Tag: history

  • When Harry Met Betty

    One of life’s great truths—one that we desperately seek to avoid with proverbs and catechisms and even magazine articles—is that beneath its surface lies complexity. Our beloved fictions of heroes and villains crumble with scrutiny, leaving only convolution, shifting meanings, and unstable realities. The same is true of things. Even the simplest object has its hidden history of longing, love, and despair. Take, for example, cake. Chiffon cake.

    Ask someone who lived through the 1950s to name the icons of that era, and chances are that—along with the ’57 Chevy, Lucy and Ricky, and the cul-de-sac rambler—chiffon cake will make their list. The recipe was introduced by General Mills in 1948 with a major marketing blitz that featured Betty Crocker, another 1950s icon. Betty, of course, is the fictional marketing persona invented in the 1920s by Marjorie Child Husted, a General Mills executive who sometimes posed as her creation. With Betty’s help, chiffon became a nationwide sensation. Billed as “the first really new cake in a hundred years,” thanks to its “mystery ingredient,” chiffon was light and fluffy like angel food cake, yet also rich and moist like butter cake, and it rapidly became a favorite of housewives from Syracuse to Oceanside.

    Even today, the towering tube cake conjures a Kodachrome image of Mother, in lipstick and swing skirt, offering up love via food: the idealized feminine of mid-century America.
    But just as the post-war feminine mystique had its dark, unspoken places, so, too, had the chiffon cake. The real mystery lurking beneath its lemony glaze is not a secret ingredient, but the secret life of its reclusive inventor: the appropriately named Harry Baker.

    The shorthand version of his history, repeated in a thousand cookbooks, notes that the insurance-salesman-turned-baker invented the cake in Los Angeles in 1927. He baked his chiffon cakes in his apartment kitchen in the Windsor Square neighborhood and sold them to the glamorous Brown Derby restaurant, where they pleased the palates of Hollywood’s studio stars. In 1947, Baker sold his closely guarded recipe to General Mills for an undisclosed sum—“because,” as one General Mills publication quotes him, “I wanted Betty Crocker to give the secret to the women of America.”
    The complete version of Harry Baker’s life is more complicated, and you won’t find it in any cookbook, or anywhere else for that matter. “Just to mention his name was forbidden,” said his granddaughter, Sarah Baker, who is an attorney in Portland, Oregon. “I remember, maybe about 1964, my grandmother had a tea party for one of her sisters,” she recalled. “I had gone down to the kitchen to help her. She had her back to me, getting dishes out of a china cabinet, when I asked her, ‘Whatever happened to Grandfather Baker?’
    “She whirled around faster than I knew she could move, looked at me absolutely furiously, and said, ‘We don’t talk about him.’ ”

    Although it was wildly popular in the 1950s, the chiffon cake had been figuratively gathering dust for decades by the time I discovered the recipe in the late 1990s. It was the tail end of the glorious dot-com boom years and I, a hopeless liberal-arts kid from way back, had landed a job, mainly out of curiosity, at a prestigious design firm in downtown Minneapolis. Visions of John Cheever and Darrin Stephens launched my wife and me into a sardonic but passionate craze for everything retro-1950s. Dressed for cocktails, she would greet me at the door after work, martinis in hand; during one such happy hour, while browsing in our 1956 edition of Betty Crocker’s Picture Cook Book, I stumbled upon the recipe for chiffon.
    The job, the dress, the quest for fifties kitsch: forgotten. But my Betty still falls open to the creased and batter-spattered pages with the step-by-step photo directions for chiffon cake because, symbolism aside, it makes a truly splendid dessert.
    Before chiffon, there had been but two types of cake. Foam cakes, like angel food, contain no shortening and rely on eggs for leavening; while butter cakes rise with baking powder. Chiffon combines the two, relying on both eggs and baking powder, and, the clincher, adds Harry Baker’s secret ingredient: vegetable oil (or, as it was called in those days, “salad oil”—another General Mills product, as it happens). The recipe calls for seven eggs. Their yolks are mixed with flour, sugar, leavening, and the oil to make a batter, which is folded into their whipped-hard whites.

    The result delivers on every one of Betty Crocker’s promises: Chiffon is simple, virtually foolproof. Light, moist, rich. And above all, “glamorous.” The lemon version (the only one I make) speckles starry citrus against a snowy sky of sweet, voluptuous crumb. Never dry, never cloying, never dull, it is, in short, the perfect cake. And the rave reviews earned by my first attempt brought me back to it time and again. Members of our extended family bring pies to Thanksgiving dinner. I make chiffon.

    I had been an enthusiastic baker of the cake for some time when one day, drooling through back issues of Cook’s Illustrated magazine, I chanced upon an article on chiffon by food writer and Joy of Cooking contributor Stephen Schmidt. If you’ve read Cook’s Illustrated, you’ll already know that Schmidt tinkered exhaustively with the original Betty Crocker recipe to end up with something just a little better. (So he claims. I stick with the original.)

    What caught my eye, however, was a sidebar article about Harry Baker. Schmidt repeated the standard biography: insurance salesman, 1927 discovery, service to the stars, etc. But he also uncovered some new details. For one thing, he noted that Baker, during his Hollywood heyday, shared his apartment “with his aging mother.” And the sale of the recipe to General Mills took on a new twist in Schmidt’s telling: “Having been evicted from his apartment, and fearing memory loss, the usually reclusive Baker trekked uninvited to Minneapolis to sell his recipe,” he wrote.

    Every one of us is blessed with curiosity, and there are those among us who can keep it at bay. I’m not one of them. Taken together, these few scraps of information hinted at a story. One thing led to another, and eventually it turned out that I spent five years, on and off, chasing the elusive Hollywood inventor of my beloved chiffon cake.

    In 1923, Paramount released Hollywood, a silent film that follows the misadventures of Angela Whitaker, a hapless girl from “Centerville” who can’t land a film part in the land of dreams come true. The film is laced with nearly eighty cameo appearances by virtually every star of the silent era: Mary Pickford, Charlie Chaplin, Pola Negri, Cecil B. DeMille, Will Rogers.

    That same year, tycoons who owned the Hollywoodland Real Estate erected an enormous sign to advertise their corporation. Years later, Peg Entwistle, a real-life Angela Whitaker, would throw herself off the four-story “H.” Eventually, the Hollywood chamber of commerce toppled the last four letters of the sign and it’s been an icon of American dreams ever since.

    1923 also saw the arrival of Harry Baker in Hollywood. He, too, came from Ohio. He was forty years old. Behind him he’d left his wife, Mary, and two children, Harry Jr. and Mary. His insurance business had gone sour. He was broke. Looking for a new source of cash, he turned to his lifelong hobby: fudge. A confectioner in the tony Wilshire neighborhood bought it from Baker for fifty cents a pound. It was enough to afford him a living.

    Harry also began to tinker with cake recipes, and he would have put Cook’s Illustrated’s Stephen Schmidt to shame. He devised more than four hundred different recipes in his quest to bake a sweeter, moister angel food cake. He varied ingredients, measurements, and the baking time and temperature. Nothing satisfied. In later years, he described the eureka moment that led him to salad oil in almost mystical terms: It was, he told a reporter at the Minneapolis Tribune, a “sixth sense—something cosmic” that revealed his secret ingredient. And it worked.

    During the time that Harry Baker was handing out experimental cakes to his neighbors, a handful of entrepreneurs pooled resources to launch a restaurant on Wilshire Boulevard. The Brown Derby opened for business in 1926, in a building shaped to match its name. Two years later—call it another cosmic twist—Harry Baker walked in with a sample of his unbelievable cake. It became one of the Derby’s signature dishes.

  • A People’s History of Circle Pines

    Photo courtesy city of circle pines; An early brochure touts the cooperative, courtesy minnesota historical society

    The landscape of Circle Pines is bleak. Entering town off I-35W, drivers are greeted by a stretch of newly constructed townhouses in varying shades of fawn and ecru. The wayside scenery along Lake Drive, the main thoroughfare, is similarly hued by swampy meadows peppered with sandburs. In the middle of town, there’s a blip of a strip mall. Then, finally, the landscape offers up a few splashes of blue and green, mostly in the form of the cracked and peeling paint of the city’s old ranch homes and split-levels.

    Outsiders seldom have reason to pass through Circle Pines. Those who do, I’ve learned, are often there to visit an area gun range.

    This, my drab little hometown, is located just fifteen miles north of Minneapolis, in the famously unprogressive northern suburbs—an area formerly, and not long ago, considered a last bastion of white flight, a collection of communities in which conservative Star Tribune letter-writers and talk-show hosts are known to live. A kid who grew up in Circle Pines in the 1980s and 90s probably hasn’t forgotten the racial slurs commonly bandied about, even though few people of color actually lived there in those days. She might also remember the time dozens of bagels were thrown onto the ice when the Centennial Chiefs hockey team played Edina High School, Circle Pines fans having assumed there’d be Jews on the opposing team.

    Given these memories, and the realities of the city’s present, it’s hard to imagine that a visionary once set his sights on Circle Pines as the breeding ground for a socialist utopia of sorts, a model of cooperative living.

    On a sunny afternoon in the summer of 1945, V. S. Petersen was sprawled along the shores of Golden Lake, located on the northern side of Circle Pines and these days, lined with the city’s most upscale homes. Petersen, a left-leaning Danish immigrant and peripatetic banker, was, at the time, an employee of Midland, an organization of credit unions and other cooperatives; at the time he was in charge of building a lakeside picnic-area pavilion for credit union employees. While enjoying his day off, the proverbial lightbulb lit up in his mind. Or so the story goes. He sat up suddenly, turned to his wife, Fylla, and said: “I have an idea.” Petersen would proceed to spend the rest of his days, numbered though they were, organizing, financing, and promoting his vision for a carefully planned community featuring such modern conveniences as public water, electricity, and sewage systems. In this case, however, the maintenance costs involved would be split equally among residents, and in fact, the utilities would be resident-owned. This dream—fueled by Petersen’s dedication to socialist principles and constructed from an inexpensive prefab building material called Cemesto —was christened “Circle Pines.”

    This being the World War II era, building materials were in short supply and prices were high. Working folks couldn’t shoulder the cost of building their own homes. “V. S. Petersen thought that savings could be achieved through mass production of houses and with the dollar-saving benefits of cooperative living. Profits from any cooperative venture would be redistributed to members.” So writes Stephen Lee, a Circle Pines local, in his exhaustive portrait of the city’s past, Circle Pines & Lexington, Minnesota: History of the 1800s to 2000. In other words, by buying a home in the community and paying cooperative association fees, residents would own shares of the town’s café, grocery, meat market, and tavern. In theory, profits from these businesses would be shared among citizens, but that part of the plan was never actually realized.

    The reality, from the very beginning, was that Circle Pines’ creators confused idealistic “social protections” with capitalist aspirations. Although Petersen played the central role of visionary and cheerleader, in his quest to make fiscal sense of his project, he had enlisted the help of two others—Tom Ellerbe, essentially an urban planner, and Paul Steenberg, a Danish-born contractor. The success of the community hinged on the trio’s ability to lure residents. But even while they scrambled to entice buyers, Petersen couldn’t resist screening potential residents to ensure that their politics aligned with his own. This made a certain sense, considering that Petersen would later invite residents to his family’s Golden Lake estate for rousing house parties (his version of a parade), featuring bean-bakes, sing-alongs, and homemade wine. Ellerbe and Steenberg, sympathetic though they were to Petersen’s ideologies, meanwhile proceeded as though Circle Pines were any other suburban, moneymaking venture. Theirs was to be a short-lived experiment. Although the three-man team had projected that Circle Pines would have about 500 homes by 1948, only eighty-four had been built by 1949.

    Then there was the issue of financial backing, which proved elusive. Even organizations like Midland, which had a history of supporting cooperative ventures, weren’t sure bets. Ellerbe and Steenberg imagined the most lucrative homesites would be along the shoreline of Golden Lake (around which Petersen wanted to pave a public walkway), but that stretch was never actually developed during the cooperative’s lifetime. Of greater consequence was the ultimate failure of Petersen, Ellerbe, and Steenberg to attract enough residents to sustain the cost of utilities and city services. Adding insult to injury, those who did buy into the community discovered that their homes were of substandard construction; the builders hadn’t adequately sealed the seams between the cheap, cement-like slabs of Cemesto at the four corners of each home, making the houses drafty during harsh Minnesota winters.

    The cooperative was already in dire straits when an influential group of University of Minnesota sociology professors, sympathetic to the cooperative model and interested in joining the community themselves, approached Petersen about inviting minority groups to live in Circle Pines. It was the professors’ thinking that families of color were in greatest need of the financial benefits the cooperative could, at least in theory, yield. After deliberation, Petersen, Ellerbe, and Steenberg agreed that the banks and savings and loan companies would be unwilling to shoulder the credit risk for minority applicants, and they held back on issuing an up-front-and-open invitation to families of color. Instead, minority families would be quietly accepted, so long as their down payments were in hand. It was a painful decision for Petersen, a lifelong bleeding heart, and the professors responded angrily. Ultimately, they refused to relocate to Circle Pines, and their defection from the project turned out to be a huge financial and ideological blow for the cooperative.

    Meanwhile, the shortage of building materials continued, and slow home sales as well as profit-mongering among the Ellerbe-Steenberg sect took additional tolls. Townspeople responded with increasing anger to the cooperative’s mismanagement and the resulting rise in association fees. As Stephen Lee notes: “On April 7, 1950, the citizens of Circle Pines voted 89-5 in favor of incorporating as a village, thereby abandoning the idea of a cooperative community.”

    And, adding further drama, according to an old article from the local newspaper, Circulating Pines: “Just hours before the polls opened and the people voted to incorporate Circle Pines as a village, V. S. Petersen had been struck down by a cerebral hemorrhage [at age 54]. Stunned mourners felt without his inspired leadership Circle Pines would probably never become the cooperative community he had envisaged … and some wondered if the strife and disappointment had not brought about his premature death.”

    As a young person growing up in the town, I always thought “Circle Pines” had a funny ring to it. I thought it sounded fictional, eerily reminiscent of, say, “Green Acres,” “Mayberry,” and other such Xanadus. When, at age 18, I left Circle Pines for the University of Minnesota, I was embarrassed to tell my classmates, whom I presumed were all big-city types, the name of my hometown. No one had ever heard of Circle Pines—though a mere half-hour away—but the schmaltzy name nonetheless inspired eye-rolling from my hip new friends. As it turns out, I might’ve been able to impress the cosmopolitan lefties of my acquaintance if I’d known then that the name pays homage to a classic emblem of cooperative organizations: a pair of encircled pine trees. To me, it looks reminiscent of a smil-ey face, but the symbol stands for the idealistic vision of shared responsibilities and resources. All over the country, the twin pines logo can be spotted in credit union lobbies, at cooperative campgrounds, and on the packaging for organic foods.

    Even the street I grew up on—the blandly named Edge Drive—is a nod to the old Circle Pines order. My childhood home was a no-frills Cape Cod, built in 1954, after the Petersen era, as part of a development that went up quickly and on the cheap for returning veterans and their families. These houses had lured a new crop of working-class families to Circle Pines, and it’s safe to say that, given the burgeoning postwar economy, the ideals of these new residents stood in stark contrast to the values of the old Circle Pines order. Still, the peculiar, half-moon-shaped grid to which my childhood home belongs was part of Petersen and Ellerbe’s master vision for the city’s planning: a clustered, walkable community in which a park is never far away. An aerial view shows that the town’s layout mimics Circle Pines’ round emblem. There are few cul-de-sacs; instead, the streets loop back into themselves. Inner Park sits at the center, where Petersen wanted it—at the heart of the community.

    Growing up there, I saw no obvious remnants of the socialist ideals to which my city once aspired. But as it turned out, I’d need to venture out into the world before coming to appreciate any of Circle Pines’ amenities or off-beat characteristics. Even today, the town thumbs its nose at corporate Minnegasco by maintaining its own cooperatively owned gas utility. As for electricity, residents get that from Connexus, the state’s largest customer-owned utility. And until 1994, Circle Pines had its own rather left-leaning news rag, the aforementioned Circulating Pines, a long-lived outgrowth of the old cooperative broadsheet. As a young reader, I enjoyed its witty columnists and primitive political cartoons, oblivious to how slanted they were. In an interview, town historian Lee laughed as he recalled how Andrew Gibas, Circle Pines’ first-ever village clerk and founder of the paper, used to chronicle his own civic activities in the paper. In a story about a city council meeting, he wrote, of himself: “Citizen Andy Gibas rose and addressed the council.”

