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  • Crate 1 of 2 Opened

    It’s the middle of July and the melons on the fruit stands are sweet. I see a woman in a cotton dress, its translucence making visible the form of her body under the skirt. She is lovely. She isn’t stuffed into jeans; she’s wearing a dress of diaphanous cotton, compared to which denim is about as interesting, erotically, as sackcloth or sandpaper. The dress dances in the breeze. It dances around her, with her, because of her, and the extreme feminine grace of this gets to me in the pit of my stomach. Short of carrying her off on my bike, the only thing for it is to go cool out somewhere, so I do—I go to the Minnesota Museum of American Art to look at some art.

    The museum’s summer show is Crate 1 of 2, a selection of works from its permanent collection. The gallery walls have been painted a deep and luscious aubergine (that’s “eggplant” to you, pal) a color that for me evokes the vanished era of drawing rooms. I myself have never been in a drawing room, but from novels I know that they were peopled with brilliant conversationalists and beauties listening with heaving bosoms to pianists tossing off Chopin Etudes by heart. The aubergine of the MMAA’s galleries is tinged with nostalgia for that moment just before the crumbling of our civilization started picking up speed, say, a hundred years ago–before people took to saying “awesome,” and using the expression “closure” when talking about the death of their hamsters.

    Crate 1 of 2 is not a consistently great show, but it is a moving exposition of what it meant, not so long ago, to be a human making art in America. A good many of these painters and sculptors are no longer alive, and most of the works, exhumed from obscurity by the tender solicitude of the curators, are fated to return to oblivion at the close of the show. When the dead were alive, however—and this is easy to forget– they were as alive as you and I are right now, as driven by desire, as whipsawed by love and by hatred, hope and despair, innocent wonder and dreary ennui. The paint on their canvases has dried, but it was laid on wet by people not so different from us.

    Visitors to the museum sense this, I think, making their way from one work to the next like mourners slowly moving down a line to offer condolences; except that here it’s with unhurried pleasure, the way they lean in to look at a work, enfolding it into themselves, to sleep on it later. They take it in. Something is transacted across spans of time between them and the artists.

    Periods of art come as a succession of breaking waves. If you’re a full-immersion total hipster, each new wave obliterates all traces of the last. But as your own history lengthens, you see not only the next new thing and the next, you also see further back in time. One day, idly flipping through a magazine, you find yourself awestruck by pictures showing the images on the walls of the caves at Altamira and Lascaux. The past that you blew off as dead turns out to be not only not dead but more vitally alive than all the crap that’s on TV tonight. “The past is never dead,” wrote Faulkner. “It’s not even past,” a line often quoted when the present feels shaky. It keeps coming at you, each wave different but all essentially and eternally the same.

    One of the earliest and most beautiful paintings uncrated for Crate 1 of 2 is a seascape. Its focal point is a cresting wave, backlit and transcendentally translucent. The artist, Frederick J. Waugh, was so obsessed with capturing the form and movement of the ocean’s heaving swells and waves that in his long life he did something like 2500 seascapes. A photograph can nail the sea down with a click, but I don’t think Waugh painted to pull off quick raids on phenomena. I think he kept painting the ocean’s massive, surging volumes not to make the restless sea stand still but because, like his mind, it never would.

    Another early 20th century painting with the feeling of nature closely studied and absorbed before it is expressed is a farmstead scene by Bertram G. Bruestle. The light, somewhat like Edward Hopper’s, uncannily evokes an acutely particular moment of the day, not five minutes before or five minutes after. The painting is meticulous but not strangulated. Its fleeting light inflicts you with the ache of the ephemeral, the knowledge that an evanescent moment is dying even as it lives.

    A few mid-20th century abstractions are included in the exhibition, but the most interesting paintings in the show are more representational than not. William Meritt Chase’s society Portrait of a Lady,1914, might easily be mistaken for a work by his friend and contemporary John Singer Sargent. Right nearby, from 1906 and not quite so lofty, is a full-length portrait, conceivably the lady’s dressmaker, Modiste of Madrid, by one of the Ashcan school, Robert Henri.

    From about the same time, but grittier, is a vivid aerial nightscape of Brooklyn by Earnest Lawson, another of the painters of the Ashcan group.

    Thomas Hart Benton is represented with a work done in his characteristically torqued perspective, 1945’s Shocking Corn, the cornstalks writhing in a way that strangely foretells the work, hardly more than ten years later, of his student Jackson Pollock.

    Closer to the present and about as far from ab-ex as you can get is a large, satisfyingly bleak 1988 canvas by Minneapolis’ great master of what-you-see-is-what-you-get, Mike Lynch. The title is Elevator – 29th and Harriet. Features of this site still exist, but the scene as Lynch depicted it has since been transformed—it’s now a stretch of the Greenway. Stand on the same spot Lynch did on some cold, grey-blue day in February and, despite all that’s changed, you’ll appreciate the ethical and emotional precision of Lynch’s account of things as they are.

    Wandering in exile in its own city, occupying spaces like a hermit crab, the MMAA has had three homes since the nineties, first in the Art Deco Jemne Building, followed by a stay on the top floors of the Landmark Center, and, in the past few years, a provisional space in the old West Publishing Co. building on Kellogg Blvd, where with a shrinking staff they are valiantly continuing to produce exhibitions under tighter and tighter budgets. Too much of the museum’s collection sits in storage. No one can see it in the dark. Descending into the crypts, the curators have hauled out sculptures I never knew existed. Two of these (by Paul Manship) have the power to strike me mute, and among the rest are some that, though not great, nourish a hunger for something that’s lacking in so much recent art, something elementally human, something that doesn’t trade in irony and neurasthenic exhaustion and mistake that for cool.

    One piece in Crate 1 of 2 that has this vitality is Jacques Lipchitz’s 1941 bronze, Arrival, a boisterous cluster of lumpy, exuberantly exaggerated human forms that pays homage to the groupings of figures in classical sculpture. At the same time, the sculptor throws off classicism’s tightassed restraint; the figures are unrepressed id, their hands meathooks, primal, like paws.

    In a similar spirit are two figure carvings in wood by John Rood, a self-taught artist, poet and
    musician who was a professor of sculpture at the University of Minnesota in the forties and fifties. One, carved from a single block, portrays a stolid and compact hardworking couple (1943) seated hunched and close together in a way that says they’re in it for the long haul. The other (1965) is a standing figure of a strongman, his muscles worn like slabs of armor. In both works, the direct, faceted carving makes you feel the force and conviction behind each stroke of the sculptor’s chisel.

