Blog

  • Fine Art Photography

    I would like to correct a statement attributed to me in the round-table discussion of the Musicapolis photography exhibit [“Music City!” August].  In response to a question about whether we thought of ourselves as artists, I was quoted as saying that I didn’t think that a photographer doing commercial work was an artist and, while I can’t recall the exact words of the conversation where several people were talking, I have to say that nothing could be more opposite of my actual opinion. I absolutely think commercial work can be art, even great art. I look for inspiration from photographers like Irving Penn, Diane Arbus, Richard Avedon, and Anton Corbijn, all of whom have done incredible, important work while shooting commercially. As a working commercial photographer currently exhibiting work in a gallery, I fear I came across as both hypocritical and insulting to other photographers, some of whom are showing work in this same exhibit.

    Tony Nelson
    Minneapolis

  • But the Devil Is In the Details

    Your commentary on the Minnesota Department of Transportation’s planned “adjustment of Highway 1” [The Rakish Angle, August] brought to mind an oft-repeated and varyingly attributed proverb. To wit, God writes straight with curved lines.

    Stuart Klipper
    Minneapolis

  • Oddysseus of the Airwaves

    ODDYSSEUS OF THE AIRWAVES
    I can’t decide which grabbed me the most, Jennifer Vogel’s perceptive style or T.D. Mischke’s peripatetic journey—both the literal aimless search and his dedicated exploration of life’s nuances at the “cutting edge” [“Old-Fashioned Cutting-Edge Radio,” July]. The daunting journey of Vogel through the maze of Tommy’s cortex seemed at times bound not to find an exit—and yet she did. In the end we see a variation of the everyman/woman theme. It’s that combination of luck, serendipity, and the pervasive drive to find the right niche: a quiet place—a nest to explore and to emerge as the adult without losing that precious whimsy of the inner child. In that reservoir of curiosity and fantasy too often hidden from the world, Mischke invokes the “tapoceta tapoceta” of Walter Mitty, or perhaps he is more akin to Robin Williams’ Good Morning, Vietnam. Then for contrast we see the emergence of another facet of this performance artist: The Iconoclast. One can only congratulate this versatility. Add his refreshing honesty amid the current cacophony of phony snake-oil salesmen on the air and one finds a budding renaissance man. T.D.’s odyssey

    “on the rods” conveyed me to a distant place: the 1927 front-page story in my hometown Daily News relating my three-day sojourn at age twelve with the 101 Ranch and Wild West Show. It was only one of several later extended departures by freight train and hitchhiking in search of the golden dream of an acting career in Hollywood. I finally found my niche in a book on the shelf of a World War II troop ship. We were part of a convoy headed for the European front. The book was Where Do People Take Their Troubles, by Lee R. Steiner. It opened a window to the then-new field of clinical psychology. After the war and thirty very satisfying years in that profession, I am still intrigued and continue to explore the drive and motivation of the “fledgling’s” irrepressible inner forces. Mischke’s tale exemplifies the essence of the rite of passage shared by countless pilgrims. Unlike some less fortunate others, his tour landed him in a good place thanks to his unique, unfettered talent.
    Eugene Kline
    Minneapolis

  • Pickles!

    LETTER OF THE MONTH

    When the significant other tossed the carefully torn Rake page with the pickle recipe [Down the Hatch, July], my hair was on fire, and only pickle juice could put it out. We’d already been to the farmers’ market to capture the things we needed to make the lovelies … I didn’t want to face a bag full of soggy cukes while I ran after the garbage truck trying one last time to sort through the pile. All this by way of saying thanks for being online in a way that made it an easy couple of keystrokes to recapture the article and the recipe. I’m loving your efforts. Every month. The Rake is on the coffee table with the rest of the gang.
    Michele Periolat
    Maplewood

  • Help for the Iraqi constitutional process

    venus_de_milo_louvre.jpg
    The right to bare arms…and more

    I was sitting around with a few wags yesterday and we were talking about the problems the Iraqis (if there is such a thing–as opposed to Sunni, or Shiite or Kurd, that is) were having in getting some agreement on a constitution. Aside from the squabbles over oil revenues and autonomy of regions which make the differences in 1787 between Virginia and Massachusetts seem…dare I say…tame by comparison, there’s the sticky problem of Islam, and all the implications for dress codes, tonsorial customs and which way is east conundrums.

