martin. She is director of the University of Minnesota’s urban studies program and chair of the Minneapolis Planning Commission, as well as an avid hoofer herself. “Everybody here has a car. Even everybody who lives downtown has a car.”

    Determined to stretch my tolerance level beyond two blocks, to eight or nine blocks, a mile even, and with the image of those slender Danes in the back of my mind, I began walking. Just about every day in the past year, I’ve put on comfortable shoes, with no regard for style, and gone where I needed to go. I walked to the local grocery, hiked downtown for dinner or shopping, and trekked from Northeast to the warehouse district for work. Granted, my employer doesn’t impose a dress code—well, I think we have to be dressed—so I was free to show up in tennis shoes, a little dewy under the arms.

    What did I find, after a year of strolling the curiously gum-free streets and sidewalks of my home city? Walking is easy. Minneapolis is not.

     

    Copenhagen wasn’t always the calf-sculpting city it is today. In fact, it used to be a lot like Minneapolis, loaded with parking lots and overrun by cars, a place where people squeezed by each other on skinny sidewalks, choking on exhaust. Then, in 1962, the city’s main drag, Strøget, was converted to a pedestrian walkway, with no cars allowed. It was an experiment, and was greeted as such. People were skeptical. Local papers proclaimed, “We are Danes, not Italians.” Sounding a lot like Minnesotans, they stated, “Using public space is contrary to Nordic mentality.” Nevertheless, the new Strøget was an immediate, resounding success. The street filled with people, and has been heavily trafficked since.

    Led by renowned Danish architect and urban designer Jan Gehl, the city converted more streets in the following years. And then, gradually, over the course of several decades, it added a series of public plazas, usually by tearing up parking lots. The changes were gradual, so as to be absorbed without much disruption. People adapted and shifted their mode of transport from autos to mass transit or bikes—or walking. Gehl gained the cooperation of lawmakers by conducting studies and presenting statistics that proved walking’s many benefits. Not only is it a cheap, quiet, and environmentally friendly way to get around, but it offers financial perks too. Pedestrians are generally less destination oriented than drivers. They window shop, so they spend more money. Eventually, nearly a square mile of Copenhagen’s center was car-restricted. Gehl called it “taking back” the streets, which is quite different than the American version, which involves the occasional neighborhood barbecue and lots of dialing of the police.

    The idea underpinning Copenhagen’s transformation is an optimistic one. It dictates that squares and streets—public spaces—can be whatever people want or need them to be. They are flexible, open to interpretation; activities occurring there are not predetermined, but allowed to organically evolve. Cars were replaced by café tables, concerts, festivals, markets, even the occasional juggler. “First life, then spaces, then buildings,” Gehl has said. “The other way around never works.”

    Gehl’s way has worked wonderfully. At all hours, Copenhagen is lit up and active. Due to the predominance of old buildings, and because new development tends to be human in scale, the city’s core is lined with small, interesting storefronts. There are endless restaurants and shops in which to sit or browse. Because it’s a place where people want to be, Copenhagen has succeeded in getting those people out of their cars. According to recent statistics, eighty percent of city-center traffic is by foot; fourteen percent is by bicycle. Gehl, a font of philosophical interpretations, parses cities into four categories: the “traditional city,” where there always have been good walking routes, markets, and the like; the “invaded city,” which used to be pedestrian friendly, but is now car dominated; the “abandoned city,” where pedestrians have given up entirely; and the “reconquered city,” which is where he places Copenhagen. Just try to guess in which category Minneapolis fits.

    On the first day of my walking regimen, I slipped into hiking boots and filled a backpack with various work papers and skin lubricants. It was March, so nobody was outside. Nobody who wasn’t in a car, that is. A recent survey asked Minneapolis residents to list their primary mode of transportation; seventy-four percent travel by car, sixteen percent by bus. Only two percent listed each bicycling and walking. That’s not so surprising when you consider other city statistics, which show that the total number of “vehicle miles traveled” increased 129 percent between 1970 and 1990, and that since the 1950s, more than five hundred miles of highway have been constructed in the metropolitan area.

    I marched along the sidewalk on Marshall Street Northeast, as cars spit up beads of gravel like BBs. I crossed littered sidewalks, closed sidewalks, unshoveled sidewalks. At the foot of the Broadway Avenue bridge, which has to be one of the most unpleasant in the Twin Cities, I was stopped in my tracks by a driver idling in a crosswalk. Of course, he was looking the other way. The backs of drivers’ heads are now very familiar to me, but in those days, as a new walker, the experience was fresh. “Hey!” I yelled, to no avail. The streets of Minneapolis can be lonely and infuriating for those on foot, but blaming local drivers for not noticing pedestrians is akin to blaming Africans for not knowing all the words for snow.

    As I headed into downtown, I found my route blocked by The Landings, an enormous suburban-style condominium development that runs along West River Parkway. I picked my way through a labyrinth of winding sidewalks designed to look private (and maybe they are), parking lots, and all manner of fencing. The few gates that would allow passage were so cleverly disguised that I had to squint to detect them.

    That was not at all what the city envisioned back in 1996, when it unveiled “Downtown Minneapolis 2010: Continuing the Vision into the 21st Century”—the planning document that is still the most current for downtown. The idea was to “guide development” in order to create a city “that is constantly alive and filled with people.” One goal of the plan was to eliminate the barriers separating downtown proper from the riverfront, the area’s only significant stretch of green, because “open space serves as a recreational and visual amenity, and its presence lends identity, value and focus to an area.” Unfortunately, in the case of The Landings, as so often happens, the interests of private developers and homeowners overwhelmed those of the public. Currently, in the mile between Plymouth and Hennepin Avenues, only Fourth Avenue connects the warehouse district to the Mississippi River.

    In fact, it feels as if the whole of our downtown has been constructed to suit developers and businesspeople more so than ordinary citizens. The various “uses” within the city center are grouped into districts, with very little continuity between them: There’s an entertainment district, a theater district, an office district, a retail district, a sex-business district, and, at least until the recent spate of condo building began mixing things up, residential districts. This sort of development, akin to the design of department stores, is thought to boost sales by grouping like businesses together. But it leaves us with a fragmented, patchwork-style downtown, where various blocks are in use only during certain hours of the day or night.

    This approach to planning is the reason a person can walk along West River Parkway north of Plymouth Avenue with no path or sidewalk or benches or landscaping to speak of—and then abruptly, simply by crossing one street, enter into an urban wonderland where all of these amenities exist (and, not coincidentally, enhance the value of rows of fancy townhomes). A city, ideally, should be more fluid than ours. It should encourage movement to and through all of its parts.