    As I learned more about Circle Pines, I became eager to swap stories with old friends and neighbors. But I was disappointed to learn that few Circle Pinesians, even some folks I regarded as old-timers, had ever heard about the city’s cooperative origins. And among the handful of people who were clued in, there was ambivalence about what it all meant. Lee, by far the most knowledgeable source on Circle Pines history, was unwavering in his characterization of the founders’ socialism. Petersen’s own son, 80-year-old V. S. Petersen Jr., responded with a blank, confused stare when asked how the pinko little city of Circle Pines had fared in the early throes of the Cold War (he was serving in the military during the cooperative’s earliest days, including the time of his father’s tangle with the University professors). Joel Hogstad, the brother of one of my childhood friends, had discovered Circle Pines’ history while writing a college paper. His take was that Petersen had simply tried to create an affordable community for working-class families, not necessarily a socialist refuge. And Jim Keinath, a twenty-year veteran in his post as Circle Pines city administrator, wasn’t comfortable de-scribing the founders as “socialist,” choosing instead to refer to them as “Scandinavian.”

    There’s an interesting contrast between the city plan of Circle Pines (population: 4,663) and that of its closest neighbor, Lexington (population: 2,214). While Circle Pines’ streets—not just Edge Drive but also North, East, South, and West roads, and Inner and Outer circles—are ringed with homogenous, two- and three-bedroom homes, Lexington is a ragtag collection of apartments and one-of-a-kind houses. It’s dominated by Paul Revere Manufactured Home Park, which appears as vast as a white-pine forest but is less stark than most trailer parks thanks to residents having enthusiastically added flower gardens, lawn ornaments, and other decorative elements to personalize their homes. The roads in the patriotic-themed development have names like Minuteman and Patriot lanes.

    These street signs demonstrate that there had been some tension between Circle Pines and Lexington in the old days. Back when Circle Pines was being designed as a stringently planned, circular community, Lexington was being populated by the sort of resourceful folks who built homes out of found materials. Not happy with what they saw taking shape across the border, Circle Pinesians took to calling Lexington “Shack Town.” Representing Lexington in the skirmish was a prominent landowner named Art Otte, a man V. S. Petersen Jr. likened to “a Republican farmer,” who spoke out fervently against the “socialist-community experiment” next door. “This cooperative concept was out of his league; he called it all sorts of names for a while,” said Petersen Jr. He believes Otte penned an anonymous 1957 letter to the Circulating Pines signed “Lexington Old-Timer,” which opined: “They did not like our houses. We did not like their ideas.”

    Nearly fifty years later, Circle Pines’ idealists and Lexington’s individualists have been absorbed by the melting pot. Both remain blue-collar towns, and a downtown business district has grown up on the border, bleeding into the two communities. They share a police department, a school district, and a post office, and sit on the same inhospitable marshland that was regarded by a Minnesota state surveyor in 1847 as “almost unacceptable for either men or beast except when frozen up …”

    More to the point, as housing costs have skyrocketed, especially in the last ten or so years, lots of working-class families have found both Circle Pines and Lexington to be especially welcoming. Housing prices there have remained among the lowest in the Twin Cities, though for me, including “Circle-Lex” as part of the metropolitan area remains hard to swallow. Developers have been gobbling up every available inch of Circle Pines and putting up townhouses, condos, and other glossy new structures that reek of gentrification; still, there’s an ample supply of “starter” homes, including a block with six of the original Cemesto houses and the development where I grew up. In Lexington, the Paul Revere enclave continues to provide an affordable option for some of those in the Twin Cities’ lowest income brackets. In an interesting turn of events, the park’s residents incorporated Paul Revere in 2005, making it one of just two resident-owned trailer park cooperatives in the state.

    As a kid, the thing I appreciated most about Circle Pines was all the sandy, open space. I could go snowmobiling, dirt-biking, or salamander hunting pretty much wherever I pleased. On summer evenings, my friends and I played football in the sandbur fields. Or we hopped on our Huffy bicycles and traced every line of the town’s semispherical blocks, which never took us very far and eventually wound back to our homes. Back then, there was a small grocery, a shopping strip (technically in Lexington), a gas station, a balloon shop, Mar-Dee’s diner (where I worked throughout high school), and always plenty of kids to scuffle with. But I certainly didn’t regard my town’s growth as a bad thing; I remember the arrival of McDonald’s, circa 1982, and how cool that was to my second-grade friends and me.

    These days, Circle Pines is swimming in fast food and increasingly resembles a first-ring suburb—an aesthetic cousin of Roseville or Maplewood. Upon the demolition in 2002 of a block of Army-green, Petersen-era Cemesto motels collectively known as Circle Court (an eyesore with a bad reputation; it had long been the least expensive place to live in Circle Pines), condos and townhouses immediately went up in its place. Since then, more spacious (and beige) townhouses and condos have appeared on nearly every available plot, including former swamp acreage that’s been sucked dry to fuel the boom; like Circle Court, they all look exactly alike.

    Plenty else has changed as well, of course. Nearby, just across the borders into Blaine and Lino Lakes, there’s a growing constellation of the usual chain-retail behemoths— SuperTarget, Wal-Mart, Home Depot, and strip upon strip of familiar shops and restaurants—to lure Circle Pinesians away from their city’s remaining businesses. Petersen’s old farmhouse still sits along Golden Lake, though it’s been remodeled to the point of being unrecognizable. As for that central body of water itself, it’s become so tainted by overdevelopment and storm runoff (being the terminus of a wetland system that’s dried up) that it’s taken on a deep, not particularly attractive shade of its namesake color.

    Despite Circle Pines’ drastic modern makeover, V. S. Petersen Jr. maintains an attachment to the place that goes far deeper than anything I’ve ever managed to feel. When we met for lunch recently at Matthew’s, the restaurant that now inhabits the former Mar-Dee’s site, he showed up wearing a tan flannel button-up and a black-leather driving cap, which he removed before sitting down, revealing a thatch of gray hair. As we talked, he leaned across the table, clearly relishing the conversation. He enjoyed telling stories about the good old days in Circle Pines and how he and his wife, Stella, have kept busy over the years, remaining active in the Democratic party, at their local Lutheran church, and as volunteers at a nearby battered women’s shelter.

    In 1946, when he returned from World War II, Petersen Jr. enrolled at the University of Minnesota and helped his dad with odd jobs around Circle Pines. After his father’s sudden death (the younger Petersen was twenty-three years old at the time) and the demise of the cooperative, he embarked on a career as an insurance salesman. “When I first started selling insurance, the company I represented sent me to Edina because that was where all the money was. After a year, I was so sick of it, I wanted to throw up on my chest,” he said. He moved back to Circle Pines, started selling insurance to its residents, and became even more entrenched in the community. “I enjoyed the working people and they enjoyed me,” he said. He went on to become a prominent local landlord, eventually buying the building in which Circulating Pines was published. Today, two of his sons run the family insurance business, which is still located in an inconspicuous office building just off Lake Drive.

    But with the passing years, Petersen Jr. confided, he and Stella have felt less and less at home in Circle Pines. “We’re kind of stuck,” he said with an uncomfortable laugh. The feelings of uneasiness first surfaced in the 1970s, when, sensing the same intolerance and stifling homogeny that I felt in the town’s school system, the Petersens contemplated sending their children to school elsewhere. More recently, they downsized, selling the home they owned at Golden Lake and moving into a nearby townhouse. “We’re believers in the simple-living concept,” said Petersen with a smile. But they’d also started feeling ill at ease with the sociopolitical climate that was developing around Golden Lake, which has housed Circle Pines’ most affluent families since the mid-1950s. “Stella and I just had to get outta there,” he said. “They simply weren’t our people.”

    Before meeting with Petersen Jr., I had a brief phone conversation with Jim Keinath, Circle Pines’ current city administrator, who remarked that Circle Pines’ cooperative history had still been a strong influence when he first arrived on the job in 1984. Back then, the city’s “founding families” were highly regarded and still played prominent roles in community affairs. But today, Keinath said, the cooperative is all but ancient history. When I asked Petersen about this, he strongly disagreed. He sees his dad’s influence on everything from the city’s plentiful park space to the credit union and gas utility, both of which are still going strong. Still, he admitted, it’s been sad to watch the progressive roots of Circle Pines wither. For example, along with Shoreview, Arden Hills, and Lino Lakes, the residents of Circle Pines are represented by the staunchest fiscal conservative in the state legislature, Republican Phil Krinkie. (“He’s sick,” Petersen Jr. said. “I think he’s illiterate.”)

    Perhaps Circle Pines has been swept into the gulf of working-class, independent voters to which it now rightfully belongs—Minnesota’s sixth congressional district, a block that stretches from the northern suburbs up through St. Cloud and that likely represents our state’s best showing of the “NASCAR Dad” demographic. At any rate, the city’s obviously not the stronghold of liberalism it once aspired to be.

    “Circle Pines has always been progressive—up until three years ago, when we started dropping off the liberal side,” Petersen Jr. said, remembering a version of the town history very different from my own. He was bothered that Circle Pines seemed to be turning against the founding principles of his father. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that precious few of the town’s current residents—let alone anyone outside the city limits—had heard of the Circle Pines Cooperative in the first place.

  • Daughter of God

    Sometimes, Grace Kolenda Deters dreams in Portuguese. Ordinary dreams are of her daily life in Nevada, her home five hundred feet above Lake Tahoe, with its shore-to-shore views. Or scenes from past decades spent in Minneapolis: graduate school, therapy, her daughter’s ice-skating lessons, snow.

     

    Less often, she dreams of lilies. Or of the boils that infected her body that first year in Brazil, the deep pits that now remain. Poisonous coral snakes coiled on the outhouse seat, jararaca snakes dangling from the darkness of banana trees. Raw sores on her mother’s skin. Tropical lice. The twelve-inch roundworm—a pale, headless snake that crawled out of her intestine in the night and lay placidly beside her in bed the next morning.

    Graceann Kolenda was five years old when she first disembarked in Rio de Janeiro in 1939. Her father, John Peter Kolenda, was a missionary preacher in the Assemblies of God church—an evangelical denomination based on a literal belief in the Bible, and an acceptance of the Holy Ghost manifesting itself through converts speaking “in tongues.”

    Grace and her husband Bill lived and raised their three daughters in Minneapolis until 1998, when they sold their business and moved to Nevada. Between family and business ties, they still visit the Twin Cities often. When we first met in March to discuss writing her life story, she looked many years younger than seventy-two, despite growing up under the tropical sun. She keeps an incredibly busy schedule in her retirement, traveling often and returning to Brazil every five years or so. She still plays tennis every day, and gambles several times a week in the casinos—an irony that makes her smile.

    Grace wanted to record her story for her children and grandchildren, and for herself—the grown-up version as well as the girl she had once been. By the time of our meeting, she had already spent many months typing her memories and transcribing her parents’ copious letters. The stories that follow—scenes from Grace’s early life, lived under the close watch of a harsh God—are based on interviews, letters, and her extensive historical notes. —J.O.

    My father, John Kolenda, was a missionary preacher of extreme passion. He passionately loved my mother. He passionately loved my sister Dorothy. And he passionately loved me. But most of all, he passionately loved Jesus, and the godly mission to win souls for the Church in Jesus’ name. From my earliest days, I understood that my father’s life work was about serving God as he saw fit—and my job was helping him. It was simple enough, and impossible. But I was determined. So when my father volunteered my services as pallbearer to the locals, I willingly obliged. I would carry babies to their graves.

    The babies I carried lay still in their open caskets, their smooth skin oddly dry in the damp heat. White calla lilies lined the boxes of fresh-hewn pine that dug into the flesh of my fingers. Lily petals grazed the babies’ cheeks, and a floral scent rose thick as bread dough. It was the summer of 1942 in the tiny village of Coqueiros, on the outskirts of the small town of Florianópolis, Brazil. I was seven years old, bearing the weight of life and death in too-close succession. Death dressed in clean white cotton, resting in a bed of flowers. I thought the scent of lilies would press down my throat and choke me.

    Always the funeral processions for the babies wended past my house, with its wide veranda and lush garden, set in front of a banana grove dotted with papaya and avocado trees. Malnourishment was rampant, and I was the tallest, strongest child in our village. It was my job to help carry the casket of every baby who succumbed to the meanness of poverty. It didn’t matter if I knew the baby’s name, if I had ever held her while her heart still beat, or if I had ever even seen her alive. Mostly, I had not.

    My sister Dorothy, six years older, was beyond this task. By thirteen, Brazilian girls were marrying and becoming mothers themselves. Tradition demanded other children carry the casket of an infant. That meant me on one side of the wooden box for the entire three miles to the cemetery, and a rotation of village children on the other side, trading off to rest their aching arms.

    Usually, of the twenty or so children walking the casket, I would recognize two or three. We all dressed for the occasion. I wore my Sunday best, colorful cotton skirts that swished across my suntanned knees as I stepped, and white embroidered blouses. On my dusty feet, I wore tamancos—thin wooden-soled shoes with a leather strap to hold them on.

    There were so many dead babies. Sometimes it was the sugared coffee in their bottles that did it—or coffee mixed, for the lucky ones, with a touch of powdered or canned milk when the privilege of the breast was passed over to a newborn sibling. Other times, parasites chewed the babies up from inside, leaving them hollowed out by diarrhea and dehydration. With no medical care to speak of, baby funerals were as common as rain and salt.

    Just beyond my house, on the first stretch of our journey, was Praia da Saudades, loosely translated from Portuguese as “Lonesome Beach.” In fact, saudades eludes translation. There are a few words in Spanish and English that brush up against it, that hint at the danger of its melancholy, but ultimately, translations fail to convey the gripping despair. Saudades means to miss something or someone, but so much more. It means to be swallowed alive by an unnamed loss, to lose your mind in the pitch black of hope’s destruction, to writhe with the ripping pain of a broken heart.

    You can die from saudades.

    Praia da Saudades was the natural backdrop to the agony of the mothers and fathers, grandparents and siblings who accompanied the tiny caskets. Brazilians do not hold back in their grieving. Their cacophony of sorrow would crash with the waves against the rocks.

    From Praia da Saudades, the dirt road continued uphill, with the ocean on the right, and on the left, the houses of Coqueiros—Spanish adobe style, of a plastered brick, mostly, and some of wood. They butted their modest front doors up against the street. There was no sidewalk. We marched straight down the middle of the one-lane road, so that when a truck rumbled by, we would step aside and wait while we disappeared in a billow of brown dust. I can still taste that dust.

    About one mile from my house, the winding road passed a small Catholic church. There, we would turn left, toward the west, and continue another two miles or so over very hilly terrain, with only a few houses and mostly open fields. Finally, we would arrive at the cemetery, where the fresh-dug grave would gape beneath a cloudless sky. Each member of the funeral procession would toss a shovelful of dirt onto the baby’s coffin.

    No one was embalmed in our neighborhood, so bodies were buried within twenty-four hours of death. Since the cemetery itself was small—only about seventy-five feet long—and deaths were constant, graves had to be re-used every few years. Any shovelful of dirt was apt to include a bone or two from a grave’s previous occupant. At one baby burial, I turned over my rusty shovel to set loose a cascade of dry earth and a full set of human teeth, clenched. And at the far end of the cemetery, a squat, stucco building housed a jumble of anonymous skulls and bones of those who’d rested in peace too briefly before being unearthed.

    Like the babies I buried, I died in Brazil. And I was reshaped from the dirt and the water of a place that seeped into me in the night, through my eyes and nose and mouth, through my pores. Brazil, like my father’s voice, gripped me and made me in its image. I nearly drowned in saudades, but I came up gasping. It eventually released me, but not completely.

    The first time I crawled into bed with Albert Vidmar was at Aunt Martha’s house in Porto Alegre, before my father had established his own mission. Brother Vidmar, a Swiss missionary, had come to visit Mom and Dad for a week, mostly to talk with Dad about taking over Vidmar’s mission territory of Santa Catarina. It was May 1940, and winter was coming. The evening air was already cool.

    It was just past dusk when Brother Vidmar came to me, on the first night of his visit. “Gracie,” he said, “if you come to my room in the morning, I’ll tell you a story.” Even at barely six years old, I knew Brother Vidmar was a handsome man. And he was so much younger-seeming than my parents. With his motorcycle and his dashing mustache, Brother Vidmar was my prince from the moment I saw him. He paid me a lot of attention, too. He lavished me with it in a way that my parents never could. “Well, dearie,” he said, tugging my braid. “Will you come keep me company in the morning?”

    “Yes!” I said.

