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  • Another Morning In America

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    All night in my dreams,

    a battle raged, destroying

    the only world I loved,

    bombs falling on the city

    where my beloved slept, in

    another house, another bed,

    on the other side of a lake.

    Deep in sleep, which I

    surrender to willingly,

    if seldom, I felt such

    despair and tried without

    success to kick my way to the

    surface, but was sentenced

    to drown while anonymous

    armies plundered my town.

    In the morning, when I shook

    the sleep from my head

    and hauled myself from bed,

    there were soldiers at my

    door. Beyond them I could

    see my neighbors already

    face down in the street.

    One of the soldiers, barely

    a man, pointed a rifle at my

    teeth. Come along now, he

    said, You’ve had your fun.

  • I'm One Of Those People

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    I do not wish to go below now.

    –Henry David Thoreau

    I’ve got no stomach for demolition. Hell, I can’t even stand the thought of dismantling the Christmas tree. It tears me up, so there it sits, six weeks beyond the holidays and still strung with lights and hung with ornaments, the needles showering to the floor every time the door opens or closes.

    So there you have it: I’m one of those people.

    Turns out I’m also not much good at loving. My first mother pronounced me unlovable right before she handed me over with my suitcase to the woman from the county. I was plenty old enough to understand exactly what she said, what she meant, and what the hell was going on, and you’d be correct in assuming that an experience like that will leave a long-term impression on a boy.

    My other mothers, such as they were, apparently didn’t see much in me to refute the first one’s assessment. Lord knows, though, it isn’t for want of trying that nobody’s loved me, at least so far as my end of the deal is concerned. I learned early to “Yes, ma’am” and “no, ma’am,” and I’d skedaddle to fetch a drink of water for anybody who asked. I always made an effort to hold the door for the ladies.

    Not, of course, that any of it ever seemed to do me a lick of good. You’ll understand, certainly, that being so wholly unlovable left me in a mighty tough position. Leaves me, I guess I should say.

    I could dig around in my closet and find a Scrabble game whose tiles are stained with my own blood, and the story I could tell you regarding that curiosity might go some ways toward explicating the sort of man I’ve become.

    I’ve learned, though, that that would be a complete waste of time, mine and, most especially, yours.

  • This Ain't Exactly News

    The report Friday that The Fox News Channel, (“FNC” in acronym argot, or “Faux News” if you aren’t drinking the Kool-Aid), was the 8th highest-rated cable channel of 2006 wasn’t exactly a press-stopper. But for those who don’t follow this stuff, #8 may seem low considering the tankers of ink media types dump into re-cycling Fox’s hype and press releases. (Personally, I’m one of those who thinks of Fox News as far more marketing scheme than news service; a marketing scheme with a client base of one … itself. Face it, all of Fox’s “reporting” is orchestrated to heighten its brand.

    Anywho … the basic report merely compared FNC with its cable rivals, CNBC, CNN, CNN Headline and MSNBC, all of whom trailed at considerable distance. The cursory report did however note that FNC, home to Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity as if you needed to be told, lost 26% of its audience among 25-54 year-olds over the course of ’06, while CNN lost 17% and CNN Headline 5%. Only MSNBC, (up 7%) and business-news CNBC (up a fat 32%) showed growth, among newsies.

    Duly noted in most leads was that O’Reilly’s numbers, while down, were still substantially greater than Keith Olbermann’s. Olbermann, a hero to liberals for his righteous articulation of patriotic anger during the ’06 campaign, is clearly the act driving MSNBC’s numbers. He was the cable media story of the fall. (Several reports noted that Olbermann, a man blessed/cursed with a prodigious ego — right down to the Murrow-like quarter-profile he gives his Murrow-like “Special Comments” — is clearly positioning himself for something better than a life at the country’s 36th-highest rated cable news network.)

    Don’t hold your breath though waiting for, say, CBS to acknowledge its Katie Couric mistake and dare something as unhinged and open to crackpot bombardment as dropping an unabashed truth-speaker to power like Olbermann on to its anchor desk. This country is far closer to a president with the middle name of “Hussein” than a liberal sensibility with an off-beat sense of humor fronting a network news division.

    Also, while I’m thinking of it, let the record show that MSNBC’s Olbermann-Chris Matthews election night duet was TV’s most engaging analysis act, in no small part because of the fun of the tension of two cocks of the walk in full plumage display barely contained by the same puny camera frame.

