Category: Columns

  • Pinot Noir for Picnics

    How I hate modern motor roads. Come let me count the ways. First there is the intimate shame of personal inadequateness. I know my reactions while driving are not swift enough to be safe at fifty-five miles per hour—in fact, they are unsafe at any speed, as my family says. All too often I will barrel up Highway 100 (Highway 100 is the worst), having missed my turn, heading unwillingly for Manitoba, and knowing that the only solution to my plight is to barrel right on down it again. Heraclitus knew a thing or two; the way up and the way down are one and the same, and they are equally terrifying.

    Then there are the other idiots, whose reactions are surely no swifter, but who lack the self-knowledge to admit it. These are the ones who drive as though the rapture has already occurred, or at least as though they have lost all fear of death. (In case of rapture, can I have your car?) Other folk suffer from what the amiable Augustine termed superbia and the late and somewhat less amiable Andrea Dworkin called phallocentricity (sed de mortuis nil nisi binkum).

    These include the sort of tow-truck operator, from what is so aptly named a wrecker service, who can blithely remove your car from its appointed parking space without cause in the middle of the night (and in serious contravention of the Fourth Amendment protection against search and seizure), and heave it down the highway to a fastness on the far side of Lyndale, whence it is released after a whole day spent on the telephone, with the barest minimum of apology.

    I suppose I should be thankful that American drivers are at least predictable. If the other idiots are British, things are twice as bad; the way that my fellow countrymen demonstrate their wit and originality by tailgating on the M4 at seventy-plus miles per hour is enough (in the expression of my father, a medical man) to cause a rush of cold faeces to the left ventricle.

    But worse than the horrors of driving on them are the effects of freeways on the countryside that they carve up, the way they turn the ups and downs of a real journey into a blind swoosh of naked concrete. Imagine, then, my joy to find recently, returning from delivering a lecture in the deep south (that is, halfway to Iowa), that it is possible to pick one’s way across the landscape on one of the original roads of Minnesota. This particular road has its origins in an Indian trail stabilized in 1853 by navigators under a militia officer called Dodd. Little is known about Captain Dodd, but he liked a drink and lies buried in the churchyard of the Episcopal Church in St. Peter (where three or four are gathered together, so Episcopalians say, you will always find a fifth).

    It took the gallant captain and his crew a whole Minnesota road-building season (the time of year elsewhere known as summer) to build the Dodd Road. In some places, alas, the fruit of their labors has been turned into six-lane highway; elsewhere, in some southern suburbs, it is pleasingly bordered by McMansions and the sort of lawns that seem to imitate Astroturf. (When will this happy landscape find its Betjeman?) Yet there are stretches where Dodd Road is a real country lane with grit, ditches, and dandelions. I look forward to teasing further reaches of this thoroughfare out of the Minnesota terrain—it will be quite like looking for Roman roads at home.

    Not least among the joys of the jolly film Sideways were its roadside vistas, particularly those with vines marching up and down the California hills. More so than any of its human characters, this film’s truly Big Star, as far as the wine trade is concerned, is the Pinot Noir grape. All of the ambient publicity ensured that this variety, the grape from which the famous red wines of burgundy have been made since the Middle Ages, became the next grape that everyone wants to drink, following in the wake of White Zinfandel, Chardonnay, and Merlot.

    There is a snag. Pinot Noir is hard to grow; not all of it turns into wine as grand as the great vintages of Burgundy. It may well be as mellow as Merlot (and a lot mellower than Cabernet Sauvignon), but it can sometimes lack body. Allow me, then, to recommend a real pleasure, Mark West Central Coast Pinot Noir 2003, a pellucid red made by people who have long specialized in this variety. Costing just around ten dollars locally, it has a fruity flavor leading to a taste of black pepper and then to a rising aroma of elderflowers (the fresh ones you smell by the roadside, not the more sugary sensations of elderflower cordial). It gave tomato and basil soup an added mileage ingredient. And the following morning, the little that was left over had a noble structure, even after the more evanescent scents had evaporated. Take some along on a summer picnic.

  • Back to the Bone

    One of those basic-cable lifestyle programs recently ran an episode on a hotel/spa that caters to the dogs of celebrities. Andy Warhol would have loved it. Classical music gets piped into a sleeping chamber lined with rows of plush dog beds. Guests drink from personalized Baccarat crystal water dishes and dine on cubed beef filets with sage gravy. Lab-coated aestheticians administer “paw”dicures.

    What I want to know is, will the dogs go to hell, too, after they die? Or will it just be their owners dancing the Frug on fiery coals for all eternity? I also wonder what it’s like to be the concierge of such a joint. Hey, God bless America, and a paycheck is a paycheck, but come on already. I’m all for giving a good dog a reward, but a spa day? They used to eat us, you know.