    “Delightful. I shall expect you, then.” He pressed his face toward mine. I could see the individual hairs of his moustache, gold, brown, a little bit red. He winked, then giggled like a little boy. His eyes crinkled up in the kindest way. I would have died for Brother Vidmar.

    Soon after the weak light of earliest morning washed through my window, I stepped out of bed and crept through the small house. Brother Vidmar’s room was across a short, wide hall from mine. I paused briefly at the end of the hall to examine Aunt Martha’s foot-pedal sewing machine, a black Singer. I pumped the treadle first slowly, then faster and faster. The bandwheel made a pleasing whir as it spun crazily. But I thought it best not to risk waking Aunt Martha, or my parents. Reluctantly, I turned back toward Brother Vidmar’s room and knocked softly on the closed door. It was painted the color of heavy cream, with large chips and scratches around the tarnished brass doorknob plate. Many layers beneath the cream, the paint was blue, like the sky. This color streaked through where the door was most scarred. I knocked again, louder. I heard a stirring behind the door, then Brother Vidmar’s voice. “Come in, I am waiting,” he said.

    I opened the door and stepped across Aunt Martha’s rag rug to Brother Vidmar’s bed. He smelled odd, but good, like something in the shade of the woods. He lifted the faded quilt, with its cut-square pattern of yellows and browns, and beckoned me under it. The bed was musty and warm with the heat of his body. “Do you know about the Indians, Gracie?” he asked, patting my head. “There are savages in the interior, and in the south. Let me tell you a story.” His soft voice was so unlike my father’s clipped, staccato speech. Brother Vidmar’s words were liquid glass, utterly smooth.

    My father found himself quite taken with Brother Vidmar, too. He readily agreed to tour Santa Catarina with Vidmar, and to visit his cottage in the tiny and beautiful village of Coqueiros. My father was impressed with what he saw. Next, my mother accompanied my father on a trip to survey the area, and finally, all four of us, with help from two of Aunt Martha’s sons, made the trek to relocate our family from Porto Alegre to Coqueiros.

    Eventually, Brother Vidmar would venture permanently southward to found new missions in Argentina, leaving his Coqueiros cottage to us as our private family home. In the beginning, though, we all shared the tiny dwelling, which Brother Vidmar had painted entirely white except for the light brown wooden planks of the floor. The windows had bright blue shutters on the outside, but no curtains indoors. The cottage’s best feature by far was Nero, Brother Vidmar’s faithful German Shepherd. When Brother Vidmar traveled—which he did frequently—Nero would predict his master’s homecomings twenty-four hours in advance by howling mournfully toward the horizon.

    Until my father finally built an addition on the cottage, we were limb upon limb there. My parents placed their rubber mattress in the only bedroom. They bought twin beds for Dorothy and me, and arranged them in the room that had been Brother Vidmar’s study. Brother Vidmar slept on the couch, or sometimes, on an army cot in the front entryway. The couch was gray and utilitarian. It did not open into a hide-away bed, but still, it was quite comfortable. The cot, on the other hand, was dreadful.

    I never lay with Brother Vidmar on the gray couch—only on the cot in the front entryway. The couch was in such plain view. I’m sure Brother Vidmar worried about what my parents might see. As it was, we had plenty of company from the lagartixas—small green lizards that climb up and down the walls, especially at night. There were dozens of lagartixas in every room of our house.

    The front entry where Brother Vidmar kept his cot was an unusual space, almost like a small room. It was long and narrow, with one window and two doors. One door opened up to the porch and the outside, and one led into the living area.

    This narrow space was where my father would lock up a schizophrenic young man and attempt to exorcise the boy’s demons. It was where he would one day beat me bloody with a wooden hanger. But that came later. In the beginning, it was the room where I crawled in bed with Brother Vidmar.

    Brother Vidmar traveled constantly, and I missed him when he was away. I loved how, when he was home, he always had a smile and a wink for me, how he made time for me. And I loved his stories. I’d wake up at sunrise and knock on the door to his entryway. He’d let me in, and I’d crawl into his nice warm bed. We’d press our heads together under the thin gray blankets of his cot, and he’d whisper to me of his adventures in Argentina and Uruguay. I’d ride with him along the currents of his warm breath deep into the Amazon, with the crocodiles and the brown-skinned Indians with exotic shards of polished bone stretching the soft flesh of their ears and nostrils.

    Brother Vidmar asked so little of me when weighed against all he gave. I had only to rub his big toe, which was always hurting from an old wound. Brother Vidmar’s toe was not like my father’s, which was bony and calloused with a sprouting of dark hair beneath a thick nail clouded with age. The toe that Brother Vidmar slipped into my palm in the darkness of his cot was completely smooth. It was always warm, and sometimes, damp and slippery. I wondered why this was so, but feared that asking would be rude. Finally, as I rubbed and rubbed one morning, I could no longer resist. “Brother Vidmar,” I said, “why does your toe have no toenail?”

    “Gracie,” he moaned, pulling my hand off his toe and propping himself up on his elbows. A lagartixa scurried up the wall beside us and froze, its lizard legs splayed and clutching. “The day I lost my toenail was a terrible one, child. I’m lucky to be alive. I was in the wilds of Argentina, saving souls for Jesus in the backwaters of the rain forest. A thick billow of steam rose from the water, unlike anything I’d ever seen. That steam was bewitched—it nearly made me insane. Before I knew what was happening, I’d lost control of my canoe, and next thing I knew I was flailing in the river. That’s when I saw the wicked beast, those sulfurous yellow eyes bulging out of the water. Have you ever seen a crocodile, child?”

    “No,” I said, I had not.

    “You should hope you never do. I wish I hadn’t. But I’m strong and fast,” Brother Vidmar continued. “I swam hard and was nearly pulling myself ashore when the croc overtook me. He tore off the tip of my toe with his ugly teeth. Good thing I was near the site of an Indian encampment. The Indians dragged me to their village and wrapped my toe in a poultice with special herbs. Those herbs stopped the bleeding lickety-split, and the next morning, I couldn’t believe my eyes. My toe was completely healed.”

    Brother Vidmar closed his eyes and sucked in a long breath. “Except for the nail. That never grew back. And the ache. Always the ache.” He pulled my hand away from its anxious twisting of my short braid, and guided it back under the blankets. His toe was hot and throbbing now. “It hurts, Gracie. You can’t imagine how it hurts. Keep rubbing, child. Don’t stop rubbing.”

    Near the same time we moved in with Brother Vidmar in Coqueiros, a sixteen-year-old village girl accused him of molesting her. The girl’s younger sister accused him, too. My mother was enraged. “It is inconceivable that such a godly man could have violated those young girls,” she said. Father was apoplectic. “It’s the devil’s work,” he shouted, his voice cracking with fury. “Satan is working through these girls to destroy this wonderful man. We must help him fight back against this atrocity.”

    Despite my parents’ efforts, the authorities were unconvinced of Vidmar’s innocence. He served a short stint in the county jail before being released on probation. Still, he was able to travel freely. And Nero continued to predict his master’s homecomings, to which we both looked forward with great anticipation.

    As a child, I thought of myself as special. I pitied the unbelievers, who didn’t know Jesus as I did. I was proud to be the daughter of a fine minister, so close to God. I felt especially lucky on the July morning when our maid, Vadica, took me to the market in Florianópolis. We rose early to catch the five-thirty bus into town. When we stepped onto the dusty roadside, the air was cool, and there was a slight fog over the ocean. I was nine years old. The sun had barely risen.

    Even this early, Florianópolis was already busy. The market was framed by two red stucco buildings, each the length of a football field. Between them was an expansive corridor, filled with stalls. Inside, vendors peddled meat, bacalhau—or codfish, a Brazilian staple—and shrimp, as well as rich sweet egg breads and toasted manioc. Outside, produce sellers’ carts spilled over with towers of lime, banana, coconut, mango, papaya, pineapple, peppers, potatoes, and corn. Vendors called out over the festive strains of live Brazilian samba.

    I loved the Florianópolis market. It still operates today, nearly unchanged, but I’ve avoided it ever since that July morning when Vadica and I heard the screaming from the far end of the corridor. We were twisting our way through the produce carts to see what was happening when a headless man reeled towards me. Blood spurted from the place where his head had recently been. He jerked blindly like the chickens I killed every Saturday for our Sunday dinners. Behind him, his assailant waved a bloody machete. I watched the dying man stagger for yards and yards—though really it could only have been four or five long steps—before his body crumpled to the ground.

    My throat buckled somewhere near my sternum and the bile from my empty stomach erupted viciously.

    After the market beheading, I could no longer decapitate our chickens with a sharp axe, as I had done before. To see them jump about headless was now too much for me. I searched for a faster, more merciful method of killing. The worst I tried was tying the chickens upside down to a tree branch and struggling, while they swayed and clucked, to twist their necks until they broke. Much better was to tie them to the tree and first pluck a few feathers from their necks. Then, I’d use a very sharp knife to quickly slice through the featherless patch of pale skin. This quieted the chickens in only seconds.

    Not too long after I perfected this technique, my family visited the farm of our Latvian friends, Brother and Sister Karklis. They lived off the land a hundred miles straight west, in Urubici. This village, folded into a spectacular valley about three thousand feet above sea level, was one of the most beautiful places in the sierra of Santa Catarina. The Karklis family grew their own vegetables and grains, and raised chickens, ducks, sheep, cattle, and, for transportation, horses. They spun wool with foot-driven spinning wheels, and wove their own blankets and sweaters. Urubici gets cold in winter, even snowy. So when we stayed there, Sister Karklis would warm our beds with stones she fired on the wood stove, and I would burrow in between two thick feather ticks. In the morning, the woodstove would blaze in the kitchen, and from my bedroom, I’d smell coffee and hot rolls.

    I loved to go milk the cows with Brother Karklis and his son, Wilson. The barn was spotless, but still, there were the layered smells of tangy manure and fresh milk, and the sweet scent of the animals—their skin and sweat, their moist breath. I loved the mooing. I was not afraid, only amazed.

    On this particular trip, after the market beheading, I took special comfort in feeding the newborn lambs whose mothers had been killed. Inevitably, I fell in love with one, and Mother took notice. “John,” she said to my father, “why don’t we let Gracie have a lamb? I would be such a blessing for her to forget the bad experience she had at the market. She is such a dear girl.”

    My father considered. Whenever Dad spoke, he did so clearly and slowly, always authoritatively. He believed every word he said. “Marguerite,” he answered my mother, finally. “I like that idea. Let’s pray about it, and decide tomorrow.”

    The next day, my father announced that the lamb could be my project. I could feed her, care for her, get her fat, and then we’d have fresh lamb to eat. Even Dorothy was enthusiastic.

    We made a small box out of wood to haul my woolly baby on the bus trip back to Coqueiros. I named her Becky, for her beauty and girlishness. She was bright white, with intelligent black eyes. I knew she understood every word I said to her, because she murmured back to me with soft baa-baas. Soon, I could tell if her baa-ing meant she was hungry or just happy. I held her on my lap and bottle-fed her several times a day. I loved to curl the tendrils of her wool around my fingers, to bury my face in her softness. She nearly always stayed beside me. When we walked in the woods together, she’d get covered in burrs and dust. Then I would bathe her and comb my fingers through her wet ringlets.

    By December, Becky was thriving. She was almost seven months old, with a thick coat of wool. It was Brazilian summertime, so Mother decided to shear her. She used the wool for pillows, and was pleased. Meanwhile, though, Becky was becoming a nuisance. Neighbors complained that she was eating their flowers and bushes, spoiling their yards with droppings. She ate our flowers and bushes, too, but I didn’t mind. She was my girl, my best friend.

    My sister Dorothy was six years older, so she and I were never playmates in the way Becky and I were. Dorothy was busy with her own friends and preoccupations. Then there was Mother, who loved me so much and Dorothy so little, for reasons we would only understand years and then decades later, when the secrets of first Dorothy’s adoption and then her paternity by my father’s brother would finally be revealed. But within the shroud of childhood ignorance, such unexplained inequity of motherly love corroded the sisterly bond we might have shared.

    With my Becky, love was easy and uncomplicated as it could never be with my sister, or my parents. If I’d have given my life once for Brother Vidmar, then I’d have given my life ten times for Becky.

    Even so, I wasn’t scared when I first skipped off the bus that day in May and found that Becky wasn’t waiting, as she should have been. She was almost a year old, strong and healthy. Probably she was just on her way. I called for her as I ran down the dirt road toward home. The noontime sun blazed overhead.

    When I reached our cottage, I was sweating hard and my lungs burned from running. I pounded up the stairs and through the front door. Dorothy was in the kitchen, sitting at the table, looking down at her cutting board and smiling with her mouth closed. She was slicing peppers for feijoada, our daily dish of rice and beans.

    “Dorothy,” I panted, “have you seen Becky?” My sister ignored me and continued slicing. Her knife made a smooth frictionless whish as she drew it against the worn board again and again.

    I watched her and thought maybe I should wait until she was finished cutting peppers to ask again. Wait until I could have her full attention, without interruption. But then she spoke suddenly, almost absent-mindedly. “Grace,” she said. “You should look in the refrigerator.”

    I obeyed Dorothy automatically, as always. Our refrigerator was not much taller than I was, and heavy, with two large metal hinges on the right-hand side of the door and a large handle on the left, perfectly level with my chest. I had to pull hard on the handle with both hands, knowing too late what I would see. Mounds of ragged meat, red blood pooling beneath it.

    There was sudden darkness, and a ripping inside. I was screaming from far away, pushing past the open refrigerator door, past Dorothy, into my bedroom, where I stayed for three days and nights. I lay motionless in my bed, waiting to die.

    But I didn’t die. I had to live with the pain, and with the questions it fertilized. Why would my father have slaughtered Becky without even letting me say goodbye?

    I didn’t plan my revenge, but I took it all the same. It was the Sunday after Becky’s death and I knew from the moment I awoke that I would defy my father. When I’d finished with my crime, my father was waiting for me in the entryway. It was God’s will and a biblical imperative for him to beat me, whether he wanted to or not. Beside him stood a baby-doll carriage that belonged to me, and from inside it he pulled a wooden coat hanger. He told me to bare myself and bend over. The beating hurt, and my skin welted and then split open. Blood ran down my legs and mixed with the dust and salt on my feet. I was sorry for the beating, and I was sorry for my father, who didn’t want to do it. But I wasn’t truly sorry for what I’d done.

    I could not be truly sorry. I’d meant to defy him that morning, even if I hadn’t yet known why. When I’d gotten out of bed, the sun was already hot and the water in our bay was still and calm. I knew it was unthinkable for me, the minister’s daughter, to skip Sunday school. The church was right on our own property! All the same, after I ate my breakfast, I went outside and made my way down the rocky cliff to our private beach. The stones there were dark and hot, and they were covered with oysters, my favorite snack. I used a sharp rock to crack them open, oyster after salty oyster, sucking the meat from their shells until my stomach strained with fullness.

    I leaned my head back and stared up at the wide sky. It was not too late to go home. To go to Sunday school. The water lapped over the rocks and covered my bare feet, brown from the sun. It soaked the hem of my dress, cool and inviting. The water was so still, so gentle. How wonderful it would feel to glide across the calm bay in a boat. I began walking down the beach, toward my friend’s house. She was playing outdoors, too. Together, we carefully hauled her father’s boat—a white skiff with green trim and two wooden oars—to the water’s edge. She climbed in first, and I pushed us off. The water was so clear we could see the rocky bottom even dozens of feet from shore.

    We sang Portuguese school songs as we rowed, and splashed each other with our oars. Blue sky pressed against blue water until time collapsed; there was no way to know how long we floated, two ten-year-old girls, happy.

    But as we paddled and then drifted farther and farther from the beach, I heard my mother’s voice, calling for me to turn around. Sunday school was about to begin. I splashed a high arc of water droplets toward a seagull overhead. My friend giggled. Then I heard my father. “Graceann,” he called. “Come back here, right now.” His voice was measured and certain, as always. I could picture him behind me, standing on the jagged rocks above the shore, and behind him, our cottage, the church, what was left of Becky. In front of me, the shimmering waters of our bay rocked gently onward, spilling almost seamlessly into the darkness of the open sea. A rhyme came into my head, something we children often sang to decide who had to be “it” in tag, or to choose which game to play, or the better of two paths. Softly, I sang the rhyme out loud: Là em cima do piano/ Tem um copo de veneno/ Quem bebeu!/ Morreu! On top of the piano/ Is a glass of
    poison/ Who drank it!/ Died!

    “Graceann!” my father yelled, louder now. “Turn around!”

    I slipped my oar into the water and paddled just a little farther toward the horizon.

  • Gimme Grain!