    Minneapolis also has a tendency to favor large-scale, all-in-one development projects over intricate, more organic design plans. Megaprojects are generally more profitable for developers, and less complicated for the city. Therefore, our downtown has become a veritable museum of shopping-mall development. Take your pick: City Center, Gaviidae Common, the IDS Crystal Court, Block E, the Conservatory (R.I.P.). City planners will argue that their preferences are changing, but the difference appears strictly cosmetic. Block E might have a varied facade and several entrances, but that doesn’t make it any less a mall. “Almost all cities have a tendency to go for these megaprojects,” said Margaret Crawford, a Harvard professor of urban design and planning theory, in an interview back when Block E was still a gleam in its developer’s eye. “And it changes the very nature of the city. Instead of being fine grained and having surprises, it turns out to be a big chunk with virtually no surprises.”

     

    Several weeks ago, Mayor R.T. Rybak held a “Great City Forum” in order to express his goal of “reweaving the urban fabric” of Minneapolis, connecting neighborhoods, green spaces, transit, and other amenities. “I’m very interested in improving the pedestrian experience so that we can create excitement just in walking down the street,” he was quoted as saying in the Downtown Journal. Perhaps his most ambitious goal is to re-make Washington Avenue as “our next grand boulevard … a grand experience connecting the University, Downtown, the North Loop and all the cultural experiences along it.”

    Unfortunately for Rybak, mayoral power within Minneapolis’ government is weak compared with that of other cities, making it difficult to accomplish such expansive, long-term goals. Here, the power rests mostly with the City Council and agencies like the Minneapolis Park and Recreation Board. One council member may see the logic in improving the city’s approach to urban planning, another may not: stalemate. The slow, methodical transformation of Copenhagen happened because Gehl lobbied for, and stood guard over, his vision for decades. The greening of Chicago—including the creation of downtown’s vast new Millennium Park—was possible only because Mayor Richard Daley, now in his fifth term, possessed the commitment, and the power, to make it happen.

    A vision similar to Rybak’s was detailed back in 1996, when Sharon Sayles Belton was in office and Minneapolis was cooking up its 2010 plan, which called for a city center that “is pedestrian oriented, public in character, and rich in experience.” This goal was presented in various ways, but included “a high quality system of parks, plazas, and tree lined streets”—specifically, a public plaza along Hennepin Avenue—and “a vastly improved transit system,” along with more inviting street-level commercial design. How is it that a decade later, just four years from 2010, hardly any of these goals have been met?

    Martin nailed it on the head when she said, “A plan is a theoretical document until there is a development proposal that can make something happen.” In other words, because developers have not approached the city, hats in hand and briefcases full of financial schemes, the plan has mostly collected dust. Of course, even if its goals aren’t realized, documents like the downtown plan do serve at least to draw attention to problems. “The 2010 plan was very much about trying to reorient the perspective about downtown,” Martin pointed out, “in the sense of saying … why do we have to have the street be this completely unpleasant, really hostile environment?”

    By summer, I had figured out a route to downtown that didn’t include crossing the Broadway bridge. I cut through private property and walked over a train trestle where only a few of the boards were rotting through, and the “No Trespassing” sign had been obliterated by graffiti. Several times, though, I had to dash into the bushes to avoid being caught by police. One day, I was too slow. “What part of no trespassing don’t you understand?” the sweating, crew-cutted railroad cop asked. He threatened me with a fine and even jail time, but didn’t make an arrest. In fact, he didn’t even bother to get out of his SUV.

    The river’s edge was no longer abandoned. All of the joggers had run gleefully out the doors of the gyms where they’d been holed up for winter and paraded onto the waterfront, and even onto the barren sidewalks of downtown proper. At lunchtime, workers soaked up much-needed vitamin D; downtown’s benches filled quickly, leaving people to perch on the edges of planters. Some were lucky enough to land tables at the smattering of outdoor cafes along Nicollet Mall, where the only unpleasantness shoots from the tailpipes of passing buses.

    Many have wondered indignantly why we must have buses on the most pedestrian-friendly street in all of downtown Minneapolis. Martin’s answer: “We don’t have to have them. I think the only reason for buses on Nicollet Mall is habit. And retailers tend to be very nervous when stuff isn’t going by their front doors.” Of course, the city experimented, quite successfully, with re-routing buses for several hours in the evenings last summer; there were no logistical catastrophes, nor did the street’s commerce crash. In fact, several Nicollet restaurants requested that the change be made permanent, and round-the-clock, from May to September.

    This is one of many easy, no-frills, low-cost changes that would make downtown vastly more pleasant for walkers. Rather than waiting for a grand development plan—and a deep-pocketed developer to implement it—the city could, as in Copenhagen, make gradual changes. It could convert a single one-way street into a two-way, slowing traffic. And if that proved successful, it could then convert more. It could plant additional curbside trees for shade and wind protection. After all, as the 2010 plan notes, “Dollar for dollar, street trees are probably the best design investment downtown can make.”

    For a city that prides itself on livability, especially one that maintains an extensive park system, including the much heralded and Keebleresque-sounding “Grand Rounds,” it’s puzzling, this reluctance to beautify downtown. Aside from the river and Loring Park, there is almost no greenspace anywhere. It’s another symptom of the way planners have divided things up. In recent history, downtown hasn’t been a neighborhood where great numbers of people live (only since 2000 has the population swelled to thirty thousand, from either nine thousand or twenty thousand, depending on whom you ask), but rather a place where business is conducted, end of story. Therefore it didn’t need parks.

    Recently, UnitedHealth CEO Bill McGuire offered to build a 7.5-acre park just east of the new Guthrie Theater, along the river. If he gets his way—and likely he will, since he’s offering to design it and also pay for its building and maintenance; an alluring package for the city—the park will feature trails and hundreds of trees. “There is a history of Minneapolis having these spaces,” he said, “and I think this vision’s been a bit lost, to be polite.”

    Yet, McGuire’s park wouldn’t fix the center of downtown, where there are plazas scattered here and there, but only one significant patch of public grass, at a place called Cancer Survivors Park, on Nicollet and Washington Avenues. One sunny afternoon, I set out to eat lunch there and found it befuddling to say the least. Part of a national chain of similar well-intentioned memorials, the space is not so much a park as it is a reminder of mortality under the guise of inspiration. The grass is tiered, perfectly trimmed, and rarely trod upon. Instead, the occasional visitor is encouraged to navigate the “Positive Mental Attitude Walk,” a cement sidewalk that skirts the borders of the grass. It’s lined with illuminated metal plaques bearing such messages as, “Cancer is the most curable of all chronic diseases” and “There are treatments for every type of cancer.”

    Determined to eat my sandwich, I sat down on a bench that happened to directly face a stone wall. I looked up and noticed an engraving, the face of a woman who had died. Next to her image were the words, “I am here.” I zipped up my backpack and went home.

     

    Of course, Minneapolis had the opportunity to build a great park or town square on the site of the Block E entertainment complex, current home to chains like Applebee’s and the Hard Rock Cafe. The space was vacant for more than a decade after the city tore down a block’s worth of viable small businesses, so there was plenty of time to contemplate what to do with it. Occupying an iconic spot in downtown—some would call it the heart of the city—Block E was up for grabs. In the mid-nineties, a group called FORECAST Public Artworks proposed turning it into a plaza, an open and malleable place for exhibits, outdoor movies, ice skating, festivals, and so forth.

