A Power Hitter Needs A Proper Name

Justin doesn’t cut it.

Every high school football and soccer team in America has a half dozen Justins on its roster, and the name reeks of suburban privilege. It’s a boy-band name, and I’d love to see Justin Morneau go in a different direction.

Granted, the big Canuck seems to be doing just fine right now, but he does have other options in the name department. He was, after all, born Justin Ernest George Morneau, and either of the lad’s two middle names would be preferable to his current handle.

George Morneau is decent, certainly, if a bit flat-faced and bland. And Ernest Morneau would be a solid name for a Canadian novelist or outdoor columnist, but is perhaps a little too stolid for a modern day slugger.

Ernie, though, Ernie Morneau; there’s a good baseball name. It has a nice throwback ring to it, and would be perfectly suitable for a heavyweight boxer, a barroom brawler, or a Major League masher.

I’m guessing Ernie Morneau would hit ten to fifteen more homeruns a year than Justin Morneau.

Easily.