    I understand we all probably have to leave our companion animal under someone else’s watchful eye sometimes. But there are other, not quite as luxurious options available to discerning pet owners who may want to save the spa day for themselves.

    My friend Chris is an artist who travels quite a bit. Her fourteen-year-old camel-colored pug shar pei usually rides shotgun in her Jetta wagon. They’ve crossed the country together more than once. Winnie loves her lady, and the adventure of life on the road. But sometimes it’s not feasible for her to tag along, and that’s when she gets checked in at the Bed & Bone out in Buffalo. They call it a doggie hotel, but it’s more of a doggie fun park. They’ve got a swimming hole, a big ball-chasing field, and couches for the dogs to crash out on. You can even arrange to have your pet eased to sleep by the drone of the TV. In short, this is doggie heaven.
    I mix with dogs that have, shall we say, more junkyard tastes. For instance, my Siberian husky would never stay anywhere that didn’t serve cat-crap canapés. For the salad course, Dutch likes to gnaw on my ten-year-old rubber tree plant. Follow that with a couple scoops of Purina Large Breed Formula, and you’ve got a meal fit for a king. It doesn’t matter to ol’ Dutchie that I always keep out a bowl of fresh icy water—some days he simply prefers eau de toilette.

    You see, dogs are tougher than we doting owners think. Dutch’s predecessor Sammy, a pure white German shepherd (Sam Shepard, get it?) was just about indestructible. He was the size of a palomino. When we inherited him from my parents, he weighed 130 pounds. If you’re a woman, that means you’re a size ten. The remarkable thing is that when we acquired him, he had only three legs, having lost his right rear in a high-speed car chase. He caught the car but couldn’t quite drag it back home. If his prey had been a Mini Cooper, I think he could have done it. My folks drove him 120 miles to the U of M Small Animal Hospital right after the accident for the surgery. He never whimpered. The vets had to amputate his leg at the hip, so we never knew what his total weight would have been.

    Even as a tripod, Sammy pulled at his leash like a musk ox. It was a test of endurance to walk him from my mansion near the 35W sound wall to Minnehaha Creek. He was always trying to leap into traffic, jaws snapping eagerly, his tiny walnut brain rattling around in his skull like a bean in a maraca. If he’d knocked the other hind leg off, I’d have had to get him wheels, but I doubt even that would have slowed him down. With his spunk, he would have been perfect for a Hallmark Hall of Fame TV movie. A Wheel for Sammy, starring JoBeth Williams. With Verne Troyer as Sammy.

    Sammy never would have slept in a velour-covered bed. When we imagine that dogs appreciate human luxuries, we’re deeply misunderstanding the nature of a dog. Dogs may consent to being dressed in little sequined halter tops and pants with a tail hole, but they’re just humoring us because we feed them and throw them the slobber-soaked tennis ball. But there are certain lines that aren’t meant to be crossed. Dogs have their idea of a good time, and we have ours. If you don’t believe me, liven up your friends’ next cocktail party by licking food off every plate that you can and scouring your rear end across the Persian carpet. Then get back to me.

  • Body and Soul

    In springtime, every man’s fancy turns to love–and, in my case, to commencement speeches. I love reading them, listening to them, critiquing them, even the bad ones. I dream of marching with colleagues through a cheering thong of graduates, resplendent in flowing robes, and delivering a simple yet powerful address that brings the youthful crowd to its feet.

    Well, it ain’t happening this year. I didn’t even get so much as a nibble from my toddler’s preschool. So I decided to share highlights from the commencement speech I would give, if I’m ever asked.

    “To the graduates of the class of 2005: Probably many of you are thinking, ‘Why should I listen to this middle-aged, hair-challenged man whose abdomen has clearly seen better days?’ Because I want to give you a head start in learning something that it took me years to fully accept–that despite your best efforts, life will physically transform you. You will lose twenty pounds, only to find them reappear behind you. You will spend thousands of dollars to convince others that you are better-looking than you actually are. You will fail, because good looks, sad to say, are fleeting.

    “You may choose to focus your life’s energy on your looks and on other transient things, like clothes or the techno gadget of the moment. Certainly our culture encourages this. But when you are staring fifty in the eye, as I am, you will have nothing to sustain you when it stares coldly, unblinkingly back at you.

    “The alternative is to figure out, as I eventually did, that you can weather the physical transformation of life if you embrace the spiritual one. Spiritual transformation, unlike the physical, is not inevitable. It means living with integrity and accepting that you are merely a tiny part of an invisible web that connects every living thing. Your contribution to building that web will also build your character.

