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  • Ten Ways to ______ Your Congresswoman

    flickr/lloydletta

    **While there are scores of bloggers out there committed solely to Fringe Festival reviews, The Rake is striving to offer you a unique, insiders’ perspective. We won’t tell you, "Be sure not to miss…!" What we will provide is a behind the scenes glimpse of life as a local actor, director, everyday- theater-goer. The Rake will be featuring interviews, personal accounts, reviews by wholly unqualified theater reviewers (aka Spazz Dad) and maybe even a guest appearance or two on Dude Weather.**

     

    In the aftermath of the 2004 Presidential election, I determined to write and produce a political satire entitled "Ten Ways to ________ George W. Bush." I did not, in the end, pursue production on or even write this live musical comedy, in which various members of Bush’s cabinet hatch competing plots to do in the old man (full disclosure: I did not vote for George W. Bush). This was partly because friends and family warned that the title alone might earn me a one-way ticket to one of Dick Cheney’s waterboarding chambers. The other reason was that I figured, by the time this work saw the light of stage, it would be too stale for satire since many members of the Administration would be out of office due to scandal, litigation or sweet book deals like Scott McLellan’s. It turns out I was right about most of the main characters, except for Bush, Cheney, and Bush’s homicidal ex-lover, Condeleezza Rice.

    As luck would have it, during the 2006 mid-term election, I discovered a far more spoof-worthy public figure. Though not a member of the Administration, she is such a panting admirer of the Chief Executive that she surely must regret never having served with him. Or, as the most famous news clip of her and the President shows, under him. As people who’ve read my columns for The Rake know, I have been endlessly entertained by 6th District Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, ever since first learning about her during her run for U.S. House in ‘06. Though she is an attractive woman who looks far younger than her 52 years, this obsession is not sexual (I think Jason Lewis, KTLK ‘s pathetic answer to Rush Limbaugh, has the hog’s share of those feelings). It, instead, derives from how shamelessly Mrs. Bachmann embodies every stereotype of the culturally illiterate, socially paranoid, antigay Christian conservative – the type who has been the bane of this country’s existence since Ronald Reagan and Jerry Falwell joined hands to ________ America.

    Which leads to the political musical comedy that I will be launching after all these years. That production, "Catfight!", part of this year’s edition of the Minnesota Fringe Festival, does not, in the end, involve most of the story elements I had originally envisioned. In fact, it doesn’t even concern any actual figures from real political life, including the object of Jason Lewis’ darkest fantasies. However, one of the main characters happens to be an evangelical Republican who’s devoted her adult life to all the favorite hobbyhorses of the God squad: most importantly, the fictitious gay menace that threatens to destroy marriage and turn our children into leather-clad, pool-cue wielding Cruising extras.

    This woman, Mindy Bishop, played Vagina Monologues veteran Kristen Strissel, also happens to be making her first run for Congress in the same part of the Minnesota tundra Michele currently melts or freezes hearts in. In another nod to real life – though it would be that of another prominent Republican now thankfully put to pasture – she is followed at every campaign stop by a pair of documentary filmmakers who work for her very liberal opponent, Stephanie Leary. Hoping to catch her in the type of "macaca" moment that made George Allen history, these brave young souls still manage to post embarrassing clips of Mindy on Leary’s website.

    Which leads to the main reason I chose to make the conservative in my cat fight a fictional character. Mindy Bishop, unlike Michele Bachmann, actually allows the public and the media, friend and foe alike, to videotape her public appearances. Michele, as I found out from two of her goons at the 6th District nominating convention this spring, has somehow managed to prevent anyone – either freelance schlubs like myself or major media outlets like Minnesota Public Radio – to bring a camera into any public gathering where she plans to open her mouth. The reason for this is that the Congresswoman, like the fallen Virginia senator, has been the unwilling star of many classic YouTube clips – a particular favorite being one in which she gushes like a schoolgirl to the faithful at the Living Word Church that she is "hot for God!"