    At 9:28 a.m. thirty-one grain traders are milling around a trading pit—an octagon about the size of a pontoon boat, recessed into the hardwood floor—at the Minneapolis Grain Exchange. Steps are wide and lazy, chests are thrust outward. Several of the men (and they are all men) discuss the price of downtown real estate; a few ruminate on Gophers football; nearly everyone chews gum, frantically. Then, at five seconds before 9:30, voices trail off, order books open, and feet are squared. A deep breath passes over the assembly and there’s a brief silence as attention focuses on the flutter of international commodity values changing on the price board above.
    At 9:30, exactly, a bell rings.

    “Half! Half! Half!” screams a muscular trader. His face is three inches from that of a man ten years his senior, who calmly scribbles something into a notebook. Nearby, a man in a red-and-black-checked coat bellows “Quarter!” as four traders crash toward him at the edge of the pit. Others collapse into scrums of shoving, screaming, raised arms, and pointed fingers—despite the fact that the trading floor surrounding them is a third of an acre of mostly empty, silent space. Things continue like this for roughly ten minutes, during which time approximately ten million dollars in business is done. Then, almost as suddenly as the action erupted, it subsides, and the traders mostly just stand around, watching the price fluctuations in Kansas City and Chicago, and occasionally calling out offers. By the end of a four-hour trading day, an average of a hundred million dollars has been transacted this way.

    For nearly as long as there has been a City of Minneapolis, the trading floor of the Minneapolis Grain Exchange (known as MGEX) has been located just blocks from the Mississippi River and its flour mills. But unlike the mills, which now function largely as shells for high-end lofts, MGEX has continued to thrive as a grain-based business. In fiscal 2005, alone, nearly twenty-five billion dollars in business was transacted there, most of it centered on the spring wheat that has been grown and milled in the Midwest since farmers began homesteading here in the mid-nineteenth century. And despite the advent of electronic trading and international commodity markets, most of that twenty-five billion dollars was shouted out by a few dozen Minnesotans who regularly show up to use methods and rules first devised when the exchange was founded 125 years ago.

    During the 1870s, when Minneapolis mills became the primary destination for the burgeoning Midwest wheat harvest, the Minneapolis Millers Association colluded to fix the price of the grain. Enforcement was efficient and brutal: Member mills simply refused to buy grain from any trader competing with an association agent. Enter Colonel George D. Rogers, a young grain trader from Calmar, Iowa, who arrived in Minneapolis in 1873. Determined to compete, Rogers skillfully undercut the Millers association’s pricing and thus established himself as a rare independent Minneapolis grain trader. Nevertheless, Rogers knew that he could never fully defeat the Millers unless there was a centralized Minneapolis grain market and exchange where business was conducted in the open, out of the backrooms favored by the Millers.

    During the summer of 1881, Rogers recruited a group of Minneapolis businessmen to organize an exchange, and on October 6 that year, twenty-one men signed the articles of incorporation establishing the Minneapolis Chamber of Commerce (the name was changed to the Minneapolis Grain Exchange in 1947). Within six months the chamber had 538 members—and enough money to build a headquarters, which was completed in 1884. The Exchange moved into a larger and quite lavish new building at Fourth Avenue and Fourth Street in 1902, which cost $700,000 and included interiors by John Bradstreet, the renowned local arts and crafts designer. The Chamber was justly proud of its edifice, and sang its praises in a commemorative booklet. “Its lines are beautiful, its proportions unassailable, its detail highly attractive,” claimed the author. “In fact it is, architecturally, a constantly increasing pleasure.” Pleasures aside, the building was also designed to be practical, modern, and masculine: “There is a stairway, but it is inconspicuous and little used—only fast elevators are equal to the demands of the grain men.”

    Early photos of the Chamber show dozens of traders in stiff collars and bowler hats crowded among rows of massive, altar-like wooden tables piled with samples of Midwestern grain that was in transit to Minneapolis. “The old-time buyers used to look at the actual grades,” said Randy Narloch, a trader with Archer Daniels Midland Company and a board member of MGEX. “They’d see it, smell it, even taste it.” Today, MGEX’s cash trading tables still cover more than half of the trading floor, but even when the action in the trading pits is loudest, the tables are almost completely empty. “Well, you can get a lab report on a sample faxed or emailed to your office,” Narloch sighed. “There just isn’t much reason to go down there anymore.” No surprise, General Mills and Pillsbury trust lab reports more than they do the senses of their grain traders, however experienced.

    Economic trends, too, have contributed to the decline of the rather quaint practices of the cash traders: With the advent of agricultural giants like ADM and Cargill, the small-scale, independent grain-trading company has become a thing of the past. “We lost a lot of companies to consolidation over the last twenty years,” Narloch pointed out. “Pillsbury, International Multifoods, Kellogg. Now we have maybe ten players.” Of them, “five or six” account for ninety percent of the business at MGEX’s once-crowded cash trading tables, their conversations occasionally pierced by a cry from the futures trading pits at the other end of the trading floor.

    Indeed, if MGEX merely served as a clearing house for grain shipments negotiated at cash trading tables, it would have disappeared long before the agricultural consolidations of the last twenty-five years. But grain traders and farmers are always looking for ways to manage the risk of price fluctuations between, say, planting and harvest, or shipping and delivery. As a result, in 1883, only a few years after its founding, the Chamber of Commerce authorized the trading of “futures”—essentially, a contract to buy or sell something in the future—as a hedge against the risk of price changes. Thus, a farmer concerned that the price of wheat will fall between planting and harvest can buy a contract to sell wheat at the current price before planting the crop (this is one kind of hedge; textbooks have been written about others). MGEX has marvelous archive photos dating back to the early twentieth century, and in them the blurry hands and frantic faces suggest that the business has always been loud, fast, and bruising, despite the stiff collars and Midwestern stoicism exhibited by the earliest onlookers leaning over the visitors’ balcony. A hundred years later it’s still more NYSE—New York Stock Exchange—than Minnesota Nice, with “fisticuffs every three years,” according to Mark Bagan, president of MGEX and a former floor trader.

    Every weekday, from 9:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m., MGEX’s spring wheat futures contract is bought and sold by floor traders on behalf of themselves and clients worldwide. The futures is also popular among speculators, who trade it with little concern for their underlying commodity content. In fact, only around one percent of the contracts traded at MGEX actually result in the delivery of a train car full of wheat, and that’s because most traders regard a futures contract as merely something to trade. “It’s definitely a Type-A environment,” said Bagan. “But I don’t like to call it gambling. I call it risk management.” Whatever it is, speculators assume the risk that others hedge, and Bagan is quite clear that risk has its downside. “For every dollar made, a dollar is lost,” he said. “For every guy that makes it big, three don’t. That’s why you don’t want to get too close to anyone: You don’t know if he’ll be here tomorrow.” And if he’s not there tomorrow, members of the Exchange will be more than happy to bid-up his membership: In the last twelve months, a seat at the Exchange (they are fixed at 391) has more than doubled in price to fifty-five thousand dollars. Some members have more than one, and many never even set foot on the floor. “It’s a good investment,” Bagan said, by way of explanation.

    For a guy who was once in the trading fray himself, Bagan, who is forty-one, cuts a dashing figure: He wears good suits, his goatee is meticulously groomed, and he is soft-spoken and unfailingly polite. Nevertheless, he is an unabashed booster of the “open outcry” trading that occurs in the Grain Exchange’s futures pits, even as electronic trading overtakes the international commodities markets. In fact, ninety percent of the business done at MGEX is open outcry, despite the fact that the MGEX futures contract is available to trade electronically, worldwide. “If you know that a guy works for Cargill and you can look him in the eye—” Bagan shrugged. “That’s the sort of information you just can’t get sitting at home, trading on your PC.” He leaned against the rail of the visitor’s balcony and looked down at the trading pit. “Change isn’t always good,” he concluded with a smile.

  • "We went crazy for a decade."

    On a chill December night last year, hundreds of artists and art lovers of a certain age poured into the Minneapolis Institute of Arts to view a departed friend’s art collection. Dressed in eclectic attire, including one necktie that had formerly been its wearer’s ponytail, they milled about, hugging and shouting and laughing. They seemed thrilled to see one another, to see their art on the walls, and to recall, loudly, the rare and raucous scene they had created two decades ago.

     

    Back then, in the mid-80s, the scene’s center was the New French Bar, where artists congregated and onlookers eavesdropped. On warm Friday afternoons, downtown workers who fancied themselves even halfway hip would take a late lunch there. They’d head down a long, dark, narrow hallway speckled with tattered posters, cross the creaky, worn wooden floor and sprawl on the slatted bench against the wall. They’d sip wine, eat crusty bread, and turn the crisp, green apple slices in the spinach salad into finger food. The lucky ones snagged a table on the loading dock where, across a vast, unobstructed expanse of rubble, they could watch the sun set and soak up arty vibes. The food was good, but the creative energy was better. And so far, no other bistro in town has managed to replace that intimate, funky ambience.

    In the 1980s, Minneapolis reveled in an unprecedented—and so far unrepeated—boom for artists, dealers, consultants, critics, publications—any entity that could attach itself to art. Featuring thronged art crawls, ambitious galleries, and legendary personalities, the scene was also an aberration, many believe, a charmed confluence of burgeoning trends and random circumstances. Nationally, art was hot everywhere, a sweeping trend fueled by media hype and easy money. Locally, the boom begat a memorable decade created by the combination of a geographic center, a strong community ethos, and substantial corporate, government, and philanthropic support.

    “I refer to it as the happy time,” said Scott Seekins, the bespectacled and head-banded figure best known for his distinctive dress code—summer whites, winter blacks. “I am art,” he has been known to say; perhaps more to the point, he is a strolling repository of local art history, one who observes social trends with a discerning eye.

    Seekins and others are quick to point out that the local 80s scene didn’t erupt from fallow ground. In the 60s, Andy Warhol visited here, as did famous empaqueteur Christo; Gordon Locksley and George Shea famously invited the latter to their Mount Curve mansion gallery, where he wrapped nude young women in cellophane to serve as centerpieces for an oft-recalled gala. Seekins remembers the crowd at the Black Forest Inn and a Twenty-sixth Street scene in full flower in the 70s (perhaps due to its proximity to the Minneapolis College of Art and Design), long before a downtown scene emerged. “The very first thing I remember downtown was the E. Floyd Paranoid gallery. It was very obscure, a tiny gallery in the Shinders basement in Block E. One guy—kind of strange—ran it,” Seekins recalled. “He’d go through the dumpsters at the Minneapolis College of Art and Design, then try to sell what he found.”

    On Nicollet Mall, Gallery 12 at what was then Dayton’s was going strong; Glen Hanson worked there before launching his own Hanson Cowles Gallery on Second Avenue North and Fourth Street, right near the New French, where the Urban Wildlife Bar recently closed. Hanson’s landlord was Robert Thomson, a Warehouse District pioneer who had spotted the dilapidated building’s potential in the mid-1970s and leased it; he opened an art-framing shop there, precursor to his Thomson Gallery. But first-gallery bragging rights went to the Women’s Art Registry of Minnesota in 1976, when this feminist collective of forty artists graduated from a collection of slides in a file drawer at St. Catherine’s College to a gallery in a former wholesale showroom in the Wyman Building, just down Fourth Street at First Avenue North.

    Other artists were also banding together. In 1975, Seekins, Dick Brewer, Leon Hushcha, Herb Grika, and others formed a cooperative called Fort Mango, which moved a couple of times during its eight-year run, eventually ending up above the Loon Bar on First Avenue. A couple dozen patrons supported them, paying studio rent and expenses in exchange for selecting art pieces once a year. “We had really good patrons, and we sold a lot of art,” recalls Brewer, who is known for his sculptures and relief paintings on Plexiglas.

  • The Sixties—Dead By Self-Inflicted Gunshot

    The moment flickered past while I realized that the last of them was gone, the last of the sixties counterculture iconoclasts, those world shakers and rainbow revolutionaries: Lenny Bruce, Jack Kerouac, William Burroughs, Allen Ginsberg, John Lennon, Abbie Hoffman, Edward Abbey, Timothy Leary, Ken Kesey, Hunter Thompson—all gone, the last by his own hand.

    I met Thompson once, but I barely remember it. Part of it is time. Part of it is that in those days—the early nineties—the aging revolutionaries of the sixties were my mentors, my heroes, and I emulated them. The key to their genius, I thought, was their excesses, without understanding that their excesses were mostly countermeasure to the pain of genius. My memories from those years are washed with a psychoactive rose-colored tinge—fleeting, gossamer—like cheesy wedding photos.

    Hunter Thompson, like his heroes Ernest Hemingway and Mark Twain, was an American journalist turned fiction stylist, another who fearlessly made himself a character in his own myth-making, carefully fictionalizing his own persona. When Hemingway killed himself, Thompson was twenty-three, still a young, ambitious, and undiscovered writer. He traveled to Ketchum, Idaho, to see the place where his hero stood in the foyer of his home, lifted a custom-made, silver-inlaid shotgun from the rack, put the muzzle to his head and tripped the trigger. Thompson saw a rack of elk’s horns hanging outside above the doorway. He took them, a figurative torch-passing, a talisman.

    Thompson’s journey to Idaho was not unlike my own to Eugene, Oregon. In 1990, I went to the town of my hero, Ken Kesey, to find a torch. In a classic illustration of why we must be careful what we wish for, Kesey passed one to me.

     

    I enrolled in a novel-writing course Kesey taught at the University of Oregon. True to form, he taught by doing. His approach was to co-author an actual novel with thirteen creative-writing students. (Our experimental, collectively written book was published as Caverns, by O.U. Levon—U.O. Novel, spelled backward.) Kesey’s nature, like Thompson’s, was to up the ante, to increase the stakes, to imbue the mundane with the mythical, to inflate, magnify, and intensify.

    The motives of both writers were pure, almost childlike and naive; they were simple seekers of truth, like modern-day Huck Finns. Mix this with thirty years of fame, pursuits by police, pundits, and groupies, some jail time, and harsh literary critique. Boisterous in public, Kesey and Thompson were professional introspectives, molding myths with id and ego. As a consequence, they had to live up to their creations, which became golems that lumbered behind, pursuing and ultimately consuming them.

    I didn’t understand this when I met Kesey. I wanted fame. But Kesey certainly knew the monster pursued him. He intimately recognized my desire, “those burning eyes,” as he called them, and so he allowed me to tag along a on number of celebrity-sprinkled adventures so I could write about them. My tape deck, notebook, and camera in tow, I rode with Kesey and the Merry Pranksters down to the Bay Area for a 1991 sequel to The Original Acid Tests. Among other things, we pranked the Smithsonian Institution, who wanted Further, Kesey’s famous multicolored schoolbus, for an exhibit. We campaigned for Wavy Gravy when he ran for mayor of Berkeley. I tried to write about it all, but the articles didn’t sell. Kesey gave me a job as a farm hand at his spread in Pleasant Hill, Oregon. Generous.

    One day he called and told me that Hunter Thompson was coming for a University of Oregon Cultural Forum gig. “Bring your tape deck; get what you can get.” The fantasy was to pick up Hunter Thompson in Further, its interior tricked out like a Las Vegas casino. There would be Tiffany lamps, topless waitresses, chips, ice, Chivas Regal to complement other neurological ordnance, and a green felted eight-seat poker table—in short, everything needed to welcome the good Doctor of Gonzo and to hold an incredible high-level summit between two of the sixties’ highest minds. That was the fantasy. The reality never jibed.

    Kesey published a calendar a year later, in 1992, with Thompson’s face on a monitor at the center of the poker table with the Thompson quote: “They dragged me aboard that bus . . . forced me to drink alcohol and gamble . . . then after I won, the twisted swine stole all the money . . . ,” which is pretty much what happened.

    My role as observer put me outside the action, an uncomfortable place. I was not adding to Kesey’s story, but taking from it, energizing the monster that pursued him. Even writers that bestow immortality on their subjects—think of Jack Kerouac, who immortalized Neal Cassady in On the Road—are fashioning little golems that shadow their subjects the rest of their lives.

    Thompson’s official appearance was like a political stump speech without a campaign. Fans called out questions and comments and Thompson rambled. The Pranksters called the night after a few hours, loading Thompson onto a gurney and whisking him from the hall. Swirling behind us was a vortex of local journalists and politicians, wide-eyed groupies and students, drunks and freaks, bikers, and Mad Dog-crazed trolls out from under their bridges to toast their knight and champion, many of whom climbed onto the bus and rode out to Kesey’s farm.

