GOP BDSM

As the debate at the capitol starts to sound eerily Tyra-inspired, it’s
important to note that, according to The Defenestrator’s highly-knowledgeable sources, had House and Senate
leadership handled Pawlenty’s veto of the Central Corridor differently, many of the problems the DFL caucus has with Tim
Pawlenty’s demands likely would have been non-issues. As
things stand, (or sit, bound and gagged to a chair, really) Sen. Steve "Technicolor
Dreamcoat" Murphy and Rep. Margaret Kelliher are in dire need of Mick
Jagger’s sage counsel, not to mention a safe word:

You see, the DFL caucus blew their proverbial wad when the
veto of the Central Corridor came down. Rather than allowing the public to
comment on this great disturbance in the Force, the one that felt as if
millions of public transit users cried out in terror and were suddenly
silenced, the DFL legislators tipped their hand, letting Gov. Pawlenty know
just how desperately they
craved the long sinuous track running sensuously through Frogtown’s deepest
and most secret crevices. And while the train is rather important, the fiscal solvency
of Minnesota’s
cities would seem to be even more important than joining hands and riding the love train.

And what could possibly threaten our urban areas enough to
risk jeopardizing quiet and comfortable public transit to our finest
ethnic
eateries?
Simple – in a bizarre twist, our executive branch wants to play nanny. Not to
any delicious babies, of course – he prefers free range – but to property
owners. It’s no secret that our governor has not enjoyed the nigh-daily dirty
sanchez he receives from irate constituents and opponents who blame him for
stratospheric hikes in property taxes. And it’s true that, while he may not
exert direct control over said taxes, his cuts in local government aid and
other funding has forced our cities and towns to look for revenue in other
places…like our homes. Now that he has the DFL caucus bound, gagged, and
spread-eagled, Timmy has decided that the best way to address the situation is
to place a cap on those property taxes. Of course, out of the goodness of his
heart he tied it to the consumer price index to account for inflation – his
version of the reach-around. Too bad he has freakishly short arms.

While Gov. Pawlenty’s concern for the taxpaying public is
like a warm fuzzy blanket made from the fur of 1,000 virgin kittens, the
consequences to urban areas could be disastrous. Minneapolis
and St. Paul were forced to drop the quality of
essential services during the last downturn, shedding police and fire
department employees, not to mention Minneapolis
residents’ unrequited desire to borrow books on Sundays. Given that no one
wants to see Minneapolis
cops any more surly,
hamstringing one of the cities’ primary sources of funds seems like a
profoundly bad idea. The sort of idea that would come from the diseased mind of
a crack-addled human/badger crossbreed, actually.

This is not to say the DFL’s magical new formula for
determining property tax refunds is sent down from the heavens, carried by
rainbow riding valkyries singing show tunes. Capping property taxes at 2
percent of income for anyone earning less than $100,000 would make the tax code
more progressive, but there are far simpler ways to accomplish that goal – like
perhaps actually making the tax code progressive. Wacky idea, I know, but it
just might work.

In any case, the legislative session continues on unabated
despite the governor’s hand wrapped firmly around the collective genitalia of the
DFL caucus, squeezing more tightly every day. The only question remaining is
just how much will the legislature sacrifice to preserve its precious precious light
rail. And whether Rep. Kelliher and Gov. Pawlenty agreed on a safe word. The
variable that still remains to be determined, of course, is what DFL legislature has to give up in exchange for freedom.
Delicious. Tantalizing.
Freedom..