    As the red, or rather, blue, hot Stephanie Leary, Marmy Nelson brings good, left-wing outrage to the proceedings – even if Marmy, herself, is a Christian conservative and lifelong Republican (don’t ask me whether or not she supports Michele)! In another nod to casting against type, I will portray right-wing radio blowhard Bill "Kill" Sargent. Not only will this acting turn offer me a chance to plunder the bilious depths of these losers’ souls, but to also utilize the "voice of God" I have been blessed and cursed with all my life. I will hasten to add that the bloviater I portray more closely resembles Limbaugh than Jason Lewis – while Rush has some finesse with the English language, Lewis possesses the oratorical skill (not to mention physique) of a ballpark drunk.

    Similarly, "Catfight!" would not be complete without a representative of the televangelists and other stumpers for God who are an important part of the fundamentalist universe. A local influence on this character is the man who vies with Jason for Michele’s affections: Living Word Church Pastor Mac Hammond who, though he nearly lost his church’s tax exempt status – and his private jet – due to his endorsement of her during sermons, couldn’t vote for his star devotee because he didn’t live in her district!

    Big Mac’s doppelganger, Dr. Augustus Fairchild (Dan Fuller, who possesses his own Godlike voice that could shake church walls) is not only a pastor of the Gift of Devotion church but a licensed therapist, as well. In this latter calling, he shares much with the religious right’s biggest icon, Dr. James Dobson, as well as Michele’s own husband, Dr. Marcus Bachmann, a counselor whose chief practice is making gay men and women as straight as John Wayne (or, at least, Rock Hudson). Hardhearted atheist that I am, I do tip my hat to true believers in one respect, in that all of "Catfight!" is overseen by one of God’s most beloved, cherished and swinging angels, played by the eminently swinging Michael Cooperman.

    Unlike many of the characters who gave rise to my first production, most of the real-life folk who inspired "Catfight!" are still in office or otherwise on the radar screen. Unfortunately, one of them, former pastor Ted Haggard, has been conspicuously silent, ever since he pronounced himself "cured" of his addiction to hunky masseurs like his longtime male escort, Mike Jones. Luckily, one of Jones’ other clients, Idaho senator Larry Craig, is still sitting in Congress, if not in a certain rest room, and will soon be treating us to a book told from his side of the stall.

    So, if you want to know what makes people like Larry and Ted and Michele tick – and need a break from watching Barack become the 44th President of the United States – come on down and check out "Catf
    ight!" at the Ritz Theater (times and ticket info listed below). And if you think "Ten Ways to ________ George W. Bush" should, indeed, be displayed for the masses, I’m certainly open to any offers of financial backing. Just make sure you also have enough dough for legal protection against Dick Cheney’s waterboard.

    "Catfight" will be presented at:
    Ritz Theater
    345 13th Avenue, NE
    Minneapolis, MN 55413

    Performances:
    Friday, August 1 – 7:00 pm
    Monday, August 4 – 10:00 pm
    Wednesday, August 6 – 5:30 pm
    Thursday, August 7 – 7:00 pm
    Saturday, August 9 – 8:30 pm

    Tickets: $12.00 – Adult
    $10.00 – Students (with ID)
    $5.00 – Seniors (with ID)
    Tickets available only at Uptown Tix
    www.uptowntix.com
    651-209-6799

  • The Guthrie Serves Up 2-for-1 Tickets for "Caviar on Credit"