    A public plaza would have fit right in with the city’s desire to be more people-friendly, if you believe the 2010 plan, which recommends just such a place “in the Entertainment District to provide a focus, amenity and a location for outdoor performances for the surrounding theaters, Target Center and other entertainment destinations.”

    What we got instead was another mall. “There was just no way Block E was ever going to be a public square,” Martin explained. “There was just too much public money into it. And the city needed to get its money back.” Again, civic interests were sold out to the developer with the slickest presentation, and now Block E stands as a monument to Minneapolis’ ongoing failure of imagination, its inability to conceive of downtown as anything other than a place being abandoned for (and in direct competition with) the suburbs. It’s curious that so many Americans who grew up cruising malls flock to places like Copenhagen, Paris, Madrid, and Oaxaca for their vacations. It’s as if the thriving public life in these cities is a fantasy, something rare and impractical, nothing that could take root here.

    That mindset explains, at least in part, why our urban center feels like no place at all. It has come to resemble a sieve. Surrounded by a ribbon of freeway, it’s rife with on and off ramps, enormous boxes of parking stalls, and streets that funnel motor vehicles in and out as quickly as possible.

    With downtown’s streets designed with autos in mind, it’s little wonder that pedestrians turn to the skyways, even when the weather couldn’t be more perfect for an outdoor stroll. The attraction can’t be the skyways themselves—carpeted, climate-controlled tubes, lined mostly with chain stores and take-out joints. While Minneapolis continues to take pride in its extensive network, other cities, like Cincinnati, Dallas, and Hartford, Connecticut, have renounced their skyways (or skywalks, or sky bridges). Partly, that’s due to the fact that they draw people and commercial business off the streets, and a city without street life isn’t much of a city. “If I could take a cement mixer and pour cement in and clog up the tunnels, I would do it today,” Dallas mayor Laura Miller said recently. “It was the worst urban-planning decision that Dallas has ever made.”

    Martin was dubious about the potential for a skyway backlash in Minneapolis. “I haven’t heard anybody talk about getting rid of the skyways,” she said. Forcing people onto the streets, making them walk around in the snow and heat like in the olden days, to her thinking, seems punitive. “If people have no alternative, then sure they will be out on the street. But it’s a little prescriptive, you know?” Once, skyways must have seemed like a futuristic dream. Now, ironically, getting people back onto the sidewalks is the crazy idea.

    One warm fall day, I set out to go from one end of downtown to the other using only skyways. I passed through the US Bank Plaza, One Financial Plaza, the Northstar Center, the Wells Fargo Center, and wound up in the all-but-abandoned City Center—not just disoriented, but thoroughly depressed. I made for the ground floor of City Center and stepped out onto Hennepin Avenue, with its scraggly, non-shade-producing trees and scattered benches. The wind blew bits of paper along the sidewalk, past giant empty storefronts that used to house the Olive Garden and TGI Friday’s and Snyders Drug Store.

    Besides the allure of development dollars, part of the attraction of malls and skyways over civic squares and public sidewalks is their perceived safety. There are various ways to address the problem of street crime. One approach says that more people on the sidewalk makes for a safer sidewalk. Crowds and street-level stores and cafes leave fewer dark corners in which scoundrels can hide. But the more popular approach seems to be to forsake the street in favor of fortresses with parking ramps attached. Even the progressive-sounding 2010 plan spoke in contradictory terms on the issue of safety, touting the value of “street level” commerce while repeatedly praising the “secure and convenient” malls of the suburbs. Much of what the city has done planning-wise, whether carving up downtown into districts, building miles of skyways, or throwing up mall after parking ramp after mall, may in fact have made the streets more dangerous.

    “There is a lot of concern about security and safety,” said Martin, “so you create these environments that are read by the middle-class people who use them as secure and safe and then it’s OK. Is that the best way in which to build a city? I’m not so sure.” Martin supposes that the recent influx of downtown condo residents may spark development on a smaller, more flexible, more human scale. The city’s newest residents tend to be on the prosperous side, thus they have political clout. Already, two grocery stores are going in. Perhaps parks and other amenities will follow.

     

    I told myself it was just snowing outside, but in fact, there was a blizzard. Shortly after starting out for work, I realized that my boots were too short for the accumulated snow, made deeper by plow overflow from the street. I returned home and changed. Tough going it was indeed, like walking through sand. Onward I struggled, bundled up, quite alone, pointed into the snow that glanced off my eyeballs like tiny shards of glass.

    The common misperception is that winter is the worst season for walking. Yet—early sunsets and the occasional ten-below-zero spell aside—winter is actually quiet, pretty, and cool enough to keep a pedestrian from overheating. There I was, crossing the bridge and peacefully crunching snow, maybe too much snow actually, when I spotted another walker headed toward me. Slowly, we came together in the whiteness. “Nice weather,” I said. “It sucks,” he retorted. That was the extent of the exchange. Except that after our passing I was able to step in his tracks and he, I presume, in mine.

    It occurred to me that it shouldn’t be so hard to be a pedestrian. If Minneapolis had a decent transportation system, I wouldn’t have had to walk two miles in the blowing snow. Or cruise slippery streets in a car, either. In the early 1930s, the golden age of Twin City Rapid Transit, our system boasted 530 miles of track and more than one thousand streetcars—a network so extensive that it was said at the time that no Minneapolis resident lived more than three blocks from a station. Those figures indicate that our train system was once as good as, or maybe even better than, the one Copenhagen has now. But, along with rail in other American cities, Twin City Rapid Transit was unceremoniously dismantled in the forties and fifties. And now, through budget cuts and related fare hikes, the bus system is being undone as well.

    When asked whether Minneapolis could regain its designation as a place where both mass transit and pedestrians thrive, a place akin to Copenhagen or Chicago or even New York, Martin was quick to point out differences in culture. Sure, mindsets can change, she said, but “it’s a slow process … I don’t think there is anything that’s going to give you a crowded street at six o’clock on a January evening.” That seems a bit resigned, considering that thousands of people gather along Nicollet Mall during the Christmas season to watch a series of Holidazzle parades. If there are reasons for people to come downtown—festivals, concerts, and so forth—they will come.

    Of course, crowds flocking to a Broadway show or ball game don’t in and of themselves constitute thriving street life. For that, you need commuters on foot, shoppers, residents—all kinds of people walking regularly, if not daily, from here to there. Martin was willing to concede that downtown’s outdoor culture would be enhanced by increased bus and train service. “If transportation was improved,” she said, “it would put more people on the street. For sure.”

    Interestingly, usage of the Hiawatha light rail line has been greater than expected, averaging more than twenty-six thousand riders each weekday. That’s a strong case for more of the same. Like Strøget, that first pedestrian street in Copenhagen, light rail’s Route 55 has been warmly embraced. If transit is provided, people here clearly are happy to use it.