    But what draws me back to this show again and again are two sculptures by Paul Manship. One of these is Briseis (1950), a work of the most naked and unaffected grace–a marble, of a whiteness and finish so soft that it is difficult to focus a lens on it. Briseis is a figure from the first book of the The Iliad, the widow of a slain Trojan. The introverted quality of her face speaks of her resignation to her fate, which is to be buffeted by the fierce contending wills of angry men. At the opening of The Iliad, Achilles is found brooding in his tent, refusing to return to battle. His king, Agamemnon, has claimed Briseis for himself. Achilles’ rage at having been made to relinquish her is the lit fuse that sets off the action. He is prevented from killing Agamemnon only by the intervention of the goddess Athena, who grabs him by the hair just as he’s about to draw his sword. Briseis is eventually restored to him. Run your eyes over this sculpture and you can see why Achilles, having been denied her, is driven nearly to murder. She is a lot to lose.

    Paul Manship was a son of St. Paul. He went on to bigger things elsewhere—the colossal, oddly awkward Prometheus that overlooks the skating rink at Rockefeller Center, for one–but he bequeathed a good number of his works to his hometown. Fourteen of them, including Briseis, are exhibited in this show. The other sculpture that gets to me at the core is his bronze, Europa and the Bull, dated 1924-1935.

    Artists have painted and sculpted the story of Europa for thousands of years: Zeus, seeing Europa gathering flowers, is smitten. Deciding to ravish her, he assumes the form of a tame white bull, seduces her to get on his back, jumps with her into the sea and abducts her to Crete. Classically, painters like Titian and Rubens have staged the incident as a kind of water sport with a lot of accessory maidens and putti splashing about, but Manship took a different tack. He didn’t depict the scene by the shore of the sea, but the aftermath, the calm erotic satiety of the two as they rest against each other spent, pacified, content. Their quietly stylized faces, like Briseis’, are in keeping with a taste that developed in the Art Deco twenties for the symbolic devices of archaic sculpture: People are not sharply individuated, but given simplified, regular features, parallel waves of hair, the fabric of their garments draped in folds more neatly congruent than reality’s wrinkles allow. In a call-and-response of forms, the two figures in this sculpture encircle each other in love. Europa cradles the bull’s massive head—you can almost feel the gentleness of her hands on his forehead and jaw. His tongue lolls. His magnificent horns, in turn, all but embrace the gesture of her arms and protect her bared, open pose. He is on his knees, making himself smaller for her; she is splayed out, having given him all that she has. Throughout the sculpture are correspondences, the loop of his tail/the drape of her skirt; her arms/the curves of his horns; the parallel trunks of his neck and her torso, and so on, the more that you look. People go on about The Pieta, but the tenderness sculpted into the relation of the two beings in this sculpture–across species, no less—makes this the more compelling expression of love. For one thing, one figure’s not dead—they are both rudely alive. Driven by lust before lust got a bad name, I can see why Zeus carried her off. I can see why she let him.

    All photos by the author, shot with the kind permission of the MMAA.

  • An Actor Speaks

    It wouldn’t be too surprising for a first-time Fringe performer to feel a little overwhelmed with the whole experience. Ten minutes to load in, an exact amount of time to perform your show, then ten minutes to load out. If you run longer than the time allotted, you get the lights turned off on you. This stress, on top of my day job and internship, could be enough to overwhelm me, but I just don’t have the time.

    I am a performer in Dying in Public Places: a darkly comic new musical, one of the 156 shows premiering this year at the Minnesota Fringe Festival. It concerns five total strangers who find themselves bound together by fate. That fate is an invisible box trapping all five inside, refusing to release them until they’ve discovered what they have in common. Hilarity ensues as they try everything (except what’s really needed) to escape: seduction, coercion and even… cannibalism? And, as the title suggests, it’s a musical!

    Far be it for me to say it’s going to be the best show of the whole festival, but it’s…ahh… the best I’ve seen so far. (Pause to let the audience digest the joke.) This is my first time performing in a Fringe show. The whole ordeal really kicked into high gear when a small group of people (many of who are still involved with the show) previewed three songs at a Bedlam Theater cabaret last November. The response from the audience was overwhelmingly positive and with the ingredients of a surefire crowd-pleaser in hand, our trusty writer Keith set about crafting the other 51 minutes to surround the songs.

    Rehearsals started in mid-June, and our mission was clear from the start; we’ve got to be able to finish the show in time. Our initial read-through clocked in at 59 minutes. Rather alarming when we’ve only got 60 minutes to perform, so we made cuts and additions. More of the former than the latter, but it was all for the good of the show. We found what bits worked and which ones fell flat (we hope). We sang to within an inch of our life and were given sips of water before we did it all again. But we are artists, and so we must suffer for our art. We didn’t want to make that process too easy, after all.

    When we previewed a few minutes of the show at the July 7th Fringe for All, we were all struck with conflicting emotions. It took a while for the audience to get the song, which can best be described as "touchy." But once they did, the laughs abounded. We were faced with the irritating rigors of time; each show having exactly three minutes to present their material. If they exceeded the time limit, all the lights turned to red, a trap door opened up and everyone on stage fell to a fiery pit below. That last part isn’t exactly true, but turning all the lights red did seem to be a rather menacing way of telling troupes they’d run out of time.

    It was here I got my first sense of how important the other Fringe performers are to what we do. A great deal of the audience was comprised of other performers, and they ate up every preview as if it were the greatest thing they’d ever seen. The level of support was unbelievably high – the lobby afterward crowded with people, trading their postcards and plugging their own shows while going on and on about what others they’d enjoyed. We’re all here for each other–to spread our love of theater to Twin Citizens everywhere. And as I watched the 29 other shows perform, I wondered to myself, "How is any person with any kind of job going to have any chance to see all the shows worth seeing?"

    The time restriction once again resurfaced as a threat when we arrived at our performance space for our tech rehearsal. We are one of 11 shows performing at the Minneapolis Theater Garage, and our two tech members told us that staying on time is key. If we run overtime, they WILL turn the lights off on us. They seemed pretty cool, so I avoided the urge to go all "who do you think you’re dealing with here?" on them. But things became clearer as we made our way around the space. Finally we knew where the seats would be and which staging positions would hopelessly block half the audience. The lights shouldn’t be turning off at unexpected times, so that was one problem taken care of.