    THEATER

    Caviar on Credit



    Caviar on Credit, directed by Marcela Lorca (The Secret Fall of Constance Wilde),
    casts 14 players in the comedic mystery of swindler Walter Jackson
    Junior. A case of masked identity and repeat suckers, the actors take
    turns playing the protagonists, lending a Bourne Identity feel
    to it all. Perhaps the most impressive aspect of the show, which was
    written by the cast itself, is the physicality: Each member has equal
    billing in dance numbers, most of which are cleverly choreographed, not
    campy, borrowing moves from eras long (and not so long) ago. With a
    heavy film noir influence, Caviar on Credit has fun playing
    with time period (jaunty fedoras, but also cell phones). Keep an eye on
    Laura Esposito who plays (among other characters) the
    spiritually-wandering Feta Karakas. A master of Cheri Oteri-like
    cuteness and facial contortion, Esposito doesn’t disappoint, even when
    focus is meant to be elsewhere on stage. Runs through August 3rd. -Jill Yablonski



    SPECIAL TICKET OFFER:     The Guthrie is offering Rake Readers a special 2-for-1 ticket deal on performances of Caviar on Credit tonight at 7:30pm, Saturday at 1pm, and Sunday at 1pm. Call the Guthrie Box Office at 612-377-2224 and quote price code "HR".



    7:30pm, Guthrie Theater, Dowling Studio, 818 2nd Street N., Downtown Minneapolis





    DISCUSSION

    Solutions for the Other 90%



    If you missed last year’s Solutions event,
    which was pretty amazing, here’s your chance to educated yourself on
    the latest ideas in sustainable design in the realms of water, energy,
    education, health care, and
    transportation shortages. Billed as an evening of "short, rapid fire,
    media-rich presentations" by a number of innovators
    in their fields, this presentation will bring to light thoughtful
    solutions to many problems that affect 90% of the worlds population. In
    conjunction with the Walker’s exhibit Design for the Other 90% and curated by bright minds Troy Gallas and Colin Kloecker, Solutions will make you think twice and may even have you changing the way you use our resources. Not to mention, it’s Target Free Thursdays
    at the Walker so admission to the museum is free, and if you stick
    around after the presentation, free food, drinks and music will abound.
    All in all, the perfect "solution" to an otherwise bland Thursday
    evening at home.



    7pm, Walker Art Center Cinema, 1750 Hennepin Avenue, Minneapolis, Free (Tickets available in the Bazinet Lobby starting at 6pm)





    PERFORMANCE

    Raven’s Manor



    A haunted mansion on the Louisiana bayou plagued for 200 years. A girl
    in search of love, knowing that she is cursed to lose it. Three
    malevolent spirits who will do anything to make sure that no one in the
    house marries for love. The legends of New Orleans have inspired the
    Circus Juventas to create Raven’s Manor,
    a Cirque du Soliel-style
    production that will have audiences on the edge of their seat. A young
    girl wants to marry, but her family was cursed many years ago;
    any girl who marries for love will lose her groom to the house.
    Determined to break the curse, the girl calls on all the spirits of the
    house in a thrilling event to banish the evil. Incorporating thrilling
    new acts, including a wall trampoline, the
    production will also feature the talents of Peter Ostroushko,
    continuing his collaboration with Circus Juventas, and local actor Ansa
    Akyea. -Andrew Newman



    July 31st-August 17th, Showtimes vary, Circus Juventas Big Top, 1270 Montreal, St. Paul, $20 Adults, $15 Children, $25 VIP, Click HERE to order tickets online.

  • The Votes Are In

    For nearly a month you’ve waited to learn who the newly
    crowned royalty of Minnesota
    politics might be. Exhibiting saint-like patience and a knack for painting profoundly inappropriate pictures and imagery of your favorite GOP
    Representatives    , your votes have piled up in comments and emails,
    displaying a passion
    heretofore unknown for anything but basketball
    in the hallowed electronic pages of The Rake. And last night, at The Liffey, at a raucous gathering of
    friends, colleagues, and assorted hangers on, gift packs were doled out and the announcements were made.

    So, without further ado, I introduce you to the 2008 readers’
    choice (by a landslide) for Most Beautiful Man and Woman in Minnesota Politics — Peter Brickwedde and Rachel Hicks!

