Category: Columns

  • Fine Bright Red

    The Orient, said Metternich, begins at the Ring. It is hardly surprising an Austrian statesman of the early nineteenth century should think the Near East was as close as the suburbs of Vienna. The Ottoman Turks besieged the Austrian capital at least twice and the favor was returned each time an Austrian army, arrayed boldly…

  • This One's for the Ladies

    It’s time to take that other monthly business more seriously. Yeah, I know this is the November issue. But, gentle readers, I am speaking to you from the recent past of October third! Boooooooo! I am the ghost of October third! And where I’m coming from, it’s still National Breast Cancer Awareness month. So let’s…

  • Boo! Made You Look …

    What does the boogeyman look like? For most Americans (even, I suspect, some of the darker ones), he’s probably big and black. The scary black man is an image older than the Republic and more enduring than apple pie and Chevrolet. The image of gangs running amok, snatching up women and anything else not nailed…

  • Good for the Liver?

    What is it about Americans and guilt? Mr. Bush, it seems, may now be willing to admit that the world is warming up. But he would not have us think that the human race (let alone its industries and motorcars) is in any way responsible. Mustn’t feel bad about it, must we? This is strange…

  • Happy to Oblige, Ma’am!

    I was at a garden center the other day, looking to score some indigenous weed for my front boulevard garden. That tall fall grass, you know. Zone Five hardy, tight buds, premium stuff. Anyhow, I was standing in the aisle, surveying the goods, when this completely irate woman charged at me. She was waving a…

  • An Imported Force

    Minneapolis gets high marks for its “quality of life,” but the home addresses of its cops tell a different story. According to police insiders, less than ten percent of Minneapolis’ police force lives within city limits. Mayor R.T. Rybak and would-be mayor Hennepin County Commish Peter McLaughlin both claim they want more cops living in…