Today is the last day to register for our Bourne Ultimatum promotion. Vote on your favorite movie car chase for a chance to win free tickets to an advanced screening of the latest Bourne movie next Tuesday.
ART
You Don’t Have to Get on Your Knees, but Crawl
A couple months ago, Christy DeSmith wrote an article describing Glenwood Avenue as a burgeoning design corridor. Tonight, we invite you to explore the new design district for yourself during the 10,000 Arts Crawl. Enjoy live music, visual and design arts, performing arts, and food and beverage samplings at multiple venues between Lyndale and Girard, on Glenwood Avenue. The evening will include performances by Ghost in the Water, The Brass Kings, Beatrix Jar, JAO, and Jimmy Martin. Art Crawl destinations include AbiTare, AIA Minnesota, The Carney Group, Hirshfield’s Design Studio, Ivy Men’s + Design, and Ligne Roset. Keep your eye out for our promotional scooter. It could be yours at the end of the summer!
6-10 p.m., between Lyndale and Girard Avenues North on Glenwood Avenue; free.
COMEDY THEATER
The Label vs. Evil
How does a group of self-proclaimed “stand up comics, failed theater majors, anti-social writers, and film school dropouts” fight the evils of “war, terrorism, crime, and nationally televised pop-star competitions?” Comedy. Comedy. Laughter is The Label’s weapon of choice. “Make laughter, not war,” should be their motto as they strive to wipe out evil, once and for all, with their hysterical blend of monologue, live sketch, and short films. Solve the problem of evil with a night of laughter. (This ain’t Epicurus or Hume, but it’ll do for a Thursday.)
7 p.m. (through Saturday), Bryant Lake Bowl, 810 West Lake St., Minneapolis; 612-825-3737; $10.
According to James Norton, of Metroblogging Twin Cities, Neil Hamburger will be performing at the Triple Rock this evening. Norton accurately describes Hamburger as “the world’s premiere anti-comedian,” extolling the comedic value of his nasty and offensive act. Sounds like a winner to me.
10 p.m., Triple Rock Social Club, 629 Cedar Avenue, Minneapolis; 612-333-7499; $10.
FILM
Starry Silent Summer Nights
I miss the silent movies projected on the wall outside of Riverplace — back in the late ’80s, I guess. I’m a sucker for the silent movie. What can I say? Charlie Chaplin. Buster Keaton. Douglas Fairbanks. Now, those were men! Who needs words when you’ve got such overtly physical communication? We could all use just a little more silence these days… and a little more physical communication. Take yourself back to the good old days, before the talkies, with a screening of Show People. Based on the life and career of Gloria Swanson, Show People gets behind the scenes of the silent film industry as the protagonist tries to break into it. The film stars Marion Davies and William Haines, with cameo appearances by Charlie Chaplin, Douglas Fairbanks, John Gilbert, and Norma Talmadge.
7:30 p.m., Heights Theater, 3951 Central Ave. N.E., Columbia Heights; 763-788-9079; $8 (seniors and children $5).
Look at film through a teen lens tonight at the Twin Cities Youth Media Network Screening at the Walker Art Center. Explore works made by high school filmmakers from around the state. 7:30 p.m., Walker Art Center, 1750 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis; 612-375-7656; free.
FESTIVAL
Midwestern Nostalgia
Every small to large vicinage across America, and across the world, has its own form of ritual merrymaking, a community celebration, a regional jubilee. From the carnival, to the block-party, to the barnyard dance, we’ve concocted numerous venues in which to come together with no pretext other than to to have a good time, socialize, commune. Maybe to parade a new hat, a new love. Maybe to give yourself a thrill with a few playful (and careless) smiles. (Surely for someone to make a buck, while you lose one.)
What’s our local version of this clambake? What’s our jamboree? We city folk would like to think it’s ultra-hip — getting jiggy in the streets. But let’s face it, even our most urban fiestas are fundamentally hick at heart. Does this hurt you, dear? Don’t despair. It’s really quite lovely, indeed.