    The trolls took bottles from the kitchen and faded out into the swamp in the first hour. The other reporters and students folded about 2 a.m., the groupies lying prone on the DayGlo bean-bag chairs scattered around the living room. The politicians, more familiar with madness and depravity, left shortly after 3 a.m.

    It wasn’t until after 4 a.m.—after a brief incident with an old eight-gauge shotgun with side-by-side barrels like three-foot Coke cans, a goose killer that, happily, Kesey had no shells for; after the vodka, Wild Turkey, and Chivas bottles were empty and a bottle of cheap cabernet was still hopefully half full; after Thompson had requisitioned Kesey’s old Mercury for an early morning roundup of the cows, who lowed and bawled over the roar of the over-revved engine, loud and abusive in the early-morning quiet, which also stirred the iridescent, aggressive, and ill-mannered peacocks that Thompson had once given Kesey to serve as watchdogs, which in turn riled the neighbor’s roosters, and then their neighbor’s neighbors, creating a circle of unrest spreading like pond ripples in still black waters—it was after all this that Kesey and Thompson turned to their diplomatic and cultural negotiations. I switched on my tape deck and took out my notepad.

    We sat at the Kesey’s kitchen table, which was decorated with sixties relics, baby pictures, and lurid DayGlo swirls, all preserved under layers of yellowing shellac.

    It was February 28, 1991, the day after President George H.W. Bush ordered a cease-fire pending Saddam Hussein’s acceptance of terms. The heady, triumphant end of Desert Storm. Bush rode high in the polls. The other team.

    Kesey: We really have suffered a bad blow these last few years, you know it. A lot of people fought a real battle and we thought we could beat them.

    Thompson: We were fools.

    Kesey: We were fools. We’re in for five bad years. Maybe a whole lot more, maybe fifty, maybe a hundred.

    Thompson: It feels like a long time. Sure, a hundred years.

    Then the talk turned local. The week before, the Grateful Dead had been banned from playing Autzen Stadium at the University of Oregon. A stunning thing. An insult personal and targeted, as close as you could get to banning the local team from their home field. The psychedelic mayhem that trailed the band was no longer welcome at one of the most liberal, hippie-dominated enclaves in the United States—as sure a sign as any that the sixties were finally and completely over. That President Bush’s New World Order reigned.

    Kesey: It’s all about religion. It’s not drugs, it’s religion. These people don’t want heads getting together and feeling a way that is outside the boundaries of any kind of recognized religion. That is the threat. The Grateful Dead have amassed a real bunch of followers that are following them, really, for religious reasons. They really work hard at it.

    Thompson: Jerry Garcia is the one that gets it.

    Kesey: Yeah, he is just a very, very

    enlightened guy.

    Thompson: Jerry is a hard warrior.

    Kesey: Plus, he is a very, very intelligent, hardworking man, working with the best tools he can find at this period in history. And we are privileged to run around in this same time.

    Kesey, who was standing, looked at Thompson and laid a hand on his shoulder. Thompson had just published two books in the last year, and had been getting into his usual trouble with the authorities; earlier that year, his home had been raided and he was charged with five felonies and three misdemeanors, mostly related to illegal substances and explosives.

    Kesey: And the same with you, old timer. Goddamn. You’re a real warrior, and each time I read this stuff of yours, I read it and read it, and read over it and go back to it and look at it and I’m just amazed at it. And I’m the only one who really knows how good it is, I think.

    A crowd from the barn swirled into the kitchen at this point, friends of Kesey’s. They were arguing about the poker winnings.

    Thompson: There was about forty dollars in there.

    Kesey: I had to pay that last guy eight dollars to leave.

    (Laughter.)

    Thompson: So that’s thirty-eight dollars to me.

    Kesey began to do sleight-of-hand tricks with a coin, the quarter flashing across his knuckles, disappearing from one hand and reappearing in the other. He kept talking as he performed the magic, and the group at the table fell silent watching him.

    Kesey: Someone told me, “You have to support your leaders.” And I said, “No! I ought not to support my leaders. That’s not my job. My job is to always go against my leaders.”

    Thompson: No, your job will be to go down in history as a card cheat.

    (Kesey’s concentration was broken. He dropped the coin.)

    Kesey: I would be good at that.

    Thompson: Yeah, but is that the way you want yourself known, he cheated at cards?

    Kesey: I cheated well at cards.

    (Kesey flashed the coin, making it jump from one hand and appear in the other.)

    Kesey: But I always have maintained that this is what literature and art, what everything is about. It’s about that moment when your mind goes boink. That little tiny moment of magic.

    Thompson: Magic is when you get people to think you’re doing something else than what you’re doing with your hands . . . which is just cheating.

    Kesey: Of course! Of course. But cheating is magic.

    Their bravado, this many years later, can be mistaken for vanity, or the bloviations of faded superstars. But what these men had written, and their actions, had made them targets. And they had paid the price, again, and again. In Kesey’s finest novel, Sometimes a Great Notion, the main character grows up with a sign his father nailed above his bed, “Never Give an Inch.” And Kesey never did. Thompson either. Neither of them were political; they were radical, lived radically, wrote radically, and died young. I once asked Kesey what had happened to the sixties. Why the movement lost its steam. His eyes went wide at my naivete. “They threw us all in jail. Every one of us.” I pressed on— maybe their lifestyle had brought the thing down. He took on a harder tone—teacher to student. “If you stand in the spotlight for too long, someone will draw a bead on you. What didn’t you get about John Lennon?”

    That night, Kesey continued the lesson, as the writers talked about spending time in jail, and the cost of being a critic of powerful institutions—the feeling of being watched, even when you’re free.

    Kesey: The job of the writer is to stand out there alone and hammer these things home because nobody else will do it. And most of us writers have stopped. Thompson, you haven’t stopped. Burroughs has not given a goddamn inch. But that all draws heat. They just tried to bust you for it.

    Thompson: These last ten years have seemed like a hundred.

    Kesey: More and more I feel like that is our job. We must not become partisan.

    Thompson: Who “we”? You we, me we or what? Who are we?

    Kesey: You know it’s gotten down to this. Forget what’s just, forget what’s righteous, forget all that stuff, forget everything except the survival of a certain limited small bunch of people that carry the light. So—I made a sign.

    Kesey digs through some of the posters and artwork that lines the wall. He pulls out a sign.

    Kesey: When the war came down, a bunch of people went to the Federal Building in our hometown. Usually you see them out in front of 7-Eleven. They don’t have anything else to do. They beg money and try to pick up dope. They are the peace side. Then over here on the other side are the goddamn redneck, big old bearded sons of bitches and they’re all yelling and waving the flag. So I drove by with this sign.

    (Kesey held up a STOP sign.)

    Kesey: I sat out in the middle of the street, between the two with my sign, and I made enemies of them all.

    (Thompson stabbed his long cigarette in its holder at Kesey.)

    Thompson: He’s the same bastard that tried to persuade me, on the telephone, to call up the Hells Angels. That I could make peace between the Berkeley peace freaks and the Hells Angels.

    Kesey: We came close.

    Thompson: Ahh, no. No, we got to get them together.

    (Laughter.)

    Kesey: Creativity is the only thing that will see us through. Nobody is going to see us through. The fault always has to lie with the poets. When a poet presents a really great vision, the people will follow. You cannot expect the politicians or people in the media to supply the vision. It has to be the poet’s domain.

    The writers talk more about heroes and villains, dying hopes.

    Kesey: But we’re not going to move things like I thought we were back in 1968. I thought we were going to grab the tail of the dinosaur and flip him over on his back, and cut him open, and eat his entrails.

    Thompson: We did pretty good, though. Flipped him hard and he’s still trying to get us for it.

    Kesey: Yeah, we got him on his back, but we couldn’t put the knife in and we didn’t really want to eat his entrails anyway. We just wanted to flip him over, play.

    Thompson: Just flipping him over was fun. And surprisingly easy then. But battle made the monster hard.

    Kesey: There’s two ways you make the world work, with a whip or a carrot. We carry carrots.

    And that is where my tape and notes ended early in the morning of March 1, 1991. The carrot has become an even less effective weapon than it was fourteen years ago, and the duo’s ugly, addled prophesies have played out. Jerry Garcia died in 1995; Timothy Leary in 1996; Allan Ginsberg and William Burroughs in 1997. Kesey died in 2001. And Hunter S. Thompson, sitting in his writing chair, full glass of Chivas at his elbow, his son and grandson in the house, his wife on the phone, put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger on February 20, 2005. He, like his hero Hemingway, ended his life as if it were a fiction, and he the author. Last week, in a private ceremony, he had his ashes shot from a cannon at Willow Creek.

    Before I left his farm for good, in search of my own path, Kesey gave me an I Ching and some coins. I decided to throw the Ching as a meditation on this passing:

    There is no water in the lake;

    The image of EXHAUSTION

    Thus the superior man stakes his life

    On following his will.

  • The Ruin

    If you were seeking God, you probably wouldn’t think to look in Inver Grove Heights. The fast-growing St. Paul suburb is a good place to buy a fleet of used Cessnas, or a truckload of corn chips, potash, or mechanical heart valves. At the town’s center stands a massive petroleum refinery—a strange, stippled city of smokestacks, steel cauldrons, and tangled pipes. Nearby vacant land is zoned for industrial use, with special tax breaks and cut-rate financing. Places like this exist all over the Midwest, at the ragged edges of our cities, where bulldozers and chainsaws reign and industry and sprawl inscribe the landscape. Yet in spite of its dismal aspect, the town was once a place where a person could come to find God.

    Near the refinery, in a forgotten field passed over by bulldozers, there stood for decades an unusual sacred monument—or at any rate, its ruin. There was never much to it: a pair of stone arches connected by a low wall, half overgrown in summer by thistles, asters, and prairie grass. Its rough stones were set in uneven ranks; its arches rose to points. Around it, swallows swooped and wind bent the grasses. It was a scene out of time, with the ruin at its center like the ancient gate to a decayed abbey. In an average month, nearly half a million autos rolled past it on U.S. Highway 52 on the circuit from Rochester to the Twin Cities. Among those drivers who glanced up from the road, the ruin must have been something of a puzzle.

    Two years ago, highway crews finally bulldozed the stone structure. The destruction put me in low spirits. Though my way hadn’t often taken me in that direction, I missed the old pile. I’ve always liked such places, where our sense of order is ruptured and out come feelings both strange and powerful. And I had spent some time getting to know this place in particular. Who, I had to wonder, would have built so far from water, miles from any town—and with pointed arches? And when? Finally one day, I had called the local historical society. The woman who answered the phone knew the ruin and told me it had been a billboard sign. She put me on hold and pulled the file, which contained a newspaper clipping that described the dedication of the sign in 1940.

    A few days later, I held the clip in my hand. A religious organization, the Outdoor Scripture Sign Crusade, had erected the shrine. Between the two arches and affixed to the stone base had been a wooden sign that was sixteen feet high and sixty-five feet long. It read, in huge letters trimmed with Persian orange paint, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved.”

    History can seem like nothing more than a collection of questions that take hold of you and won’t let go. Answer one, and two more grow in its place. I’m especially susceptible to such mysteries. And in this case, the strange confluence of symbols—the Gothic arches, overtones of the Resurrection, and echoes of Percy Shelley’s poem “Ozymandias”—appealed to my sense of the dramatic. I resolved to learn all I could about this ruin at the edge of the city, the men who built it, and the forces that destroyed it.

    The charismatic personality behind the Outdoor Scripture Sign Crusade was Marius Marvin Schlief. In 1940, he was a boyish twenty-two, with fleshy cheeks and a ready, thin-lipped grin. An itinerant salesman, he traveled from town to town selling meat for the Swift Company. It was in this capacity, perhaps, that he discovered the power of what he called “eye advertising.”

    Marius was born in Berthold, North Dakota, a dusty railroad town not far from Minot. His family farmed, and they harvested their share of troubles. His mother had married at sixteen, then quickly bore four children. At twenty-five, she became pregnant with another man’s child and left her husband and their kids to marry her new love, James Baah. Then came four more children. Marius was the youngest, born on October 30, 1918. He came into a tumultuous world of war and disease. Soldiers had brought influenza home from Europe, and a few months after Marius’ first birthday, the disease killed his mother. She had been “highly esteemed among neighbors and friends,” according to her obituary, “for her many commendable characteristics and Christian fortitude.” James Baah was less fondly remembered after he impregnated the fourteen-year-old girl he’d hired to mind the children. He was sent away to Canada, and Marius and his siblings were placed for adoption.

    Distant relatives, Adolf and Francis Schlief, adopted the children. The Schliefs were in their early thirties, with no kids of their own and an aging mother for whom they cared. Adolf, a butcher, rose early for his shift at a meatpacking plant in the South St. Paul stockyards. Francis stayed home to raise her four new wards. The Schliefs ran a strict, joyless home. Francis, inexperienced and sometimes frantic, was given to bursts of temper. According to family legend, she once beat one of Marius’ brothers with a cast iron skillet.

    Adolf and Francis were deeply religious. They worshipped in the Brethren Church—a breakaway Protestant group nicknamed the “dunkers” for their full-body baptisms. As new members of the family, Marius and his siblings also became Brethren and were initiated into the rites of the church. The Brethren advocate fealty to the Scriptures. Jesus washed feet; the Brethren wash feet. Jesus had communion in the evening; so do the Brethren. Marius absorbed this early immersion in evangelism. It defined him as a child, and by the time he reached his teens, he was possessed by religious fervor. He joined Christian Endeavor, an evangelical youth group, and with his brother Vernon began publishing a religious newspaper. Marius played the violin, Vernon the guitar, other friends the cornet and accordion, and they all played together at religious gatherings. At street meetings, the brothers preached by bullhorn to anyone who would listen. Marius always was at the center of these events, a frequent speaker who liked to sermonize. He took his Bible study seriously, memorizing passages using mnemonic systems (each finger, for example, represented a memorized Bible verse). He kept a running tally of the souls he’d saved.

    It was a time of evangelical awakening all across the country, and also a time when Christianity developed a mean streak. One famous radio preacher, Father Coughlin, praised the Nazis to his thirty million listeners. Luke Rader, from the radio booth in his Minneapolis Tabernacle, raged against “Satan’s Synagogue.” Billy Sunday’s convulsive fire-and-brimstone sermons drew crowds of thousands to fields and tents in every state. It was as if the sheer helplessness of the Depression years wrung families hard until a sour trickle seeped out. If Christianity’s paranoid fringe affected Marius, however, the notes and documents of his life don’t show it. His was a cheerful disposition. He was a practical joker, and in the same notebook where he tallied his saved souls, he kept a list of jokes for handy reference.

    According to a short history of the organization, apparently penned by Marius, the idea for the Outdoor Scripture Sign Crusade (the name was later shortened to Gospel Signs Inc.) came to Marius and Vernon “during one of the periods of prayer, to which they constantly resorted for comfort and guidance.” The brothers had noted the new, commercial “outdoor posters” along local highways, and they were entranced by this means of spreading the word. “It is our conviction that Christians should not ignore this valuable instrument,” Marius wrote. Their first sign went up in 1938 just south of the St. Paul city limits, a small wooden placard that read, “Whosever shall call on the name of the LORD shall be saved.” Marius and his friends quickly erected five more signs. Supporters donated land, materials, and labor, “making possible both low cost, and appearance whose modern design is colorful and attractive.”

    Around this time, Marius met Elinor Olson, a young pianist recruited to accompany his violin performance at a church service. It wasn’t love at first sight, but Elinor soon joined the Schlief brothers and their friends in frenetic rounds of church meetings, music sessions, and parties. For his part, Marius found in Elinor’s family some of the tenderness that he missed in his own. He was soon a fixture at the Olson home.

    “He was a delight,” Elinor’s sister Shirley recalls now from her house in Okalahoma. “He loved our whole family. We’d do all kinds of things. For entertainment, it was always with the church group. Marius would bring his friends over to my mother’s house. She’d make a hot dish and rolls. We had skating parties, parties where they played games. They were outstanding young people. They had good jobs, a lot of them. We really had a good life with him. I can’t remember that we ever fought.”

    Like Marius, Elinor had suffered a troubled childhood. Her mother and father had separated when she was five. Her father moved into a residence hotel. For years, the family took pains to keep up appearances. “We never admitted to anyone that our dad did not live with us,” Elinor wrote in a brief autobiography she left when she died a few years ago. “When we had unexpected company from the church at night we had to call Daddy at the Jackson Hotel, and he would come out for the evening and then return to the hotel after they left.”

