Rum, Sodomy, & No Cash

(This the car from its most umistakable angle. It looks even more like a nameless Japanese car from the rear and side.)

The Pax Britannica that led to a relatively peaceful 1800s (unless you were Irish) was imposed primarily by the glorious Royal Navy.

While it is politic to assert this prestige came from good government, passive politicians and the daring of former pirates made good, realists claim it was built on rum, sodomy and the lash.

Which immediately brings the new Jaguar XF to mind.

I drove this smallish land-yatch yesterday and I came away sore as hell. Because Jaguar has pretty much sunk its last hope for reiventing its once sexy (if unreliable) brand. (Think neutered–like this Lexus.)

So how bad are things? Let me count the ways:

a) While more trees were harmed in the manufacture of its exquisite interior this side of a Daimler, it still has too much Ford switchgear and soon-to-fail gizmodics.

Pictured: This gives you some feeling for the amount of wood lavished upon the new Jag interior. Real stuff. Rich. And far more modern that this picture.

b) The exterior.

c) The exterior.

d) The exterior.

e) The ext…what? I almost missed it because it looked like the Lexus E350 which is itself modeled on the Camry, for chrissake…erior. The most important new car in Jaguar’s history (apart from the XJ) must be the new paradigm for sex on wheels, not a paen to sonambulism.

f) The performance is "comfortably numb" compared to its peers. Another dumb move from a brand once vaunted for pace and grace.

The buzz in the business is that Ford put all the money into the interior, then ran out of funds to adapt the hot XF show concept to production.

Poor Jag. While they are no longer drunk on their past elegance, someone still has this brand over a barrel, and this time I think it’s finally going to sink.