    Now I wait for our first performance on Friday, August 1st. A hundred emotions swirl around my stomach as I think about it; excitement and anxiety and everything in between. Will people think the show is funny? (They should.) Will they be able to hear our un-miced voices over the musicians? (Sing out, Andrew!) When this is over, will I finally be able to do what I always want to do in the summer? (Nothing.) The clock is ticking to the first performance and my first exposure to a Fringe audience. I think the show has come together amazingly well and I know people with a slightly off-kilter sense of humor will love it. I guess the only thing I have to worry about now is squeezing in the time to see others’ shows, you know, to share the love.

     

    To read Inside the Fringe: Installment One by John Ervin, click here.

    To read Inside the Fringe: Installment Two by Jill Yablonski, click here.

  • ArtofPolitics.com

    One common blogging convention, that our Vicious Circle of intrepid arts writers has yet to employ, is what I am going to hereby dub the "Cavalcade of Links" (also sometimes called, by those who follow such things more closely, a "Blog Carnival"). For our purposes, a Cavalcade of Links is a posting wherein a lazy or overwrought (or too clever) blogger, in an effort to give the appearance of having thought an issue through, picks a topic and offers up a mass of live links to topic-related sites. All I can say at this point is, enjoy the first Cavalcade of Links!

     

    IN THIS RAPIDLY UP-RAMPING POLITICAL SEASON, the time seems right, on our little visual arts blog, to offer up a "Cavalcade of Links" on the expanding intersection, of late, between local art and national politics. That is, I would like to point out how artists in our Minnesotan voting districts and precincts will be attempting, over the next couple of months, to position themselves to garner attention, usurp power and influence, or simply quibble and complain over the ongoing political process to anyone at all willing to listen.

    Based on preliminary investigations, my working hypothesis is that Minnesota will, this year, be witness to a veritable explosion of art-meets-politics positioning, caviling, and attention-seeking (and this is true even considering that it’s a national election year). This uptick could be because of local excitement/agitation about a particular candidate. Or it could also be agitation/excitement over the looming Republican National Convention, although the growing cynic in me has another theory. That is, it’s possible this may also be a desperate attempt by a lost and distant generation, fast growing increasingly frustrated with their several layers of electronic separation from the real world, to connect with anyone on the outside willing to listen and take a looksee at their art. But that’s just the personal theory of a rapidly aging ex-radical critic…

    Whatever the reasons, what’s on offer here is a helpful guide for wading through all this local political artsmanship. To assist in such an effort, I have attempted to break down the various activities — either commenced or announced — into three main areas: (A) Come Together, Over Me: Broad calls, mostly web-based, to motivate artists to join together to work on some sort of upcoming artistically political group activity; (B) Hey, Look at Me!: Politics-related exhibitions being currently planned or mounted by artists, galleries, and museums seeking to insert themselves in the thick of the ongoing buzz/activities; and (C) Me Me Me Me Me: A catch-all category for any and all aristic public rants, arguments, and kerfuffles in advance of the looming grand ol’ gathering and election.

    (If you have additional links to upcoming local arts-political activities of any sort — in any of these areas — please add them to the comments section at the bottom of this post.)

    Without further ado, shall we start the Cavalcade?

    A) Come Together, Over Me

    • The UnConvention is the granddaddy of all assemblies of artists looking to dip a toe in the pool of politics this election season. Citing as its main mission — "To umbrella the myriad artistic and educational activities (exhibitions, lectures, performances, etc.) that will take place in the Twin Cities during the lead-up and staging of the 2008 Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota" — the UnConvention’s list of planned projects is pretty extensive. It includes: a variety of public art projects — sculpture, performance art, and an artist-made lawn sign competition very similar to one that was mounted in 2004; opportunities for civic dialogue and speechifying; a parade culminating in a gathering in Loring Park; an art car powered by humans; a skywriting project; an interactive peace-themed picnic complete (I’m guessing) with hootenanny-style sing-alongs; a round-the-clock gathering place for alt-media and others; and much more. In the end, so vast are the UnConvention’s planned efforts that it ends up as partner/umbrella to many of the projects listed below. The whole shmear is sponsored by, who else?, the Walker Art Center.

    • One notable sub-project to the UnConvention that’s worth pointing out separately is a competition called I Approve This Message. In this project, artists are invited to create a video in response to questions surrounding the scripted nature of presidential nominations and democracy in general. In addition to being shown online, the best works submitted will be screened at the Walker and other venues.

     

    • Vote YES Minnesota is the public advocacy campaign associated with the dryly-titled Clean Water, Land and Legacy Amendment that will be on the ballot this November. (This amendment, if passed, will increase our state sales tax by three-eighths of one percent through the year 2034 to dedicate funding to protect drinking water sources, wetlands, prairies, forests, and wildlife habitat, to preserve our arts and cultural heritage, and to support our parks and trails.) Interestingly, one of the key features of the Vote YES MN campaign is (as with the UnConvention’s "I Approve.."), a video contest, in which filmmakers "of all skill levels" are encouraged to tell why Minnesota is "such a special place to live."

     

    • Spark 24, an offshoot of the UnConvention, is a non-stop marathon of free entertainment that will kick off at 5 p.m. on Saturday, August 30, 2008 and continue until 5 p.m. on Sunday, August 31 (the days just prior to the start of the Republican National Convention). Free events of all sorts –music, theater, dance, etc — will be scattered around Minneapolis, mostly downtown in and around Peavey Plaza and Orchestra Hall, but also in over 60 nearby restaurants, bars, hotels, and retail stores. Unfortunately, there doesn’t appear to be video contest involved with this project.

     

    • But not to worry. Though it’s not a strictly local effort, YouTube is sponsoring yet another politics-based video contest. Actually, it’s two contests — one for each side of the political fence. All you have to do is answer (in your video) the question "Why are you a Democrat/Republican in 2008?" and you can win a day in the campaign press pool and a trip to either of the 2008 political conventions.

     

    • And, True Blue Minnesota, an honest-to-goodness 527 non-profit corporation formed to act as a counter-balance to the Republican National Convention, is also planning to present videos to the world during the convention (will we ever tire of political videos?!). They have rented two "JumboTron" televisions on which they’ll show a wide variety of imagery, ranging f
      rom single words, short phrases, and famous quotes to full-length motion pictures, artist videos, comic bits,visual art, photographs, comics, and animation. One television, 17 feet high and 23 feet across, will be located in Triangle Park, across from the Minnesota History Center, and the other in a Harriet Island parking lot. Meanwhile, if you’re getting tired, like me, of all the videos, True Blue MN is also sponsoring a competition for artists to redesign the RNC logo.

     

    B) Hey, Look at Me!