    “I have two books on spiritual transformation to recommend to you. The first is a classic, The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Malcolm X came into this world as Malcolm Little and spent the first half of his life becoming a gangster. In prison, he converted to the Nation of Islam and ultimately became one of the most charismatic leaders America has ever produced. Thanks to Spike Lee’s film, most Americans know at least the bare outlines of that story. But less examined is Malcolm X’s spiritual journey, from the bigoted version of Islam practiced by many in this country to the authentic Islam of the Prophet Mohammed. He never became so comfortable with the spiritual status quo–which for him was the racially bastardized Nation of Islam teachings–that he could not question it and move beyond it when he had to in order to maintain his personal integrity.

    “The other book is a new one, by New York Times Supreme Court correspondent Linda Greenhouse. In Becoming Justice Blackmun, Greenhouse traces Harry Blackmun’s Supreme Court career from Roe v. Wade until his retirement in the mid-nineties. For some of you, Blackmun’s majority opinion in Roe v. Wade makes him the anti-Christ. But look beyond that opinion and focus on his spiritual journey, so elegantly recounted by Greenhouse. Blackmun was appointed by Richard Nixon after two failed attempts to get a Southerner on the court. He was expected to, and initially did, vote in conservative tandem with fellow “Minnesota Twin” Warren Burger. Indeed, he came to the court a supporter, albeit a reluctant one, of capital punishment; he was also unwilling to concede, in Greenhouse’s words, that “official policies that discriminated on the basis of sex” were inherently unconstitutional.

    “Once on the Supreme Court, he increasingly became persuaded that black and brown men were more likely than white ones to receive the ultimate punishment. In 1994, Blackmun, eighty-five years old and just months from retirement, wrote in one of his last dissents, a death penalty case: ‘From this day forward, I will no longer tinker with the machinery of death. I feel morally and intellectually obligated simply to concede that the death penalty experiment has failed.” Blackmun’s transformation went further when, in overruling gender-based juror elimination, he wrote that “gender, like race, is an unconstitutional proxy for juror competence.”

    “Living with integrity, striving to learn from life’s character-building blows–these are not the easiest or most glamorous ways to spend your time on the planet. However, doing so means that when your looks go and your toys break, as they will, you will be left with something real and everlasting–your spiritual soul.

  • A Passion of Patience

    Watching people in museums is often as absorbing as studying the displays. Some years ago, my old tutor was standing under the great sixth-century dome of the Holy Wisdom in Istanbul, lecturing to a rather tweedy group of English country gentry. His audience was starting to suffer from museum leg, when a pigeon detached itself from the marble cornice and flapped in a leisurely way across to the gallery where once Byzantine empresses worshipped, encased in pearls and purple. Instinctively, one of the tweeds lifted his umbrella to his right shoulder and sighted along its shaft. He nearly dropped it in surprise: “Good God,” he said, “bloody thing’s out of shot.” After that, the party had a healthier respect for the grandeur of this great fane.

    Other museum-goers are moved by a hunger for information rather than an atavistic instinct for field sports. See how some people spend substantially more time reading the didactic label on the wall than they do confronting the complexity of the work it interprets. Such folk should find joy if they go to see the St. John’s Bible, numerous sheets of which are on display at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts (until July 3), together with plenty of explanatory props: quill pens, penknives, even photographs of the sheep-surrounded scriptorium in Wales where the scribes commissioned by St. John’s Abbey in Collegeville, Minnesota, penned this, the first handwritten Bible in half a millennium.

    For at this exhibition, the urge to read rather than to look leads the eye not to the (excellent) supporting information but to the texts of the Bible pages themselves, written in real time to be read in real time. The pleasure of contemplating these great creamy white sheets (about two feet high and two and a half feet wide when spread out) is like the pleasure of watching an artist sketching in the open air; you are drawn to take part in his art, though in this case you fall into the rhythm of his work not by actually seeing him marking the regular black text with his goose quill, but by following with the eye the dance of the text across the page. Such watching induces a passion of patience.

    Of course, too, there is looking in addition to reading, for it is the illuminations that catch the eye. They light up the text with multiple colors and associations. Alongside the Parable of the Sower is a figure who might have walked straight out of a Byzantine Gospel-book with his round halo and imperial purple tunic, except that this nether man is clad in something that looks mighty like the blue jeans of a Stearns County bachelor farmer. The butterflies are delightful (as butterflies always are), and gold leaf makes Christ at the Transfiguration appear to be entirely made of light.

    But for all their glory, it is to the text that the pictures bring you back. One visitor was overheard to say she had found the exhibition so interesting that when she got home she was going to find a Bible and read it. If the manuscript has this effect on many people, the monks of St. John’s will surely feel they were right to commission it.