    Thanks to all who participated and helped with the contest, especially all our nominees who performed with humor and aplomb! And for those of you who wonder why some other Capitol-based beauty/stud didn’t get the call — hold those nominations for next year.

  • Melissa Etheridge

    Award-winning musician and cancer survivor Melissa Etheridge will rock
    the O’Shaughnessy at the College of St. Catherine on Saturday, August
    9th at 8 pm. Etheridge, whose hits include "Come to My Window", is a
    celebrated gay rights and environmental activist who has two Grammy
    Awards to her credit. She also recently won an Academy Award for the
    song "I Need to Wake Up," which appeared in the 2006 documentary *An
    Inconvenient Truth.* Of her ten studio albums, five have gone platinum
    (including three that have gone multi-platinum) and two gold albums.

    Tickets range from $36 to $101. They can be purchased at www.ticketmaster.com
    or by visiting or calling The O’Shaughnessy box office at (651)
    690-6700. The O’Shaughnessy is located on the College of St. Catherine
    campus in St. Paul at 2004 Randolph Avenue. For more information, visit
    www.oshaughnessy.stkate.edu.

  • Books and Bars: Anansi Boys

    Want to join a book club, but not exactly thrilled by the idea of
    having gabby TV talk show hosts telling you what to read? Try Books
    & Bars, a literary club that meets every month to read and discuss
    with good food and good drinks. All are welcome, even if you haven’t
    read the book.

    Striving to get more people reading and talking about books, the club
    is now in its fourth year. Past selections vary from new bestsellers
    like *Water for Elephants* to classics like *Cat’s Cradle* and
    *Lolita.* The club will meet next on Tuesday, August 12th to discuss
    Neil Gaiman’s bestseller *Anansi Boys.* The meeting will take place at
    the Nomad World Pub on Cedar Avenue South in Minneapolis. The doors
    open at 6 pm for the 7 pm discussion. There will be a Happy Hour
    2-for-1 deal before the meeting from 4 – 7 pm.

    Books & Bars otherwise meets the second Tuesday of every month at
    Bryant Lake Bowl. Upcoming books include *Zeroville* by Steve Erickson
    and recent Pulitzer Prize-winner *The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao*
    by Junot Diaz. For more information, visit www.booksandbars.com.

  • Naked Bones at the Brickhouse BBQ

    As I get older and balder, I have come to appreciate the t-shirt legend that proclaims, "Only a few heads are perfect – the rest are covered with hair." Something similar is true of barbecued ribs – the best way to serve mediocre ribs is smothered in sauce – but to serve ribs naked, they have to be done just about perfectly.

    North Minneapolis has been home to a lot of great barbecue
    joints over the years – Amos & Amos, Levy’s, and others that came and went
    so quickly that I can’t remember their names. The half-life of restaurants in
    north Minneapolis seems to be a matter of months, so if you want to try the
    terrific ribs at the Brickhouse BBQ, 4330 N. Lyndale, you probably should go
    sooner rather than later. There’s not much in the way of ambience, but at good barbecue joints there never is.

    The Brickhouse opened about a month ago and the grand
    opening pennants are still fluttering outside, but the place doesn’t seem to be
    getting much of a new restaurant buzz. I stopped in last night around 7:30 for
    the rib and chicken combo, and for the whole time I was there, only three
    customers walked in the door – and they seemed to be friends of the owners.

    It’s a family operation – Brad Bigger, his wife Blanca and
    their son Franklin Zumba-Deleg all share the cooking duties, while daughter
    Karina Zumba-Deleg works the front of the house. A note on the menu mentioned
    that the cooks have 45 years of cooking experience between them. The Biggers
    asked me not to mention their previous employer by name, but it’s one of the
    oldest and best barbecue restaurants in the Twin Cities – a market leader, you
    might say – and it’s famous for serving its bones naked – with sauce on the
    side.

