Category: Yo Ivanhoe

  • Dear Miss Yennish…

    “There simply aren’t enough letters in the alphabet,” Mr. Lyle Baumgartner announced to his freshmen English class one afternoon. “As presently constructed the language is wholly inadequate to express the depth of my feelings.” He stared out at the blank or incredulous faces of his students. He then leaned on his desk with his left…

  • Is Your Journey Really Necessary?

    By the time I pulled into this completely unfamiliar town my radiator was shot to shit and I was so stoned and hungry that I tried to get the woman at the Taco John’s to sell me a sour cream gun. I was headed for a seminar at a tanning academy, and that notion struck…

  • One More Morning In America

    A morning like this, a morning on which you will not truly wake up, but rather go through the habitual motions of waking up –brush your teeth, shower, change your clothes, walk the dog, and go off in the usual stupor to work– you’re left wrestling with the old, hard-wired reactions to nights like the…

  • A Matter Of Great Importance

    Dear George Washington Bush, I have to confess to you, sir, that I’ve grown weary of your monkey business. Tomorrow I intend to join with millions of other Americans in voting you out of office. I’m not ashamed to admit that I voted for you last year, but that was last year. I lived in…

  • Survivor

    I’m the guy who walked out of the building and the building fell down. That’s certainly the sort of experience that’s going to stay with you, but I sure as hell never thought it would come to define me to such an extent. A close call like that is all it takes anymore to make…

  • The Afterthought

    Whom the gods wish to destroy, they destroy. Euripedes was a nit-picker. The gods can destroy you on the installment plan, incrementally, step by fucking step. And, yes, madness is in their bag of tricks, but they have bigger, more wicked tricks up their sleeves than mere madness. Let’s say you’re me. But, no, let’s…