    But what is rarely referenced in these cable network reporting stories is what Americans are really spending their time watching. I mean, O’Reilly scored, on average, an audience of 2.3 million. Big whoop. (Even less big really, when you consider the average age of your cable news watcher is older than the average newspaper reader, practically an IV drip crowd, and that Fox’s viewers are the oldest — and male-est — of the bunch.)

    Basically, the real cable story is, “screw news”, Iraq, off-year elections and Lou Dobbs howling about porous borders withstanding. The USA Network, with all entertainment, had double Fox News’ primetime average, ditto TNT, (“The Closer” did great business for them), and, as usual, ESPN, this year with “Monday Night Football” pulled down the bulk of the weekly “most watched program” bragging rights. (Worth noting is that the premium package Disney Channel is #2 in the US).

    I could prattle on, but you get the idea. A reminder, really. Most of the country’s cable watchers remain pretty damned resistant to the cable news shtick. Too bad, perhaps. But maybe it is an example of “wisdom of crowds” and we are generally refusing to engage with all shtick, all the time.

  • Can Children of Men Save the World?

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    Children of Men, 2006. Directed by Alfonso Cuaron, written by Cuaron and Timothy J. Sexton, David Arata, Mark Fergus, and Hawk Ostby. The incredible camera work is courtesy of Emmanuel Lubezki. Starring Clive Owen, Claire-Hope Ashitey, Pam Ferris, Julianne Moore, Chiwetel Ojiofor, Michael Caine, Charlie Hunnam, Danny Huston, and Peter Mullan.

    Now showing in theaters around town.

    There is a now-famous scene in Children of Men, as a car filled with five people is attacked from all sides by a group of rampaging maniacs, intent on killing them. The shot is unbroken by editing, the camera literally spinning inside the car for nearly seven minutes, the audience as confused and terrified as the characters. As the scene reaches its violent crescendo, we cannot help but feel as overwhelmed as the characters; as its quiet and simply shot denouement leaves everyone stunned, both onscreen and in the silver, we are finally allowed a moment catch our breath. Notice then, that sublime and almost, in my mind, holy realization that you are witnessing a moment of pure cinematic glory.

    If you were to call yourself a movie buff, a cinephile, someone whose personality takes part of its definition from the simple love of the moving picture, then you have had, at some point in your life, a moment where watching an incredible film takes on special meaning. Like any great event, you can recall with absolute precision where you were and what the day was like. That movie–whatever it is–ranks up there with a first meeting, a national tragedy, a religious moment in its impact. You are forever moved.

    Children of Men is just such a movie. Reading the above (and such praise as “The Movie of the Millennium!“) may have already cured you of having this moment–for me, it’s important to be surprised by what you see, and not to go in believing the thing is a classic. But Children of Men is bleak and yet fraught with hope. It is violent and impossibly beautiful. It terrifies in moments and then, in the next breath, eases you into a sense of reflective calm. Children of Men celebrates life, friendships, and damns our crazy society without beating you over the head with a simplistic message.

    Children of Men is a masterpiece. If there is a better picture in 2007, then this will go down as one of the great years in movie history.

    Children of Men opens in 2027, in London, a grim and lousy world of grays and pollution and government crackdown. We begin in a beat up cafe, where the dour crowd stares up at a TV set to receive yet more bad news, that the youngest person on earth was killed in a bar brawl. “The youngest person on the planet was eighteen years, four months, twenty days, sixteen hours, and eight minutes old,” the BBC drones to a wide-eyed crowd. Theo Faron is but one of these people, pushing through the stunned to get his day’s cup of coffee. Clive Owen plays Theodore Faron with a look of permanent depression. He’s a disgruntled office worker and onetime radical, whose fighting instincts have been reduced to figuring out how to sneak liquor past the guards at work.

    For those of us who haven’t gone in knowing the plot, it unfolds patiently, in the dialogue and in the background of this filthy world. There is an international infertility epidemic, and there have been no children born for eighteen years. Society is falling apart. Everyone with an agenda has his or her own terrorist group, the borders of Britain are closed tight, immigrants are rounded up into camps, and the government has the world in lockdown. Billboards advertise Quietus, a suicide kit, and remind women that fertility tests are mandatory. “The world is falling apart, but Britain soldiers on,” the tv blares proudly, but you look around at the piles of garbage, the immigrants in temporary jails on the street, the smoggy air and the sense of impending doom and it seems that a good dose of Quietus might just be the ticket.