    Elinor was twelve when her family became born again at a Luke Rader revival meeting. After that, they were regulars at evangelical gatherings, including Billy Sunday’s traveling show and faith healings orchestrated by a local preacher. Elinor took these meetings to heart. “We had been preached to about the end of the world coming September 9, 1934,” she wrote. “I decided that I wanted my mother to have a new bread box, so I took my earnings and bought it for her that summer so she would have it before the end of the world.”

    Within six months of their meeting, Marius proposed to Elinor. “He did not believe in diamond rings,” Elinor wrote, “but he gave me a gold watch with diamonds around it.” Their wedding, long delayed for lack of money, was a simple affair. “We just had the family in the living room, then went downstairs to take pictures, and then our Gospel Signs friends came over for a simple reception.”

    All this time, the crusaders had continued their work of posting the highways with billboards: “Jesus Christ Said: I am the way, the truth and the life; no man cometh unto the father but by me.” “It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.” “Prepare to meet thy God.” “The Wages of Sin is Death.”

    With each new sign, the group received letters—many containing a dollar, some with sizeable checks. The idea of building the massive stone edifice on Highway 52 came in late 1939. The other signs were modest structures of plywood and steel. The new one would be different: imposing, permanent, an enduring monument to Christ. An artist in the crusade sketched a plan for the sign, and even printed stationery featuring the drawing. Everyone prayed for guidance. If Marius suffered any doubts about the project, worries of idolatry or pride, he didn’t show it. It’s more likely that the project’s ease—the donated land, the stone hauled for free from a nearby quarry—justified the work, for why would God bless the project if it were not in his plan?

    The dedication ceremony took place a few days shy of Marius’ twenty-second birthday. The day dawned clear and bright, and slowly the cars came rolling to a stop along the highway. A few surviving photographs show a large crowd gathered on what was, at the time, flat farmland. The men wore suits, their hair slicked back or combed over. Young women in tailored jackets tugged their children across the grass. A farmhouse and barn stood in the distance.

    Marius presided as the master of ceremonies. He said, “It is the will of God that this stone is erected here.” Another speaker predicted that, “the time was not far distant when provision would be made for signs in the air for those who are flying.” Robert Olson, a mainstay of the crusade, played a cornet solo. Everyone sang “All Hail the Power of Jesus’ Name.”

    One afternoon, before the ruin was knocked down, I decided to view the arches up close, in order to see and touch the stones. I was curious, but I also felt possessed by a force I couldn’t quite put into words. I pulled to the side of the highway and stepped out of my car, feeling displaced and out of scale with my surroundings. Semis shook away from the nearby stoplight, snorting through their gearboxes. A skunky stench came from the refinery. I entered the waist-high grass, where I found tire tracks to follow to the ruin. And then I was beside it. The sign was built from gray slabs and brown runty stones, all mortared together in uneven rows, not a solid foundation, but a mosaic. It looked homemade, the product of artistic vision. I found no trace of the wooden sign. My guess is that it rotted away long ago. Standing there, I had the sense that the ruin was speaking to me, but I couldn’t decipher the message.

    Such ambiguity is endemic to ruins. Their symbolic meanings are as unstable as their structures. Celebrated in poems, songs, and paintings since the dawn of recorded history, ruins have been said to signify everything from triumph over enemies to sublime nature to the shadow of our own mortality. Something about a ruin makes a person feel frail and inferior in the presence of a higher, destructive force. It makes no difference if we call that force nature, time, mortality, or God. The fact of our inferiority remains. The ruin is its proof.

    The issue is considerably confused, in this case, by the ruin’s history as a religious object. The Bible is full of ruins that signify God’s wrath. “Do not place a carved stone in your land to bow down before it,” God warns the Israelites in Leviticus, or, “I will turn your cities into ruins and lay waste your sanctuaries, and I will take no delight in the pleasing aroma of your offerings.” If erected in God’s honor, was Marius Schlief’s ruined billboard a symbol of God’s rebuff? And the erasure of its remains his final word?

    Then again, in the shadow of the great refinery, the ruin seemed a delightful monument to folly and romanticism, a challenge to our prevailing notions of progress and competence. It is our misfortune to live in an age that honors efficiency above all other qualities. Truth and honor are sacrificed to it. What makes this an especially bad bargain is that, despite its trappings of scientific rationality, efficiency is a fiction—as immeasurable as hope, which is far more useful. All those automobiles speeding past the ruin, for instance, were efficient only if you discounted the thousands of men who extracted ore from the earth; made it into steel; and bent, burned, and riveted it into shape. To say nothing of the great machines—the cement mixers and rock-chewers—that were employed to make the highway. Efficiency is a bedtime story we tell ourselves to shut out black chaos. A ruin, on the other hand, is a gateway into that chaos.

    For a good while, I stood before the ruin. Then I snapped some photographs and tramped back along the highway toward my car, which I noticed had been flanked by a pair of shiny jeeps with darkened windows. Two men clothed in paramilitary gear—black shirts tucked into black trousers, tucked into black boots—eyed me as I approached. The younger one pointed toward my camera and asked if I had been taking photographs. I nodded. Then he pulled a small card from a plastic dog tag that hung around his neck, and read that it was his duty to inform the Federal Bureau of Investigation of any suspicious activity in the area unless I surrendered my film.

    I said I would take my chances with the FBI, and then we fell to talking.

    “I always wondered about that thing,” said the older man a little wistfully, when I mentioned my interest in the ruin.

    I asked why all the fuss about the FBI. He told me the ruin, along with the nearby refinery, stood in a “level-one security zone,” protected from terrorists night and day. The idea of a ruin under guard, or, for that matter, under attack, only heightened the prevailing sense of unreality. How could a pair of armed security guards hope to fight off the forces of decay and entropy?

    It seems reasonable that Marius Schlief, with his winning smile, his lists of jokes, and his charismatic demeanor, was on his way to becoming an evangelical force—another of his era’s booming voices. But, as he might have said, God had other plans. A few months after his marriage, the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. He resigned as president of Gospel Signs, quit his job delivering meat, and enlisted in the military. He graduated from basic training in 1943, and then shipped out on the submarine USS Batfish.

    During his tour, he kept a small notebook, which his daughter has saved. In it, he jotted updates of his works as a lay minister: “Met two Christians on forecastle, Feb. 23, first Bible class same night; two fellows accepted Christ, five in all—praise Him!” He also typed, or wrote out in his careful script, the notes for his Bible study sessions. Most of them are concerned with matters of doctrine and bear such titles as “The Nature of GRACE” and “Things that Pleased God.”

    One entry, though, stands out. Titled “Christians Fighting,” it consists of a rationale for his own service. Unlike the other entries, which are little more than notes with Bible references, this one is composed in full sentences. In it, Marius lines up several arguments in favor of war. He cites instances of “Most Victorious battles” from the Old Testament. He argues that the commandment “Thou shalt not kill” refers only to murder, not to capital punishment or war. “In discussing the question as to whether a Christian should go to war, we never should quote this command as having anything to do with it,” he concludes. He concedes that early Christians refused military service—not because killing ran counter to Christ’s teachings, but because soldiers were required to “bow and worship” an image of an emperor. “This the Christians could not do, and would not do.” Finally, he proposes a separation between the “Spiritual Kingdom” of Christ, which “does not accomplish its advancement by carnal weapons” and the “material kingdom of the world, which needs to be judiciously ordered by material means.”

    Judging from the passage, Marius was a man at war with himself, wrestling with the age-old problem of moral action. Crouched over his typewriter in the belly of the Batfish, Marius wrote this sermon, one senses, to convince not his fellow gunners, but himself. There’s something vulnerable and deeply moving in Marius’ arguments—especially his comparison of killing (such an unambiguous moral prohibition) to the compulsion to bow to a graven image (which, I suspect, Christ would be willing to forgive). In any case, his submarine was highly decorated and sank a total of nine Japanese ships, including three vessels in the space of four days in early February 1945.

    World War II ended the work of the Outdoor Scripture Sign Crusade. And by all accounts, Marius came home a changed man. He maintained his strict doctrine, but no longer channeled it into evangelism. If this were fiction, I could pretend to know exactly what happened in the bowels of that submarine, between the praying and the killing. But Marius never spoke of the war. As it is, all I can say is that he returned to his wife, started a printing business, had children, and never re-formed the crusade.

    Marius died in 1973, but I met his daughter, Sandy, and spent an afternoon poring over photographs and family trees in her dining room. It was clear after a few minutes that she still cares for him in that fierce, absolute way that some daughters do for their fathers.

    “He was wonderful,” she said, and her eyes got misty and lost. “He spent, I would say, sixteen to eighteen hours a day working, but he always had time for us. He never made us feel unwanted. But there were rules. It seems like most of my childhood was sitting in church. He was very strict with us. There is a nerve in the knee, and if we misbehaved, he would squeeze it. He never believed that children should play during church. You sit during the service. And we did.

    “My dad had a big ego,” she continued, her impressions coming in bursts. “He wasn’t obnoxious, but he needed to be in the limelight. My dad was in the front; my mom tagged behind. She said she never got tired of holding his hand. She would always say, ‘The best isn’t good enough for Marius Schlief.’ Everything he did was absolutely perfect. It was his spirit. He never preached hellfire and brimstone. It was all in the way he treated people. ”

    Sometimes he would drive Sandy to the edge of town and show her the stone billboard sign. But with no one to maintain it, the paint had begun to peel and fade, the signboard to rot, the mortar to flake. Little by little, the sign fell apart.

    One of Marius’ confidants after the war was his brother Cledis, which is surprising in that Cledis never took to religion. In fact, while Marius forbade his children to dance, Cledis ran a dance hall on Highway 55, not far from the billboard sign. Schlief’s Little City was an old-fashioned roadhouse that drew crowds from all the surrounding towns, friends who brought their own liquor and danced. They danced the waltz, the fox-trot, swing, mixers, the chicken dance, the polka, all to the accompaniment of an accordion, a clarinet, and a stand-up bass.

    Marius and his family often stopped by on Sunday afternoons, when the dancing was over. And Sandy and her sister would sneak into the ballroom, with its stale smoke and dim lights, and they would spin together on the wooden floor.

    The last surviving member of the Outdoor Scripture Sign Crusade is Bob Olson, the man who played the cornet at the billboard’s dedication. He lives with his wife in a Twin Cities senior housing project. I paid him a visit to find out what he remembered about the sign, and while we were talking, it occurred to me that he hadn’t seen it in some time and had no idea that it had fallen into ruin and been destroyed. I explained the situation. I said it seemed that the forces of man—industry, commerce, and so on—had displaced the seeds of godliness that, as I understood it, his organization had hoped to plant. At that, he chuckled and shrugged.

    “Satan is just working harder,” he said. “A lot harder. That’s all I can see.”

    I asked him why a bunch of young guys would set out to build such a monument. The question seemed to take him by surprise.

    “We were interested in souls,” he said, as if explaining something to a particularly slow child. “That’s the reason—absolutely the only reason we would go to all that trouble. We were interested in seeing people accept the Lord.”

    Turns out, that’s still his preoccupation. It didn’t take him long to question the condition of my soul.

    “How long have you been saved?” he asked.

    “Well, I don’t know that I am,” I hedged. “I suppose I was baptized.”

    “But have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?”

    I hadn’t. But I hated to let him down. The truth is that my religious training was patchy at best. The child of a Catholic and a Jew, both lapsed, I slipped between the cracks. I went to a few Bible study sessions in grade school. I listened to a lot of old-timers’ stories about Nanabouzou and the Great Spirit on the Indian reservation where I grew up. I drank wine from a homemade chalice at hippie Sabbath celebrations. Today, the extent of my spirituality is a kind of rueful respect for the great mysteries of life and death and for my minuscule place in the scheme of things. Over the years, I have decided not to care what name is given to these mysteries. No, that’s not right. I have come to believe it necessary not to name them. Because as soon as they are named, they cease to be mysteries and become human interpretations, steeped in all our folly and hubris.

    But how could I explain this to Bob Olson? “Last night I prayed about you coming here,” he said, “and I want to read something to you.” He opened his Bible and read aloud the verses in John that are the cornerstone of the born-again philosophy. In the text, Jesus tells a rabbi that to see the kingdom of God, he must be “born again.”

    “How can a man be born when he is old?” the man asks. “Can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb and be born?”

    Jesus answers: “That which is born of flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh and wither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.”

    To Bob Olson, stammering over the verses, the key point was that “you must be born again!” But as I listened, I was captured by Jesus’s metaphor: the Spirit is the wind, its source and destination a mystery. There is only its touch upon your cheek. And yet here we are, Bob Olson too, struggling to catch the wind, explain it, pin it between the pages of a million Bibles. Suddenly, I felt lighter than I had in a long time.

    Recently, I drove past the spot along Highway 52 where the ruin had stood. Not only were the stones gone, but so was the grassy meadow. It had been replaced by dirt, gravel, and sawdust. The oaks that once provided shade lay in a tangled heap. I thought I caught a glimpse of the ruin’s stones at the far edge of the construction site, scattered like rubble from a beaten city. Where the sign had stood, highway crews erected a concrete buttress. Steel beams lay stacked next to it, the future understructure of a freeway overpass.

    All of this I saw in a flash. Then the traffic hurtled me forward. I drove on, a little heartbroken, a little stunned, a little weary. But as I considered the situation, I thought to myself that it was not so surprising that the ruin should be replaced by a new freeway. What was surprising was that it had stood in the first place.

  • Erased from Memory

    A waiter hurries a tray of tall drinks toward a café table. A dapper trio sits there: A young man wearing a straw boater, a suit in candy-colored stripes, and a silk cravat is entertaining two beauties resplendent in crinoline, swathed bodices, and elaborate millinery. The dandy leans forward to finish the story that holds his two young companions in rapt attention.


    On a Roof Garden
    , by W.A. Rogers, hangs at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. Reminiscent of works from the heyday of French Impressionism, it expertly captures the swankiness and energy of the Gilded Age, that fabled moment late in the nineteenth century when America was emerging as an industrial power and nascent empire.

    This painting, however, depicts an actual Minneapolis location, or one that existed once. The rooftop garden is part of a pavilion atop the Guaranty Loan Building, which was one of the city’s great Victorian landmarks. But the building, which sat at the corner of Third Street and Second Avenue South, and the ambitious young millionaire who built it have vanished from history.

    Today the Gateway District is experiencing a kind of resurgence. Once again it is dominated by monumental corporate and institutional architecture, but through much of the twentieth century, it was Minneapolis’s skid row, teeming with flophouses and dingy saloons, peopled by panhandlers, hoboes, winos, and prostitutes.

    Long before its debasement, it had been the most elegant and vital precinct of the city, a district thriving with the brio and new wealth of America’s Gilded Age. No edifice symbolized the era better than the Guaranty Loan Building. When it opened in 1890, it was the first skyscraper west of Chicago—twelve stories of red granite and lacy wrought iron, with an interior atrium that was one of the marvels of the design world. Its greatest glory was its twelfth floor, which contained a public as well as several private dining rooms, separate cafés for ladies and gents, billiards and smoking rooms, and a rooftop pavilion filled with potted palms, planting beds, and floral bowers. The skyscraper proclaimed that Minneapolis had arrived as a world-class metropolis. It also cemented the status of Louis Menage as one of the true founders of the city, a man equal to the Pillsburys and the Lowrys for his role in putting Minneapolis on the map.

    The Gilded Age married public sanctimony with rampant corruption, and lionized those who made their mark wheeling and dealing in a business climate that amounted to a laissez-faire paradise. It is usually defined as the period between the scandals of the Grant administration and the election of trust-busting Teddy Roosevelt. This was the era of John D. Rockefeller and Andrew Carnegie, J.P. Morgan and James J. Hill, and hundreds of other lesser-known industry barons; they made their fortunes in the freewheeling, boom-and-bust decades following the Civil War, before there were such things as income or inheritance taxes. Until the great Panic of 1893—the stock market crash that was a forerunner of the Great Depression and triggered more than a decade of economic decline—these men were celebrated publicly as paragons of business acumen and personal rectitude, even while their private code of business conduct was based on the Law of the Jungle, not the Sermon on the Mount.

    No one better embodied the contradictions of that gaudy era, nor followed them more closely to their fateful conclusion, than Louis Menage. He was a real-estate tycoon, financier, mortgage banker, patron of the arts and sciences, and civic visionary. He built not only the Guaranty Loan Building, but also Minneapolis’s first world-class resort. He was man of deep faith and lax ethics, author of one of the period’s largest and most damaging bankruptcies, and, finally, a fugitive from the law who sought asylum in a Central American banana republic.