    So we took a look at our own Bill of Rights and offered the following hints for articles they could adapt:

    Article 1: Freedom of religion. It’s alright to kill anyone who doesn’t like my brand of Islam. Christians and Jews, you better take off now.

    Article 2: The Right to Bare Arms: Women north of Baghdad get to wear sleeveless dresses. Women south of Baghdad get to wear sleeveless dresses only if they have no arms, which we can arrange.

    Article 3: No soldiers in your house. Soldiers destroying your house, that’s ok.

    Article 4: No unreasonable search and seizure, unless it’s a world power looking for weapons we don’t have.

    Article 5: No one shall be forced to testify against himself after we rip out his tongue for blasphemy.

    Article 6: You have the right to a speedy trial, after we hold you in Guantanamo for as long as we damn well please.

    Article 7: You can sue anyone you like for any amount over 20 dollars, or blow him up with a car bomb, whichever is more convenient.

    Article 8: No cruel or unusual punishment, unless we think the pictures are funny.

    Article 9 and 10: Anything else you can think of, but if it ain’t in the Koran, forget about it.

    Since this is sort of the way things are running over there now, we figured they should have no trouble agreeing. And, once this constitution is in force, Bush will have his exit strategy. I say we give them all the encouragement we can to adopt our suggestions so we can get the hell out of there.

  • I Couldn't Tell You What I Was Thinking

    eyeballfoot2.jpg

    I apologize for that last entry. I apparently wrote [sic] it during the empirical blackout in which I have been lost the last several days.

    I confess that it makes absolutely no sense to me, and although it is not uncommon for things that show up here to make no sense to me in the cold light of day, very seldom do I literally have no memory of having even written the words in question.

    At some point in the early hours of the morning this entry —this, these words– was typed, I discovered that I was clutching a crumpled ATM receipt in my fist on which was scrawled this quote from Hippocrates: “If the matters which are purged be such as should be purged, the evacuation is beneficial, and easily borne; but, if otherwise, with difficulty.” Turning this scrap of paper over in my hand I found another sentence, also attributed to Hippocrates: “A woman does not become ambidexterous.”

    I was seated in a green chair. I had a pen in my right hand (I almost always have a pen in my right hand; I’m like Bob Dole in that way, I guess, although I believe Dole grips his pen in his left hand, and for entirely different reasons). Charley Patton was moaning softly from the stereo in the background. I had no recollection of consulting Hippocrates, and couldn’t imagine owning a book of any sort that would contain the words which were jotted on that receipt. I looked around the room where I was seated, hoping that I would find the source of these quotes. I moved a great number of things around, in fact, but did not find what I was looking for. I wandered into the next room and investigated the various piles of books that were heaped all over the place there. Still no Hippocrates.

    Blessedly, I suppose, my mind in the wee hours (okay, fine, my mind in general) is like that of a severely cross-wired lab rat, and I eventually found myself back in the green chair, slumped in my habitual stupor. From the stereo Arthur Rubinstein, I believe, was playing Chopin’s Nocturnes; I realized that I was now thinking about something that I have spent a great deal of time thinking about over the years. And that is this: How much control, I wonder, does a parrot’s owner have over the bird’s command of the language, such as it is; or, specifically, the words and sentences it learns to speak?

    From that launching point I wondered –presuming one has real control over such things– what words or phrases I would choose to teach a parrot. It seems like this would be an important question. You’re presumably going to have to live with these words for as long as you own the parrot.

