Category: Food and Drink

Know what sucks? Pink-Eye before Christmas.

Know what rules? A husband who can cook. In my low and itchy state, I couldn’t possibly think about cooking for the fam. In a move that always puts me to shame, he pulls whatever he can find from the fridge and makes a meal. He took a Niman Ranch pork roast, unwrapped it and pounded it flat. Then he layered it with sage, chopped green apples and brie cheese, then rolled it back up. He and the daughter threw down some risotto and we had something much better than my suggestion of rice and beans.

But we have 20 coming for Christmas Eve.

Truth be told, I’m not contagious and I’m feeling better, so it shouldn’t be too hard. As long as there is Bourbon present, I’ll be fine.

The group is interesting, family and friends, a mixed bag of palates, one who has a distinct aversion to cheese. All cheese, sigh. We pondered pork, ham, for a moment there was talk of roast goose and figgie pudding, but nay.

We’re going for rich and luxe but comfortable and accessible. Simple elegance, perhaps? It’s a surf n’ turf story we’re telling.

Cocktail Hour
Assorted cheeses, like Sottocenere and Ossau-Iraty
(most likely from Premier Cheese)
Prosciutto cups with arugula and herbed goat cheese
(I just made this up last week)
Escargot and puff pastry
(we’ll see who braves these morsels)

Dinner
Prime Rib Roast
(possibly done encrusted in rock salt)
Halibut
(most likely wrapped in parchment and cooked cartoccio style)
Zucchini with leeks
Mashed potatoes with olive oil and Manchego cheese (shhhh)
Creamy baked polenta
Creamed corn (a special request)
Oven roasted tomaotes with Cabrales cheese
Home baked bread
(ciabatta without fail, maybe we’ll attempt some whole grain rolls)

Post Feast
White and dark chocolate bread pudding with bourbon cream (duh)
Grand Marnier and cranberry torte (this one looks yummy to me)

I was not invited to this one…

I have a hard time with the cookie exchange thing. You’re famailiar with the premise, no? Each guest is to bring a dozen cookies per attendee, you swap your dozens for the others’ dozens and wind up with a fabulous assortment of holiday treats.

At least that’s the theory.

Am I a cookie snob? Maybe. Look, I’m all good with peanut butter blossoms, they’re not high-brow or gourmet, they’re just simple and classic. Clearly it’s not about perfection, I dig a headless gingerbread man just as much as a fully intact one.

Part of it, I’ll admit, is the idea of coming home with ten dozen cookies over which I had no control. It’s hard not knowing the exact ingredient keeping together that odd little green stack of cornflakes and what-have-you. If, when entertaining, I put out a plate of cookies, and someone asks me about a certain chocolate blob, what do I do? We’re all taking our lives in our own hands at that point.

Plus, there are no memories behind other people’s cookies. Even if my kids and I end up screaming at each other while we decorate cookies, we’re going to fondly remember how Joey freaked out because Jake’s didn’t have enough icing and how Megan put boobs on her gingerbread “person” and we’ll all eventually laugh at Matt’s frankenstein collection of zombie cookies.

Finally, no one at the exchange usually likes my cookies. That’s probably beacuse they don’t understand how integral a part Bourbon plays in my holiday traditions.

Bourbon Balls
3 cups ground Nilla Wafers
1 cup finely chopped walnuts
2 cups confectioners sugar
1/4 cup cocoa
1/4 cup corn syrup
1/2+++ cup Bourbon (Jimmy Beam is perfect)

Combine Nillas, walnuts, sugar and cocoa in a large bowl. Mix corn syrup and bourbon together in a separate small bowl, stir until syrup is dissolved. Add to dry mixture and mix until you get a thick, moist clump. Add more bourbon if needed, it’s good to keep the bottle close by. And also a glass with some ice and maybe a splash of sweet vermouth. And a touch of bitters. Between your palms, roll chunks of the dough into balls, then roll around in a bowl of granulated sugar (the balls, not you). Store in a tight container, hide somewhere where the kids can’t find them, and snack secretly for at least 2 months, it’ll help get you through February.

like it even needs embellishment…

I thought I knew what I would make for those little holiday gift bundles of hand-made goodies that simply must be handed out.

But now that I know of the existence of chicken fried bacon, I might have to re-think.

WARNING: Don’t be surprised by the dizziness and dull ache in your chest, it’s merely a heady mix of temptation and revulsion.

Didja know that Pumphouse Creamery has decided to stay open all year long?

Come on, I know that baby it’s cold outside, but what’s your deal with not eating ice cream in the winter?

Pumpkin ice cream, oatmeal cookie ice cream, Guiness ice cream, for godness sake, are all appropriate post-feast options.

Plus, HELLO FORTY DEGREES! Give me a break, you know you considered wearing shorts on Sunday so go. Just go.

I am not a baking genius. To be a baking genius, you must adhere to the ethics of the scientist…and I am an artist, dammit!

But there are some things that I have learned to make the cookie onslaught easier.

Butter
Use real butter, holiday cookies deserve it. Not whipped, not margarine, not oleo, not I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, just Land O’ Lakes or Hope Creamery. And stick to unsalted, it’s sweeter and lighter and doesn’t mess with the salt content of the recipe. I’m not usually omniscient enough to pull the butter out of the cooler ahead of time, so the whole “room temperature” thing usually escapes me.

