Category: Twins

  • A Power Hitter Needs A Proper Name

    Justin doesn’t cut it. Every high school football and soccer team in America has a half dozen Justins on its roster, and the name reeks of suburban privilege. It’s a boy-band name, and I’d love to see Justin Morneau go in a different direction. Granted, the big Canuck seems to be doing just fine right…

  • Ozzie Guillen: Friend Of 'Those People,' Madonna Fan, Etc.

    Guillen also told Couch that he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago.

  • From A Chemistry Lab Deep In The Bowels Of The Metrodome…

    Eureka! Or something perhaps not quite so enthusiastic, but a minor cause for exultation all the same. And why is that? Because the Twins just swept the Red Sox, yes, but also because we’re finally seeing the version of the 2006 team we should have seen back in April. Tony Batista was a bust, and…

  • Uncle Jumbo's Playground

    –Illustration by James Dankert The things a guy will do for a free burrito. It’s humiliating, but a deal’s a deal, even when it’s not much of a deal. A couple weeks ago I insisted I wouldn’t write a damn word until the Twins clawed their way to .500. When it became apparent that that…

  • Treading Water In A Slough Of Despond

    While I’m waiting on Uncle Jumbo I’ll pose this question: Have there been any Dick Such sightings in or around the Metrodome lately? Because I’m really struggling to understand the Twins’ 5.44 ERA and the abysmal performances of Brad Radke, Carlos Silva, and Kyle Lohse. It’s not such a struggle, really, to understand the Lohse…

  • How Ya Like Me Now?

    Lord have mercy! What team was that? Nineteen hits? Six walks? Fifteen runs? Kevin Millwood gives up nine earned runs in one-and-a-third innings and his ERA only rises to 5.13? How could that be possible? And what the hell has gotten into Michael Cuddyer? That game was ridiculous. This team is ridiculous. They’re going to…