    • The Weisman Art Museum, that oft-overlooked third wheel of the local museogarchy, is running a vast number of politics-oriented exhibitions and programs in coming weeks and months. "Who is a Citizen? What is Citizenship?" is the first of a series of exhibits and programs examining the role of art and artists in a democracy. It draws from the museum’s collection in exploring the stated theme. Meanwhile, "Hindsight is Always 20/20" is a solo exhibition featuring prints — based on U.S. presidential State of the Union addresses — by R. Luke DuBois, a New York-based composer, performer, video artist, and programmer. Meanwhile, the museum has planned a nearly non-stop slate of political-themed events, lectures, exhibitions, performances, and dialogues for the next three months, including, on September 4, an event called "American Politics Sideshow," that will "mimic a three-ring circus, [with] speakers, tours, films, and performers from late morning ‘til nightfall."

     

    • The Saint Paul Public Library is hosting a series of poltical-oriented events — both civic and artistic — cleverly called "Saint Paulitics." Among the wide range of stuff taking place during August in downtown St. Paul are: "Political Scenes" — free screenings of politics-themed movies in the Central Library Courtyard; lectures by various experts on politics, including Mark Halperin of Time Magazine, Susan Estrich of Fox News, and Bill Arnold (writer of Triple Espresso); and "Moving Lives Artists" — a series of lectures, held in conjunction with Intermedia Arts, by artists whose work focuses on social change.

     

    • Speaking of Intermedia Arts, as of August 30, this community arts center will be no longer (at least through Nov. 8 — election day). As stated on its website, in advance of the RNC, Intermedia Arts "will transform into "The UnConventional Gathering Place," a place to "hang out with artists, community leaders, educators, alternative journalists and socially engaged citizens" in a "digital information playground of new media installations by national and local artists, online reportage by community and youth journalists, political karaoke evenings, one-mile radius UHF TV station, art exhibits of the people, by the people, for the people and more."

    • While we’re back on the subject of the ubiquitous UnConvention, the Form + Content gallery too will give itself over to the cause for the duration with an exhibition called, uh, "Party Party in a Tweety Land b/w This Republic of Suffering." Apparently inspired by old 45 records (thus the tricky title), this barrel-full-of-fun exhibition will contemplate the "tensions between suffering and denial, grief and self-absorption, and the real cultural losses buried under the flotsam of a consumer and celebrity obsessed culture."

     

    • Not to be outdone, the Altered Esthetics gallery is mounting, in August, "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised." This show will be comprised of over 100 works made in response to global and socio-political topics by 50 local and international artists working in sculpture, installation, performance art, painting, and photography.

     

    • The Northrup King Building will present "Translating Politics," a response to the looming RNC by 13 local artists working in painting, photography, sculpture, mixed media, and (of course!) digital video. This show is being sponsored by the Northeast Minneapolis Artists Association (NEMAA) and (you guessed it!) the UnConvention.

     

    • And finally, students and graduates of the McNally Smith College of Music in downtown St. Paul have announced they will perform at six outdoor locations (an activity known, in the parlance, as "busking") during the RNC. According to college vice president, and occasional public performer, Chris Osgood, the idea originated after discussions between the school and city officials about how to energize downtown during the convention. You may also want to take note: McNally Smith will host "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" for the duration of the convention.

    C) Me Me Me Me Me

     

    • Ironically enough, when the Southern Theater announced just about the same time as the MAEP that it was placing its longtime veteran artistic director on "administrative leave," local dance artists reacted with much the same public fervor. In response, the Southern’s board mounted, just as the MIA did, a press blitz and a public forum to discuss the situation. I don’t know if the dance artists remained as un
      happy as the visual ones after all the furor died down, but I haven’t yet seen issued any local dance manifestos. (And there’s no word yet on whether the artist-reaction to the recent news about the shut-down of the Minnesota Center for Photography will be anywhere near as passionate.)

     

    OF COURSE, IT’S ALL UP TO YOU — each individual voter — to decide how much of this hoohah to participate in. While it’s quite likely that Minnesotan art lovers will never again see quite the convergence of this stuff in their lifetimes, it’s also just as likely that a good percentage of us will be as far away from the goings-on as we can get (and so will miss it in the first place).

    In the end, if politics is, as Bismarck said, "the art of the possible," well then in Minnesota this year politics is, thanks to local artists and organizers, everything that’s possible in art.

    (Again, submit arts-political links you’d like to see added to this list to the comments section below.)

     

  • Transgendered Germans and Hair Metal

    From now until August 31st, Hedwig and the Angry Inch will be playing at the Jungle Theater. Featuring a cast of local talent, including Jairus Abts as Hedwig and Ann Michels as her husband Yitzhak, the production is most comfortable during the music numbers and flounders some during monologues. Though shrill and sluggish at times, it builds toward an emotionally fulfilling conclusion.

    The Obie-winning musical is a 4th-wall breaking fusion of rock songs and monologues featuring the heartbreaking story of Hedwig, an "internationally ignored" rock goddess and victim of a botched sex change operation in East Berlin. Left with an "angry inch," the story chronicles her rise and fall in a thought-provoking search for acceptance and individuality.

    For the most part, the show’s worst gaffes are made up for by the great music. Abts plays Hedwig more pathetically washed up than resigned, delivering one-liners often not for comedy, but to underline the character’s disdain for himself and the audience. This "walling-in" of Hedwig is made worse by an ill-executed "German" accent, which careens around the world from Europe to Minnesota. The result makes Hedwig more of a caricature than someone to be identified with. I was hoping for ’80s hair-metal Scorpions, but the result is more Max Mosley and the BDSM porn dungeon, which is to the detriment of the show. Thankfully, the dopey accent is dropped almost entirely during the musical numbers and Abts is noticeably more comfortable. His forceful baritone is able to shine, though his limited range feels a bit constricting at times. Michels also shines during the musical sections, her effortless soprano emphasized by great sound design. Like Abts, Michels is weakest when the music isn’t playing and her monotone portrayal of Yitzhak is, at times, really painful.

    Visually, the production is masterful. The light design is clever without overshadowing the performances and builds the intensity of the climax until its breaking point. Near the end, Yitzhak flings a stack of paper at the audience, the harsh strobe light making tangible the simmering, tumultuous anger of the show before its satisfying conclusion. When the lights return, the paper turns out to be bingo cards. Points for attention to detail.

    The production isn’t perfect, but by the end you’ll find yourself tapping your foot along with the band and thrusting your arms skyward like the rest of the audience. The silly, 4th-wall-breaking energy is thrilling, and the Jungle is intimate enough to make it work. If you have any interest in the sweet harmony musicals and hair metal can create, this one is well worth your time.

  • White Bear Thai, Fun Times at Victor's, Wine Classes at Dancing Ganesha

    Notes
    From the (e) Mailbag:

    Subject:
    Ban Thai.