    Given this assumption, I’d think you’d want to teach the bird to say something wise, beautiful, or consoling. But what? Parrots, I’d think, are more likely to be aphorists rather than storytellers, so you’d probably want to choose something short and sweet.

    People’s first instinct –which is almost always a tragic one– is to teach a bird to say something funny or profane. They want to make an insult comedian out of the parrot rather than a philosopher or a poet, but I imagine the severely limited wiseacre routine would get old in a hurry.

    I can’t imagine living with a bird that cursed me or shrieked my name all day long.

    I recall once visiting a couple of my acquaintance that had taught their parrot to do a terse and terrible John Wayne impression. “Howdy pilgrim!” the bird would drawl over and over, until I wanted desperately to run the damn thing through with a knitting needle.

    I also have some dim memory from my childhood of a parrot that had learned to say, “You bet your sweet bippy!” I think you’ll agree that it would be unacceptable to have such a bird in your home.

    I thought for a long time about what words I would teach my parrot (even though, I should probably admit, I would never, under any circumstances, actually wish to own a parrot, or a bird of any kind). I’m still thinking about it, in fact, and when and if I manage to narrow it down I’ll let you know what I’ve come up with. In the meantime, feel free to send me your own suggestions.

    eyeballs.jpg

  • Uncle Jumbo's Playground

    uncle jumbo-7.jpg

    –Illustration by James Dankert

    I’m back, but –like the Twins– just barely.

    Zellar’s had a muzzle on me ever since I tried to dictate a column to his answering machine in the middle of the night. This, of course, was after I’d had a few beers, and after the Twins had finished kicking the shit out of my kidneys for three hours. Based on that information, of course, you could safely conclude that this incident occurred pretty much any night in the last couple months.

    I don’t remember, frankly. And I don’t much care.

    I will tell you this, though: Jumbo’s not about to start turning cartwheels just because the Twins have won six straight and pulled within shooting distance of the wild card lead. Big fat whoop. They’ve got a lot of atoning to do. During that 11-19 slide coming out of the All Star-break I pulled a groin muscle karate-kicking at the television in a screaming fit of rage, and I gained sixteen pounds. You probably wouldn’t be able to tell, but I’m sure my doctor –who I see every five years whether I need to or not– wouldn’t be happy about it. I’ve no doubt he’d tell me (as he tells me each time I visit his office) to “lay off the snack foods.” Fat chance of that, I’m afraid. I’ve also no doubt he’d tell me that if my cholesterol gets any higher I could essentially tap a vein and use my blood as a substitute for cream cheese, something that might one day prove necessary.

    We all realize that if the offense on this team had been even slightly better than half-assed for the last several months all these August and September games against the White Sox might have actually meant something. That doesn’t get us anywhere, though, and I’m having a hard time getting all fired up about a wild card race. I don’t believe in the wild card –never have– and I think it’s an abomination that so many teams that have knee-walked into the playoffs have managed to win World Series titles over the last ten years, or whatever it’s been.

    I’ve never been through anything with a baseball team like what I’ve been through this summer with this team. If my life wasn’t already completely ruined, the last five months would have completely ruined my life. I’m prepared to swear on what’s left of my broken mother’s body that if I had been batting clean-up for the Twins this season they’d have won –at minimum– a half dozen games that they lost. At minimum. I believe this in my fat, clotted heart.

    In my only Whiffleball outing of the summer (at Blooming Void’s fifteenth-annual Loose Meat Festival Drungo Hazewood Whiffleball Classic) I dominated the competition, and singlehandedly carried my club (The Jerkwater Herd) to the title. Every year The Herd is essentially me and whatever warm (or even not so warm) bodies I can rustle up at the Lucky Seven Tavern, and every year it doesn’t matter, as long as Jumbo gets to pitch and swing the bat.

    I may have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: I am the greatest Whiffleball pitcher on the planet. I am unhittable. I’m a lefty, and I’d make Jacque Jones look like…well, actually, I suppose he’d look like Jacque Jones. He wouldn’t have a prayer against my hard heat and nasty slider. Not to mention my trademark off-speed pitch, The Egret.