Sugar
Powdered sugar = confectioners sugar
Granulated sugar = table sugar
Splenda/Equal = the Grinch

Flour
All-purpose flour will yield the best cookies. If you are on a big whole wheat kick, be aware that whole wheat flour usually makes for a heavy, chewy cookie. BUT…King Arthur’s White Whole Wheat flour gives you all the nutrition of whole wheat without the hippie-chick branding.

Also, melting a Rolo onto a pretzel is NOT a cookie.

just say no …

If you know someone like me, or are someone like me, this list might be handy.

United States of Arugula looks to be a good read, documenting our food revolution.

Please please please, a year of cheese.

We usually don’t leave anything in the bottle, but still, I’m always looking for the best way to save a sip when needed.

I could eat oysters even on Christmas morning.

A membership to Zingerman’s Z Club keeps you on the cutting edge of taste as their intrepid buyers search out the best of undiscovered delicacies and ship them to your door.

Sake, junmai ginjo preferably, something from the Kyoto Prefecture, hmmm?

Iberico Jamon is the perfect perfect dream of dry-cured pork from Spain. You can’t have it until April ’07, and it’s a bit spendy, but what better way to celebrate the coming of spring than with the ultimate in ham.

Stocking stuffer: chocolate covered cocoa beans.

Nothing says Holiday Survival like a Christmas Ale.

Deutscher sind verruckt!

I love December 01. It’s the first day of a month of days that begin with a little chocolate treat from my advent calendar. I am much more disciplined now than I was in the early years. I understand that it’s better to stretch the happiness out over the cold days, rather than trying to “work ahead”. And if I happen to forget, run out of the house in a whirl, then the next day is twice as nice.

This weekend I’m going to the Midtown Global Market for some culinary stocking stuffers. I’d like to stuff a Manny’s Torta in each stocking, but they’re a bit drippy, yeah? I really love to sneak in some funky Asian candy from United Noodle that no one understands, and then watch their face as they chew jammy fish nougats.

BONUS…this Saturday the MGM is hosting the No Coast Craft-O-Rama sale: cool, funky objects from crafty producers with names like Crabby Sister Company, Pins with Fury, orangyporangy and Phantom Limb. I have two particular teens in whom I have begun to culitvate a healthy dislike for The Mall and all AE clones within. A few snappy screenprinted tees and rock-buttons should satisfy … along with chewy jammy fish nougats.

Hot off the presses, this release from the kids who rep the public relations for Five Restaurant & Street Lounge:

David Parson Capaccioli is the new Exec Head Chef and Mary Beth Mueller is the new GM.

Capaccioli is a former instructor at the Art Institute of Minneapolis Culinary Arts School, was once Executive Chef at Cafe Un Deaux Trois and is a “close associate of Vincent Francoual”.

Mueller has been a manager at JD Hoyt’s, Dixie’s Calhoun, and the St. Paul Grill.

Apparently Five “will be re-emerging as the restaurant to discover great finger food” and “savor comforting bistro fare”. They will also be “adding a baby grand piano for live ‘lounge tinklings’ Thursday through Saturday”.

So is that it? Is that the best Plan B for a cutting edge restaurant? Bring in the B-Squad and a piano for “lounge tinklings”? Trust me, I know that restaurants need to make money to survive. But if you’re going to dumb it down to be more palatable to the masses and the investors, I think you have to let the name die. It never was their restaurant, it was Woodman’s.

I have a pre-feast ritual. It involves staying in pajamas, drinking hot cocoa, snacking on peanut butter toast and the Macy’s parade. It’s like my own inner pre-shift, my personal calm before the storm.

Just as important, and maybe a touch underplayed, is the post-feast.

First of all, dessert shouldn’t be served directly after the meal. You have to let the stuffing and potato flavors linger and the memory of the meal set. I love that moment when you feel relaxed and happy, you smell the coffee brewing and you know you have just enough room for something sweet.

Pumpkin pie is lovely, but why not jack it up as pumpkin pie brulee? And don’t shy away from making a signature Thanksgiving ice cream.

If you’re looking for a new pie, there’s only about a million options. I like Derby Pie because it has two of my favorite post meal ingredients: chocolate and bourbon.

One of my favorite, and easiest, post-feast options is to buy a huge block of dark chocolate and set it on a board with a sharp knife and some accessories: slices of grilled bread, salted almonds, apricots, sugared ginger, pistachios, Nilla Wafers, peanut butter, whatever you like.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday for the following reasons:
1. No gifts. I love giving gifts, I just hate pretending to like the teal suede and faux fur vests of my life.

2. It’s not religious. It’ll never be turned into something more palatable and washed out so that everyone feels fuzzy and unoffended.

3. It’s all about food. The whole point of the day is to eat well and be happy and thankful that you can. It’s the only celebration of the year where the feast is real show.

As for the family angst, that’s just gravy.

The only thing more certain than long lines at the grocery store, is the abundance of cooking advice offered by every media outlet on the planet. So I’ll play along….

Go Turducken! because it’s more than a meal, it’s a David Blaine moment.

Watch Home for the Holidays with Holly Hunter or Pieces of April with Katie Holmes-Cruise before cooking, it will help remind you that there are bigger disasters than what you will likely produce. Confidence, dahling!

Cocktail.

If anyone asks “What can I bring” tell them $20. Or bread. Or wine, that may or may not be consumed with the meal.

Forget the fancy name-place cards, I’ve got two words for you: hand turkey.