    "I went to the most wonderful Thai restaurant
    in White Bear Lake last night," wrote Julia Barton recently. "I live in White
    Bear Lake and I found out it’s been open and I’d never even heard of the
    place. I talked to the waiter/husband of the chef/owner and he was
    telling us that the restaurant has received the Thai Select award from the Thai
    government that certifies the food, hospitality and atmosphere is
    authentic…They said they’ve never been reviewed. I know I sound
    like I’m advertising for them but I’m really not. I was just
    amazed at how good the food was. I’m a former chef and love finding
    places where the chefs care about their food. They have a website http://www.banthaionline.com/ if
    you’re interested."

    I
    plan to check it out soon, but if any readers get there before I do, please
    drop me a note (Iggers@rakemag.com) and
    tell me about it, or just post a comment on this blog.

     

    Subject: Viva Victor’s! 

    "We
    kicked off the summer with a visit from the Food Network!" reports Niki Stavrou
    of Victor’s 1959 Café. "You may be familiar with the show called Diner’s
    Drive-Ins and Dives    , hosted by Guy Fieri. Well, he visited and cooked
    with us at Victor’s 1959 Cafe back in early June and our episode will air some
    time in September. I’ll be sure to let you know when I learn the exact
    date so you can watch! …

    We
    have also started a happy hour with drink specials from 4:30pm-6:30pm Tuesdays
    – Saturdays. We feature a different red, white and rosé by the glass each
    week so you can try some different wines for $4 a glass, or beer for
    $3 a bottle, or a tropical mimosa for $4. We also are featuring a
    special bottle of rosé at half price during happy hour. I’m on a bit of a
    personal campaign for rosé wines this summer. My motto is DON’T BE AFRAID
    OF PINK WINE!!

    Also,
    we are now open on Mondays for breakfast and lunch. We haven’t changed
    the sign yet so I wanted you to know. Our hours now are: Sunday and
    Monday 8am-2pm; Tuesday thru Saturday 7am-2:30pm and
    4:30pm-9pm.

    We
    have a Bombazo scheduled for Tuesday August 19th at 6pm. This will be a
    fun music and dance event and a portion of the dinner sales that evening will
    go to El Arco Iris, to help them continue their work with Caribbean dance
    education and performance. I’ll send more info about that soon, but you
    might want to mark your calendar now!

    Last
    but not least, we have a dinner special for Friday and Saturday night this
    week. It’s called Potajé and is red beans cooked with Spanish chorizo,
    smoked ham, potatoes – it’s a savory, hearty red bean dish served with white
    rice and plantains, accompanied by our ensalada completa on the side, for only
    $11. Make your reservations now!

    Victor’s 1959 Cafe, 3756 Grand Ave. S., Minneapolis, 612-827-8948

     

    Subject: Get Beyond Winey.

    Cathy
    Simonson, former owner of Willie’s Wine Bar, reports that she is now teaching
    wine classes at the new Indian restaurant, Dancing Ganesha, that occupies the
    space at 1100 Harmon Place, Minneapolis, where Willie’s once operated. We had a mediocre dining experience at
    Dancing Ganesha when we visited recently, but the next two
    classes combine wine tasting with Indian appetizers, so you probably can’t go
    too far wrong.

    Aug
    3: Get
    Beyond Winey 102: Everything That Really Matters About Wine But You Were
    Afraid to Ask. Indian Appetizers. 1:00 p.m. $45

    August
    10: Get Beyond Winey 101: How To Be a Wine
    Snob. Indian appetizers. 1:00 p.m. $45.

    Get Beyond Winey 102 is repeated on August 17, with appetizers only, for $45, and Get Beyond Winey 101 is offered again on August 24, with a full Indian dinner for $59.

    To sign up, send Cathy an email at GetBeyondWiney@comcast.net.

  • August 1, 2008: After The Flood, Day 2

  • Fringe Me Baby, 156 More Times!

    FRINGE FESTIVAL
    Dying in Public Places


    Lust. Terror. Violence. Outbursts of Song. All of these can happen when
    stuck in an invisible box… cannibalism too. Dying in Public Places: a
    darkly comic new musical    , written by Keith Hovis and directed by Jenna
    Papke, premieres August 1st at 10:00 pm as part of the Minnesota Fringe
    Festival. 60 minutes of new musical hilarity ensue as five strangers find
    themselves trapped in an invisible box. They soon learn that they must
    discover what they have in common if they want to survive. And as the
    minutes tick by, each person becomes more desperate and tries to find
    another way of escaping, no matter how devastating or bloody the
    results may be. –Andrew Newman

    FRINGE FEST ROCKS: This is just ONE of 156 plays showing over the next 11 days as part of
    the Minnesota Fringe Festival. Make sure to get out and see some independent theater this week!

    Dying in Public Places performs on Friday, August 1st at 10pm; Saturday, August 2nd at 1pm; Sunday, August 3rd at 7pm; Monday,
    August 4th at 10pm and an audio-described performance on Sunday,
    August 10th at 7pm.

    Minneapolis Theater Garage, 711 Franklin Avenue, Minneapolis, Tickets available at www.fringefestival.org

    To read brief reviews of 19 other Fringe shows, click here.

    ART
    The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

    The biggest global and political issues of today will be responded to
    through artwork when The Revolution Will Not Be Televised opens tonight at Altered Esthetics. Continuing its mission of proclaiming
    artists as the historical voice of society, the nonprofit community
    gallery accepted submissions from the artists whose work will be on
    display in the gallery through August 30th. -Andrew Newman

    SAVE THE DATE: On Thursday, August 7th join your pals at The Rake for a special edition of Gallery Grooves at Altered Esthetics as part of the Twin Cities Pan African Fest featuring The Revolution Will Not Be Televised exhibit, as well as art by African Sculptor Rabi Sanfo, live jazz and more.

    Friday, Reception 7-10pm, Altered Esthetics Gallery, 1224 Quincy Street NE, Northeast Minneapolis, Free

     

    FILM
    Political Scenes Series: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

    Take a siesta from ranting about the election to simply enjoy this
    politically charged outdoor film series at the St. Paul Central
    Library. Political Scenes screens each Friday throughout August and
    includes a classic lineup of award winning flicks that will entertain
    lefties and righties alike. Tonight will feature Frank Capra’s classic comedy-drama Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, a
    story of a naive man, who on a lark, is appointed to fill a vacancy in
    the U.S. Senate. Want to make it a date? Grab a pre-flick bite and pint
    at nearby Great Waters Brewing Company where their numerous handcrafted beers and eclectic menu will delight most anyone with taste buds.