    The Brickhouse ribs are served the same way, but rubbed with
    a spice blend before cooking. You have to be a pretty good and confident cook
    to serve ribs naked – a pool of sauce can cover a multitude of sins, and make
    up for a lack of flavor if the ribs have been parboiled to speed up the cooking
    time. These were firm and meaty and full of flavor, with just a hint of smoke –
    Brad Bigger says he uses oak and hickory chunks in his smoker, and occasionally
    adds a little maple or mesquite. The barbecued chicken was also quite good –
    meaty and not too dry.

    The homemade sauce ("a special recipe I don’t give out
    to anybody") was a perfect accompaniment – tangy, and not too sweet – but it added to the flavor of the meat, it didn’t cover it up. My combo
    of half a chicken and three pork ribs cost $16.95, including coleslaw, Texas
    toast and fries.

    There is a lot more on the menu that I would like to try,
    including the beef ribs (Bigger says his customers call them the Flintstone
    bones), the ribeye steak dinner ($16.95-$21.95), and the barbecue beef brisket
    sandwich ($7.95 with salad or coleslaw and fries.)

    The Brickhouse is open daily for breakfast, and offers an
    $8.95 breakfast buffet from 8 to 12 on weekends.

  • July 30, 2008: Earthquake

  • David Carr: The Night of the Gun

    It’s a common conception that our pasts are better than we make them
    out to be. Former Twin Cities Reader editor and New York Times
    columnist David Carr proves that the opposite is possible in his new book which recounts his past as an addict
    through journalistic investigation. As he reports his past, he realizes
    that things were much worse than he made them out to be. Memories
    change and become uncovered with time; the friend he believed once
    pulled a gun on him reveals it was Carr who pointed the gun. His belief
    that he became sober after his children were born becomes unproven.

    Carr will discuss The Night of the Gun at Magers and Quinn bookstore
    on Thursday, August 14th at 7:30 pm. Magers and Quinn is located at
    3038 Hennepin Avenue South in Minneapolis. *The Night of the Gun* is on
    sale now. For more information, visit www.nightofthegun.com.

  • Raven's Manor

    A haunted mansion on the Louisiana bayou plagued for 200 years. A girl
    in search of love, knowing that she is cursed to lose it. Three
    malevolent spirits who will do anything to make sure that no one in the
    house marries for love. The legends of New Orleans have inspired the
    Circus Juventas to create *Raven’s Manor*, a Cirque du Soliel-style
    production that will have audiences on the edge of their seat.

    A young girl wants to marry, but her family was cursed many years ago;
    any girl who marries for love will lose her groom to the house.
    Determined to break the curse, the girl calls on all the spirits of the
    house in a thrilling event to banish the evil.

    Incorporating thrilling new acts, including a wall trampoline, the
    production will also feature the talents of Peter Ostroushko,
    continuing his collaboration with Circus Juventas, and local actor Ansa
    Akyea. Featuring 75 of Circus Juventas’s advanced students, *Raven’s
    Manor* begins performances on Thursday, July 31 in a sold-out show. The
    production runs through August 17th. Tickets run $12.50 – $25.00 and
    can be purchased from the Circus Juventas box office or at www.uptowntix.com.
    All performances will be held under the Circus Juventas Big Top on 1270
    Montreal Avenue in Saint Paul. For more information, visit www.circusjuventas.org.

  • The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

    The biggest global and political issues of today will be responded to
    trough artwork when “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” premieres
    July 31st at Altered Esthetics. Continuing its mission of proclaiming
    artists as the historical voice of society, the nonprofit community
    gallery accepted submissions from the artists whose work will be on
    display in the gallery through August 30th.

    Opening Reception: 7-10pm 

    The gallery is located at 1224 Quincy Street NE in Minneapolis. Gallery
    hours are Tuesdays and Thursdays 1 pm – 7 pm and Saturdays 1 pm – 5pm.
    For more information, call (612) 378-8888 or visit www.alteredesthetics.org.