    In his 1893 History of the City of Minneapolis, Isaac Atwater portrayed Menage on the eve of his utter disgrace, employing a reverential, breathless style that anticipated business-magazine profiles of titans like Jack Welch one hundred years later. “In his private offices sits Mr. Menage, the most unpretentious and modest of all the thronging multitude, the animating spirit and directing head of all.” In another passage Atwater lauded Menage’s career as “illustrious among the numerous ones of our country … achieving success without adventitious aid, with none to envy or malign, esteemed for probity, honor, and enterprise.”

    How could a man of such acumen and rectitude fall so far, so fast? The question is a perennial one; how could Kenneth Lay go from being George W. Bush’s “Kenny Boy” to White House pariah in only a few short years? How could Martha Stewart transform from Queen of the Canapé into Convicted Felon? The easy answer is greed, of course. Greed coupled with a legal environment that encouraged ever more daring transgressions by overlooking a dozen smaller, prefatory lapses.

    Louis Menage was born in Rhode Island in 1850, the son of a French immigrant and a mother who was a direct descendent of John Howland, one of the passengers on the Mayflower. A few years later, his father, a confectioner, moved the family to New Bedford, Massachusetts. When his father died from tuberculosis, Louis and his brother took over the family business and ran it for three years. But in 1871, he was advised by a physician that he had “weak lungs”—a precursor to full-blown tuberculosis. Menage therefore headed west to Minnesota, where the “bracing climate” was then considered to be a good course of treatment.

    During his first winter in his new home state, Menage taught shorthand at a local business school, then spent a couple of years as a clerk and timekeeper in a Northern Minnesota timber camp. Neither position was sufficient to satisfy his ambition. In 1874, he returned to Minneapolis and opened a real estate office on Washington Avenue. It was here that he began his rise to the top of Minnesota society.

    At the time, Minneapolis was bursting at the seams. With keen foresight, Menage gobbled up farmland and meadows along the city’s southern boundaries, platting the land, laying out streets and water and sewer hookups, constructing houses. He convinced his good friend and fellow entrepreneur Thomas Lowry to lay in a streetcar line to provide transit to the hordes of new residents he expected to move into the newly developed areas. To help finance it all, he started his own mortgage banking firm, the Northwestern Guaranty Loan Company.

    In less than twenty years, Menage developed most of the Lakes District in southwest Minneapolis, as well as Prospect Park and portions of other neighborhoods. Check the abstract of almost any home in south Minneapolis and you’ll find that it’s part of a “Menage Addition” or a “Menage Rearrangement.” (Subsequent history erased all but these most discreet references to the man.) With his uncanny sense of where the market was moving, he also bought and developed prime real estate in other parts of the country as well, like a large tract of marshland along the southern end of Lake Michigan—the future site of Gary, Indiana’s steelyards.

    In the decade following the establishment of his first business, Menage began to acquire a reputation as a moral as well as financial leader of the community. Not only did he donate the bell that still hangs in the belfry of First Baptist Church at Tenth and Hennepin in downtown Minneapolis, he also wrote what came to be known as the “Menage forfeiture clause” into almost every title on land he sold in Minneapolis. Under this clause, any purchaser who knowingly or unknowingly allowed the sale of liquor to occur on his property would automatically forfeit title back to Menage or his descendents—a covenant that continued to vex city residents until an exasperated Legislature passed a law in 1937 specifically voiding the clause. While inspired in part by the newly revived temperance movement, there was also a clear economic incentive behind the covenant—how fortuitous the prospect of being able to reacquire property he’d already sold without having to go through the inconvenience of buying it back! But Menage was not a prig, at least when his moral scruples might interfere with a sale; he did not always write the clause into his contracts. It was not included, for example, in the title to the property he sold to the developers planning to build the Minikahda Club.

    In 1883, only twelve years after arriving in Minnesota, Menage firmly established himself as one of the leading citizens of Minneapolis by opening the Lyndale Hotel on the high ground along the eastern shore of Lake Calhoun—a wilderness recently made accessible by a new railway line. The design of the resort reflected Menage’s vaulting ambitions for himself and his adopted city. Guests stayed in suites of two to four sleeping rooms, trimmed with mahogany and furnished with Belgian carpets, steam heat, gas lighting, spring mattresses, an electric bell for summoning the staff, and baths and “closets” (toilets) “filled with the most approved appliances made,” according to a contemporary account.

    The public areas were no less impressive. The Lyndale’s city-side entrance opened into a gracious reception area also finished in mahogany. The dining room and adjoining “ladies’ ordinary” looked out on Lake Calhoun and the hotel’s seventy-five bath houses. (These were not just changing rooms, but could also be moved out into the shallows for those who wished to swim without the immodest display of whatever flesh might be visible, notwithstanding the bulky swimwear of the day.) There were verandahs on both stories of the hotel, a conservatory, a billiards room, two parlors, and a massive music hall with a twenty-five-foot coffered ceiling and frescoed walls. The livery, meanwhile, was equipped with phaetons, glass landaus, coupes, and buggies, and, for the more adventurous guests, eight riding horses for hire.

    The Lyndale opened for business on a June evening with a gala “Testimonial Ball,” graced by some three hundred members of the city’s elite. At midnight, dancers moved into the dining hall, where, to orchestral accompaniment, they were feted with a lavish meal that did not conclude until the early hours of the morning, at which time a special train returned to Minneapolis those who had not taken rooms.

    Two of the guests that night were William King and Robert Innes, businessmen who were already fatefully intertwined with Menage’s fortunes. In the end, they would help him fashion his own downfall.

    ***

    Col. William S. King was a former congressman from New York who saw himself as a high-stakes real-estate speculator, a man as savvy as Menage. He appears to have lacked, however, the younger man’s shrewdness, which made him the perfect mark in a swindle.

    What is certain is that several years prior to the Lyndale’s gala opening, King and his wife Caroline had found themselves in deep financial distress. The couple, who then lived in New York, were in hock for the money they’d borrowed to buy large tracts of land in Minnesota. Some of the land was in Meeker County, but one of the biggest and most expensive parcels was a twelve-hundred-acre tract called Lyndale Farm, located just outside what was then the boundary of Minneapolis, which is now the residential neighborhood east and north of Lake Harriet.

    With creditors hounding them, the Kings convinced a New York financier named Philo Remington to advance them the money to pay off their debts in return for turning over management of their properties, including Lyndale Farm, as well as some shares in the Pioneer Press that Caroline King owned. In total, the couple were to receive about $120,000 from Remington, in two payments.

    Their contract with Remington was signed in June 1875. A few months later, when Remington became too ill to carry out his obligations, he hired another New York resident, Robert Innes, to act as his representative, informing him that the Kings’ real property and equities were to be managed in trust. In other words, after subtracting a commission for their management, Remington and Innes would eventually return all proceeds and accrued equities to the Kings.
    In 1877, Col. King filed for bankruptcy, listing his real estate holdings as part of his assets. At this point, King’s own slippery side made itself known. Instead of arranging an outright sale of his assets and using the proceeds to pay off his creditors, he struck a deal with Remington and Innes to buy the assets of his estate for a nominal sum with the understanding that they would go on managing them in trust. In the end, Innes bid twenty-five dollars for everything, including the twelve hundred acres of Lyndale Farm.

    Over the next several years, Remington and Innes strung King along as the pair went about trying to separate him from his assets. The Colonel and his wife traveled to Minneapolis several times to try to determine why their agents seemed to be having such a hard time disposing of the couple’s real estate in a profitable manner. It may very well have been during one of these trips that King attended the Lyndale Hotel opening, invited by Menage—who, by this time, had entered into his own dubious pact with Innes and Remington.

    Six months before the resort opened, the trio had drawn up two contracts. In one, Remington agreed to sell the Lyndale Farm property to Menage, with Innes acting as Remington’s agent, for just under $500,000—about $27 million in today’s terms. In the second contract, Menage agreed to pay Innes one-third of the proceeds from the sale of the Lyndale land after Menage had platted and subdivided it into lots, brought in utilities, and either built homes or financed their construction. If the deal had gone through as planned, Innes stood to earn a substantial finder’s fee. Clearly, Menage expected to make a killing.

    King was slow on the uptake, but he finally figured out he was being swindled. In the first place, Remington had never paid him a dime from the promised $120,000 advance. King filed suit in Hennepin County Court, where the judge ruled that he and his wife retained ownership of all the assets entrusted to Remington. As rightful owners, they were entitled not only to regain control of whatever stocks and real estate remained in the estate, but also to claim the proceeds of anything of theirs that had been sold, like the lots developed by Menage.

    After an unsuccessful appeal to the Minnesota Supreme Court, in 1886 Menage was ordered to remit two million dollars to William and Caroline King. All along, Menage claimed ignorance of the King’s prior claims on Lyndale Farm. It is unthinkable that Menage, by now an expert in real estate and mortgage financing, would have failed to notice this very big shadow to clear title on the land.

    In today’s dollars, two million dollars is roughly equivalent to $110 million. According to Atwater’s History of the City of Minneapolis, Menage was able to make this repayment without any problem; indeed, the loss “scarcely ruff[led] his security.” But this could hardly have been true. Later, after his downfall, Menage wrote of the anguish the two million dollars had caused him and of the strain it placed on his resources.

    “Coming as it did,” he wrote, “suddenly and unexpectedly, the lawsuit threatened bankruptcy and ruin. The history of the suit is well known … but not the embarrassment, headaches, sleepless nights of those two years of disastrous litigation when it seemed as if each week would bring the ruin which was generally predicted for me … ”

    Today, a plutocrat who found himself in Menage’s predicament might make a virtue of necessity and attempt to garner sympathy by revealing his straightened circumstances with appearances on, say, Larry King or Paula Zahn’s TV shows. But the Gilded Age was ruled by a more rigorous form of conspicuous consumption, whereby personal virtue was demonstrated through the display of wealth. In addition, Menage was, to use a contemporary term, highly “leveraged,” using the projected profits of his real estate transactions as security to borrow the money needed to purchase and develop land. He could ill afford to let his creditors learn of how pinched the court settlement had left him. It was vital, sleepless nights aside, to maintain his public image. That, in turn, meant he couldn’t allow this setback to slow down the pace of his philanthropy or the tempo of his real estate and construction empire. To make up the difference, he turned to a device used even now by the occasional CEO looking to burnish the company’s bottom line—he floated a large collection of phony paper. In his case, it was millions of dollars’ worth of fraudulent mortgages sold into the secondary mortgage market.

    Whatever pinch Menage was feeling over the King settlement, he went on buying and spending on a larger scale than ever. When the Guaranty Loan Building opened in 1890—to a rapturous June 1 story in the Pioneer Press titled “A Symbol of Pride”—its initial tenants included the Menage Realty Company, the Northwestern Guaranty Loan Company, and the Northwestern National Bank, all of them owned and operated by Louis Menage, as well as the headquarters of the Chicago, Milwaukee, and St. Paul Railroad Company, and the Pillsbury Milling Company.

    That same year, Menage stunned the board of the Minnesota Academy of Science with a pledge of ten thousand dollars—more than half a million dollars in today’s currency—to underwrite a three-year collecting expedition to the Philippines, Borneo, and Malaysia that had been proposed to the academy by a pair of young naturalists at the University of Michigan. At the time he made the offer, Menage had been a member of the MAS for two months. Eventually, the two scientists, Frank Bourns and Dean Worcestor, did make their trek. At their benefactor’s request, it was chartered as “the Menage Expedition,” and it gathered and sent back to Minneapolis more than five thousand bird, animal, and insect specimens, many of them never identified before (numerous subspecies of birds from the region today bear “menage” as part of their scientific names).

    Meanwhile, Menage was plotting—and platting—his next development venture. Out west, several thousand acres of land at the head of Puget Sound were going to soon house thousands of homes built to service the iron mine, steel mill, and railroad terminal that were also going to rise from this site. By early 1893, Menage had sold the lots and in turn sold four million dollars’ worth of mortgages—or more than two hundred million dollars in today’s terms—to investors in the secondary mortgage market. Most of these investors were located at a convenient distance, along the East Coast and in Europe, and much of the selling was done by Menage personally, face to face.

    When the worldwide market collapsed later that year, these investors did what investors have always done when the value of their holdings begins to crater; they called in their chits. What they discovered was that most of the mortgages were literally worthless, carrying the names of mortgagees culled by Menage and his associates from the Minneapolis and St. Paul telephone books. From local delivery boys and washerwomen to cops and cabbies, none of the mortgagees actually held title. None even knew their names had been purloined by this Victorian-era identity-theft ring. Each mortgage, however, was backed by a guaranty of payment by Menage’s Northwestern Guaranty Loan Company.

    When this discrepancy between fact and fiction became known, Menage’s loan company was plunged into bankruptcy. Its shareholders, many of them members of the local elite, not only lost their investment in the company but also discovered that, under state law at that time, they were on the hook to pay off creditors out of their personal holdings. Altogether the value of the phony Puget Sound mortgages totaled $1.7 million in 1893 dollars. No wonder the city fathers expunged Menage’s name from local histories.

    When a grand jury returned an indictment for embezzlement against Menage and his chief assistant, Menage suddenly remembered urgent business in Guatemala. By the time the Menage Expedition returned to the United States, Louis Menage had fled the country, just ahead of a bench warrant and a five-thousand-dollar reward posted on his head. Ultimately, at least a third of the specimens that Bourns, Worcestor, and their team collected was either lost or sold to defray academy expenses.

    Over the next few years, Menage’s assistant, Donald Streeter, was tried twice, but each case ended with a hung jury. Menage stayed in Central America, managing some mining property he owned there and dodging attempts to bring him home. At one point, he may even have escaped into the central cordillera after receiving a tip that a band of bounty hunters was on the way to kidnap him and ship him back to Minneapolis for trial.

    In 1895, Menage wrote a letter in which he offered to return voluntarily in exchange for having all charges against him dropped. If allowed back, he also promised to repay all the losses caused by the scandal. He also pointed out, not untruthfully, that selling mortgages signed with borrowed names was not an unheard of business practice at the time and not even specifically barred by any law then on the books. The D.A., however, was unmoved. The charges were not rescinded.

    In the end, it’s unclear whether Menage ever did return to the city he did so much to develop. In 1889, citing lack of evidence and the demise of several key witnesses, the Hennepin County attorney finally recommended dropping charges against Menage. Some newspaper accounts place him in the courtroom when the judge announced his decision; others fail to mention what would have been, one assumes, a hard-to-ignore presence that day. All that is certain is that Menage eventually made his way to Texas, dealing with more mining properties, and later to New Jersey, where he went back into the real estate business, though with neither his earlier success nor scandal.

    In 1924, after Menage died in New Brunswick of a heart attack, obituaries in the New Jersey papers mentioned nothing of his travails thirty years earlier. The scandal did, however, receive prominent attention in the Twin Cities. For the last time, the name of Louis Menage blazed across the front page of the Pioneer Press. And then, like the Guaranty Loan Building several decades later, it disappeared.

    Most of the Gateway District, including the Guaranty Building, was demolished in 1962, victim to the postwar blight known as “urban renewal.” Urban renewal was a kind of preemptive war on anything that didn’t fit into America’s new image of itself as a place of affluent conformity. Like so many armed conflicts, it was conducted without an exit plan. For more than thirty years, the site where the Guaranty had risen so elegantly was occupied by a vacant lot.

    Even at the time, architects and historians decried this wanton destruction of the collective past. As with Penn Station in New York City, it was the demolition of the Guaranty Building that sparked Minneapolis’ version of historical preservation. Sixty years earlier, Louis Menage had been as illustrious as any member of the Dayton, Bell, Walker, Pillsbury, or Lowry families. But just as it didn’t take long for the granite blocks of the Guaranty to fall under the wrecking ball, the name of the man who built it as a monument to his own success, and the city’s, vanished almost instantly from the community’s narrative.

  • Stand Down

    Exit 127 off Interstate 90 doesn’t seem to go anywhere. There are no towns, no farms, no apparent reason to build an exit in the middle of the driest, flattest section of South Dakota, a desolate expanse of land. If you steal a glance at the right moment, though, you may notice a nondescript vinyl-sided building sitting just off the highway. It’s surrounded by a tall chain-link fence and topped with a yellow weather vane.

    “Here we are!” announced my cheerful guide, Ranger Mark Herberger, dressed in a tan park ranger uniform and wearing a stiff, wide-brimmed hat. We were entering one of the country’s newest national parks: the Minuteman Missile National Historic Site. It was established in 1999 as a sort of Cold War museum. Limited guided tours began last summer.

