The buzz from 425 Portland the past two days has been about Avista suits in the building. Every good newspaper drone assumes this can only mean (more) bad news. (Has any corporate officer EVER come to town with good news? “Profits are up! 20% bonuses for all salaried employees!” or, “Great work! Drinks on us!” It doesn’t happen. They only come to squeeze.) No one thinks the Star Tribune’s new investment-group owners are in Minneapolis to personally break the news that they’re shutting down the press workers’ cafeteria, (which they have, by the way). Something bigger MUST be afoot.
With that in mind I offer The Grand Unifying Conspiracy Theory that I have cobbled together from the dark mutterings of local reporters. This theory has taken a hit recently with Media News honcho Dean Singleton’s shot at his erstwhile publisher, Par Ridder, the wealthy publishing empire scion who rudely dumped the dowdy confines of the Pioneer Press building for the, uh, opportunities suddenly available to a sharp young operator like him under Avista in Minneapolis.
To condense it down to something easily digestible, (and therefore also easily dismissible), the Grand Unifying Theory holds basically this:
Avista Capital Partners didn’t go into a $500 million deal for a newspaper without a carefully calculated plan for getting out, and not being particularly interested in newspapers, such a plan has more facets than merely wasting newsprint in the Twin Cities.
It assumes that Avista has done their math on all the Star Tribune real estate from the main building to the Metrodome and that it most likely cultivated likely buyers — Zygi Wilf — long before handing any cash over the McClatchy Corporation. The theory then holds that Avista’s interest in operating the Star Tribune is probably much shorter term than even they have said, (in what little they’ve said). Being methodical investor types with natural access to other publishers, Avista would only be exercising fiduciary responsibility by preparing its own exit. How? By entering into an implicit gentlemen’s agreement with their likely successors … in this case, Media News and Dean Singleton.
To facilitate this handover, both parties, perhaps over drinks at Pebble Beach, would consent to a, shall we say, migration of Media News management talent across town well prior to such a sale. If former Media News managers like Ridder had a couple years to settle in to their positions, trimming the fat as needed prior to Media News assuming control, everything would be all the better for it.
As I say, on the surface, Singleton saying unkind things about young Mr. Ridder’s loyalty would seem to undercut this theory. But my wretchedly cynical view is that a little righteous indignation by a tycoon like Singleton could create enough smoke to obscure the preparatory work going on.
This, as I say, is just another hair-brained, moonbat conspiracy theory. You can buy a dozen for a dime on any street corner. But if Avista’s interest in Minneapolis is mainly one of assured return on investment, and the sooner the better, (its not like the value of the damned newspaper is increasing), they’ll announce a sale of a chunk of their newly-acquired downtown real estate ASAP, maybe even real soon.
So what happens to the Pioneer Press? This theory also holds that Singleton, after picking up the post-real estate Star Tribune for a nicely discounted price, either dumps the PiPress off on some fourth or fifth-tier operator and/or commences his legal plea for a Joint Operating Agreement. A JOA would allow him maybe four or five years to convince federal regulators that the economics of daily newspapers are so deep down the toilet, the Strib and the PiPress should at long last be consolidated into one.
If you don’t buy the Singleton angle, and think his indignation over Ridder is genuine, then how about the cash-rich Ridder family instead? With Junior already running the show? Does anyone really know that the Ridders are NOT investors in Avista? Has anyone asked that question?
I know, loony. But consider the source here, folks. You’re getting this from a guy who thinks the Warren Commission’s is one of the most implausible theories of all.
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