    By 7:00 in the evening, I’d finished a couple of after-work shots of Jameson at a downtown pub. The snow had ceased, leaving everything covered in a beautiful, pristine blanket of white—except for the sidewalks, which, thankfully, had been plowed. I crossed the Hennepin Avenue bridge, giving myself the necessary extra time to reach my destination. I considered the various small ways in which I’d adjusted to accommodate walking, and also the many wonders of Handi Wipes. It all seemed effortless now, natural even. My experiment was largely finished, but still my car sat at home in the parking lot, one of its tires slowly going flat.

    Once over the river, in Northeast, I gazed back at Minneapolis’s sparkling downtown, stunning against the starry night. A train passed beneath a nearby bridge, slowly gliding toward the skyline, no doubt carrying coal or some other commodity. If those tracks carried people, I thought, maybe I wouldn’t have been standing by myself.

  • A New Game For Milton Bradley

    I was hanging out with a group of buddies the other day and several conversations were going on all at once. During a lull in the chatter, I heard my friend Mike describe someone he had known all of his life as a guy who was once a world-class adventurer, but who wound up “a housepainter with hepatitis C.” Now, it doesn’t really matter what led up to this statement. What I found interesting was that no matter how many accomplishments, experiences, and successes this guy had enjoyed previously in his life, Mike had reduced his current existence to a menial job and a physical condition.

    It was a twisted variation on that game where you create your stripper name by using your house pet’s name and the street where you lived as a child. In that case I would be “Fritzie Duluth,” though Mike might add, “that waitress from Mickey’s Diner with crabs.”

    I shared this pin-the-personality-on-the-person idea with my husband, who was appropriately stunned to realize that he was “Tiger Burns, the Whirlpool washer assemblyman with Bell’s palsy.”

    Of course, Milton Bradley could never market such a game. People are too protective of their personal myths. Deep down, we’re all terrified that not only are we frauds, but that we stink too—as in the case of my best friend, “Spooky Arcade,” who happens to be a successful stockbroker but once worked as “a school janitor with chronic halitosis.” (Spooky sez: Don’t forget to brush your tongue.)

    I was reminded of our natural inclination to secretly reduce ourselves and not so secretly reduce others to the worst possible bottom line. Recently, on the telephone with my mom, the tension was running high; she was upset about something I’d done. Now, I appreciate that I couldn’t have been an easy child to raise, seeing as I spent a number of my teenage years as “a high-school dropout welfare mother with a pot-smoking problem.” Nor were my mistakes limited to youthful indiscretions. My two children were born out of wedlock by separate fathers. My first house went into foreclosure. My first marriage was a fiery train wreck; I was shacking up with my second husband before either of us was officially divorced. Yes, all this and crabs, too.

    Later that day, I expressed the sadness I felt at upsetting my mother to my dear pal, “Grizzly Pinecourt,” a former “warehouse grocery packer with oral gonorrhea.” He said to me, “You know, Fritzie, sometimes I feel that to my mother I will always be the sixteen-year-old who ran away from home and ended up in the psych ward in a hospital two towns away. I get frustrated and depressed because I feel like she can’t see the best parts of me, because the bad parts for her outweigh everything else. But the serious, Hallmark Card truth of it is that I wouldn’t have arrived at the best parts of who I am without all the sketchy parts.”

    I have a human-anatomy textbook with a series of transparency pages that build a whole person from the blood vessels out. As you lay each transparency down, you get the bones, organs, muscles, and skin. All parts working together to create a whole.

    His sentiment and the images in that book followed me a couple of days later when I took my daughter to get her lip pierced. She was five months away from her eighteenth birthday, and I signed the permission slip. When she initially told me she wanted a piercing, she held my hand over the fire. She said coolly, “I have a friend who does piercings, so I can get it done without your permission. I’m just telling you, I’d rather get it done with your permission.” Weeeeeell. My administration doesn’t like to truck with terrorism, so I countered with a potential freezing of assets and a cell phone embargo. This amounted to pointless political posturing on my part since, for most of her senior year, she has been operating as a sovereign nation with her own income and resources.

    I caved despite my misgivings and before I knew it we were standing in the waiting room of Saint Sabrina’s. My daughter was absolutely giddy with excitement and admitted to being nervous. I said lamely, “Uh, well, you know you don’t have to get this done.” A sweet gentleman with nostril grommets ushered my baby into a private room. I didn’t hear her cry out, though my heart was pounding. She came out smiling. “Bones Wabasha, the babysitter with a lip ring.”

  • The Pictures to Prove It

    Ratting out someone, even a creep who really deserves the exposure, is not usually done before an adoring throng, but furtively, behind closed doors—because people generally despise snitches. When Vanity Fair magazine revealed former FBI agent Mark Felt as “Deep Throat” last fall, old passions flared anew. Virtually everyone, even those who defended Richard Nixon to the bitter end, conceded that Felt did the country a service by helping expose serious lawbreaking at the highest levels of government. Yet many of the same people cannot bring themselves to call Felt a hero, because he snitched.

    Our collective aversion to snitching explains why Minneapolitans reacted with palpable resentment to “photo cops”—cameras placed at intersections notorious for red-light running—and cheered when Hennepin County District Court Judge Mark Wernick, in City of Minneapolis v. Daniel Kuhlman, said that Minneapolis failed to use them legally. Kuhlman, who received a photo cop ticket for running a red light, hired attorney Howard Bass to fight it because, according to Kuhlman, he was not driving his car at the time.

    When photo cops were installed last summer, many of us railed against them as another Big Brother encroachment on our right to ride anonymously along life’s freeways. No one seriously disputes that the photo cops have significantly reduced red-light running—according to some reports, by close to twenty percent—at the dozen or so intersections where they were installed. And, in these dire, budget-crunched times, the photo cops helped generate close to a million dollars in revenue for cash-strapped Minneapolis. But what mattered, and what ticked off so many people, was that the photo cops never blinked. They were invariably right, and just like a true snitch, they hid behind the protective cloak of anonymity.

    While the technology behind the photo cop is state of the art, the concept was simple and logical. Cars running lights were photographed; the driver was identified by license plate number and received a ticket in the mail along with “the evidence”—a series of photographs showing the car in its compromising position. The ticketee was presumed guilty and typically fined $164 for the violation, unless he could prove (1) he no longer owned the car; (2) the car was stolen at the time of the violation; or (3) he was not driving the car at the time of the violation—in which case he must “nominate” (i.e. rat out) the actual driver.

    According to Judge Wernick, the problem with the Minneapolis ordinance was that it took the presumption of innocence that girds our criminal justice system and turned it on its head. Instead of the government having to prove that someone actually committed the alleged crime, it was up to the person accused to prove that he did not do it. Minnesotans accused of running a red light anywhere else in the state—even in Minneapolis, in cases where a photo cop did not do the ticketing—did not start their cases against the government in such a deep procedural hole.