    Scripture, said Gregory the Great, is a stream where lambs may wade and elephants may swim. A friend was telling me the other day about the meetings of the Jesus Seminar, a group of scholars whose assumptions I do not entirely share (why assume that miracles do not happen?), but who had the admirable aim of analyzing the Gospels to work out what Jesus actually said and did. They also had the good sense to set up their headquarters in the Sonoma Valley north of San Francisco, so that after a hard day’s analyzing they could visit the venerable vineyard of Gundlach-Bundschau, in existence since 1857 (though it grew pears during Prohibition).

    You can enjoy a vicarious visit by drinking their Bearitage, Lot no. 11, a red wine available locally for about $12. They call this “California claret,” because like the great reds of Bordeaux it is a blend of several grapes. The analytical palate will detect the round sweetness of Zinfandel, the blandness of Merlot, the long slow tannins of Cabernet Sauvignon (which will give this wine the capacity to keep, though it is also nice now). Analysis is enlightening but not necessary. This wine is more than the sum of its parts; with a steak it told a coherent and convincing story, one which I think would please anyone who has red wine running in his veins.

  • Better Living Through Television

    Hi! I’m Colleen Kruse. I’m that pal of yours who is the proud owner of the Richard Caruso Molecular Hairsetter, the Miracle Blade/Ginsu Knife Garnish Set, the Euro Broom, the Magic Bullet, the Vitamix. Let’s not forget the Kitchen Plus 2000, either. These products are the fruits of hours spent watching late-night infomercials. I was so thrilled by the money-back guarantees that I bought each and every one. Better still, in most cases I called the 800 number before the program ended, so I received not one but two of each gadget; since you are my friend, you probably got one for your birthday, anniversary, housewarming, or Secret Santa surprise.

    Let me explain. If you’re like most Americans between the ages of eighteen and forty-nine (and I know I am), then you must forgive me my gullibility. Come on. Who wouldn’t want to slice tomatoes so thin that their in-laws would never come back?

    Advertising. Some call it art, some call it science. Some call it a way to keep English majors from moving back in with their parents. But no matter what you call it, it’s influential. It’s not just a double-edged sword, it’s a dual chopping blade that cuts both ways. On one hand, it gives people a chance to express themselves artistically within a medium where a lot of creativity is squashed into ready-fit demographics. We all saw multiethnic Coke commercials long before Denzel got his Oscar. In the space of a thirty- to ninety-second TV spot, advertising can inspire audiences to imagine.

    On the other hand, it can take them to the outer limits of psychological manipulation. Case in point: Two years ago, my best friend Roxanne stumbled home after a night of clubbing, fixed herself a cheesy bedtime snack, and snapped on the telly, where she chanced to see her favorite Dallas star from days gone by, Victoria Principal. The club buzz, the piping-hot Super America burrito, Victoria Principal–it was all too much. A woozy half-hour later, she dug her credit card out of her evening bag and purchased two hundred dollars worth of waterproof makeup intended for burn victims. Under the fluorescent lights of her office, she looks very peaceful, nearly lifelike. Almost like she could get up and … HEY!

    I’m even more susceptible, as evidenced by my sizable collection of “as seen on TV” objets. I actually prefer infomercials to standard commercials, because that extra twenty-eight or -nine minutes that they offer tells me they really care. Infomercials romance you, whereas commercials are too quick for my taste, too flash-in-the-pan. While watching commercials, I like to pretend that I am better than the people in them. It makes me feel smart to sit silently on the futon of judgment in my basement and refute a commercial’s claims of whiter teeth, hotter sex, and better living through cellular communication. In most cases, I feel that I am superior to them all–except Wilford Brimley.

    Yep. He’s the grandfatherly guy in the old Quaker Oats commercials. He’s better than me because he knows the difference between right and wrong. No matter that his best friend in real life–I am not making this up–is acquitted felon and accused murderer Robert Blake. Wilford Brimley oozes integrity. You can hear it in the deep, resonating timbre of his voice. When old Wilford says eating oatmeal is “the right thing to do,” I feel morally obligated to munch through a bowl of fiber.

    Partly this is because Wilford looks nothing like a TV spokesperson. He’s rumpled and portly and bald, with a mustache that is thick, white, glossy–and irony-free. He looks like Santa’s macho brother. His steadfast gaze and whole-grain baritone are Kryptonite to my skepticism. The rational part of my brain knows that he doesn’t really put oats in his feedbag. He weighs 250 pounds because he eats porterhouse steaks, washed down with plenty of Cutty Sark. But if Wilford Brimley told me to jump off the Washington Avenue Bridge, I just might. He is now hawking diabetes-testing devices on late night TV. I don’t need one, but I’m thinking of buying a few just in case. They could be nice to have around for guests. A fun party game, maybe.