    Theo is not distraught over the death of Baby Diego, but he is a bit shook up about the blast in the cafe that nearly gave him a terrorist sponsored death. Clive Owen is weary, just waiting to die, but he’s also cool, a reluctant hero in the great tradition of the old Humphrey Bogart films. He’s not really a tough guy, but someone who won’t take shit when it hits the proverbial fan. Like most people, the lack of children has made him into a man just biding time, trying to get the most out of life from a bottle. After the blast, he skips work and hightails it to the home of a pal of his, Jasper Palmer, played with great aplomb by Michael Caine. Jasper is an aging hippie, a political cartoonist who’s retreated to his pot-filled home in the middle of the woods, hidden from the government. This is a haven in which he and Theo can go to drink, get stoned, blast the Beatles, tell jokes, and try to make sense of this fucking world.

    Amazingly, this fucking world comes at us in the periphery. Cuaron assumes that we have brains, and that those brains are capable of both gathering information and responding to what we get. There is little backstory, and no explanation whatsoever of the infertility, allowing viewers to conjure up their own horrors. It is not important to know exactly why or how the government ended up growing into a totalitarian state, or what demands terrorist cells like the Fishes want to see implemented. Like everything else in this splendid flick, Cuaron assumes only that we are smart and can follow his lead. There are some striking images that remind us of the fate of this society, most notably graffiti-riddled and abandoned kindergartens, no doubt stripped of any personality by people looking to hold onto any memento of a child-filled past.

    Theo ends up getting kidnapped by this ragtag terrorist group called The Fishes. Here, he runs into his old flame Julian, played by Julianne Moore. She is the leader of the group, and needs his help: traveling papers for a young immigrant girl the Fishes need to move to the coast, so that she can board a boat. Reluctantly, Theo agrees, asking a powerful cousin for the papers, with the caveat that the papers demand that he must accompany the girl in question.

    The girl, Kee, is in the worst sort of trouble. She’s an immigrant and a former prostitute. And she’s pregnant with the only baby in the world. All hell will break loose around her. The chase is on.

    At its heart, Children of Men is a chase film, and in that respect it is a supreme entertainment. It is also a perfect example of a movie that seeks to take the novel upon which it is based and use it merely as a leaping point into creating its own story. Cuaron is interested in using whatever technique is at his disposal–in three cases, with an extended take–not to show off, but to reach out from the screen and engage his audience. But he has not abandoned directing his people in the pursuit of dazzling effects. The performances, from the star to the smallest of roles, are filled with fascinating people, each one shaping their characters carefully, their motivations and temptations much like our own. The antagonists are evildoers, but are understandable, their needs real. No one dies without some semblance of dignity, without our tasting the loss.

    At the film’s center is, of course, a baby. Unbelievably, Cuaron does not exploit the presence of this little creature. Unbelievably, because I can only imagine what Spielberg would have done with this–everyone would be googy-eyed over the bairn, and it would have been saccharine of the worst order.

    Children of Men is a perfectly realized dystopia. It is about the future, the past, and especially the present. Babies have stopped being born, and for all we know, they could have just decided not to be born in this horrible world of ours. People dress the same, they drive similar cars, they love and hate the same, even, save for the oppressive fact that life as they know it will end in fifty-odd years. And yet, in spite of the wreckage we see, in spite of the violence and the sad fate of most everyone we care about onscreen–or, perhaps, because of all this–Children of Men is the most hopeful film in years. Like holding a baby, it is about the future, it is about the sweet living, squirming present, and it is a solace from the aching troubles of the world.

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  • This won't make up for it.

    Boy, I really blew it yesterday. So preoccupied I was with the Walker’s presentation with Must Don’t Whip ‘Um that I forgot to mention another great entertainment option: The Rake’s free screening of the supposed Movie of the Millennium, Children of Men. Sorry about that, folks.

    Not wanting to miss anything for the weekend, and assuming that tickets to Must Don’t Whip ‘Um are long gone, I offer this comprehensive list of goings on for the weekend: Sin Cities 7, a series of readings tonight and tomorrow night at Bryant Lake Bowl, featuring one of my favorite performers, Amy Salloway, as well as The Rake’s own Colleen Kruse; tonight at the Triple Rock, there’s a concert featuring Kid Dakota, Duplomacy, and Ice Palace. And that’s about it, as far as I can see. It is the first week of January after all, when bar owners get pummeled by that annual dip in sales. So rest up and prepare yourself for next week.