    Friday, Dusk, Central Library Courtyard, 90 4th Street West, Downtown St. Paul, Free


    FESTIVALS
    Loring Art Festival

    While the Powderhorn Art Fair is in full swing over in South, and the Uptown Art Fair
    takes over Lake & Hennepin, my personal recommendation would be a
    jaunt over to Loring Park for less pomp and more local sass. You’ll not
    only be near such cool post-art nosheries as Bar Lurcat and Nick
    & Eddie, but the vibe at the Loring Art Festival
    has the right balance of quality, originality, and gypsy-esque pizazz
    to entertain serious art buyers and starry-eyed youngsters alike. Be
    sure to stop by the Somi Tileworks
    booth to visit with fun mother-daughter team Norma Hanlon and Kirsten
    Walstead whose thoughtfully handmade ceramic tile art is as pretty as
    it is functional. Want to hit all three art fests? Jump on the
    Target Art-Hop bus for free, air conditioned transport to and fro.

    Saturday, 10am-6pm and Sunday 10am-5pm, Loring Park, Hennepin & Oak Grove Street, Minneapolis, Free


    ART
    Off Register

    Forgive
    me for being such an art-pusher this weekend, but I just can’t help it
    – the city is bustling with an over-abundance of art-activity that I think you simply must
    know about! Tonight stop in the hip art spot that is Umber Studios
    for yet another super-fly show that will give you a glimpse into how
    graphic design and fine art intersect in the most aesthetically pleasing
    ways. Featuring print-work by a bevy of brilliant local,
    national and international artists who are connected through the
    professional practice of print design, but do not consider themselves
    printmakers. This
    traveling exhibition, put on by L.A.’s Foundation Project,
    explores the artists’ relationship with design and how fine art and the
    commercial trade play off each other. While you’re there, make sure to
    check out the amazing work of locally-based design group WeWorkForThem!

    Saturday, Reception 8pm, Umber Studios, 3109 E. 42nd Street, Minneapolis, Free


    SPECIAL EVENT

    Caffetto Craft Fair



    The highest concentration of uber-cool handmade wares this Sunday
    isn’t at one of the many big art fairs, it’s on the busy corner of
    Lyndale & 24th in Uptown. Some of the city’s most talented hip kids
    lay out their cute and kitschy items for public perusal and purchase.
    Expect crafty delights such as bicycle accessories by Amber Jensen;
    urban bags by nommetric 8; comic books and prints by Roger Loontine;
    plus jewelry, artwork, book art, and tons more by local designers,
    crafters and artisians. However, the most tempting to me is Annie Larson, whose super-pastel hand-dyed shoes, socks and backpacks are perfectly confectionary. And if it’s art you’re after, make sure to check out the cool cats of Hardland/Heartland, whose charmingly bizarre work is definitely on my Minneapolis Top 10 list.



    Sunday, 10-5pm, Caffetto, 24th & Lyndale, Uptown Minneapolis, Free

  • Fozzie Bear Giving it to Miss Piggy

    Local celebs in attendance tonight include Brenda Langton and some guy who’s supposed to be the funniest in the cities, whom I did see open at Acme for a genuinely funny (but non-local) guy. We three, and several others, were taking in the Fringe Festival Preview: Out-of-Towners’ Showcase at the West Bank’s Bedlam Theater. While I can’t speak for funny guy or Brenda, I offer up my synopsized reviews of the synopses we took in. Each troupe was allotted roughly five minutes to convince those in attendance they should cough up $10 to see their particular show in its entirety. Nineteen troupes in all, most from out-of-town, and a very Minnesota-nice welcome had by all.

    Reviews are short, in keeping with the spirit of abridgment in the air tonight.

    (1) "Systems: A Literal Interpretation of the Fourth Wall" –Billed as an ‘existential comedy,’ the two identically-clad Wisconsin actresses confirm this misnomer with the back-and-forth, "You’re tedious…No, you’re tedious." I’d have to say they tied.

    (2) "Karaoke Knights-A One Man Rock Opera"–This guy looks startlingly like House, MD with his same penchant (and talent) for soulful music.

    (3) "Red Tide"–Eh. Heralded as one of Miami New Times ‘Best of–,’ you know it’s sure to be alternative and original. A theater noir mystery that doesn’t leave me caring who’d committed the crime.

    (4) "Get it Off Your Chest"–Not a punny boob play, nor a women’s empowerment plea, rather the first great actress I’ve seen all night. Mary Helena plays a homeless Jamaican woman, possesses amazing stage presence, and implores the audience to share God’s love, all without sounding preachy. To the rich playground moms who clutch their children tightly as they pass by, Helena cries out, "Don’t pretend you no can see me! I’m too big; I’m too black fo’ you no to see me. I no goin’ ta eat you! I no goin’ ta eat yo’ babies!"

    (5) "How Does a Drug Deal Become a Decent 3rd Date?"–This one makes me laugh out loud, as they say in the industry. The actors are from Toronto, a city I quite like, so I admit this gives them an unfair advantage over the others from, say, Racine. The girl re-enacts a date with a sleazy blowhard who attributes his sleazy blowhardiness to not having a TV while growing up.

    (6) "Beowulf or Gilgamesh? You Decide!"–A ‘perennial Fringe favorite,’ this Charlie Bethel whom I guess I’m supposed to know, is welcomed by jolly boo’s and hisses. He eats it up, does his Gilgamesh thing, all the while reminding me a little of David Cross’ Arrested Development Tobias, though unintentionally I’m sure.

    (7) "Oens"–Holy (or wholly) creepy. The fellow’s face looks to be mime make-up that has been sweated off. He tells us of ships sailing with sturdy masts, aromatic incenses, and camphor. He wears a matador-type jacket, bike shorts, and white high tops. To be fair, his handout states the play ‘enacts the eternal wish for a better world.’ Nothing funny about that.

    (8) "Fool for a Client"–A stand-up act proclaimimg ‘Lewis Black meets Mark Twain.’ Mark Whitney works the audience, not a few times channeling Rodney Dangerfield. He tells a funny story of his privileged community and its attempt at implementing a Walking School Bus to combine fun with safety, a feat he claims "fucking impossible."

    (9) "The Attack of the Big Angry Booty" (if you click on any, click on this one)–The account of one Fringe actor’s ensuing diet rollercoaster following the tour. Delivered with the enthusiam of Jim Carrey’s Juice Man role. Upon a second look after the show, I found Juicer-Man to be quite small, in fact, lending even less validity to the lament over his Pizza Lucé addiction.