    Believe me, you don’t ever want to have to see The Egret.

    To get back to the Twins for a very brief moment: Can I just say that Carlos Silva is my new hero? I can’t imagine he looks all that great without a shirt on (which is one thing all of my heroes have in common), but the man is a warrior. He might be the only guy on that team that I’d like to have over to my house for a barbecue, and after we’d had a few beers I’d even teach him how to throw The Egret.

    Finally (or perhaps by the way), I’ve decided to become a demolition derby driver. My old man wasn’t the brightest bulb on the marquee, but I’ll always remember when he took me to the demolition derby at the Groat County fairgrounds one year. In the middle of the thing, between pulls on his Grain Belt long neck, he gestured out to the track and said, “Would you look at that? That right there is life in a nutshell. You keep getting up every morning and eating your shit sandwiches and you know what you’ll grow up to be? A survivor, my boy, the winner of the freaking demolition derby.”

  • God's Knock, Knock Joke

    paradise lost 2.jpg

    Knock, knock.

    Who’s there?

    Me.

    Me who?

    Whom?

    I don’t get it.

    We have a winner!

    bells 9.jpg

    blood on the trail.jpg

  • Bullseye

    We haven’t had a chance to look at the new issue of the New Yorker–the one that has been entirely underwritten by the Target corporation. That’s because we haven’t received our copy, and this is added to the bank of anecdotal evidence that the magazine is delivered to nicer neighborhods first, or perhaps to readers who are more loyal than we are–though that’s hard to believe. Our mad love is documented–published even!

    But we have already been sucked into the vain conversation about whether that was a good thing to do or not. Some are getting quite shrill about this, and where there are shrill journalists, there usually aren’t nearly enough drinks on the bar.

    Lewis Lazare, for example. Down in Chicago, from his seat at the media desk at the unimpeachably righteous Sun-Times, where advertisers are held to the highest standards (of, you know, check-signing and remittance–post office will not deliver without proper postage!), Lazare calls this “the most jaw-dropping collapse of the so-called sacred wall between editorial and advertising in modern magazine history.”

    Like we say, we haven’t seen it yet, so we’re not sure whether the hyperbole is warranted. But we’re suspicious. First, in principal the idea is not all that galling. Think, for example, of Firestone’s long, singular, solo underwriting of the radio concert series, and an entire symphonic orchestra. Or of Mobil’s unassisted check-signing for Masterpiece Theater. Practically every season, there are a couple of television programs that are presented without commercials, the largesse of Ford, say, or Microsoft, or Bill McGuire. (Uh, maybe not Bill McGuire.) It’s not unprecedented in the world of magazines either, and in recent years, some of the very best glossies are actually owned and operated by major blue-chip advertisers. (Think of Sony Style, or Benneton Colors–both terrific titles where, one could argue, the fact that Corporate Daddy has chased the wolf away from the door, actually makes the magazine more delightfully idiosyncratic, interesting, provocative. But that’s a different animal.*)

    The way Lazare describes some of the issue is a little troubling, if it is–as he claims–as difficult to distinguish ad from edit space. This would suggest the collusion of editors with the advertising people, but then again maybe the conclusion should be a big fat “So what?” It sounds as if the Target campaign is mostly visual, and in a magazine that is typically about 85 percent edit to art, can it be that difficult to discern edit art from advertising art?

    Most troubling of all, we guess, is Lazare’s sort of cavalier dismissal of the creative work that undoubtedly went into the “project”–Target wished to credit the artists involved, and this stinks to Lazare’s high heaven.