  • Paging Ross Kirgiss … Hello Ross Kirgiss?

    Already a little light in the reporter-body department, KSTP-TV lost another one when Ross Kirgiss, a 13-year vet, abruptly cleaned out his desk, apparently over the New Year’s weekend, and vacated the Hubbard ranch. Colleagues who have tried to contact him since say they’ve heard nothing back.

    I’m told Kirgiss had several months to go on his latest contract, but that for whatever the reason finally had enough and bailed under the cloak of a holiday. In the biz that’s called a “burn your bridges” move.

    Several KSTP staffers remember Kirgiss not being too pleased when the station yanked the consumer beat he enjoyed doing, being further annoyed when he was slid back into the general assignment pool, and being mightily peeved when the suits started consumer reporting back up … without him.

    How much that played in his decision, I can’t say. But Kirgiss is gone, and KSTP, which still hasn’t replaced Joe Schmit, Mike Binkley and Kristin Stinar … has others spread pretty thin. Like, for example, Tom Hauser, who is doing super duty anchoring the morning show, (Binkley’s old job), while still hosting “At Issue”, and covering politics.

    Can you stand on an overpass in blizzard? Obstruct the view of a burning house while covering a fire? Issue warnings to stay off thin ice? Apply immediately to 3415 University Avenue.

  • Dream Cabaret

    Anyone who’s anyone will be at the Walker tonight. But there’s also an impressive array of concerts to consider: Chris Koza’s at the Entry; the Twin Cities Hot Club is at the Artists’ Quarter; the DeWayn Brothers Bastard Bluegrass Band is at Lee’s.

  • Words Are Born Ghosts, And They Won't Stay Buried

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    I close my eyes, whistle, and send the dogs off into the brush to see if they can scare up any words. I’m not sure how long I sit here –it varies, I suppose, from night to night. When it gets quiet like this, though, and I can’t even hear the rustling or baying of the dogs, I get a little bit spooked.

    Some nights –more and more often lately– they’re out there a long time, traveling great distances across the barren fields. Winter tends to drive the words underground. I’m too tired to run with the dogs, it’s dark, and there are too many slippery patches, so I just sit here quietly with my eyes closed, waiting.

    I no longer expect the dogs to bring back any stories or even paragraphs, and a sentence of any length would frankly be a surprise at this point. One night, I’ve no doubt, the dogs will finally disappear for good, but for now I’m grateful for whatever random, useless words they manage to drag back and drop at my feet. A ‘why’ or two, a ‘what,’ maybe a ‘mule,’ ‘moon,’ ‘river,’ or ‘road.’ A good night might net me a handful of multi-syllabic words: ‘casket,’ ‘donkey,’ ‘scapegoat,’ or ‘steeple.’

    At the end of the night, usually when the winter sun is casting its first bruise across the eastern horizon, I’ll gather up whatever words the dogs rustle up on their rambles and tote them back home across the fields. I’ll then brew up a pot of coffee, spread the words out on the kitchen table, and spend a couple hours moving them around, trying with little success to make them say something.

    In the morning I’ll burn them in an ashtray and then toss the ashes out in the backyard.

  • Steal Grandma

    Used car dealers have always had a richer lexicon than they are generally given credit for.

    While terms such as “cream puff” and “stand up vehicle” remain vaguely incredulous, I don’t know of another industry in the world that has done more for the image of geriatrics. Any used car dealer in the United States can transform a negative into positive with just two little words:

    Grandma’s Car.

    The more legit dealers will even back up this claim with a proof of purchase from the original owner (average age 67).

    The good news about Grandma Cars today is that many newer models (in my opinion) conveiniently fall into this category. They are generally bland, inoffensive cars that blend into almost any neighborhood Chatauqua while offering impressive reliability and highway manners.

    Best of all you rarely buy a car like this. You, sensible shoes shopper than you are, will steal it.

    I am talking about terrific vehicles that have been undermarketed, overpriced, or are just a little too odd for the general public. For example, I spotted a used Buick Rendezvous Ultra in the Walser Pontiac lot just last night. This is an ultra plush SUV with wood accents, soft leather and a 245 HP ultra smooth 3800 Buick V6 in pearl while with a contrasting tan interior.