    (10) "The Cody Rivers Show: Stick to Glue"–Two talented singer/dancers performing a comedic animal number that will bring to mind summers spent at Vacation Bible School. There wasn’t actually any religious context, much like the animal songs you really did sing at VBS. These guys made you want to hold your laughs so you wouldn’t miss the next clever verse.

    (11) "The Pumpkin Pie Show"–The crowd loved this tale of a 5th-grade vagina lesson. I wish we could have seen more of the female lead (her acting, not flesh), because the resemblance to Tina Fey leads me to believe she’s darn funny.

    INTERMISSION: Audience called upon to drink more Summit (Fringe sponsor) and hob-knob with who’s who in the crowd. No more famous sightings, but several who fancy themselves so. One particularly doting mother, an honest-to-god Mel Brooks look-alike, wringing her hands in sheer joy listening to her beloved son go on and on about something surely unfunny. A lot of puffed-up chests. But what better place to try out your material? And what better audience than Mom?

    (12) "Ophelia"–Everybody likes to cuddle, but nobody likes watching other people do it. I don’t want to say this was awful, but the thesaurus keeps telling me that’s what I’m trying to say.

    (13) "Roofies in the Mochaccino"–An entry from a poetry slam, but not the ANGRY kind. This particular poem tells the age-old classic of ‘The Night Fozzy Bear Got Jiggy with Miss Piggy.’ With lines like, "This fine ass swine is mine all mine," and "Nipples tasting like bacon and sweat," you won’t be disappointed by this dirty Muppet porn. A poem whose author claims earned him both the highest- and lowest-ever recorded marks at its slam debut.

    (14) "Homecoming"–Man, it’s like this thesaurus is broken or something. My only thoughts throughout, "I should work my back muscles more. Hers look nice."

    (15) "Gone, Gone, Gone"–Great dancers. Hands clasped and masking-taped together. Set to Barry Louis Polisar’s opening credit song in über-smash- sensation Juno.

    (16) "The Thinnest Woman Wins"–Sigh. More about being fat (see #9). This time, though, with baton twirling. And awkward tumbling on the floor. I wanted to think the awkwardness
    was part of the act, I really did. But then she lost her baton behind the curtain. And I told myself, "That was written in, too." But then she says something like, "Well, my time’s probably up. Come see my show if you even want to." Looks stage left for shepard’s hook.

    (17) "Leaving Normal"–Another Torontonian. Girl grabs two "random" folks from audience to help with her McFlurry order scene. A semi-funny account of a match that almost was (because they both, uncannily, enjoy Oreo flavor).

    (18) "Boom"–One of the same funny guys as was in #10. But for something even funnier with boom in the title, click here.

    (19) "Sex Love & Vomit"–Two female storytellers. The stage lights went out prematurely and they got kind of shafted, just when it seemed they were getting rolling. I think the two would prove to be funny ladies, given more stage time (and light).

    The 15th Anniversary Minnesota Fringe Festival runs July 31st through August 10th. Read the officially submitted synopses of all 156 plays here.

    Read "Inside the Fringe: Installment One" by John Ervin here.

  • Livan's Last Start For Awhile? And The Rockets Get Artest

    Those of you who claim to have known the Twins would be playing for first place on the next-to-last night in July, please stop lying.

    Other commitments prevented me from going down to the Dome for Slowey’s shutout on Monday and the marvelous manufacture of five runs in the fifth en route to a 6-5 win on Tuesday. But tonight was the Twins’ opportunity to move ahead of the Pale Hose, and for veteran hurler Livan Hernandez to quiet the horde hollaring for him to be replaced in the rotation by Francisco Liriano. I’ve got some sentiment on behalf of Hernandez. First of all, through the first six weeks of the season, he went 6-1 with a 3.90 ERA, enabling pitching coach Rick Anderson to sort through his youngsters with a little more patience knowing that he had a veteran stopper on the mound to prevent things from going too far off track. That by itself made Hernandez a better investment than Sidney Ponson and Russ Ortiz combined the previous season. Second, although Hernandez has been increasingly hit harder, he’s been eating a lot of innings–he’s got 143 and 2/3, with Nick Blackburn’s 127 next-most and the rest of the starters not yet at 100. That means if the Twins stay in the pennant race and need to tax their young arms, they may be able to do so (with the possible exception of Blackburn) without worrying about blowing them out. Glen Perkins has never pitched more than 132 innings in a season at any level and Blackburn’s career high is 160. Baker has gone 190 and between Rochester and Minnesota last year, Slowey reached 200. With 55 games left to play for the five-man rotation and hopes that they’d average at least six innings per start, that’s an extra 66 innings apiece (if they each start 11 times). Baker and Slowey can handle it, Perkins, maybe. But without Livan’s 144 (minus 1/3), a bunch of pitchers in their mid-20s get pushed, and the odds of arm injuries rise.

    Hernandez gets by on guile, not a bad role model for a bunch of hurlers without mediocre stuff (with the exception of Perkins). I know I enjoyed watching him befuddle the young Diamondbacks when I went to the Dome late last month. Plus, on a more personal level, as a blogger on the back side of middle age, I’ve got some empathy for an aging guy trying to wheedle his way along in a young man’s game. And a part of me resents picking up my latest Sports Illustrated and reading:

    Whether because of an egregious error in evaluating Livan Hernandez or decisions of a financial nature, the Twins have continued to start Hernandez (a 5.31 ERA and fewer than a strikeout every two innings, despite his 10-7 record through Sunday) even as Liriano (10 straight victories) destroys Triple A hitters in the International League. According to Baseball Prospectus’s projections, replacing Hernandez with Liriano would save the Twins 15 to 20 runs down the stretch, making them two games better in a division race that may well be decided by less than that.

    Well then, there you go: Put a bullet into Livan and ship him off to the glue factory and you might win a pennant. Because the bean counters figure 15 to 20 runs, which by their pythagoreardon berenguergringo formula comes out to two games.

    Yeah, I personally resent it, but I also get the Baseball Prospectus yearbook every spring and have come to admire their scholarship, not least because they are often accurate. I was hoping to catch them badly underestimating one of the Twins pitchers who have come through for the club this season, but their thumbnail sketches of Slowey, Baker, Perkins and Blackburn are all pretty solid.

    More to the point, Hernandez got shellacked tonight: 5 runs, 9 hits and 2 walks in 4 innings’ work. The Dome has been his saving grace (he was 8-1 at home before tonight) and he’s generally been able to battle back from a wretched inning to put together a little mow-through-the-order rhythm. But not tonight. Carlos Quentin crushed a pitch for a line drive homer to left center in the first inning, then cleared the bases with a three-run double (again to left center) in the 4th, prompting manager Ron Gardenhire to say "he was missing [with his pitches] but mostly to one guy."