    Often, prigs of Lazare’s stripe assume an awful lot about the history of “modern magazines.” We just happen to be reading a biography of E.B. White lately, and we were interested to learn that some of the best, smartest advertisements in The New Yorker in the halcyon 30s and 40s were actually written by White . (Granted, most were house ads to build subscriptions. Note, though, that White was first an advertising copywriter before he ever took the woolen tunic and vows of poverty of the Edit department. ) We’ve mentioned before, too, that editor Harold Ross actually read the ads in the magazine, and in some cases edited (or suggested edits) in the ad space–largely because advertisements were narrative in form, and looked almost exactly like edit space, and he didn’t want the ads to be held to a lower standard than the edit, because he felt it brought the whole magazine down a notch.

    When Lazare expresses outrage at crediting the artists for a project he believes readers are too stupid to recongize as an advertising project, he echoes a most common prejudice. Creative people working in the ad space are paid handsomely, so they don’t get the byline and the non-monetary compensation in prestige that their poor little brothers and sisters get in the edit space. But this too is not a timeless truism inscribed on the stone tablet of Ye Old Testament of Magazine Rules. In a history of Esquire magazine, for example, we recently read that legendary founding editor Arnold Gingrich actually argued the other way-that the fine art appearing in rpestigious advertisments of the 30s and 40s really demanded to be signed by the artists, the readers deserved to know who had created it. (As far as we can tell, the impulse has only survived in those Absolut and Absolut-inspired ads that are commissioned and credited to various strutting cocks of the fine arts world.)

    We have a whole week to check into this–if our copy arrives before we leave for vacation. So more when we get back, possibly, if anything more needs to be said.

    *FULL DISCLOSURE, in the first-person, and besides, it’s interesting though slightly off-topic: I was for several years the editor of Request, a now-defunct magazine that was owned by Musicland/Sam Goody. I know from first-hand experience what good can come from a corproate sugar daddy who is free from the scimpy margins of traditional publishing. My opinion is biased, of course– I thought it was a terrific magazine. But whatever people might have thought of it, I can say that it was entirely mine to make as bad or as good as I pleased, without any interference whatsoever from our benevolent, Armani-armored overlords. By the way, it is defunct now largely because larger financial pressures eventually made those same overlords say to themselves, “What the hell are we doing in the publishing industry, anyway? With those scimpy margins?!! ” Musicland has been sold several times since then, and my only lasting grudge is that the new owners deleted from the web about five years of my life.

  • Keening: A Brief Primer

    holy ghost 16-2.jpg

    The world is a complex fatigue.

    Hayden Carruth, “August First”

    Whatever asks, heart kneels and offers to bear.

    Jane Hirshfield, “What the Heart Wants”

    Now of all voyagers I remember, who among them

    Did not board ship with grief among their maps? —

    Till it seemed men never go anywhere, they only leave

    Wherever they are, when the dying begins.

    Mary Oliver, “No Voyage”

    I thought that if I could put it all down, that would be one way. And next the thought came to me that to leave all out would be another, and truer, way.

    John Ashbery, “The New Spirit”

    Earth, give me back your pure gifts,

    the towers of silence which rose

    from the solemnity of their roots.

    I want to go back to being what I have not been,

    and learn to go back from such deeps

    that amongst all natural things

    I could live or not live; it does not matter

    to be one stone more, the dark stone,

    the pure stone which the river bears away.

    Pablo Neruda, “Oh Earth Wait For Me”

    pray montana 2.jpg

    Fold your wings, my soul,

    those wings you had spread wide

    to soar to the terrestrial peaks

    where the light is most ardent:

    it is for you simply to wait

    the descent of the Fire –supposing it to be willing

    to take possession of you.

    Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Hymn to the Universe

    How many nights must it take

    one such as me to learn

    that we aren’t, after all, made

    from the bird which flies out of its ashes,

    that for a man,

    as he goes up in flames, his one work

    is

    to open himself, to be

    the flames?

    Galway Kinnell, “Another Night in the Ruins”

    It is a special type of sleeplessness that produces the indictment of birth.

    E.M. Cioran, The Trouble With Being Born

    joey is sexy.jpg