So I’m talking to my friend Schneider today and he asks, “Are you watching Wine Library TV?”
“Damn,” I think to myself. “I guess it’s time to bite the bullet and get cable.”
First I find out there’s this show on HBO featuring dysfunctional couples having real sex; not good sex, mind you, and never the complete sex act, but real, graphic scenes of unsatisfying attenuated sex. Not that I think I’d want to see that. But if everyone else has the option of watching crabby, unhappy people having bad sex, I think I might want to have the option, too. And now Schneider, former blog master of Wine Commando and a man I trust on the topic of wine like no other, seemed to be telling me there was an entire station devoted to wine TV.
This was, however, a misunderstanding.
In fact, Wine Library TV is on the web, free for everyone with a broadband connection to watch. Each 15-minute “show” features a ferrety young New Jersey guy named Gary Vaynerchuk (pictured above) who appears to be broadcasting out of his parents’ basement rec room. Think of this as the Wayne’s World of wine media. Vaynerchuk uses words like “poopy” and “Jersey armpit” to describe what he smells and/or tastes. When a wine starts well but has a disappointing finish, he dubs it a “Netflix” — good until the last few scenes.
This man uses a Jets beer bucket to spit, has toy figures strewn around his decanting space, and draws little cartoons on the green board behind his head — Blue’s Clues-style — to illustrate the theme of the day. What’s more, he is weirdly addictive.
The best part? The segment I watched today was #308, so I’m betting there are 307 others I can watch back-to-back — say — over the weekend. And I don’t even have to get cable TV, unless I want to see that bad, bad sex.
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