You can count on live music. We’ve always got plenty of that — not bad stuff, either. Quite good, in fact. (And you’ll often find a twang in there somewhere, a little touch of Fargo, a pinch of bluegrass, and a Polka, too. It’ll bring you back home — wherever home is. (Even a Latina like me finds comfort in the familiarity of something so profoundly American — from back when that might have been imbued with a bit of bravado rather than second-hand shame.)
You’ll find food, plenty of food. Fried food, grilled food, fast food, food on a stick. You’ll find food. If you’re lucky, you’ll find mini donuts. Shhh. I won’t tell. Lemonade? Or beer? That’s enough sinfulness. Enjoy some games. Watch the kids get their faced painted. Wander around the arts and crafts booths. Best case scenario? — Uptown Art Fair. Worse case scenario? — pretty much your average fare. What do you have against arts & crafts? (Maybe you can buy yourself a nice reindeer sweater.) Just think of it as retro, and have a good time. This is, after all, the beauty of the midwest. Indulge.
Best case scenario — Uptown Art Fair; and yet beyond the booths you’ll always find the classic cars. In the end, this is the best art of all. I find myself taking refuge from the booths, from the sell, mulling about the cars, exploring, wandering, wondering. Sweet prince in a shiny ’62, divest me of my history — and Elvis shakes the floor. Ain’t that America, baby?
But will someone please explain why there’s a donkey in the middle of the parking lot, trapped between the sweet corn and the organic soap? What’s with the rooster? A petting zoo? Really? Why the hell would I want to pet a rooster?
Why the hell would you want any of it, really? Only that it’s beautiful; that’s all. It’s a more quiet reminder of the American Dream — the right to nothingness, I suppose. The right to frolic. Want some? You’ll have plenty of opportunity yet this summer. But you can get a taste tonight in White Bear Lake, on the last night of this summer’s Marketfest. No, it probably doesn’t merit this long diatribe, by any means, but after writing the Secrets night after night, I, too, felt a need to indulge. Call it my own sense of family fun. Now go have yours. Enjoy the typical fare, along with covered wagon rides, wall climbing, and fun for all. Oh, yeah. Can’t wait to get on that wagon, baby. I’m coming home!
6-9 p.m., Downtown White Bear Lake, just east of Hwy. 61, between 3rd St. and 4th St.; free.
Looking for some seriously disturbing subject matter to digest this evening? If you liked the film 
For anyone who has pondered, “What is art?” Or perhaps, “Can I make art out of Legos?” Or even, “Can I stroll through the park, experience local art, AND eat free ice cream tonight?” Yes on all counts, my friend, tonight at the
OK, here’s a real secret. Apparently, I’m not even supposed to tell you about it, though I can’t quite figure out why (and I’ve never been very good at doing as I’m told anyhow — especially when it makes no sense to me). Prince fans, hip-hop fans, music fans in general, head over to Trocaderos tonight for a Prince Tribute Show with 
Everybody loves the circus, but when you jazz it up with a little bit of class and classical music, then we’re talking gangbuster. Head over to the Orchestra Hall this evening for a performance of Neil Goldberg’s Cirque Symphony and Cirque Populaire with the Minnesota Orchestra. This European-style circus event — banking on the success of Cirque du Soleil — combines the acrobatic spectacle of traditional circus, with the artistic bravado of Broadway-style theater — all set to the most popular circus classics played by the Minnesota Orchestra. Conducted by Sarah Hatsuko Hicks, tonight’s program includes Berlioz’s “Roman Carnival Overture,” Saint-Saëns’s “Bacchanale,” Mendelssohn’s “Dance of the Clowns,” and Stravinsky’s “Circus Polka.”
Hands down, this retelling of the 1975 flick
Also opening tonight is the Guthrie’s production of Private Lives.
The past few days I’ve been stopping in at