    Did Daniel Kuhlman run a red light on August 17, 2005? The answer to that question turns out to be irrelevant. What is really at stake in the City of Minneapolis v. Daniel Kuhlman is reaffirming who has the burden of proving the answer to that question beyond a reasonable doubt. Judge Wernick got it absolutely right: Minneapolis cannot dump that responsibility on the accused. At the same time, Wernick was careful not to unilaterally condemn this sort of law enforcement tool. Photo cops can and do work effectively and legally in places like Oregon and Delaware. Drivers snapped in those states are not charged with crimes. Instead, they pay civil fines, which usually do not place their drivers’ licenses at risk, nor leave them with the consequences of a criminal conviction—like the potential loss of one’s license and higher insurance rates.

    No one likes to get caught doing things he knows are wrong. And very few people like snitches, be they human or electronic, even when they save us from our own stupidity. However, we are far less likely to resent—and may even come to grudgingly accept—electronic surveillance like photo cops if the government, in its zeal to encourage us to do the right thing, does not do it by gutting our constitutional right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty.

  • Bad Is Good

    Two years ago Israeli author Etgar Keret published a children’s book about a man who saves his family by abandoning it. In Dad Runs Away With the Circus, the titular father is so seduced by a traveling group of lion-tamers, elephants, plate-spinners, and acrobats that (after a brief argument with Mom) he chooses to leave his son and daughter and perform under the big top for a while. He eventually returns home, but only after a whirlwind global tour. “Everything went back to being the same as it always had been,” Keret writes—except for Dad being able to use his newfound fire-breathing skills to cook hotdogs at barbecues.

    The book is as playful as any piece of kiddie lit you might find, but it’s still a surprise: Using a mid-life crisis, or any family dysfunction, for comic relief doesn’t get a lot of traction in American letters these days. Blame the memoir glut, blame sobersided MFA programs, blame Oprah—for whatever reason, a lot of popular American writing about families takes its main theme as fixing the flaws that plague us. Into this arid arena arrives Keret, a very funny and very odd writer who aggressively turns the family-problem story inside out. Our screwups with our parents, kids, and lovers are the things we ought to revel in, he argues—they’re what save us, make us whole. That’s not necessarily a novel theme, and for a while there was a small tribe of writers making hay of all the nervous handwringing by letting their freak flag fly: Joseph Heller for example, or Kurt Vonnegut, Philip Roth, even early John Irving. These days, however, it’s an idea we only get slathered in gloom from Rick Moody, soaked in irony from Dave Eggers, and not at all from melodrama pimps like Nicholas Sparks. All of those three can give you love and death, but none of them would set a comic love story in Uzbekistan, which happens to be where the gates of hell are.

    Keret was born in 1967, the son of two Polish-born holocaust survivors; he grew up in Israel and, by his account, had a dismal time during his mandatory military service, made worse by the suicide of one of his army buddies. This is the formula that might have produced a drearily glum fiction voice for latter-day disaffected Israelis, but Keret’s refused the role. Instead his off-kilter short-stories, written in Hebrew, have earned him an Eggers- and Moody-like celebrity among young readers in Israel. He’s sold more than two hundred thousand copies of his collections and earned the title of most-shoplifted author in the country—an Israeli Bukowski.

    The Nimrod Flipout, his second collection of stories published in the U.S., offers thirty glimpses into beautifully bizarre circumstances and predicaments. In “Fatso,” the narrator’s girlfriend lets him in on a secret: “What if I told you that at night I turn into a heavy, hairy man, with no neck, with a gold ring on his pinky, would you still love me?” No joke, she really does become a burly bully at night, but the hero finds that there’s a best-of-both-worlds aspect to this transformation; sex with the woman’s pretty good, and the guy knows good steak joints. A young boy in “Pride and Joy” suffers from a “rare family disease” in which the parents become shorter as the child grows taller; to keep Mom and Dad from disappearing entirely he tries to stunt his growth. His smoking, along with his erratic sleeping and eating patterns, alienates him from his peers—nobody said balancing the trials of adolescence with family illness was going to be easy. But when the boy finally gets to kiss a girl, his father’s right there cheering like a soccer dad, sitting in his son’s shirt pocket.

    Those stories, like nearly everything Keret writes, are commercial-break short. Few of the pieces in The Nimrod Flipout or its 2001 predecessor, The Bus Driver Who Wanted to Be God, run longer than ten pages; the closest he’s come to a novel is “Kneller’s Happy Campers,” a forty-page story written as a series of vignettes in the latter book, set in a seriocomic afterworld for people who’ve killed themselves. (It’s been adapted into a film, Wristcutters: A Love Story, which features a cameo by Tom Waits, a very Keretian musician.) That brevity helps give many of Keret’s stories the intensity and impact of fables, but without the pat moralizing. “Dirt,” all of two pages long, twins the narrator’s fantasy about opening a chain of laundromats for singles (“wherever there are lonely people and dirty laundry, they’ll always come to me”) with a sort of prayer for his father, who is sick with guilt over the narrator’s suicide. In “For Only 9.99 (Incl. Tax and Postage),” a boy writes in for a pamphlet alleging to contain the meaning of life—which turns out to be the real deal, though the boy discovers this knowledge doesn’t do anything about your fear of death, or angry religious mobs, or dads who think you’re being bilked. In the end the publisher releases a new pamphlet solving a more mundane problem, on sale for 29.99, and the story closes with a vaudevillian kicker: “One lucky break, and already they go and up the price.”

    You’ll notice a few recurring themes here: boys navigating adolescence, parents with commanding and often domineering roles, suicide and its aftershocks. And you might also notice a distinct lack of what you might call Israeli-ness. Keret’s stories are often set in Tel Aviv and sometimes reference Middle Eastern politics in passing, but the author seems to be striving for universality in his stories. “When you wake up in the morning,” he told Newsweek, “before you’ve had your first cup of coffee, what you think about is not, Why isn’t there a Palestinian state? You say, ‘Why doesn’t my girlfriend love me?’ Or ‘I hope somebody didn’t steal my car.’” Keret’s taken a few whacks in his homeland for such attitudes, and he hasn’t had an easier go of it in the U.S.: Reviewing The Bus Driver Who Wanted to Be God in the New York Times Book Review, novelist Benjamin Anastas dunned Keret for choosing to “provoke without consequence, entertain without investment, and value above all things the pursuit of fleeting pleasures.”

    It wouldn’t be the first time a critic’s mistaken comedy and brevity for shallowness. But if Anastas means that Keret often fails to tell the story straight, he’s guilty as charged. Unquestionably, he can be glib and hollow on occasion: The three pages of “My Girlfriend’s Naked” don’t contain much more insight than the three words of its title, and “Malffunction” is an unfunny one-page gag about a balky keyboard. And he’s not much for stylized characterization; there usually isn’t the room.

