Easter Index

Number of received chocolate bunnies: 6
Number that still have auditory abilities: 0
Chances that a colored egg was undercooked and inedible (if not dangerous): 36 in 90
Ratio of eggs hidden to eggs found: 44:39
Percentage of alleged guests that allegedly had to work and could not attend, which allegedly had nothing to do with the Twins: 10% (allegedly)
Portion of jelly beans which will be picked over and sit out uneaten until Memorial Day: 1/3
Minutes the three-year-old’s new shirt was not smeared with chocolate: 2.5
Ratio of family scandals discussed to number of sausages eaten: 5:17
Minimum size of lusty German beer that can be called a “soother”: 1Litre
Chances that a surly teenager would even look at sauerkraut: 2 in 7
Estimated amount of time that will pass before the next big family feast: 210 days