    If tobacco lobbyists were smart, they would get Wilford Brimley. Who could resist? I see him dressed in corduroy and flannel. He’s sitting in a cozy cabin, beside a roaring fire. There’s a butt in his mouth. A few rosy-cheeked child actors come clamoring inside after a snowball fight. “Grandpa!” the youngest would say. “Whatcha doing?” Wilford would turn to the camera: “Smoking. It’s the right thing to do.” He’d tousle the little boy’s hair and say, “Here y’go, Timmy. Puff on this heater. It’ll warm ya right up. While we’re at it, why don’t we check your blood sugar?”

  • Education for the Masses

    Seventeen years ago, I received a degree from the University of Michigan Law School, one of America’s top schools. My Harvard undergraduate degree opened doors at Michigan, and both of those degrees have opened other doors ever since–a fact that I have always appreciated. I have since learned that it’s our humanity, not paper credentials, that bolsters self-worth. So that probably makes me a recovering elitist, especially now that I have a son entering the University of Minnesota’s decidedly egalitarian General College. For seventy-three years, General College has fostered academic accessibility by admitting credentially challenged students. That very accessibility now has some U leaders clamoring to close it and create an unabashedly elitist “Honors College”; regrettably, they do not believe that both can peacefully coexist in a well-regarded public university.

    In 1862, Vermont congressman Justin Morrill convinced Congress to allow states to sell thousands of acres of federal land to fund higher education. In return, the Morrill Act “land grant” schools had to promote the “liberal and practical education of the industrial classes.” In plain English, Congress wanted open access to land-grant schools such as the University of Minnesota. Seventy years later, U President Lotus Coffman became troubled by the rates at which freshmen were flunking out. His solution was to establish General College, which focused on helping underprepared students succeed at the university. The college has produced alums like broadcast mogul Stanley Hubbard and Nobel laureate Norman Borlaug.

    Some, however–especially those who envision the U as a “Harvard on the prairie”–have long questioned whether General College belongs at the university. In fact, the current campaign to close the college is not the first. But a few things have changed since the last time the college faced the chopping block, in 1996. For one thing, almost half of those now enrolled at the college are people of color. Moreover, the key players on both sides of the battle this time are African-Americans: David Taylor, the General College dean, and Robert Jones, the university’s senior vice president for system administration. Their dueling views over the fate of the college put an academic twist on the age-old dilemma about deciding how much trust the have-nots can place in the haves to do the right thing.

    Dean Taylor detects racial overtones in the U’s efforts to shut down General College; in fact, he told me, many folks on campus believed its days were numbered once its white population dropped below sixty-six percent. “Cutting General College is not about saving money,” he said. “Only $1.7 million of our $12 million budget comes from the state of Minnesota. This is not about helping the students, improving the college, or increasing access. This is a misguided attempt to move this university up the academic pecking order by sacrificing General College students.”

    Taylor finds it ironic that the many programs designed to support the U’s large international student population are not thought of as an “academic ghetto” in the same way the college is. He believes that some opposition to General College comes from affluent parents whose offspring don’t gain admission to the U.

    Robert Jones, the ranking African-American at the U, thinks this is hogwash. The college, he said, “is a packet of excellence at the university and a national leader in developmental education.” But he also pointed out that “Sixty percent of General College students never get a Minnesota diploma. Something is wrong with this picture.”

    Taylor, in turn, said the university itself has “the worst overall graduation rate in the Big Ten. Only fifty-five percent of the university’s students get through in five years.” He also notes that General College does not grant diplomas. “So if there is a problem, it is because the rest of the university is dropping the ball–not us.”

    I do believe General College can be tweaked and improved. But Jones is right–it should not be used to let the rest of the U escape responsibility for recruiting and graduating underprepared students of color. Yet I also understand all too well why Dean Taylor has trust issues with a majority-run institution such as University of Minnesota, which, outside of General College, has an abysmal record supporting and graduating students of color. I fully appreciate his reluctance to see the college become a department; the stark reality is that in academia, a college carries far more clout than a college department. Ultimately, I want my son to study at an institution where he will receive the best possible support. That’s much more likely to happen at a U with a General College than a U without one.

  • Wine for Graduates

    I have a colleague at the University of Minnesota who hates commencement. Marching in gowns and hoods to the boom of Elgar’s “Pomp and Circumstance” puts her in mind, she says, of the army. I hardly like to point out that most faculty marching would have its practitioners instantaneously in the guardroom were it ever perpetrated on a military parade ground.

    Besides, I cannot see students at a degree ceremony without thinking of the swink and toil that brought them there: the freezing evenings bicycling home to Uptown after three hours of night class; the utter frustration some encounter in trying to satisfy mathematical language requirements; and above all, the hours spent doing dull jobs like parking cars and turning hamburgers, hours that impress on students the repetitive and broadly approved message that it is more important to be on time for banausic employments than it is to live the life of the mind. There is an inscape to graduation that merits a certain amount of outward pomp and circumstance.

