What do Norm Coleman, Clem Haskins, and 70s soul man Billy Preston have in common? They all understand that “nothing from nothing leaves nothing—you gotta have something, if you want to be with me.”
On first blush, it looks like both Norm and Clem are getting something for nothing. Clem got paid to leave a gig. Norm is getting paid to join a gig—the Winthrop & Weinstein law firm, even though he has an inactive law license and is never at the firm anyway because he’s running for the U.S. Senate. Clem got $1.5 million to leave ahead of schedule. Norm is probably getting six figures to chill with his homies at Winthrop.
Please, please, please sign me up for a piece of that action. Imagine getting paid win, lose, show, or no-show. Most of us ordinary nose-to-the-grindstone legal eagles have to show up to get paid. Law firms usually have what is known euphemistically as “billable hour requirements.” Plain English—lawyers have to crank out enough legalese to pay their salaries and the overhead necessary to support them. Firms often require at least 30 hours a week of billable time. For the honest lawyer (I realize this is an oxymoron to many God-fearing Minnesotans), that means at least 45 hours a week in the office, since much of a lawyer’s time (lunch, potty runs, emailing office gossip, chasing ambulances, and so on) cannot be billed.
The thing is, Clem and Norm are providing something of value to the people who signed their checks. Surely these people expect more than simply a big toothy grin and “thanks” for the cash they’re doling out to Clem and Norm.
Clem Haskins’ troubles are well known even to the most sports-challenged. He engaged in various academic chicaneries during his tenure as University of Minnesota basketball coach. When the rubber hit the hardwood floor, U. president Mark Yudof instructed Mark Rotenberg, general counsel, to get Haskins off the plantation. In short order, they coughed up $1.5 million and Clem was gone with the wind.
According to some insiders, the U knew Haskins had (as we say in the business) “unclean hands” pretty much from jump street and decided to cut its losses. Now, the Yudof/Rotenberg twosome, facing heat from “Greater Minnesota” legislators, incredibly claim that Haskins bamboozled them. Now they self-righteously want their dough back.
What does this have to do with Norm? Think about it for it for a moment. Norm has a few things someone might want. Like a wide-ranging Rolodex and a bright political future. Winthrop realized that Norm could use his public service contacts to reel in some big fish, and be the trump card for the lobbying end of the firm’s practice, especially if he ousts Sen. Paul Wellstone in November. If that happens, Norm’s adopted law firm will be only a phone call away from a Republican U.S. senator whose friends include the sitting President of the United States.
Remember the 1974 pet rock craze? California salesman Gary Dahl reasoned that people will pay for anything they perceive is trendy, cool, and well packaged. (Any similarities here to certain political figures are entirely coincidental.) He sold over a million “pets” for $3.95 each, scoring a half-page in Newsweek and two Tonight Show gigs along the way. Am I saying that Norm is like a pet rock, trendy and well packaged? Not really. Actually the point is this: Gary Dahl was right. People will pay for value, either real or imagined.
Like Clem Haskins’ name off the letterhead. Or Norm Coleman’s name on the letterhead.
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