    But that’s not to say his stories are mechanical, emotionless morality tales—and Keret never once confuses the humor he finds in his characters’ predicaments with an opportunity for a cheap shot. The most carefully designed piece in The Nimrod Flipout is the title story, in which three young men are haunted by the ghost of Nimrod, an army buddy who killed himself. His intervention in the lives of the three men slowly frays the braid of their friendship, and the power of the story resides in how Keret locates the point at which mourning a lost friend stops being commemorative and starts to mean you’re living in the past.

    The outsized and fable-like qualities of Keret’s stories make them great fodder for graphic novels; as proof, Jetlag collects five drawn by members of the Tel Aviv comic collective Actus. (It was first published in Israel in 1998, finally making its way to the U.S. in February.) The artists seem to key in on Keret at his weirdest, picking one tale about a plane that’s intentionally going to crash in the ocean (“so people will take the whole flight safety issue more seriously”), and another in which the occupants of hell get a twenty-four-hour furlough in Uzbekistan once a century. But “Margolis,” a loyal take on the Bus Driver story “Breaking the Pig,” is both the best-turned tale and least absurd—a clean, simple, and funny inversion of typical morality tales about fathers and sons. A man gives his son a piggy bank in order to teach him the value of money, but as the pig gets stuffed with coins and cash, the boy begins to cherish it more; he’s completely forgotten the desire for a skateboard that prompted the pig’s arrival in the first place.

    That’s almost banal on its face, but “Margolis,” like many Keret family tales, is thick with thorns. The boy’s affection for the piggy bank reflects his growing distance from his already-remote father, who creates an austere chill in the household. The boy tells Margolis, named “after somebody who used to live in our mailbox and dad couldn’t scratch his name off the sticker,” that he loves him more than his mother and father. But that statement comes off as neither cute nor tragic, nor even bittersweet. It charmingly reflects how Margolis is the first thing the boy’s been able to love, and it maps the gulf between the boy and his father with a Carver-like elegance and a surrealistic tinge.

    All of these assets have made Keret something of a celebrity in American alt-culture spheres, though maybe the reason his stories get read on This American Life have as much to do with their potency as their brevity. An Etgar Keret novel could easily be a complete disaster—endless cuteness and piled-on absurdities from a writer who isn’t at his best when he has to control a narrative throughline. But I wonder if folks didn’t say the same thing about Roth circa Goodbye, Columbus. The liberating power of dysfunction has been a tough sell in these parts for a while, and it may very well take a bright foreigner like Keret to make the case. An Israeli writing the next Great American Novel would be a beautiful, very Keretian thing.

    “When you truly love somebody, all those things that at the beginning are really alienating are things you learn to love,” Keret once told an interviewer, by way of explaining “Fatso.” But that statement serves as a sort of motto for about everything he’s written. For the past decade of Prozac Nation-ed memoirs and Corrections-obsessed novels, the prevailing sensibility in popular American writing has been, well, sensible, focused on the path to healing, and looking at broken homes as ships to be righted. Keret’s simple assertion—that we can no more safely remove our flaws than we can remove, say, an artery—is a useful prescription. Let the healing begin.

  • Drink to Forgiveness

    What, a student asked the other day, was the last place to be ruled by the Romans? Nowhere in Italy, that’s for certain; the last Roman emperor I know to have set foot on mainland Italy with the purpose of exercising political power was Constans II in 662. The Holy Roman Empire, begun by Charlemagne and destroyed by Napoleon, we agreed did not count, being notoriously neither holy nor Roman nor an empire. “How about Constantinople, New Rome on the Bosporus, not captured by the Ottoman Turks ‘til May 29, 1453?” the young man suggested. I was able to raise him eight years. At the southeast corner of the Black Sea is the port city of Trebizond, modern Turkish Trabzon, and this pleasant place was ruled by its own local Christian Roman emperors until 1461.

    Those who have heard of Trebizond at all probably know it from Rose MacAulay’s The Towers of Trebizond, an endearing novel published in 1956 that stars a spiky Anglican parson, a suffragette, a camel, and a lady whose behavior was, shall we say, no better than it ought to be. It is a witty tale evoking a more generous, less litigious world. Not long after MacAulay’s visit to Trebizond, the local Muslim congregation, which had been worshipping for centuries in the former coronation church of the Roman emperors, magnanimously allowed their mosque to be turned into a museum so that its Christian paintings could be uncovered, studied, and restored. (You have never seen such a flutter of angels’ wings as under that dome.) Until the international treaties of 1922, in fact, a substantial Orthodox Christian minority lived alongside the Trebizond Muslims, but the Orthodox were then sent to Greece as part of an exchange of populations—ethnicity in that part of the world then being defined by religion. A tiny Roman Catholic congregation survived, served by Capuchin friars. Trebizond has always had a reputation for kindness and a mild maritime climate.

    One Sunday afternoon in February, modern passions smashed the city’s peace. The priest who cared for the dozen or so Roman Catholics in Trebizond, Father Andrea Santoro, was shot dead while praying in the church. The killer was a teenager, enraged by insults to his faith. The priest was no proselytizer; evangelism, even the wearing of religious dress in public, is illegal in Turkey, a secular state which is ninety-eight percent Muslim. Fr. Andrea lived there as a quiet witness to a force more positive even than tolerance. “Silence, humility, the simple life … clear and defenseless witness and the conscious offering of one’s life can rehabilitate the Middle East,” he told a friend. The bishop who buried him back home in Italy called him a martyr; he reported that the priest’s mother feels great pain for the young man who killed her son. No true Muslim, said a minister of the Turkish government, would kill a man of God in the house of God. “We must,” said the poet W.H. Auden, “love one another or die.”

    They drink wine in Trebizond, but they do not grow it. Turkish wine is very good, but the beverage that comes from the wooded valleys of the Black Sea coast is Turkish tea. Grapevines and tea bushes are seldom horticultural bedfellows. It is frothy coffee that one associates with the Capuchin Friars, Fr. Santoro’s order. Cappuccino gets its name from the color of their habits. But he, in fact, came from Rome, and the volcanic hills south and east of the city produce good dry white wine which refreshes countless Romans who drive out from the capital to have dinner in the Castelli Romani on hot summer evenings.

    The wine from Frascati, made by Fontana Candida (Italian for “white fountain”), is an old favorite, remarkably consistent over the years and at less than ten dollars very affordable. It is made mostly from the Trebbiano grape, the most widely grown grape in Italy, mixed with two types of Malvasia. The color is so yellow it is almost green; the nose recalls brewer’s yeast more than the wild flowers alluded to on the label, but there is a good bitter acid scrunch at the center of its taste, followed by a long pleasing flavor redolent of watermelons. This Frascati goes (of course) with fish and also with lemon chicken; it would complement a leg of lamb, roasted with lots of rosemary. It is a glass of this that I shall raise at Easter to honor the memory of a martyr, a brave man called home, a witness to the hope made possible by the practice of forgiveness.

  • Who Are You Calling Disorganized?