    Elgar, too, had an inscape. There are those who write him off as simply an English Sousa: “Delius is for the superselius, who think Elgar is velgar.” I disagree. The tuneful confidence of “Pomp and Circumstance” is only the surface of a composer who is altogether more enigmatic. You have only to listen to his Cello Concerto to find grand musical language being employed to express a distinctly abstract passion.

    No less complex, yet also more accessible, is his big choral piece The Dream of Gerontius. Elgar shared with Purcell a capacity for giving remarkable resonance to words that might otherwise not attract admiration. (Verdi, too—his best opera is the Requiem, because it is the one with the best book.) The Dream of Gerontius is a long poem by John Henry, Cardinal Newman describing the death of an early Christian, not a particular hero or a martyr, just geron tis—Greek for “a certain old man.” The first half happens at the deathbed; the second describes the old man’s onward progress after his passing. No doubt gentle readers will put me right (as several kindly did in the matter of World War II poets), but the only other piece of literature I can think of that has the hero die so early in the action is Charles Williams’s All Hallows Eve, a novel in which the protagonist perishes on the first page. Neither work, however, is in the least bit gloomy. Gerontius’s hopes and fears and acts of faith can indeed induce a certain vertigo. They show, if nothing else, that Elgar was no pompous extrovert; like the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins, he knew the “mind has mountains … hold them cheap may who ne’er hung there.”

    The idea of inscape was actually invented by Hopkins, an older contemporary of Elgar. Hopkins used it to indicate quintessence, what you see of something from the inside once you have made an act of commitment to it. One somehow doubts he applied the idea much to appreciation of the winemaker’s art—he was an ascetic soul who even, as an undergraduate, denied himself the use of the armchair during Lent—but there are few sensual experiences to which it is more applicable; once one has surveyed, sniffed, sipped, and swallowed one’s wine, commitment to it is complete!

    A claret came by me the other day that illustrates the point perfectly. The label on the characteristic Bordeaux bottle (with shoulders) said “Chateau des Agates 2003” and the fluid within, a clever blend of Cabernet Franc, Cabernet Sauvignon, and Merlot, was a good deep red (and only about ten dollars a go). Drinking it made one aware not only of the inscape of the wine, but also of the architecture of one’s own senses. The smell and taste not only have structure in themselves, but they also raise awareness in the consumer of his own capacity to taste.

    Think of your mouth as some great pagan temple, say, the Pantheon at Rome, where they pour libations to the Gods. Take a sip of this claret and a good dry flavor swirls through the hall, followed by pleasant tannins against the teeth. Finally, an aromatic whiff rises into the vault of the palate, up and out through the nose, like smoke through the hole in the middle of the dome. The Gods breathe in and smile.

    This is very heartening wine. It would go well with roasted chestnuts or simple barbecue (not one which has been slathered with sweet sauces), the sort of celebration that should await any fresh graduate emerging from commencement. Prosit!

  • Heroes and Villains

    There’s a story in the good book, about a cup that is clean on the outside and dirty on the inside. The cup is golden, pretty to look at, and almost certainly the first one that you would take off the shelf. But you wouldn’t want to drink from it, because you’d probably get sick. The point of the story is to illustrate the fact that things aren’t always as they seem.

    Sometimes when I am alone in my car, or before I go to sleep, I find myself thinking about what my own cup is marked with–but usually just for a minute or two, before I go back to concentrating on polishing my shiny external surface.

    I don’t for one second think that I am better or worse than anybody else. Or that anybody is so very much different from me. It’s probably human nature to run down the ol’ laundry list of personal transgressions late at night in the quiet of your mind, when no one is looking and no one can hear. Just as it’s human nature to change the channel if things become too unpleasant to watch.

    After I had a baby, I felt like I understood some very basic truths. That people are simply these sad, crazy sacks of muscle and bone and might. And even though might gets us out of bed in the morning, it will also eventually do us in. In that hot July of ’88, looking into my baby’s eyes, I was overwhelmed by love and terror. To this day, I swear I saw the whole world laid out plain. The helplessness, the hunger, the beauty, and the suffering. The hilarious vulnerability of it all. How ultimately, this is all doomed to failure.

    Sure, that might have been postpartum depression. But things were different back then. Wellbutrin hadn’t been invented yet. What I mean to say is that as human beings, we want love, attention, safety, and food. Our will gives us the ambition to seek and possess these things, but somehow, even if there is enough to go around, there will never be enough seats at the table. It’s this kind of innate selfishness that makes an otherwise reasonable person believe statements like “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” (Never mind that the chlamydia follows you home on the plane.)

