There Are Some Things I Just Can't Bring Myself To Say Anymore

Fantasy baseball is one of them. Fantasy league is even worse. There’s something essentially emasculated about these terms, and to use them in the form of an admission –“I am in a fantasy league”– seems somehow shameful. I’ve no doubt that a first-rate thesis could be written on the homoerotics of fantasy league baseball, but I’m not about to be the man to muck about in the subject. I’m not that desperate to be a pioneer.
I also can’t deny that I have, in fact, been in a fantasy league, participated in just such a fantasy, but I am unable to feel proud of this fact.
I certainly have nothing against those who continue to derive enjoyment from such unwholesome activities, but I think the whole thing requires too much explaining to sane people to be truly healthy. I just can’t bring myself to say those words with a straight face anymore.

It’s like going up to the counter at Wendy’s and having to order a “Biggie” fries. I refuse to do it. Get a more dignified phrase, I say.
I went into a Wendy’s the other day and tried to order a chicken sandwich and a large fries.
“Biggie fries?” the woman asked.
“Large,” I said.
“Large or Biggie?” she asked.
“I want the largest you have,” I said.
“The Biggie?”
“Is that the largest?”
“The Biggie is the largest.”
“Look,” I said, “I’m not going to play this game. Why don’t you just call it a large like everyone else?”
The woman was clearly exasperated. “Do you want the large or the Biggie?”
I wasn’t about to demean myself by taking the bait.
“Fine,” I said, “Just give me the large.”