    Except that seven of the other eight guys in the White Sox lineup also got hits off Livan in those 4 innings, and none of them were cheap. He pitched out of a couple of jams to hold it to just 5 runs, and his ERA–at 3.90 in May, remember–is now 5.48, and his 6-1 record has slipped to 10-8. Despite the fact that I think Liriano remains an extreme injury risk (unless they have done wonders with his mechanics down on the farm) and should be traded now, while his perceived value is still pretty high, it is hard not to endorse the notion that he should be brought up and thrown into the rotation if he’s not going to be dealt, and that Hernandez should slide into the roles of long relief and informal pitching coach.

    Most of the time after a game, I listen to what Gardy has to say and then split. But tonight, I thought it would be instructive to get Hernandez’s reaction to getting shelled at a particularly delicate moment regarding his near-future role on the squad. I waited patiently while the cluster of beat writers asked him all sorts of questions, all the while ignoring the elephant in the room. They asked him about Quentin. They noted that he seemed to get upset with some of the ump’s calls and wanted to know if that were true. They asked if the size of the crowd–over 42,000, the largest non-opening day crowd since the final day of the 2006 season–affected his performance. Hernandez was unyielding, saying he made a couple of bad pitches to Quentin, that he doesn’t get nervous, that he wasn’t frustrated, etc.

    Here was a guy who everybody knows is going to get yanked from the rotation sooner rather than later unless things change, soon and dramatically, in his favor. He just crapped out and reporters were asking if it was because of the size of the crowd! So I stepped in it. "You’ve heard all the talk about Liriano I’m sure. Did that have any effect on you mentally as you pitched tonight?" I asked. He looked daggers into my eyes, his mouth somewhere between a sneer and a smirk, said something to the effect of, "Okay, that’s enough," and turned his back on the throng. Interview over.

    Now Hernandez doesn’t know me from Adam, so I get his pique at some new guy jumping his case. The question would have been better coming from someone else (and perhaps then would have been more elegantly worded). But the question had to come from somebody. And by turning his back on us, Hernandez answered it.

    People who call Ron Artest crazy aren’t exactly lacking for anecdotal evidence. My favorite Artest moment was less than three weeks into the 2004-05 season, when he told his team that he wanted to take some time off to promote his new music record. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Of course less than a week after that, he went up into the stands and started wailing on a guy who he (mistakenly) thought threw ice at him (it was another guy, of course), precipitating the largest, ugliest, fans-players brawl in NBA history. The domestic abuse and animal neglect charges, and the destroying of a television camera, etc, etc, are also on the books. But I give him a pass for getting into a confrontation with Pat Riley, one of the few times when I understood exactly what he was thinking.

    When he wants to be and the planets are alligned, Artest is also an incredible basketball player, especially on defense, where his stuck-on-overrevved motor can change the dynamic of a game. He epitomizes the phrase, "high risk, high reward." And now that the Houston Rockets have acquired him, I can’t imagine a better place for him. Houston is the armpit of America–hot, humid, oily, and unattractive, a huge city that alternately feel like a ceaseless warehouse district and a suburb on steroids. It’s a place without much of an identity–compare it to Dallas, Austin, San Antonio–but craving a winner. Having come from the political cowtown of Sa
    cramento, Artest will enjoy the upgrade in visibility and scale. More than that, he’ll love the chance to play for a winner (and the Rockets will win if Artest doesn’t flip out), and for coach Rick Adelman. According to a story today by the Houston Chronicle‘s fine beat writer, Jonathan Feigen, Artest florished in the 40 games he played under Adelman after being traded from Indiana to Sacramento, where Adelman coached before Houston. Artest was named to the All NBA first defensive team, and offered to donate his salary to the Kings if they kept Adelman (they didn’t). The fact that Ron Artest is happy with his coach is a great first building block, if such a thing is possible in the ever-changing world Artest inhabits. One of the reasons the Kings were willing to let him go for an apparent song–Feigen is reporting the compensation is Bobby Jackson, promising rookie forward Donte Green, next year’s top draft pick and another player yet to be named–is because he had begun berating himself for not opting out of his $7.4 million contract in Sacramento. Kings management wisely gauged that as rumblings from potentially damaging volcano, and peddled him forthwith.

    People have already started to wonder if Artest and shutdown forward Shane Battier are redundant talents. But if you like defense, that is akin to somebody wondering if an art collector’s Monet is now redundant because the collector just purchased a Renoir. No, while Battier and Artest are similar, and have overlapping strengths, the defense they can play together will only seem redundant to the opponents they are smothering.

    Of greater concern is how well Artest will mix with center Yao Ming. The men are polar opposites in terms of temperament. Yao is deferential, overrated on defense, and slow. Artest is egotistical and ball-hungry, overrated on offense and very quick. If they are both Rockets, I think they will move in different orbits. As a longtime Yao hater, I see all the ways Yao’s game could get under Artest’s skin, even as Yao is being accorded his usual global veneration, upping the resentment ante. And we won’t even go into all the ways Artest could be the problem.

    I am falling prey to the trite temptation to make trades for other ballclubs. I believe it is a trade that would make both participants at least co-favorites to win their respective conferences. It won’t happen for a boatload of reasons I won’t go into now (like the commercial power of Yao’s nationality), but it would be of enormous benefit to both teams: Send Yao, the expiring contract of Steve Francis, and a sign-and-trade deal with Dikembe Mutombo to make the sides match, all to Philadelphia in exchange for center Samuel Dalembert and a sign-and-trade contract for Andre Iguodala.

    Philly would have Yao to pair with Elton Brand on the front line, with Mutombo as a backup and Andre Miller still running the point, with emerging scorers like Thaddeus Young in the mix. That is a team that could make some serious noise in the East. Meanwhile, Houston would have a front line of Dalembert, Artest and Battier, with Luis Scola and Carl Landry if you needed to get bigger at the 4, and a backcourt of Iguodala and T-Mac swinging with Rafer Alston at the point. And that is a team that would sit beside the Hornets and the Lakers as monster conference contenders.

    Even if they stand pat, Houston is suddenly very much in the championship conversation. No team in basketball has quality muckers the likes of Artest, Battier, Scola, Landry and Chuck Hayes–that’s sweat equity by the gallon, and doesn’t even include your two superstars. And looking at San Antonio and Dallas right now, they’ll own Texas.

  • July 31, 2008: After The Flood