    We’re not meant to be altruistic. I mean, we’re meant to try. And the punch line is that we are also meant to fail, so that we can bear witness to our shortcomings and learn from them. So that we can transcend our base nature.

    So it was then, at my baby’s birth, that I felt like I understood. I understood who we are as human beings and the nature of wrongdoing, of sin: the sin of intent, the sin of omission, and the sin of the spin. The sin of the spin is a tricky one because it happens way down deep inside our hearts where no one else can see. Like maybe when we’re alone and thinking about the thing we shouldn’t have said, or the thing we should have done, or any of the garden-variety activities that make up the sediment of regret each of us carries at the bottom of our cups.

    I don’t know about you, but in my mind what usually happens with the sin of spin is that I identify something I did wrong, and then quickly come up with four reasons why my behavior couldn’t have been helped. If I can’t come up with enough reasons, I change the channel. I don’t get away with this all the time because good lies, even the ones you tell yourself, have to bear the ring of truth.

    You can’t change people, no matter how hard you try. But people do change. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, in others, and in myself. And so, if I believe in the idea of earthly sin, I also have to believe in redemption. In my experience, the quickest route to redemption is forgiveness. To forgive is to free. To salvage what might otherwise be lost. It’s not easy to forgive, or to live with the realization that I am a person who is in need of forgiveness. But few things in life that are worthwhile come easy.

    The words “forgiveness” and “sin” are turbo-charged social no-no’s, but I’m not particularly interested in convention late at night, before I fall asleep. When I’m alone with the contents of my gray matter, I know that forgiveness and sin exist, just as I know that the monster doesn’t live under my bed but rather in it. In my DNA, and in everybody else’s. But it’ll be okay, I think. The hero lives there, too.

  • City Council Smackdown

    This November, Minneapolis’s only African-American City Council members, Natalie Johnson Lee and Don Samuels, will go head to head for the same council seat. Redistricting has yanked Samuels’s troubled Jordan neighborhood out of the Third Ward, the old “Nordeast,” and fused it with the Fifth Ward. The Fifth Ward, meanwhile, lost the Warehouse District and the string of ritzy new housing along the Mississippi to the more affluent and politically connected Seventh Ward. The new Fifth Ward, without a doubt the darkest and poorest part of town, could very likely be the lone African-American seat when the new City Council takes office in January 2006.

    Political insiders say it did not have to come to this. According to several current council members, Samuels, anticipating that his Jordan neighborhood would be “redistricted” into the Fifth Ward, let it be known that he planned to move into the newly reconfigured Third Ward. Samuels himself admits that many politicos, even old-time Nordeaster Walt Dziedzic, retired cop and former Third Ward council member, supported his plans to move out of Jordan.

    Johnson Lee heard the same stories, but wanted to meet with Samuels to make sure his bags were really packed. She claims Samuels kept avoiding a meeting until the day after his campaign literature, announcing his run from the new Fifth Ward, hit the streets. I called Samuels to get his take on what happened (or in this case didn’t). He claimed that he never made any promises to move, but also said he understands why there might have been “some confusion” around the issue. A “big part” of what appears to be a change of heart, he added, is that his wife did not want to move from their “lovely home” in Jordan.

    On the record, their colleagues say that both Samuels and Johnson Lee are thoughtful and capable. Off the record, of course, another story appears. If you apply Woody Allen’s “80 percent of success is showing up” test, Johnson Lee has the edge. She rarely misses meetings and has almost single-handedly kept the departments of Public Health and Civil Rights off life support. On the other hand, Samuels has one of the weakest attendance records on the council, according to several of his fellow members; he also has virtually no substantive accomplishments—unless, as one member suggested, “you give Don points for his vigils.”

    If you apply the Teddy Roosevelt “bully pulpit” test, Samuels beats Johnson Lee hands down. A forceful orator, he is known as “the Preacher” behind council doors (he is, in fact, an ordained Baptist minister). One councilmember told me, “You want Don on your side for the speech. Unfortunately, Don cannot use his impressive life experience as a springboard for making policy.”

    Johnson Lee, meanwhile, has a reputation for being unnecessarily combative at times, and has made some significant enemies, most notably Hizzoner R.T. Rybak. The mayor has made his support for Samuels in the Fifth Ward quite apparent. Unfortunately, that does not carry much weight in the Fifth Ward, especially since Rybak publicly questioned the bona fides of community activist Spike Moss and the Rev. Jerry McAfee, pastor of New Salem Baptist Church and a frequent Rybak critic. Beyond that, there have been whispers in the Fifth Ward that the Jamaican-born Samuels—who once called Moss a “white man in black skin”—does not truly “get” native-born black people and even believes he is a cut above them. Such talk is “totally wrong and divisive,” said Samuels. “I am proud of my Jamaican heritage. But I have been lived in this country since I was twenty. I have been married to two African-American women. Unlike certain black ministers on the North Side, who make their living here but are not invested as residents, I am part of the fabric of the North Side. When you try to be a bridge, people come at you from both sides.”

