Category: Sports
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Bad Dream Song 64 (With Apologies To John Berryman, Who Is Deader Than The Twins So Probably Doesn't Really Care)
The Twins, friends, are boring. We must not say so.
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The Hardy Boys And The Mystery Of The Disappearing Summer
I apologize for my unexcused absence, my silence, my disappearing act. It’s been a long, weird summer, and the weirdness of my neurological life has been disturbingly mirrored by what’s happened to the Minnesota Twins. I can’t begin to explain any of the weirdness, can barely even be bothered to try anymore. I think it’s…
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Uncle Jumbo's Playground
–Illustration by James Dankert I’m back, but –like the Twins– just barely. Zellar’s had a muzzle on me ever since I tried to dictate a column to his answering machine in the middle of the night. This, of course, was after I’d had a few beers, and after the Twins had finished kicking the shit…
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Trying To Climb Back Up On That Horse That Threw Me
Just you watch: the Twins will now proceed to go on some kind of unholy tear, winning twenty-three of their next thirty games, and they’ll still come up short and miss the playoffs. That would be just my luck. Yes, my luck, because it’s clear the mess of this season to date has been purely…
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Another Failed Transmission From A Lost Satellite
Would you have believed —could you have believed– a mere four months ago that we would be sitting where we are today? “We” in this instance, of course, meaning you, me, the Minnesota Twins, etc. I do not think we could or would have believed that, no. I still can’t believe it, quite honestly, even…
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There's A Kind Of Hush (All Over Twins Territory)
If we ain’t bums, we’ll certainly do ’til some real bums come along. –Bugs Baer If a tree falls in the woods…. What is the sound of one hand clapping? If you can’t say nothin’ nice…. God only knows…. Words seriously fail me, but I’m going to try to thrash a few out of the…