    As with others who work in the food business, I—and especially my chef husband—have had new friends express their reservations about cooking for us. (Usually this comes out over a few glasses of wine at our house.) But in truth, the only real differences between a home cook and a food pro are time and tricks. Sadly, most of us have less and less time to wade through an ever-expanding battery of culinary advice and implements, let alone master the tricks that are most helpful.

    I’m lucky enough to live with an impatient know-it-all who points out when I am wasting my time. Through him and all my own experiences in commercial kitchens I have learned that there are a few things that can go a long ways toward transforming the way you cook. One is to develop “asbestos fingers” so that you can pluck a piece of chicken from a sauté pan at a moment’s notice to check for doneness. Another is tongs. They are a seamless extension of a good cook’s hands (especially one who hasn’t developed asbestos fingers yet). But the best and most important trick of them all is to master the essential art of mise en place.

    Literally translated to “put in place,” the French term mise en place (rhymes with “peas on moss”) is used in kitchens throughout the world. Basically, it refers to the preparation of a dish before one cooks it: Assembling the necessary tools and ingredients, chopping and prepping, and pre-heating the oven all count as mise en place.

    I used to think I was pretty slick as a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants cook. If a recipe captured my interest, I’d start cooking. Maybe halfway through the process I’d notice that the butter was supposed to be at room temperature (so I might nuke it, then end up melting it), or that I needed cream but only had skim milk (no one would know, right?), or that the dish required three hours in the oven (and guests were expected in one). Consider what a restaurant kitchen has to accomplish. Even if only a hundred people come for dinner, that’s probably about three hundred plates that come off the line. Can you imagine throwing a dinner party and assembling three hundred plates as a seat-of-the-pants cook? Bombs away.

    That’s why one of the keys to success for a pro is mise en place. Everything in its place. While you’re driving to work in the morning, pondering where you might go for dinner, cooks all over town are chopping tomatoes, cleaning squid, and making stock—all so that when you place your order that evening, your line cook has his world at his fingertips. In order to be prepared for whatever the chef commands, the good line cook must have a near-blind faith that minced onions will be on his left and finely grated parmigiano reggiano in the cooler by his knees. That is what ensures that the chaos of a restaurant kitchen can be finely orchestrated, instead of evolving into disaster. Obviously, this is crucial for speedy cooks turning out food in high volumes, but who among us throws dinner parties for three hundred?

    The real secret is that mise en place, more than a trick, is practically a way of life. It’s a concept that demands you show up with your head in the game. It means full attention and focus, respect for yourself as a cook, for your time spent making something that is well crafted, and for those who will eat it. Realizing the mise en place ideal means envisioning the entire production of a dish (or menu) with each element necessary for a beautiful, delicious result.

    In my pre-mise en place days, I thought creativity meant spontaneity, that improvisation had a higher value than skill and technique. I could blame the media for glamorizing chefs as artists and producing cooking shows that promise perfection in thirty minutes, but I think it was probably more a combination of ego and laziness. Mise en place taught me to balance creativity with production.

    Sundays are my favorite cooking day. Older kids are mired in homework, critical husband is mired in the couch, toddler is content to roll tomatoes across the counter. I am free to work on dinner, all day. My mise en place begins with looking out the window: Is it a soup day? A roast day? With a dish selected, a survey of the fridge and pantry usually means a quick shopping trip. Once I have all my ingredients, I begin prepping them. This has become my favorite task. While chopping an onion, I focus on how I hold my knife, how the angle of the blade yields a cleaner slice, how uniformly I can make each piece. The meditative nature of this simple task has helped me understand not only why technique is important, but how food yields to different techniques. Which has led me to a better understanding of food.

    After prepping, my kitchen is populated with small dishes heaped with brightly colored, fragrant ingredients. By the time people show up for Sunday supper and I begin assembling and throwing things into the flame, what may seem like the beginning of a dish is actually the end. What I serve forth, be it success or failure, has undoubtedly taught me something. I’m still working on the asbestos fingers, though.

    Chorizo Tapas

    2 T. olive oil
    1 c. chopped yellow onion
    2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
    2 tsp. paprika
    1 c. hard cider
    2 bay leaves, broken in half
    1 lb. Spanish chorizo, cut diagonally,
    into 3⁄4 -inch pieces
    1⁄4 c. sun-dried tomatoes, coarsely chopped
    1⁄4 c. chopped fresh parsley

    Heat oil in a sauté pan over medium-high heat. Add onions and garlic; sauté about 5 minutes, add paprika and cook about 1 minute more. Add cider and bay leaves; bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for a few minutes. Add chorizo and sun-dried tomatoes; let simmer for 3 minutes. Remove bay leaves, toss in parsley. Serve in shallow bowl with crusty bread for dipping.

  • Rake Appeal { Object Lust

    Back in the seventies, one of my sisters spent a summer clopping around in Dr. Scholl’s with white cotton socks. Supposedly it was doctor’s orders—he said she had an allergy to the rubber in sneakers—but what kind of doctor would prescribe Dr. Scholl’s for an eight-year-old tomboy? Probably she badgered our mother for them. Naturally desirous of anything a sibling had that I did not, I tried out the Scholl’s one day, and naturally fell off (or out of) them, twisting my ankle and jabbing the arch of my foot with the hard edge of the shoe.

    Childhood impressions die hard, and thereafter wooden-soled shoes were out of the question. But decades later, I found myself trying on Troentorp clogs. I liked that the uppers were attached to the soles with tiny silver nails, not staples, and that they were made by an old-school Swedish company. The clearance price also helped—I had little to lose.

    What other shoe can inspire a brief jig while, say, waiting for a file at the printer? Maybe it has something to do with how, in a traditionally designed clog, the heel height, the tread, and the space beneath the toe are all precisely aligned to make walking on an inflexible wood sole not just doable, but delightful (think clog dancers). And maybe it’s that purity of design, or more accurately, its mix of complexity and simplicity, that is so compelling.

    Clogs date back at least to Roman times, when men and women wore wooden shoes called Tyrrhenian sandals to the bathhouses. In the 1500s, affluent ladies wore a variation called a “patten,” basically a galosh, to protect their fancy fabric footwear, but eventually the clog—and the French sabot and the Spanish pantofle—became common among peasants and servants. These days people in sturdy, no-nonsense professions, cooks and nurses most notably, are often huge clog fans.

    That’s another aspect of clogs’ appeal: Their vibe is hardworking yet quirky and, thanks to their long association with Scandinavians, socialistic—a different spin entirely than that of the crunchy Germany Birkenstock. Birkenstock even attempts to co-opt some of that vibe by calling various of its styles “clogs,” which points to a larger and serious problem: the corruption of the clog.