    Both Samuels and Johnson Lee believe, for different reasons, that the DFL endorsing convention this month will help determine who has the mojo going into the home stretch. Samuels and his supporters believe the DFL endorsement will prove his deep Fifth Ward support. Johnson Lee predicts that the expected absence of many of the usual suspects at the convention—people who will ostensibly back her—will prove that she has “more support from traditional DFLers than I ever did when I beat Jackie Cherryholmes,” the former Fifth Ward council member and City Council president.

    Samuels went on to predict that, no matter what happens in the next few months, the race between him and Johnson Lee will be “acrimonious, nasty and negative.” Based on the barbed comments I have heard in recent weeks, he is probably right.

  • Creamy Vouvray

    Home is where we start from. That’s why different things appear perfectly natural to different folk. For much of the Near East it is not democracy that is natural but the milet system of the old Ottoman Empire, where no one had votes, but each minority was responsible for itself under an Islamic umbrella. For me it is the English countryside before the Great War, the Old England of Kipling’s Puck of Pook’s Hill.

    For most middle-aged Americans I suppose it is, for better or worse, the Eisenhower era: the wonders of modern science, Detroit dragons, and America as Top Nation forever more. No one now (apart, apparently, from Mr. Rumsfeld) thinks the world is, or ought to be, as simple as it seemed then in the black-and-white pages of Time magazine. Many of us never thought it was.

    Ask your pets what their world looks like. Your cat knows your neighborhood quite as well as you do, but what he has marked on his mental map is entirely different. Poor Kit Smart wondered at the wisdom of cats and they put him in Bedlam. You see a crack in the neighbor’s siding. Your cat sees the Gate of Mouse and watches with the full-bore attention of Ernest Hemingway gazing at the gate through which the bull will enter the arena to meet its matador.

    Your dog, too, he has a consciousness that makes intelligent distinctions mostly on the basis of smell—a sense most humans (except, of course, connoisseurs of wine) are well on the way to losing. I have seen a pack of beagles follow the trail of a hare through a mink farm without faltering. This is a serious feat of discrimination, since aroma algebra teaches us that mink equals skunk squared. How much we must be missing. One wonders what gave the animals in that Sinhalese nature reserve early warning of last December’s tsunami, so that they made their way inland and escaped the deadly waves.
    In the ancient world, it was the Stoic philosophers who were the great exponents of the notion that there is a hidden sympathy that links all physical phenomena. If the Stoics had known about Tokyo and Texas, they would certainly have asserted that a butterfly clapping its wings in the air over the Japanese capital could cause a tornado over Austin. Even spiritual things were exquisitely refined matter, and so were subtly and physically linked. The soul was like gold to airy thinness beat; the whole round earth was every way bound with golden chains too fine for human sight.

    It was these connections that made things beautiful. If each person and thing lived in accordance with its own nature, it would become perfectly adapted to its environment, indeed, to the entire universe of which it was a part. Beauty could be discerned wherever things were well-proportioned to one another, above all when they displayed a mathematical symmetry, like the colonnaded frontage of a Greek temple.

    Just such a Stoic combination came my way the other evening. It involved a crumbly English cheese called Blue Shropshire (like Stilton, but golden instead of white) and a 2002 Vouvray (costing little more than $12) called Masbon, which is French for “good estate,” though I guess it is simply the name of the shipper. (The experience would probably have been as good, just different, with many another cheese, perhaps best with Wensleydale, that crumbly white poetry from the Yorkshire Dales, home of James Herriot, the horsedoctor and raconteur.) For a vehicle there was good crusty bread; ideal would have been Bath Oliver Biscuits, as eaten with hard-boiled eggs by Dan and Una in Kipling’s Puck.

    Vouvray is a white wine from the Loire Valley, southwest of Paris. It is made from the Chenin Blanc grape, which means that it is somewhat sweet; (“off-dry” is the pundit’s word). 2002 was a fine hot year but this wine is not oversweet; it has the characteristic Vouvray edge. One bottle had an aftertaste I was personally not keen on (a little like a McIntosh apple), but this was well-masked by the Blue Shropshire cheese.

    Looking for the link that made this wine and cheese such a successful combination required serious research—that is to say, repeated, careful consumption. In the end I decided the connection consisted in a concatenation of creaminess. Nothing excessive, you understand—nothing in excess was a common Stoic motto—but a gentle connection catalyzed by the consumer. As Charles Williams wrote—it is National Poetry Month—“How good the universe can be, what now?”