    This SUV sold for around 40k new–way overpriced for a fairly mediocre SUV (with a Buick stigma to some). But right now it can be had for about 25k virtually brand new. It’s also one of the quietest, smoothest riding SUVs on the road (in the Ultra guise and only in the Ultra guise–a basic Rendezvous is not worthy of anyone’s Grandma).

    I’d also make a deal on another vehicle that is selling well but is still overbuilt in the category. I am talking about the Hyundai Azera. This is about the most road cruising car for the dough at about 21-22k if you can find a demo. It is also the fasest Korean car ever built with a 263 HP engine and a 0-60 time of about 6.2 seconds. Its also quite good looking.

    These are just two vehicles that catch my fancy at the beginning of the year. Let me know if you spot a Dodge Dart with a slant six this spring.

  • The Canary in the Mine Shaft

    Difficult decision tonight. Watch the premiere of the new series, formerly titled, “Let’s Rob Mick Jagger”, (now known as “The Knights of Prosperity”), or catch a screening of the Judi Dench-as-crazed-repressed-lesbian flick, “Notes on a Scandal”? I hear Jagger is actually pretty funny in the former, but, damn, I’m a sucker for psycho grand dames.
    Until I decide on that weighty matter, I continue to monitor the trepidations of the Star Tribune staff in the wake of the paper’s sale to Avista Capital Partners. As I’ve said previously, there isn’t much in the way of precedent to reassure either the community or the staff that the Star Tribune will be a better newspaper under private equity management. Maybe that’ll be the case, but, believe me antennae in the Strib newsroom are up and on hi-gain for the earliest indicator of Avista’s true intentions, the canary is in the mineshaft and sniffing for gas.
    Avista won’t close on the Star Tribune purchase until late February, but the new operators will play a role in deciding on a replacement for editor/Sr. VP, Anders Gyllenhaal, who is leaving for the Miami Herald. The choice of a known commodity, like the Strib’s current managing editor, Scott Gillespie, will, I’m told, be viewed positively by the newsroom. Along with being familiar with the area and to the staff, Gillespie is generally regarded as, both “a human being” and more newspaper man than corporate accountant. Anyone can change, of course, when their career suddenly depends on squeezing 8% more profit per quarter out of the company turnip, but the consensus of the moment seems to be that Stribbers much prefer their chances with Gillespie than yet another grey slacks and blue blazer transient from the Avista management training farm.
    The appearance of the latter type will evoke two responses: A glut of resumes on city streets from every non-revenue-producing Star Tribune employee, and a “battle stations” call to the various unions.
    Veteran business writer, Mike Meyers, a “silverback” in the Strib newsroom, believes if Avista, “is going to squeeze, they’ll squeeze early.” He isn’t sure if any of his colleagues should be comforted by publisher Keith Moyer staying on, since logic suggests there’s a significant advantage … to Avista … in having a guy in place who knows where cuts can be made.
    No hippie, Meyers insists he’d like to see Avista, or any owner make gobs of money via the Star Tribune’s papa gorilla status in the Twin Cities advertising market. He reminds me that the paper’s share of all local advertising revenue actually increased over the past year to a whopping 40%-plus — in a year allegedly so grim for mainstream newspapers.
    “But there are an awful lot of ‘strip and flip’ artists out there,” says Meyers, returning to most Stribbers’ default position of guilty until proven innocent.
    Personally, Meyers is fascinated with the real estate Avista is picking up, at a time when a very well-heeled developer, Vikings owner, Zygi Wilf, is making loud sniffing noises of his own, downtown and around the Metrodome, where the Star Tribune owns five city blocks.
    “The $25 million figure for all that property is a joke,” says Meyers . “The true value is much closer to $100 million. I mean, the land under the new Target store [on Nicollet Mall] sold for $27 million in 1998.”
    If true, Avista is almost guaranteed a fat profit on its’ fire sale investment of $530 million, even if it flips the keys to someone new in a couple years. More to the point, Avista could … COULD, I say … achieve its profit goals without laying off staff and reducing coverage, as so many other publicly-owned papers are doing.
    There is no consensus on whether a decision to scale back or dump completely the myriad ancillary publications the Strib is churning out, including the recently launched entertainment freebie, VitaMN, is a canary killer. If resources currently being consumed by all these peripheral publications were reoriented back into the primary product — the daily newspaper — instead of a death swoon the little birdy might even chirp brightly.