    First, there’s the confusion of “slides” and “mules” with clogs; the most repellant among these styles have ungainly polyester fleece collars and backs that rise to cover just the smallest sliver of heel. Talk about a lack of commitment. The backs of real clogs are closed or open; there is no in between. This not-really-closed-or-open style has become commonplace on all kinds of shoes, and while it’s difficult to articulate, I feel strongly that there is a link between its popularity and the Democrats’ infuriating neither-here-nor-there dilemma. Then there are abominations like sneaker clogs and brightly colored plastic Crocs; the former have a troubling persistence, while the latter, I suspect, will soon go the way of Jellies. Then you’ve got spike-heeled clogs and platform clogs and the “sweater clog” offered by Steve Madden last year. Surely no one would try to make a sweater emulate a clog—why force a clog to adopt the characteristics of a sweater?

    When faced with so many variations (or bastardizations) of style and function, it’s necessary to stick with the classics. But they needn’t be boring. Besides Dansko’s patent-leather and crazily striped styles, there’s always inspiration to be found trawling eBay. One vintage pair that tragically got away had huge, Pilgrim-like brass buckles—an acceptable novelty since they were produced by the venerable clog-maker Olof Daughters. My best find by far has been a vintage open-back style whose mysterious long-haired fur and elfin toes inspired observers to make cinematic references (Matthew Barney’s Cremaster films, Lord of the Rings), or to tell me it looked like I was wearing hamsters. Some things are too bizarre to resist. Now, with warm weather approaching, cute perforated clogs are cropping up, and I realize that this is a worthy obsession for all seasons. —Julie Caniglia

  • Rake Appeal { Sweet Spot

    Standing where Cedar and Riverside Avenues cross, it’s hard to believe that this was once the blondest intersection in all of Minneapolis. In the 1800s, it was home to the city’s largest concentration of Scandinavian immigrants. Today, framed by the looming Riverside Plaza Towers and the long-standing 400 Bar, the neighborhood is still defined by newcomers, except that they are more likely to hail from East Africa than Northern Europe.

    Next to neighborhood stalwarts such as the Wienery and the labor-party-endorsed Mayday Books, newer entities have moved in, like the Dar Al-Hijrah Islamic Center, which shares its space with the Cedar-Riverside cop shop, and the Al Karama Mall, offering fine furniture and digital versions of the Koran.

    Despite Mohammed’s presence, the neighborhood retains its reputation as a hard-drinkin’ destination with a few hard-luck regulars. Bars and clubs line the streets, from the Triple Rock Social Club to the Nomad World Pub to more purposeful drinking haunts like Palmer’s. Throw in throngs of U students straight outta Ames, and you’ve got a neighborhood with a distinctly transient feel. The ubiquitous ads for phone cards and money transfers only add to the effect.

    Life for Cedar Avenue’s newest homesteaders still seems firmly rooted in Africa. Aside from a few mini groceries selling Syrian bath products and locally made flat breads, most of the area’s Somalis shop at a makeshift market at 419 Cedar Ave. S. This place would seem forlorn if not for the smiles and laughter of the women hawking colorful long skirts, tunics, and headscarves, all of which can be admired in cracked mirrors alongside machine-made prayer rugs, plastic flowers, and incense.

    Another favorite destination is Ubah Restaurant and Coffee, where men in kufis and henna-dyed beards slurp down steaming soup from plastic bowls and watch Al Jazeera on the big-screen TV. It’s hard to go unnoticed at Ubah, especially if you’re a lily-white woman. Each new customer gave me a curious once-over before sitting down. And I got the sweetest smile from the slight young man who wiped my table.

    It occurred to me while sipping coffee that this is exactly what the Department of Homeland Security is most fearful of: foreign-born, Islamic, Al Jazeera-watching men. But from where I sat, it looked like they were probably discussing the weather and their kids and telling jokes. Cancel that code orange.

    Cedar-Riverside remains, as always, a sort of cultural chameleon. But just as in the seventies, the word on the street is “peace.” Now it just sounds more like “salaam.”

    —Sarah Lemanczyk

  • Rake Appeal { Show & Tell

    With his wide-set, almond-shaped eyes and dark-coffee complexion, the statuesque Ini Iyamba possesses a sort of chiseled, architectural beauty, which is only enhanced by a devout commitment to fitness. The other day, he wore an outfit that complemented both God-given and hard-won features: closefitting jeans and a snug vintage tee, tight around the shoulders, with rainbow letters spelling “Fascination.” A daring pair of white, faux snakeskin loafers finished the jaunty look.

    Iyamba owns Ivy, the Calhoun Square boutique that, in the year since it opened, has become known for its exotic, funky selection of denim and other casual clothing for women. But even while admiring gold-threaded hoodies and tiered cotton skirts, it’s hard not to notice how great Iyamba looks, whether he’s in an old track jacket or custom-tailored cuffs.

    Finding out where he shops for his own clothes involved a tasteful display of his wardrobe staples in Ivy’s backroom: Jockey V-neck T-shirt from Target; knit pageboy cap; monogrammed, cashmere sweater from J.Crew; glow-in-the-dark, seventies-era Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey tee, a thrift-store find; reconstructed vintage Levi’s—a limited edition from Barney’s New York; custom-made black dress shirt; Puma trainers; and pinstriped trousers of uncertain origin.

    “Dress pants are huge,” he said, holding this favorite pair to his legs. “I come from a culture in which everybody gets dressed up in their Sunday best.” Iyamba was born in Nigeria, and although he moved to the Midwest when he was ten (he attended St. Thomas Academy in St. Paul and the University of Wisconsin at Madison), in terms of fashion, it is the styles worn by his African compatriots that left a lasting impression. “In the summer, they’d have on their dress pants with sandals and a singlet,” he said. Later, he would cite their influence on his own penchant for fedoras and pageboy caps.

    “Every man should have a custom-tailored suit,” he said. “But they’re not cheap, so a lot of men can get a custom shirt instead.” He showed how his black dress shirt had been darted at the waist. “If they’re working out, they probably have broad shoulders, so there’s going to be some excess fabric,” he said, gesturing with his palm toward his slender mid-section. “I have about twenty black dress shirts—the majority of them, maybe fifteen, with French cuffs. And I wear them like the French do: un-cuffed.

    “Vintage, for me, is really big,” he continued. “It personalizes your wardrobe. All my vintage shopping is done at Tatter’s. My friends and I call it ‘The Dusty.’” Iyamba held up a classic Tatter’s find: a seventies-era polo sweater done up in bright orange and ivory stripes. “I was once offered $300 for this,” he said, in all seriousness.

    With the first birthday of Ivy last month, Iyamba began stocking menswear. So far the offerings are light, but they impressively straddle the expanse between pantywaist and Navy Seal. They include dress shirts in contrasting floral and camouflage prints—sometimes in a single garment; a line of sandal-loafer hybrids by Lacoste that are made with Louis Vuitton leather; ball caps with skull and sergeant-stripe appliqués; and lots of high-buck designer denim—most notably, Evisu, a top-dollar line with cult status (thanks to various pro athletes and rap stars). Even at more than $300 a pair, Iyamba says customers have been gobbling these up. “But I actually like ‘em. They fit really well,” he said. So he’s keeping a pair for himself, too. —Christy DeSmith