    “This is Delta One Launch Control Center, where they controlled ten missile silos,” explained Herberger. The park is but a remnant of a missile field that once spanned 13,500 square miles of South Dakota countryside. Under grazing cattle and bison, and barking prairie dogs, lay dark secrets: one hundred and fifty Minuteman II missile silos and fifteen launch control centers. Built in 1962, these were the nation’s first solid-fuel intercontinental ballistic missiles. And for thirty years, they stood ready to annihilate every living being in the U.S.S.R.—and possibly the rest of the world. According to the doctrine of the time, if the Soviets initiated a nuclear war, it was believed that at least some of South Dakota’s missiles might survive the attack. They would be used to return fire.

    Though the building looks like an average house, curious sightseers during the site’s active days would have been greeted by unhappy armed guards racing toward them in armored vehicles, known as Peacekeepers. “Millions of people drove by every year on the interstate and did not realize they were on the front lines of a war zone,” he said.

    Many South Dakota residents were just as oblivious to the existence of the silos, but that was part of the appeal in building the silos here in the first place. There weren’t a lot of people around to ask questions. Recently declassified documents explain that here, there was “an existing network of roads, large amounts of easy-to-acquire public land, and a low population density to minimize civilian casualties in the event of a nuclear accident or attack.” There were other strategic reasons. The government figured that if the Soviets attacked, they would have gone the most direct route, over the North Pole and through our undefended border with Canada. Suddenly, in the era of intercontinental ballistic missiles, sleepy South Dakota was flung into the middle of the Cold War.

    The same goes for North Dakota, where many national defense sites are still in operation (though the targets undoubtedly have been updated). For example, the five-thousand-acre Air Force base in Minot, built in 1956, along with the base in Grand Forks, currently provides staging areas for hundreds of bombers equipped with nuclear warheads. When the Minuteman silos were still online, North Dakota had the heaviest concentration of nuclear weapons on earth. People used to joke that if the state seceded from the U.S., it would have been the third largest nuclear power in the world.

    The specter of the apocalypse did not dampen the upbeat tone of Herberger’s tour. Stretching an upturned hand toward the parched yard, he said, “Here’s a volleyball court where soldiers could pass their time, and a horseshoe pitch, too.” While officers perfected their bump-set-spike, two officers below ground maintained a hot line to the White House and plotted coordinates in the Soviet Union, calculating nuclear strikes that would cause maximum damage.

    This site, along with others like it, was decommissioned after President George H. W. Bush and Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty in 1991. Inside the house, Herberger opened a door that led to a garage-like space. “We call this the Retro Room,” he said, “because of all this old exercise equipment and the bumper pool.” In this carpeted area, soldiers relaxed, shot the breeze, and kept in shape. A long-neglected Ultra Gympac weight-lifting system with cables, bars, and iron weights sat slumped in the corner.

    Next to the Retro Room, plush modular furniture filled a lounge with a picture window that framed an expansive view of the empty skyline. “Everything in here is exactly as the Air Force left it,” said Herberger, with more than a little pride. “All the books, magazines, and videos.” He picked up a yellowed copy of Popular Science from the early nineties. The magazine’s cover depicted an ominous-looking nuclear weapon under the headline, “Taking Apart the Bomb.” Apparently, the soldiers stayed in touch with their sensitive sides, too: A dog-eared copy of Shirley MacLaine’s Dance While You Can held a place of honor at the center of the coffee table.

    The launch control center was a self-contained little world. It had a backup generator that could produce enough power to supply all of Rapid City. It had its own well, three thousand feet deep. There was a helicopter pad and a hardened antenna system, designed to survive attack. “Everything above ground is just to support those two men underground,” said Herberger. Even if a near miss knocked out all the above-ground equipment, he added, the underground capsule still could have operated for two weeks. “Nothing could have withstood a direct hit, though.”

    We went down for a look at that underground capsule. A shabby old service elevator lowered us three stories—about forty feet—and stopped with a clunk. Herberger opened the lift gate to reveal a large mural of an American missile dramatically piercing a Soviet flag. “Each site had its own artwork that the men painted,” he said. He showed me a photo of a mural from another silo. It showed a pizza box with the ominous promise, “Worldwide delivery in thirty minutes or less—or your next one is free.”

    At the mouth of Delta One, the launch center itself, I noticed a cryptic message stenciled on the wall. Near a wide yellow line painted across the floor, it read, “No-Lone Zone Two Man Concept Mandatory.” Herberger explained. “If you crossed this line alone you’d probably be shot. At all times there had to be two people in the capsule.” We crossed a little gangplank, passing five-foot-thick concrete walls reinforced with quarter-inch steel plates. The capsule looked like a train car suspended by enormous springs—the idea being to lessen the shock of a nuclear blast.

    Inside the pod, there were two red chairs set on runners so they could roll from control panel to control panel, all festooned with sixties-era dials, knobs, and switches. Next to the capsule was a cot for catnaps, a toilet, and an ancient microwave oven. It was like a tiny high-tech bachelor pad, circa 1962, buried deep in the earth.

    To prevent any horrific mistakes, each officer wore a key around his neck. These had to be inserted simultaneously into two separate locks, ten feet apart, in order to activate the missiles in any of ten remote silo sites. But that was just the start: Two codes and two more keys allowed access to a red do-not-touch box prominently mounted on the wall. “Actually, you needed more than two people to fire the missiles,” says Herberger, “because the command had to be approved by another launch control center.” If the Soviets knocked out all fifteen control centers managing the one hundred and fifty missiles in South Dakota, the Air Force crossed its fingers that confirmation could be obtained from a launch control center in another state.

    Although it’s true that the fixed locations of these missile silos made them sitting ducks for a Russian strike, they were less vulnerable to accidents than the mobile bombs the military carried around on submarines and airplanes. (According to some sources, as many as fifty nuclear weapons lie at the bottom of the world’s oceans, jettisoned from distressed planes or lost during naval mishaps.)

    The threat of nuclear annihilation had its benefits. The silos brought jobs and federal funds to an often financially strapped state. “The interstate, jobs, and rural electrification—they were all put in because of the missile fields,” explained Herberger. Many Dakotans also thought the missiles made them safer. They didn’t necessarily consider that their wheat fields were now ground zero on a map somewhere in Moscow.

    Herberger pulled aside a Velcro patch on the ceiling of the pod and told me, “Here’s the escape hatch, but it just dead-ends in five feet of dirt, tar, sand, and clay.” Herberger said that in order to escape, a soldier would have had to shovel. And what would they have found, had there been a serious attack? “Some guys who manned this launch control center called the escape hatch a joke, because you’d find total destruction and nuclear winter,” he said.

    Now that we’d viewed the switches and panels, the brains of the operation, it was time to inspect the brawn. “Do you want to see a nuclear weapon?” asked Herberger. We drove about ten miles farther down the interstate to another exit to nowhere. Standing in an empty field with the wind howling, Herberger explained that we were right next to the Delta Nine silo, which was invisible except for a tall fence and a thick cement slab.

    He opened the padlock and we scrambled onto the silo’s concrete lid. Pointing to a group of ten-foot pilings fifty yards away, Herberger said, “See those cement pillars out there? In the early days, they took measurements for navigation from pillars placed in the field and by the stars.” In other words, if the little cement poles were moved or misread, the navigation system sent the missile to the wrong city. And back then, there was no turning back, he added, “no redirecting it, no self-destruct mechanism like there is now.”

    We stepped up on a platform and peered down, into the silo, sunk eighty feet into the earth. Cupping my eyes against the sun’s reflection on the protective Plexiglas cover, I could see it. Poking up from the enormous concrete pit, a gigantic Minuteman II missile. It had been waiting here—silent, lethal—for more than forty years, ready to level Moscow within a half hour. Looking down into the hole was like peering into the business end of a gun, except that this thing was designed to kill not just one person, but an entire nation. Suddenly I was overcome by the powerful memory of maps showing the impact-radius of a twenty-megaton bomb; old newsreels of Hiroshima; scenes from The Day After—all the fantastical, nightmarish visions I inherited from my parents and their war. And here was the weapon itself, the real deal, more or less pointed at my forehead.

    These are the silos my grandmother refused to believe existed when I pointed them out on our way to the Rocky Mountains. Other relatives of mine, who lived in Montana, remember seeing the missiles on flatbed trucks in the parking lot of a restaurant called Eddie’s Corner. The airmen used to go inside to ogle the voluptuous Fergus County sheriff’s daughter, Carol Couch, who waited tables in a pink low-cut T-shirt. David Arnott of Moccasin, Montana, remembered this beautiful threat to national security. “The Air Force boys used to hang around quite a lot in those days, and she could keep a whole counter of them occupied for hours,” he said. “The missile and warhead trucks would sit idling in the parking lot.”

    Through eminent domain, which allows the government to take personal property for certain public purposes, Arnott’s father had a missile silo placed on his ranch. His sister Sigrid remembered, “The Air Force would drive three hours from Great Falls to check on the silo and always forget to close the gate so our cows would get out. We used to joke that the cattle could trigger the alarm and start a nuclear war. One day, my dad wound the gate shut with wire and snipped off the ends so they’d have to use wire cutters to open it. A colonel called and yelled at Dad. ‘This is a threat to national security!’ he said. ‘You’ve endangered our country!’ After that, the Air Force remembered to shut the gate.”

    The fenced perimeter of each silo, including the one on the Arnott property, was equipped with dozens of motion sensors, in case industrious teenagers tried to break in on a dare. With little to do on a Saturday night, why not break into a missile silo? Thankfully, even if a group of drunken teens did manage to get through the fence and past the sensors in an attempt to blackmail the world with a thermonuclear device, they’d never penetrate the silo’s blast-proof doors. Plus, as an extra layer of security, the missiles were controlled remotely and couldn’t be detonated on site.

    The Delta Nine missile was the last of the Minuteman II missiles in the Midwest. The other underground silos in the Dakotas, Montana, and northwestern Minnesota were imploded beginning in 1991, as part of the START treaties. The resulting craters were left open so Russian satellites could verify their destruction. The missiles casings themselves, minus the warheads, are in storage for possible future deployment or even as space launch vehicles. The government has tried to sell the abandoned land back to local farmers, but it’s tough going since just two feet below the topsoil, there is plenty of asbestos, leaked fuel, and PCBs.

    A visit to the Minuteman Missile National Historic Site may feel like a trip back in time to the heart of the Cold War, but the credo “peace through superior firepower” is still very much on active duty. Eight countries possess the thirty-thousand or so nuclear weapons known to exist in the world—the U.S., Russia, China, Great Britain, France, Pakistan, India, and Israel. In all, forty-four countries have the technology and material to build nukes, including North Korea and Iran. (Experts now believe North Korea has twelve to fifteen nuclear weapons.) Today, the U.S. spends $100 million per day to maintain our existing, though significantly diminished, nuclear arsenal. Currently, we possess the explosive force of roughly 140,000 Hiroshima bombs.

    In 2002, President George W. Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin signed the Strategic Offensive Reduction Treaty to further reduce our nuclear arsenals by 2012. Still, peace is tenuous at best. As rustic as the Cold War may seem today, and as scintillating as it is to look down a hole at a neutered Minuteman II missile, the possibility of nuclear war is hardly a relic of the past.

    The U.S. withdrew from the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty of 2001. We have developed—and exercised—a policy of preemptive military strikes. Some of our leaders still dream of a missile defense shield in outer space. Others seriously consider using new, smaller, “tactical” battlefield nuclear weapons. And three years ago, an interesting document was leaked. It was a “Nuclear Posture Review” that recorded official U.S. strategies for nuclear strikes against Russia, China, Syria, Iran, Iraq, and North Korea. Perhaps most discouraging of all: Despite its overwhelming lethality, the U.S. nuclear arsenal apparently has not deterred countries like North Korea and Iran from developing their own weapons in the post-Cold War world. Even if the Minuteman silos are being turned into parks, there are new targets being mapped every day.

  • “It vibrates. But is it, y’know, a vibrator?”

    I’d just been dumped by a guy when I first heard about the Bakken Museum’s vibrator collection. Minneapolis’s Bakken, for the record, bills itself as “The Museum of Electricity in Life,” and since my bulb had just gone out, I thought looking into the long history of self-satisfaction might be a pleasant diversion.

    I learned that the museum (named for its founder, Earl Bakken, inventor of the pacemaker and founder of Medtronic) houses the world’s largest vibrator collection, including a number of turn-of-the-century gadgets, the genial digi-genital progenitors of our modern day devices. (Try saying that five times fast.)

    Could it be true that this little museum on the banks of Lake Calhoun had such a collection on display? An electro-phallic chronology of female sexual independence? I naively pictured glass cases filled with oblong devices, beginning with old-timey cracked leather fixtures with odd metal knobs, and arriving in modernity with colorful plastic toys like “the Rabbit,” the trembling tool that made a recluse of Sex and the City’s Charlotte.

    With a tight deadline and no research under my belt (Ba-da-bing! Thank you! I’ll be here all week!), I called the Bakken. “I’m, ah, I’m with… Is it true that you have the world’s largest vibrator—exhibit of vibrators?” I asked the switchboard operator, who sighed. “Because I checked the website and it doesn’t seem like you have them on display,” I added. Listed exhibits included The Mystery of Magnetism, Magnetism and the Human Body, Batteries, Eighteenth Century Electricity, and The Spark of Life. And while that last one seemed promising, and some of them were even billed as “hands-on” exhibits, none seemed to fit the bill. “Do you get that question a lot?” I asked.

    “We do, in fact,” he said, and he patched me through to the museum’s Curator of Instruments, Dr. Ellen Kuhfeld, who confirmed a collection of vibrators—not on display, but in museum storage—and agreed to take me into the vault.

    Kuhfeld, who has a Ph.D. in nuclear physics, described her duties at the Bakken as “something between a warehouse job and a university position.” Guiding me through the two thousand objects in the collection, she pointed out early pacemakers and defibrillators, violet ray machines used to clear up skin conditions, and an electrocardiograph built in 1945. She showed me C. Walton Lillehei’s surgical headlamp and pointed to the box that holds a Jarvik-7 artificial heart.

    You get the feeling that Kuhfeld, beleaguered by questions about the museum’s most private of collections, would rather talk about anything but, um, the business at hand. But finally we arrived at the vibrators, which are catalogued as “musculo-skeletal relaxation devices,” and Kuhfeld carefully pulled each one off the shelf. The oldest in the collection, a Weiss vibrator dating from between the 1880s and 1930s, looked like a tiny black-leather spy camera with a small spring-coiled arm on the top. It was designed, Kuhfeld told me, to treat deafness by delivering a pulse to the inner ear. A number of early-twentieth-century devices, among them the New Life Vibrator, looked like blow dryers and came with various rubber attachments. Kuhfeld explained that these were advertised as remedies for everything from back pain to wrinkles to weak bladders, curing through heat and vibration. Next she showed me an electric hairbrush. Not exactly what I was expecting.

    “So, are any of these actually vibrators?” I asked.

    “Well, they’re all classified as vibrators,” replied Kuhfeld, pulling another object off the shelf. “It depends on what you mean by ‘vibrators.’”

    “I mean, what we think of today as vibrators,” I said.

    Dr. Kuhfeld blinked back at me. She was giving nothing away.

    “Devices for female sexual pleasuring,” I finally said.

    At this point, Kuhfeld placed on the table an instrument made in Denmark in the early 1900s. It included three thin metal shafts, whose uses were unfathomable.

    “Well, this isn’t something I’d want near my pleasure,” Dr. Kuhfeld said.

    “So, you have nothing like what we think of as a vibrator?” I asked Dr. Kuhfeld on our way out of the crypt. Kuhfeld didn’t exactly answer my question. Instead she stopped and gestured to a kerosene lamp from Russia that doubled as a thermoelectric generator. “For the outback. The places where electricity hadn’t yet arrived.”

    The truth according to historian and author Rachel Maines is that though these tools were advertised as chiropractic devices, their salubrious effects were overshadowed by their more ecstatic applications. In her book The Technology of Orgasm, Maines, who spent time researching at the Bakken Library, traces their origins back to the Victorian medical treatment of “hysteria,” a condition thought to be caused by a woman’s failure to come to orgasm. Victorian doctors treated the “disease” by massaging their patients’ genitals, and turned to the electrical gizmos to make their jobs a little easier. According to Maines, as electricity became available across the country, these vibrators saw new domestic uses, though ads for them only hinted at anything beyond simple chiropractic relief.

    While the more kinky history of some of its vibrating devices isn’t something the Bakken seems eager to trumpet, it’s not exactly the titillating display that urban myth has made it out to be. Visitors to the Bakken who want to shiver and thrill are advised to sit in on the Frankenstein show. Or spin the magnetic love puppies, whose noses quiver when they meet.—Shannon Olson